6 Smart Ways to Avoid The Friend Zone
Have you ever found yourself crushing on a guy who can’t seem to return the same feelings?
You’re 100% convinced he’s the man you’re meant to be with, but he can’t seem to get with the program. You’re good friends with him, yet there’s that invisible barrier you can’t break through.
“WHAT is it with this guy?” you ask yourself. “Here I am, pouring my heart out to him but he’s not taking the hint.”
As you silently gnash your teeth, you resign yourself with thoughts like:
“I guess I’m just not as hot as other women.”
“Maybe he’s gay…”
“He’s an IDIOT!”
If you’ve gone through this special kind of relationship hell, then congratulations, you’re in the dreaded Friend Zone.
In a lot of ways, it’s even more painful than actually breaking up with a guy. After all, obsessing over a relationship that never was sucks in its own special way.
But there is HOPE.
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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If you play your cards right and approach your guy in a certain way, you may just have a chance of breaking free from the Friend Zone.
Are you ready to get him? Read on…
Step #1: Understand the Situation
The truth about the Friend Zone is that it’s NOT an emotional place that someone deliberately puts another person in.
It’s not like a he’s having a cup of coffee when he suddenly says to himself, “You know what, she’s really a nice girl, but I should send her to the Friend Zone.”
It could be that he’s still recovering from a previous breakup. A guy like this is dealing with unresolved issues from his past.
So, he isn’t quite ready to make room for anyone in his life right now.
One of the other typical reasons is that he simply doesn’t see you as a Potential Partner. Maybe he’s just into other types of girls or he just doesn’t think of you “like that.”
Then there are cases where you might have approached him in a “let’s hang out” kind of way. He might not have understood that what you REALLY had in mind was a more-than-friends arrangement.
He simply didn’t know you wanted more than being his Harmless Platonic Friend.
So it’s a set of circumstances that forms the “perfect storm”, turning you into The Couple That Never Was.
Be that as it may, it’s STILL possible to shake him out of this state of mind, but it’s NOT an overnight process.
Take heart though, because we’ll cover how you can gradually get him to change his perception of you.
Step #2: Don’t Be Wishy-Washy
Similar to what I explained in the “let’s hang out as bros” example, your guy is getting all the wrong the signals from you. To remedy that, the best thing to do is give him the signals that you DO want him to pick up.
To do that, your intentions need to be crystal-clear right at the start. You might think that being too forward will turn off a guy, but being clear about your feelings ISN’T the same as hitting him over the head with it.
What I’m saying is that you’ll need to get the message out there in a way that removes almost any doubt is his head that you are, in fact, into him. Yeah, you gotta let him know up front that you’re interested.
Playing it coy is for chickens, and guys don’t dig THAT kind of chick.
In the long run, a guy will respect you more for being up front about how you feel for him. If you try slipping under the radar as friends-first in the hopes of it being something more in the future, you’ll get just that: nothing more than friends.
Worse, he might feel a little hoodwinked that your actions aren’t congruent with your words.
But how do you introduce sexual intrigue without pushing him away? That brings us to the next step…
Step #3: Be “new” to him
The problem with being friends too long with a guy is that once that familiarity sets in, he’ll start to take you for granted.
Romantically speaking, if a man were to choose between a girl who he knows will always be “available” and a girl who might slip through his fingers, he’ll probably go with the latter.
It’s the law of scarcity in effect – we want something we CAN’T HAVE.
(Just like you!)
It’s a psychological paradox that can be a pain in the butt, yet there’s no denying it plays a HUGE part in dating.
Having a go-to friend to hang out with and gripe about his lady problems is something he’ll appreciate. But you can’t fill that place in his life – not if you want to be his girlfriend, anyway.
If you do, he’ll fall for another girl he might have just met.
From a guy’s point of view, novelty is exciting. He doesn’t know much about her yet, and that will get the gears in his head turning.
He’ll want to know what makes this other girl tick. The process of discovery and “catching” her is what drives a guy to pursue women.
So what I’m getting at here is you need to trigger the thrill of the hunt he wants to feel. That’s what separates the perpetual friend and the girl he can’t stop thinking about.
Step #4: Broaden your horizons
Now you’re wondering, “Carlos, how do I inject that sense of novelty? He already knows me … I can’t just flip a switch in his head and make him forget me.”
True. It’s not as if you could just drop off the face of the planet and come back as a brand new woman…
…or CAN you??
I’ve helped women in this scenario more times than I can remember. And I’ve always recommended a simple solution to their Friend Zone woes:
You see, all you need to do is walk away from the situation long enough until he “forgets” you. That means minimizing contact with him on all fronts: SMS, social media, email, chat, Viber, etc.
“Carlos, that’s not as easy as it sounds!” you might be thinking right about now.
I said it was SIMPLE, not EASY.
Look, if you’ve been trying to get him to fall for you and he’s STILL not getting off his butt, then it’s time to shake things up. Even if it feels counterintuitive.
(Besides, you’ve got nothing to lose at this point!)
That means stop focusing on that one guy and open up the other possibilities before you. And by that, I mean putting yourself back on the dating market.
Trust me, this is the best thing you can do for yourself. Not only will you free yourself from a possible case of tunnel vision in his eyes, you’ll also be a heck of a lot less needy.
It’s not healthy to be burdened by the fear of scarcity (i.e. “I won’t find anyone else like him”). Falling in love with that special someone is undeniably a wonderful thing, but that can never happen with a desperate mindset.
A great relationship happens when you realize it’s not going to “fix” or “complete” you. Having a partner should make you a better person, but your relationship isn’t meant to plug in the holes in your life.
That’s why it’s practically mandatory to meet a lot of the billions of other guys on this spinning blue rock we live on. Exaggerating I know, but I’m just trying to drive an important point here.
Just be sincere about doing this – you’re not trying to make your man jealous.
Rather, you’re just seeing what else is out there. And you’re not obliged to go to bed with any of them or get hitched.
Besides, you should consider the wild possibility that you might just end up with ANOTHER guy who’s a better fit for you. By detaching yourself from a single possible future, you’re broadening your horizons towards a happier YOU.
Who knows, this might just be the kick in the pants your guy needs to realize what you’re really worth to him. But think of that as a BONUS rather than your main objective for dating other guys.
Step #5: Get Flirty
This is one area that scares women. A lot of them are afraid that if they cross this line, the guy will get freaked out and pull away.
Well, that’ll only happen with the wrong approach. Flirt with him the right way, and you’ll push things in the direction you want.
Before we get into that, it’s important to know what flirting is NOT:
– Getting sexual within a minute of meeting him
– Pressuring him to get sexual, too…
– Hitting him over the head with innuendo – non-stop…
Yes, there’s a sexual component to getting flirty, but you need to be strategic about it. Package it with humor, and he’ll be less defensive about it.
You can make it seem like HE’S the one who’s trying to win you over. Try “misunderstanding” what he says as him hitting on you.
For instance, try this one: “If you keep looking at me that way, I won’t be responsible for the daydreams I have on the way home!”
Touch is another important tool in your flirting repertoire. Guys are especially sensitive with this one because honestly, we don’t really get much of it on a daily basis.
So if a girl makes physical contact with us, we’ll definitely notice even if we don’t say anything.
A playful punch to the arm, a quick hug around the shoulder (at an appropriate moment), and you’ll slowly get it out of his head that you’re “just friends”.
Just remember to end the touch before it gets weird. Be the one to set the terms and feel out his reaction.
If he tenses up, gently withdraw instead of recoiling like you did something wrong. By pacing yourself, he’ll gradually get used to the idea of touching you – which of course opens the door to other things.
This works for a relatively new guy or that one dude you’re carrying a torch for. But like I said, if you’re dealing with that One Guy, you’d best walk away for a while.
Give him that distance to miss you.
And during that time apart, you can invest in your personal development with the next step…
Step #6: Reinvent Yourself
This isn’t a call to suddenly change into a completely unrecognizable person. That’s unrealistic and you’d only be dishonest with yourself.
And frankly, no one wants to work that hard…
What I’d like instead is for you to bring out the best parts of your authentic self and polish it until it shines like crazy. (And catches his eye…)
After you’ve stopped contact with him and start working on your transformation, he’ll feel stupid for ignoring you in the first place.
There are 3 parts to this:
1 – Boost those fitness levels. I don’t care if you have a svelte frame or you’re a full-figured gal. You owe it to yourself to have an exercise regimen and a sensible food plan no matter what your body type is. Guys love women of all shape and sizes, but what matters to us is that we know you’re taking care of yourself.
2 – Look sharp. Fashion wise, you’ll want to get advice from fashionable friends and/or professionals. Whoever it is, make sure you’re comfortable talking to them so they can give valuable input about your makeover. Get tips and tricks on finding the right wardrobe for you – and finding good makeup that works for your skin tone.
3 – Plug those holes. Remember what I said about not using a relationship to fix you? That’s where this part comes in. Make yourself a complete person BEFORE getting into a relationship. You can’t expect to suddenly have a wonderful, fulfilling life when your guy is in the picture. Otherwise, you’ll fall apart if he leaves. Find the things that make you happy and make you … “YOU”. Nurture and cultivate your passions so they become your source of happiness whether or not you happen to be single.
Let me tell you, a woman who has these three bases covered will find guys popping up everywhere – begging her to be his girl.
I should know because I’m a guy who’s attracted to women who possess these qualities.
I know that I can be myself around this type of girl and not worry about her putting me on a pedestal.
I can relax with her, knowing that she’s a healthy, well-adjusted person who isn’t desperately clinging to me as her sole source of validation.
I realize how scary it seems at first to have that kind of detachment for someone you care about. After all, there is the chance you’re really not meant to be together for one reason or another.
However, if you’re willing to take a chance by backing off, seeing other guys, then coming back to him in the way we just talked about, you’re WAY LESS likely to get friendzoned.
Speaking of which, I’ve got a free presentation you should check out if you want to COMPLETELY avoid the Friend Zone with ANY guy (be it old or new). I’ll teach you how to make him so attracted to you that you won’t have think about how he REALLY feels about you.