It's tempting to jump in and start over-nurturing and over-attending to him, in the hopes that this will slow down or stop his retreat. But in all likelihood, it will just speed up his exit.
Hey, it's a major buzz kill to have the guy you'd pinned your hopes on suddenly stop putting in effort and check out of the relationship. It sucks!
But don't let your emotions run the show. They will just send you into doing things that you know you shouldn't...
Calling him too much...
Texting him too much...
Lowering your boundaries to get him interested again...
And so much more.
I'll slip you some more rules along the way, but this one is HEE-YUGE! Don't break it.
Now let's jump into the 5 signals that he's losing interest in you...
What Does It Mean? SIGNAL #1: He's Waffling...
Yeah, when a guy stops being gung-ho and excited about seeing you... or anything about your relationship - you've got a problem, Houston.
There is a certain level of excuses that come with this territory, too. You might ask your partner to make plans to do something together, and he starts coming up with lame reasons why he can't put in effort.
For example, you guys make plans to get together every Saturday for a movie on Netflix. And suddenly this is the first week (of the last TEN) that he said he's going to "just stay home and play video games with the guys."
You might be concerned, and it also might be exactly what he said - a night to hang out with the guys.
You see, men need to hang out with each other on occasion to restore those feelings and the connections.
Sometimes, you gotta let bros be bros...
And sometimes he will lower the priority of the relationship when he plans to do his guy thing.
It's not permanent, but he is watching to see how you'll react to him taking some time for himself. If you're cool, he's cool.
And he'll likely be right back wanting to hang out on Sunday night after he's itched his social scratch.
But if you start to get needy, act jealous or possessive - or even try to STOP him from doing this (REALLY BAD IDEA) - he's going to feel reluctant to pull you back again. And that's not going to keep him feeling this is a healthy relationship.
So watch out for his waffling and suddenly becoming a bit uncertain about things. It will come up from time to time.
It's all in how you respond to it that will determine if he comes back with a passion... or not so much.
SIGNAL #2: He's Not So Excitable...
You want to know he's feeling some excitement in your relationship. It won't be at the peak levels like it was when you first started dating him, but it should still be there.
He has to feel a level of "positive response potential." Which simply means, he's still feeling good about your relationship.
Here's a test for you: Text him a purely logistical communication, like "When does (some new movie) open in theaters?"
If he responds with the dry fact of the date, and nothing else, he's probably in a blah place.
Behold, the Male Resting "Meh" Face...
Your partner is not feeling motivated to even get excited.
If you sense that he's just not as thrilled with your relationship, there are a few things you can do to stoke the fire:
Shake things up - Break up your routines and change them around.
Make him see another side of you - Maybe you're the kind of girl who doesn't swear much - Give him an earful during the nasty one night. Don't usually like action movies? Take him out to see the latest shoot 'em up. Break expectations!
Give him a reason to look twice at what he's got - Look, honey - it's perfectly normal and natural to bask in the glow of other men's interest. And your man needs to see that you're valued by other guys to inspire HIS appreciation. That's just life.
Stir things up! Don't wait for your partner to do it. Women are often viewed by men as being too passive when it comes to initiating things in the relationship. Take the bull by the horns - you make plans to take him somewhere new and interesting.
You want there to be some fire in your relationship and your communication, and that's perfectly understandable. You don't want to be "just friends" - so take a few steps to fire it up!
SIGNAL #3: He's Leaving a Yucky Aftertaste...
Right after a guy starts losing interest, he starts to act a little negative. If you notice your man starting to behave a bit nasty and mean on occasion, you should stop and take a look at things.
Especially if you thought you had yourself a "sweetheart" and a healthy relationship.
One of the ways he's going to do this is by picking fights. He'll get sensitive about stuff, or bark over relatively small stuff that he would have normally overlooked.
Somebody call the waaahmbulance...
Of course, there's a chance he's just stressed from another area of his life. However, you should be talking and in communication with him enough to know if this might be the case.
If you walk away from dates and sleepovers with a BLAH feeling, it's a hint there's something going on...
SIGNAL #4: The Sex is Bipolar...
What I mean by "bipolar" is that you find that you're either ONLY having sex when you're with him, or you're not having any at all.
Either situation says something about how he feels about the relationship - or the LACK of a committed relationship.
Heed the sign...
Now if you're doing the horizontal bop all the time, AND things feel good - why are you reading this, girl? You're fine!
But if you're doing the nasty - and ONLY the nasty - and there's no intimacy... well, there's something wrong.
Men typically experience sex one of two ways:
Connecting, regular sex: Men feel connection THROUGH sex. Which is different than how many women interpret a man's need.
Fun and release: Men are biologically programmed to need sex. Which is what some women already know about men. But rarely is it understood that men can require both. Nor is it "accepted" that men have this biological need that is not an emotional need.
If you're finding that the sex has disappeared, that's a big warning sign. Especially if you've acted interested and he just didn't go along for the ride.
To a man, a committed relationship MUST have plenty of physical intimacy as well as communication intimacy.
SIGNAL #5: He's Just Not Interested - No Effort...
The ultimate sign for you is simply this:
Is he asking questions about your life?
Does he seem like he still cares about your welfare?
Does he show concern for the things going on in your life?
Is he still asking you questions?
A guy that is still connected to you - and the relationship - will be interested in your life and your well being. He wants your truth!
If he's NOT interested in what's going on with you, won't make plans, and your conversation is hollow and boring, you've probably got a big problem.
It's only natural that he will become more comfortable in your relationship the longer you're together. And he might not jump into interrogation mode about what's going on with you. But he should show at least some genuine interest regularly.
If he's not feeling it, you need to know what's getting in the way...
Is he asking you questions about stuff you've talked about or mentioned to him?
And does your partner pay attention to the stuff you tell him is important?
Is your boyfriend making plans and putting in the minimum effort?
Again, it's not much to ask, and it's a simple enough thing to do that you should expect it. Yes, you're entitled to this in a relationship, and he is entitled to your interest, too.
Now, I've got another RULE for you...
RULE 2: If he's not meeting your minimum relationship needs, you must ASK for them...
Not in an unhealthy way, mind you. But it's up to you to ensure your needs are met, from communication to sexual intimacy.
I've seen many women sacrifice their own needs just to stay in relationships.
Ultimately, if you're not getting what you want, the relationship won't work.
And here's a really important FINAL rule:
RULE 3: If he's starting to withdraw or pull away, get your power back.
Your power is the power of keeping him engaged, putting in the effort, and staying obsessed with you.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]