You don't want this guy to ghost you. It all starts to feel like he's playing games.
So what do you do?
First of all, you have to realize that the first few months - even up to six months - is a very fragile time. It's when most women over-invest in a man and don't realize he's not at the same place you are.
You might be 100% ready to move forward and he's still playing it cautious. You two may seem to be on the same page as far as the feelings, but not in your commitment. So you need to play it cool.
So let's look into why this happens...
Here are 3 Reasons That Men Lose Interest in your relationship:
REASON #1: Something Unpredictable Happened
Men are weirded out by major life challenges.
If we haven't quite committed to you yet, and we meet up with a serious life challenge, you're probably going to be the one to get sacrificed. You'll have to spend some time on the sideline while he deals with his challenges.
It doesn't mean we don't love you or care for you, or that what you had wasn't real. It's just that men are very single-minded when it comes to their life problems.
When he has one, he needs to meet it on the battlefield.
Let him work on it, he'll be right as rain...
Could be a death in the family...
Personal finance crisis...
Crunch time at work...
The sex might have gotten a little weird... (Yeah, you really need to jive with him on this one)
And yes, you know you could be such a source of loving support...
And yes, you want the chance to nurture and help him...
And yes, you wish YOU were his #1 priority...
... but that isn't quite where his head is at.
Before Commitment (B.C.), he's going to want to wrestle this challenge to the ground and conquer it by himself. He doesn't feel right dragging you into it.
You're going to have to handle this frustration as best you can and be patient.
Mostly because if you push too hard when he's in this crisis mode, he'll just walk away. It will feel too pushy and probably freak him out.
It's not the kind of thing you really have any control over, sorry to say. Which is why it throws so many women for a loop.
To have invested time and emotion into him and have him walk away just seems so disappointing and pointless.
But if you hang in there, he could very well return to you once he's got his life back in order.
Sometimes, he just needs to work stuff out...
The best you can do is to tell him you *might* be around, but you're going to give him some space - let him do what needs to be done. This is a relief for him to hear and will take the pressure off him.
If you can honestly wait it out, you'll be rewarded with a big chunk of loyalty from him when he's handled his challenge.
Don't put your life completely on hold, though. Get back out and meet other people. Just keep him as a possible restart in a few weeks.
Reason #2: He wasn't all that into you...
There are a lot of reasons a guy will date you...
Sometimes a guy is just bored and wants to just date for a bit - and you were available...
Sometimes he actually really likes you, but he spotted some problem areas that he's not sure will work out - like sexual compatibility, or taste in pets...
Sometimes he wants kids or knows that YOU want kids, and your timelines aren't working...
Yeah, you wish he'd just be up front about it, but he figured it was all just casual since you two didn't really ever talk about what you were looking for.
This is a common problem with dating couples. The guy want's something, but won't say what because he's not really sure himself what he actually wants.
There's more going on under the surface...
And the woman wants something definite but has been told to not rush things or push her agenda too soon. She doesn't want to scare him off.
But then weeks turn into months, and unspoken agendas come to the surface.
Eventually, you have to be able to find a way to talk about your relationship direction. (This is something I talk about in my Connection Code program.)
You don't want to rush it, but you do need a confident way to bring it up when the time is right.
If he's not into you, you need to find that out. Sooner rather than later
And you'd be surprised, a lot of men you think are perfect for you to start your family with aren't really the right match for you. He's too much of a 'fixer-upper.'
So get picky. YES you
YES you can afford to be picky if you're getting out in the market and actively meeting men on a regular basis. The funny thing about being picky is that the pickier you are, the more opportunities seem to come up.
Men can sense when a woman is selective. And take it from me, we men don't find that too often in a woman.
Eenie, meenie, miney, moe...
Our experience is that many women will simply jump into a commitment to HAVE the commitment, not because there is a real magical connection.
So when a woman starts to eye us with a bit of choosiness, we respond by trying to up our game to get chosen. We love to compete, and we'll work for a woman that conveys an attitude of "I'm worth working for, buddy."
It's to your benefit to check in with him on where his head is at - gently at first, then more insistently later.
REASON #3: You Reversed The Chase
Imagine you're a lion on the African plains.
You're stalking your prey, and you're dreaming of a nice afternoon of munching on antelope...
You crouch through the weeds and get closer...
Just as you're about to sprint after your prey -
The antelope turns to you and sees you! It smiles manically, then sprints after... YOU!
"Hey!" the antelope yells at you. "I've been waiting for you to show up!"
She's now running at you full speed.
"Want to have lunch with me? I'm TASTY! Wait til your cubs meet me, too, this is going to be SO MUCH FUN!!!"
The lion pulls back and thinks, "Hey... WHOAH... wait a second here. This is really weird, dude."
"No thanks, I'm actually vegan... Yeah, that's it."
"I wanted lunch, but now this suddenly doesn't seem right. Uh, maybe I'm not so hungry after all."
His confusion turns to downright fear as he sees this crazed buffet wildly coming at him with Charlie Manson eyes. In moments, the normal order of things has been flipped.
Kinda crazy, huh?
But that's what happens to a guy when the woman he was once keenly interested in courting is now running after him. Full bore, no stops.
Women let him chase her.
That's been the order of things for eons.
Men have the demand. We desire what women have - the sex, the soft lovely curves, the warm nurturing we can't get from anywhere else.
And women have the supply.
We know it, and we actually like it this way. We LIKE being told "No, not now" when we're trying to get you into bed.
You can say: "Wait for a few more dates."
You're not saying "no way" - just not now.
A man's run away instinct is primal and automatic when women reverse the chase. When women started flipping the script on me, I would run for the hills. It was unconscious.
That's biology for ya...
I just knew it didn't feel right. After all, if she is chasing me, how could she have the goods I wanted?
Yous see - most men will not intentionally lead you on or use you for sex.
It just so happens that when a man becomes even slightly ambivalent, most women will freak out and panic. She then starts the reversal that inevitably seals the relationship's doom.
Don't let the natural dynamic get messed up like this!
No matter what you hear about in opinionated articles, men don't want you to chase them.
That's not what "equality" and empowerment is about. We're not "threatened" by women's equality in any way.
We just know it's not right when a woman is doing the chasing. It's never attractive for a woman to take up the man's role in the natural dynamic of love.
It's your guy's job to reach out and connect with you - then you can reciprocate.
Be the 'yin' to his 'yang'...
And did you know that men have a certain style of connecting with their partner? It's true - there are a total of five different Connection Styles that determine a huge part of a guy's personality.
It's true - there are a total of five different Connection Styles that determine a huge part of a guy's personality.
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