I like to send out surveys from time to time - and ask questions to find out what you're experiencing right now in your dating and relationships. Time and again, women want to know ways to keep him from losing interest in you.
The questions I get back are beautiful and thoughtful responses.
And, I also see a lot of pain and misunderstanding.
One of the questions I get quite frequently is this:
"Carlos, why do men come on so strong, then disappear or go cold and distant?"
Sometimes they just ask, "Has he lost interest in me?"
"It's not you, it's me..."
There's a very real fear in there, that you've lost his interest and his feelings of love and attraction.
And underneath that is a fear that you've lost a connection with him.
So why do guys lose interest so quickly and early in the relationship?
REASON 1 FOR LOSING INTEREST IN YOU: He lost the thrill...
Men need the thrill of the chase. It's not something optional that you can leave out of a relationship.
It's CRITICAL to getting a man to fall in love with you.
When he knows you're interested, just a little, this will give him a major rush. This triggers his need to chase you to see if he can raise your attraction to a fever pitch.
This goal is of course to get you into bed. It's how men approach relationships, and there's nothing inherently wrong, bad, or disrespectful about it.
In fact, he doesn't even care if he really DOES get you into bed. He just wants to know he CAN do it.
It's an ego boost for almost every man.
There's a special kind of guy who you want to avoid, though...
There are some men who are SOLELY addicted to the chase, and these are the guys you don't want to date.
He's like a cocaine addict - looking for the next little thrill to re-engage him. The second it gets real, he's gone.
Poof! I'm outta here...
How do you know when you have one of these thrill seekers on the line?
The second you respond with some interest, he backs off. And he'll back away in direct proportion to your expression of interest.
Test him with a text - "Hey, was just thinking about you..." See how quick he responds, and how quick he gets his "snort" of validation. If he cools off after that, you might have one of these guys.
REASON 2 FOR LOSING INTEREST IN YOU: He's afraid of time travel...
Time travel? What the heck?
What I mean by that is that men feel like women are too quick to look at him as a long term relationship. If you jump the gun and start moving forward too fast (either in words or in actions), he'll get spooked.
The best advice I can give you is this:
The more of your relationship you can allow to be in the future, the more HE will create this relationship in your future. And the faster he will do it!
Guys are linear - we take things one step at a time. Women are more likely to plan the relationship way out into the future.
Are you moving too fast?
When you’re just starting to date him, you’re not going to know right away if he’s The One. Don't even try.
Just relax and try to have fun in the here and now.
Let's dig in, as I show you how to keep your man from losing his interest in you...
KEEP HIM ATTRACTED - Tip 1: First Strike!
Most guys are used to women waiting for something to happen in the relationship. We often hear women asking us to coordinate or setup a date.
Now, the reason this happens is that you want to know if he's really "feeling it" for you.
You want to know if he's feeling attracted to you, so you frequently subconsciously find ways to "test" the relationship status. Some of them are subtle... and some are not-so-subtle.
If a guy is actively courting and romancing you, you know you've got his eye and his interest. So waiting on his initiative is a common way women test the love.
But the problem with this is that even the most love-struck guy gets tired of being the leader when it comes to making things happen in the relationship.
If he feels like this is a constant expectation of him, along with all the other things that he hast to MAKE happen in his life, he's going to get tired.
Doing all the work is exhausting...
And eventually, he's also going to find ways to conserve energy along the way. One of the easiest ways for him to chill out and relax is to simply NOTask you out.
It takes zero energy on his part, since all he has to do is NOT ask you to do something.
This will feel very disappointing to you.
You'll wonder if he's "lost that lovin' feeling." And it can mess with your head.
So instead of making him always be the man of action, be sure to organize or plan a few small things to do together yourself. It's best when you can both work together to create your mini-adventures, but you want to take on the role of sole organizer yourself from time to time.
And, frankly, guys also want to know that you're still attracted and interested in him, too. So show your interest and desire from time to time. It will refuel him.
NEVER LOSE INTEREST - Tip 2: Seduce him... all the time
This tip picks up where the last one left off.
A guy needs to know that he's got a powerful attractive force to a woman. And, yes, we'd like to feel that ALL women feel our manly, masculine force field.
But we'll gladly settle for knowing that we at least make you feel that surge of desire for us that is uncontrollable.
So be sexy around him, as much as you can. This doesn't mean you have to "slut it up" when you go out, not at all.
But you do need to make sure he feels your sexuality when you're around him.
And this means to find ways to flirt and turn him on when you're NOT in bed, or you're not in private. It's those times we can't immediately give you a triple-X throw-down that will drive us wild with desire for you.
KEEP HIM DESIRING YOU - Tip 3: Be Independently Dependent...
This one sounds confusing, but it's really not.
Men need a balance of behavior in the woman that he will fall in love with - and eventually marry. He needs you to be first and foremost INDEPENDENT.
What does this mean exactly?
He needs to know that you CAN handle your own life. That you won't fold up into bed and bury yourself under the covers if things aren't going well for you.
Or that you'll become emotionally needy and dependent on him. (Or CO-dependent, as the old term goes.)
He needs to know that you COULD support yourself financially, and you COULD handle life without him...
He also needs to know that you really do NEED him on some level.
Be there for him...
We want to be wanted, but men also have a need to be needed as well.
That doesn't mean emotional need all the time, either. More that we would like you to need us for what we can DO for you.
Like that refrigerator door that doesn't close quite right any more? We can fix that.
Or at least TRY.
We want to be needed to protect you, and to be a capable, competent, go-to guy in your world. If another guy does something for you, we feel slighted and hurt - much the same way you would be if the tables were turned.
So even if you CAN change your own oil in your car, let him do it for you. It makes him more loyal, more devoted, and more happy being with you.
MAKE HIM WANT YOU - Tip 4: Always Be Positive...
This one is incredibly important if you want a man to keep coming back to you, time after time after time. You have to keep your outlook on things in a more affirmative frame.
No one wants to have someone bringing them down all the time.
That being said, no oneis positive all the time. Yes, you can have your moments of fear and doubt and uncertainty.
BUT you must keep them to a minimum around your man. He wants to create a relationship that will help him achieve greater things in life, and a woman who is down in the dumps all the time is not going to help him do that.
Is he being a grouch?
Here are some of the ways to positively encourage and energize his life:
- TALK positively: Don't fall into the Negative Nancy trap of being a naysayer. You have to keep your filters set to "optimism" for a guy to want to keep dating you.
- PLAN positively: Assume that life has great things in store for you, and that things will work out okay in the end. Sure, the concert you wanted to go to got rained out - but the ability to spin that into a fun day together in bed binging on Netflix and getting some sexy time in will make things work out just fine.
- ACT positively: Don't run around acting as if your relationship is going to repeat all your negative patterns of the past. Assume that your relationship is going somewhere, and he's going there with you.
KEEP GUYS WANTING YOU - Tip 5: Have a fire burning inside...
Men love it when women have their own passions and excitement.
There was a book that came out a few years ago about how men really fall for bitches. I don't think this is entirely true, but there is something a bitch has that men want: Sassy independence.
You see, just like you want a man that doesn't NEED you, men want the same in a woman.
As I already mentioned, he doesn't want a clingy, desperate woman, but he also wants to see that you have your own passionate fire inside you.
Keep the fires burning...
He doesn't want a woman that's a pushover. He wants you to be able to stand up for yourself, and that you want to earn his respect.
He doesn't want you to always agree with him, but instead that you can speak your own thoughts and feelings without making him feel diminished.
When he acts like a brat - and he knows he does this from time to time - he wants you to give him a little spanking - not coddling.
Ignore him when he acts annoying and childlike. We men rely on women to help us gravitate to our better selves.
In the end, he has to know that you would easily - and happily - move on from him if he doesn't hold his end of the relationship up.
Too often men wind up with women who make it clear that she will be a doormat to him, which makes him lose all respect for her.
Command - not demand - his respect, and you know what?
You'll get it.
Now if you want to understand these qualities that keep men wanting you and needing you in their lives, you need to know what his triggers are.
Spark his desire...
They're buried deep in a guy's head and determine his decision to commit to you or NOT. Most women aren't aware of these triggers and end up missing them completely - or knock over the wrong ones.
These triggers are hardwired instincts in every man which are directly connected to his feelings of love, admiration and DEVOTION to the woman he sees as "The One." So if you want to make him crave you like there's no tomorrow, I've put together a short video on how to trigger his desire like crazy.
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