Why does he stick in your head like a song you can't get rid of?
You hum the "tune" of his being in your heart over and over again...
Let's clear up some of the misunderstandings about love, so that you can understand why this guy is still stuck in your head and in your heart...
First of all, infatuation isn't love.
Is it possible to be giving too much love?
It can be the start of love, but infatuation itself isn't love. It's just the flood of "WOW!" chemicals in your brain that are trying to get you to mate.
I realize that sounds a bit "un-sexy" but it's true nonetheless. It's been brought out in study after study by "evolutionary psychology."
Evolutionary psychologists are scientists who study the role of evolution in the development of human beings as organisms. Specifically they look at why we choose certain people for a mate over another.
Why do we like a certain look in a person? Like guys being drawn to blondes, for instance?
Why do behaviors like "hard to get" work?
Why do we become bored - and even resentful - of needy people?
These are just some of the questions that this field of science has investigated.
One of the most important findings is that infatuation is really just a natural reaction in the brain, and a subsequent release of hormones such as:
Oxytocin (more specifically related to touch)
This incredibly addictive cocktail of brain chemistry manages to trick the brain into latching on to a person, and sometimes obsessively so.
Symptoms of infatuation include:
Inability to concentrate...
Preoccupied thoughts of him...
Life is suddenly more vivid and compelling...
Magical thinking about fantasy scenarios...
Elevated state of bliss...
So it's only natural that you might get infatuated with a guy you find that triggers feelings of desire in you.
And if you spend a lot of time with him, you're likely to confuse infatuation with the initial stages of love. It's completely natural!
"Another word for infatuation that we don't like is also 'lust' - which is a more gritty, skin-on-skin version of infatuation..."
Love, on the other hand is a more deeply rooted feeling of connection to a man. It's not just the "mystery" feelings of desire - they're also backed up with rational reasons why he's "The One" for you.
He's just not THAT into you.
How do you know if you're infatuated vs. in love?
Here are a few signs that you're infatuated:
You don't see their flaws when you're infatuated. But when you're in love, you see their imperfections, and you accept them as part of the package. (BTW: if you're trying to fix or change those perceived flaws, you may be in love, but you're also in danger of ruining it.)
Greedy for presence. When you're infatuated, you want to be with him non-stop, 24/7. When you're in love, you realize that time apart will help you appreciate the time WITH him...
Sex is in the front seat. When you're infatuated, you want physical contact all the time. You can't get into bed with him fast enough. When you're in love, the lovemaking is deeper and less charged.
The energy fades quicker with infatuation. But infatuation that turns into love has a changing quality to it. Instead of fading, the emotions take on a deeper and richer feel.
Maybe you tried a relationship and it didn't work out - or maybe you haven't revealed your interest in him.
If you're infatuated with a guy for a long time, and you never dated him, THAT is why you're still stuck.
If you never took the chance to find out if you could date him, or get him romantically interested, of course you're going to be stuck with him in your head.
You need to get resolution.
And take it from a guy - you got nothing to lose by putting it out there. Especially when you realize that most guys will at least give it a try to see if there's something there.
So before I get to the reasons you're infatuated with him - let's figure out if you're still in love with him...
Here are a few tell-tale signs you're still in love:
Sign #1: You still think about him - a lot...
And not only that, it's been a while since you broke up, and you still keep thinking about him.
Let go of the thoughts and be free again...
Generally speaking, feelings for someone should naturally fade. But they won't if you haven't let go of them, or moved on.
If you are still hung up on your ex that you dated for 6 months - and it's 2 years later, you might want to consider some professional help.
Sign #2: Your friends are sick of hearing about him...
Yeah, they might not tell you directly, but they will eventually hint to you that you're not progressing through the stages of moving forward with your life.
"Maybe you should go meet someone new..." They'll say. "Maybe it's time to move on..."
If you're constantly bringing this guy up in your conversation, or re-hashing drama - you're in an unhealthy place with the breakup.
Sign #3: Even when you date other guys, you still only compare them to HIM...
Usually a new relationship can help you get past your previous one.
But in some cases, the attachment to the other person is still there. And sometimes women will date guys that aren't their standard just to see the "ex" as being irreplaceable.
No one compares.
It's true: If you make the previous guy so perfect and faultless, you'll never be able to replace him.
But if you can open your heart to realize that he was just another flawed human like you, you can allow the possibility of finding someone better.
Sign #4: You can't see the bad stuff...
Almost every relationship that ends did so for a good reason. Even if it wasn't you and it was his "stuff" getting in the way, there's always some bad stuff in there.
But if you're stuck on him, you will only see the good stuff in the relationship. Sometimes the misery you had with him disappears when you face the misery of being without him.
Experience negative emotions...
In fact, one study found that people who were able to think something negative about their partner a month after breaking up were more likely to have an easier time adjusting to the end of the relationship.
You'll know you're healed when you can look at both yours and his behaviors objectively and see what went wrong.
Sign #5: Even if you haven't done anything creepy, you've fantasized...
Oh you know what I'm talking about... Stalker type stuff.
Maybe you go to a few of your old hang-outs in the hopes he'll be there...
Maybe a few late-night drive-bys of his house...
Maybe you call to hear his voice and hang up...
Look, no one wants to admit it - but we've all done - or thought of doing - this kind of stuff.
As long as you keep your behaviors under control - and off the Internet - you'll be fine.
Of course, there may be more signs, but those are good indicators.
Whatever the reason may be for feeling this way, there is a reason for what you're experiencing - whether it's infatuation or love...
NOW here are 5 Reasons Why You're Still Infatuated With Him:
You're still in deep with him - REASON 1: He Dumped YOU...
The truth of the matter is that the person who gets dumped in a relationship rarely ever gets the closure they need.
And if you're a person who really feels that sting, you might cling to false hopes for a while. Especially if he didn't end it cleanly.
"Don't walk away from me."
Sometimes the hardest thing to walk away from is a relationship where you were in love, and he just disappears on you for no good reason.
Oh, and if you're still sleeping with him (AKA - Friends with benefits) - then you're also responsible for part of your problem. As the saying goes, he won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free.
Why You Can't Stop Loving Him - REASON 2: You Really Were Just INFATUATED...
Remember, Love is about realistically seeing who the other person is, warts and all, and appreciating the whole thing.
Infatuation creates an unrealistic image of a person. Something that the reality just can't ever live up to.
But when the reality is that you're not with him, you've got nothing to check your reality.
Infatuation usually happens because you have a void - a deep hole - in your heart that he fills.
You don’t feel good enough about yourself - and then this amazing supreme being shows interest in you. He makes you feel desirable and worthy, and you cling to him for more of that feeling.
Can you see where things can go off the rails?
Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Him - REASON 3: You Miss The Magic...
Most of the time, you're not really missing that guy. You're missing the feelings you had when you were with him.
Remembering the good times...?
Yes, as much as we want to believe that love is a selfless, romantic ideal - it's often a selfish and self-serving emotion that we get caught up in.
You miss all the ideals you had to give up when the relationship ended - like the feeling of being desired and admired by him...
You miss the intimacy and physical relationship...
You even miss the promise of what might have been...
When all that is taken away from you, you go through a kind of withdrawal. Just like a smoker quitting cigarettes, you crave that good feeling of the "love drug."
When the magic goes away, we find ourselves craving it all over again. And sometimes we get a fantasy dose of that drug simply by thinking about the other person.
Why You Can't Get Him Out Of Your Head - REASON 4: You Took It Really Personally...
Ultimately, all breakups feel like a punch to the ego. After all, you put it all out there for that guy and he basically just walked away from it.
It's hard to not take that personally.
But there does have to come a time when you marshal your self-esteem, pick yourself up and dust yourself off.
You might feel like you're not good enough, but the reality is that men and women break up over things that mostly have NOTHING to do with the other person.
It's almost always because of their own internal junk they haven't fixed or gotten rid of.
Why You're Obsessed With Him - REASON 5: You Know There Was Something Else...
By "something else" I mean that you know you could have made some different choices. And he could still be in your life today if you had only known what to do.
Of course we could use this belief to torture us, or we could use it to draw a line in the sand... and resolve to:
Learn what makes guys tick...
KNOW what guys are thinking...
Discover the real reasons a guy stays with one woman over another...
That's a choice only you can make.
Make better choices.
Do you want to keep making the same mistakes over and over?
Or do you want to finally say "enough is enough!" and get this part of your life handled?
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