A lot of women feel like talking to men is a chore - and one of the most difficult things to do. You could use some tips to start a conversation with a guy.
Of course, this is how most men feel about women! And to top it off, guys have to initiate the conversation, which is even trickier.
The fact remains that he might feel too shy to start up a conversation, or he's just trying not to panic at the thought of having to talk to a woman and put himself up for possible rejection.
There are countries in the world today that are - believe it or not - making it a legal risk for men to approach women. So more than ever, guys are cautious.
(Well, the good guys are cautious - the "bad" guys are still going to do what they're always going to do.)
The best thing you can do is to start out by being as approachable as possible for him.
The more open and willing you look to talk - meaning that you look like you won't reject him - the better.
What signs do guys look for?
Here are a few:
Guys Want: You To Be Approachable - Smiling...
To the point of almost looking like you're going to burst into giggles at the word "hello."
A guy looks to see how happy you look before approaching you. If you're too serious looking, he'll probably pass - since he can't tell the difference between you being serious and you being mad, or just antisocial.
Don't make him guess your emotional state. Plaster it across your face in a cheesy smile if you want men to find you approachable.
Guys Want: You To Be Approachable - Unmistakable eye contact...
I'm not talking the kind where you glance and look right away from him in a millisecond. If you want him to be sure it's a warm invitation, you gotta do a two-second eyeball-grabber.
Using the old grade school timer, just count in your head: One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi...
Yeah, THAT long!
Trust me, it might seem like a slice of eternity to you to hold his gaze that long. But to a guy, he needs a really obvious signal.
After your 2 seconds is up, look down and away with that Academy Award winning smile of yours to seal it. If he doesn't take action on that, he's not a man of action and therefore not worth your time.
Guys Want: Be Approachable - You're flirting with yourself...
Guys are drawn by visual cues, in case you hadn't heard. So if you want him to see an invitation, offer it up by showing a little self-touch:
- Run your fingers through your hair
- Tilt your head to expose your neck (this is demonstrating vulnerability)
- Show off your cleavage (put those boobs to work, honey!)
- Suck on a straw or bite your lip (If he's really not getting the hint)
Be sensual with your motion. I explain it to the women I coach like this: "You want to appear like visual poetry. Slow, relaxed motions."
And remember: Sexy - but not vulgar.
He wants you to have class and a level of sophistication, but with a confident attitude in your sexuality.
Now, once you've baited him into approaching or saying hello, you have to keep the welcome mat out for him. You'll need to use a few of these tricks to get the talk started, and keep him interested.
Get him talking to you - Trick 1: Quick flattery
Most women know that a man's ego is his most vulnerable zone. If you stroke it right, you'll get him conversationally aroused.
A small comment about him that shows you're impressed by him in some way is all it takes.
You can compliment:
- His wardrobe - be general and just tell him how he looks well put-together (e.g. "Hey, those sneakers are on point!")
- His hair - even if it's a really crappy cut, you can still tell him his style is ... interesting. He'll take that to mean you like it.
Then you can change him later on. (JUST KIDDING! But... uh, you probably can.)
- His car - If ever there was an easy way to compliment a man, it's on his car. Only your timing is likely to be a bit weird to sneak this one in. Still, keep it in mind.
- His choices - This one just plain rocks, if you care to put a little thought into it. All you have to do is compliment his choice of something.
Maybe it's the way he chooses and prepares his coffee... or his sushi...
Maybe it's the obscure beer or wine he chooses at the bar...
Whatever he chooses, compliment him on his unique style. Guys love this and it validates his ability to be The Man of Action.
Go with a light touch when it comes to complimenting. You don't want to overdo it and potentially embarrass him.
There's a fine line between sincere flattery and acting like a fangirl.
Keep a balanced blend of compliments and you'll connect just fine with him.
Remember that men rarely get compliments from women, unless he's already pretty hot. So he'll be a little thrown off at first.
But as long as you keep it subtle and avoid going over the top, you'll be fine. He'll soon settle into the feeling of being validated by you.
So knowing when and how to throw out a compliment to him is a priceless strategy that works, works, WORKS.
Get him talking to you - Trick 2: Opportunity knocking
Look, if you're not actually going to start the conversation with him, and you want HIM to make the first move, then you need to keep giving him opportunities.
We're all for taking action, but helping a brother out just tiny bit never hurt.
And yes, some guys can be painfully shy in spite of how bad they have it for a girl.
Don't be afraid to take a little action yourself. That's regardless of where his personality lies on the extrovert-intovert spectrum.
Then you've shown him the door, let him be the one to walk through it.
The important thing is that you did your part in this little social dance, so he can do his.
Here are a few ways to extend that offer to him - and not look too eager in the process:
- Sit or stand near him - make it hard for him to NOT notice you...
- Be in hearing range when he's about to order - and then YOU flag the bartender down first...
This is a good way to be in the right place at the right time for him to notice you and say something. Sometimes, all it takes is to put just the right amount of effort to get in his radar.
Like I said, some men's radars aren't as finely tuned as others. So, putting yourself in the ideal proximity may just be what he needs to take the hint and come out of his shell.
And if he's still not picking up what you're throwing down, it's time to take it up a notch.
Get him talking to you - Trick 3: Ask him for help
Look, damsels in distress are a guy's dream come true, whether we want to admit it or not.
That's one of the weird ways a man's brain is wired. Deep inside us, we've got that desire to be fill that protector/provider role for our lady.
It's not about acting helpless or being someone you're not. This is about offering him a chance to do something special for you - even if you can do it on your own.
He knows this as well. But when it comes to showing our woman we care, we STILL get a kick out of being able to do it for you anyway.
Yeah, I know it doesn't sound like the most logical thing, but romance is funny like that. Just think of it as a mental itch we need to scratch.
So give him some way to help you out. Do it right and you'll immediately propel him into taking action.
- Get him to take a picture of you and your friends - this is a great sneaky way to pull a guy in. It's a quick and low-pressure approach that will make him notice you in a good way.
- Ask him for a suggestion on a menu or in selecting a wine. Again, you're tapping into his desire to be validated as an expert on something. Plus, it's a good way to acknowledge that he has good taste without being too obvious. Trust me, he'll be more than willing to jump on the chance to share his knowledge with you. Even better is that it creates that much-needed rapport!
- Hang out in the hardware section of Target. Then wait for him to happen by as you try to figure out what kind of doohickey you need for the thingamabob. Just like the last example, he'll get a kick out of offering help. I know some women might be hesitant about this because they don't want to look like a stereotypical ditz. But the thing is, you don't have to put on an act. You can ask him a casual question while sounding confident at the same time. This also makes for a prime chance to segue into other topics and keep the good times rolling!
- Ask for directions. This is another fine example of getting his help and triggering his desire to provide it. You can slip in some off-topic questions about him, too. Even better, you could get his email or phone number! That last bit might seem bold, but here's a great excuse to be subtle about it. Jokingly tell him, "Thanks for your help! Hopefully I don't end up in the woods or something! Let's exchange emails so I can let you know I made it, haha..."
There are literally millions of ways you can enlist his help and engage that masculine helper gene of his.
And truth be told, if he's NOT a guy who will come to your rescue - even if it's a small one - you need to find out early so you can lose this loser.
No woman has room in her life for a guy that can't be there for her as her personal hero when the time is right. If he doesn't respond to your little nudges to get noticed, move on sister.
Get him talking to you - Trick 4: Use The Cliche: "Have we met?"
Look at him with a hint of recognition, walk up confidently and just say: “Hi, I’m sorry, but do I know you...? I feel like we’ve met somewhere, but I can’t place you..."
You might sit here right now cringing, thinking - "Carlos! No way! That won't work..."
Uh, for the guy who wants to meet a woman, ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL WORK! Even the most hackneyed cliches of all time actually work in the real world when it comes to meeting someone.
Think of it from our perspective: most of the time, it's us doing this kind of stuff. We rack out our brains thinking of ways to approach women and NOT look like a weirdo.
So when you pull this move and flip the script, it'll be a pleasant surprise for him. Unless he's not into women at all or a jerk, he'll be down to play your little game.
I'm not done though - get a load of my last tip...
Get him talking to you - Trick 5: Accidental intrusion
Look, when push comes to shove, and you just haven't been able to catch his eye - it's time to pull out the big guns. Arranging an "accidental" near collision (or actual collision, if you want) is a great way to make sure he's seen you.
You might think the idea of a Meet Cute only exists in the movies. But in my experience, I know plenty of guys and gals in my personal circles who met under the most awkward of circumstances.
There's nothing wrong with kick-starting things this way. You could fess up later on, like when you're expecting grandkids or something.
Nevertheless, a little orchestrated chaos won't hurt you (that much).
If you're not up for full body contact though, there are other gentler options...
You can even drop something in front of him on purpose, giving him a chance to help you out. Maybe a pen, or a napkin, or even your wallet or clutch. It gives him every excuse he needs to start talking to you.
Now, once you've got his attention, it's time to put some of my conversation tips with guys to work.
And it's time to work your magic to light the fires of infatuation...
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