3 Ways To Get Out Of His Friend-Zone (And Change His Mind About You)
By: Carlos Cavallo
I want to talk about how to get out of a guy's friend zone - and how to make him change his mind about you.
I mean, it's wonderful when you've got a guy who GETS you, isn't it?
You can talk on the phone for hours...
Cry on his shoulder...
Bitch about your girlfriends and their catty behavior... (knowing it won't get back to them)
Every girl out there has had a guy friend they could call up and on a moment's notice, he's over there fixing her air conditioner or watching "The Notebook" with you for the 57th time.
And for some reason, you can NEVER think of him as anything more than a platonic pal. As you probably know, guys refer to this as being the "Friend Zone" or "getting friendzoned".
Let's be brutally honest here: All's fair when you've got a guy like that who's stuck on you.
He knows he's been friend-zoned, but he's still hoping for a shot.
But what if you've got romantic feelings for a guy who put you in the Friend Zone?
What if he treats you like his little sister instead of a Potential Somebody?
When you're the one getting friendzoned, it feels like having your heart ripped out.
Okay, you might not have been writing his last name after yours on a piece of paper, or making little hearts around his school picture you cut out of your yearbook... but it's a bit like a young girl's crush. (They don't call 'em crushes for nothing.)
Keep in mind that there are some guys that have been friend-zoned one too many times and he's all but given up on dating. So if he's got a little extra baggage, you might have to be extra patient while he learns to develop some trust.
Look, I know that Hollywood has sold us this messed up fairy tale plot where all you have to do is push past the rejection as hard as you can and eventually they will give in. You'll have the "chase through the airport" scene where he proves his desire and then there's the triumphant music.
In reality, if you keep pressing him for romance, he'll just avoid you entirely. I've had this happen to me a couple times, and I can tell you that the pressure is uncomfortable.
Even when I wasn't sure about these girls and I could have explored the opportunity, her calling me to find out what I was doing this weekend - six times - didn't help her case any.
One woman, Mary (I'm terrible with fake names, so work with me), actually went so far as to get me out with her on a bike trail where she professed her love for me... after she toppled her bike over on top of me.
Apparently she thought I needed to be pinned down. She didn't realize she had opened a nice cut on my shin from her pedal and I had to get 6 stitches.
Let me tell you that this is not the kind of assertive we guys like.
I take my sassy dates with no trips to the emergency room, thank you.
So if you can back away a bit, and not be pursuing him so hard, he'll have the space he needs to think about you. Because guys are deeply suspicious of women who seem to want our attention and time so much.2
It feels like there's a motive of some kind - and it kills the thrill of the chase when you're already caught.
Where's the fun in that?
Get him to romance you - Friend Zone Escape 2: Shift your attention
Stated simply this means you need to distract yourself and give him the psychological space he needs to just relax and contemplate if he might actually be interested.
I'll be the first to admit it that a hard-to-get girl is kind of appealing. It's not because we men enjoy being ABUSED, per se. (Well some guys do, but that's not me.)
The reason that hard-to-get works is that when you're unavailable to us when we want you around, it makes us feel that we've found a rare gem... After all, if she's busy, that means other people want her!
This is based on the theory of Scarcity, as explained by Robert Cialdini:
"The scarcity tactic or principal operates on the worth people attached to things. Scarcity suggests that we assume something is more valuable when it is less available."
Show him your absence!
There are two ways to accomplish this:
Make Him Change His Mind About You - Method 1: Scarcity = Limited quantity!
We humans are easily suckered into this one. Witness the craziness that happens in Wal-mart when someone is about to take the last of something from a bin on Black Friday.
This method might seem hard to use for yourself, because there's only ONE of you to begin with.
But there's a way to create that feeling of scarcity and make him see you as a RARE find.
When you throw out times and days of the week he can come over and whine about the last three Tinder dates that went nowhere, you give him one or two slots.
"Yeah, I've got a half hour before my yoga class Thursday. 5:30? Aw, shucks, well that's all I've got..."
You know the alternative, right? Making yourself TOO available for him?
That's de-valuing yourself and kills the appeal.
Make Him Change His Mind About You - Scarcity Tip 2: Limited Time Offer!
You've seen this one in informercials, I'm sure.
"For a limited time only!"
"While supplies last!"
This is the infamous deadline tactic. Ask any college student how motivating a deadline can be and they'll respond with a hundred stories of cramming or writing term papers the night before they're due.
The truth is that when you give someone a deadline to act, they will respect it.
Why? Because it's a very real way to demonstrate that they will be missing out if they don't get their butt in gear.
Tell him you need to know by 9:00 AM if he can meet you for lunch, or you'll have to make other plans.
Think that sounds bitchy? Think you'll 'scare him off' with your unavailable tone?
Nope. Sounds like a woman who knows what she wants and won't wait on his punk attitude.
And won't be walked on like a rug.
Think of yourself as a "limited edition" - and treat yourself that way!
So there are two quick tips for making yourself scarce.
Remember, you have to distract yourself from him - and shifting your attention and time away from him like this will radically change the way he thinks about you.
You see, if you're too close to him, and you're thinking of him in "that way," he's going to know. He'll sense it.
Guys have intuition, too. We're just a bit thicker when it comes to putting it into words.
When a woman is in hot pursuit, she gives off a million and one different "tells" - from the words she uses, to the body language, to her questions... it all adds up to a lingering feeling of uneasiness around her.
So you have to let go of your intense focus on him. Chasing him too much messes with his "hunter instinct" - you should let HIM come to you.
Oh, and if you just thought to yourself, "But I'm not really chasing him," this applies especially to you.
Don't delude yourself - he knows.
The truth is that he might just end up being only friends with you, so you have to accept that first. Only then can you get in the right headspace to crack that shell around his heart wide open.
Escape the Friend Zone - Tip 3: Tease To Please
Look, I'd be ignorant to try to lie and tell you that guys DON'T like a little teasing.
The truth is that we dig a girl who knows how to tease us - the RIGHT kind of teasing, that is.
In fact, this could be the one and only thing that wakes him up to the reality that he really does feel THAT way about you...
Guys need to have their sexual feelings awoken to realize they have romantic thoughts about a girl.
It's a peculiar reversal from what most women are used to. A guy usually needs to arouse a girl's romantic interest BEFORE she can realize her sexual desire for him.
Mind you, neither way is "right" or "wrong..." They just ARE.
So if you want him to feel for you, you must be willing to tease his sexuality a bit. That's just the natural sequence in a guy's head.
Now, I'm not saying you should sleep with him. Not at all.
In fact, you should NOT go to bed with him until he's fully in CHASE mode for you!
Until then, what you have to do is simply get him to THINK about you sexually.
Some women try to do this by using some sexual come-ons and jokes with him, but those end up being more irritating when they're not done correctly.
And most women, sad to say, DON'T know how to do this correctly.
So what do you do?
I'll give you a quick example:
Let's say you're hanging out with him, and the conversation turns to a movie you both saw recently. And, let's say that movie had a rather steamy scene in it.
What you would do is to steer the conversation to what he thought about it.
YOU: "Hey, how about that bedroom scene, huh? What did you think about the chemistry between those two?"
He'll probably go on about how he thought they were hot, etc.
And then you come back with another question: "What do you think made that scene so hot?"
He'll be a little shy to get into the details here, but he'll still be recalling them in his head. Which means, he's reliving the turn-on experience.
AND it's happening right there with you near him!
This is a very well-known phenomenon that leads to romantic interest in people.
In scientific studies, they have explored this recall effect in men, and proven that it is almost impossible to tell the difference between the real event and a later recollection of it.
This one is GOLD for getting a guy to experience a very real, present emotional attraction when you're near him. The more it happens, the more he's going to see YOU as the source of uncontrollable desire.
Remember that when you reduce the availability of YOU, you're simply doing what he's already doing to you. He makes you feel like you can't have enough of him - which makes you want him more.
And the cycle keeps going...
So when you combine the feeling of scarcity with your willingness to tease him, he'll get an amazing rush out of it.
This two-punch combination is so deadly is because it triggers a visceral reaction from a guy. To him, it's like being caught in an avalanche of emotions and he won't know how to deal with it.
In this temporary state of confusion, he won't know whether to give you a hug, kiss you on the lips or just stare at you like a wolf after its prey.
Once he's reached this point, being friends with you will be the LAST thing on his agenda. He'll even feel a little silly that he didn't feel THAT way about you SOONER.
In a lot of ways, making a guy romantically interested in you is like pushing a boulder on a downhill path. Once you know which direction to send him, all you gotta do is give him a little nudge.
Then you just need to step back and let the natural gravity of his desire do the work for you.
However, there are a lot of women who don't know which way is up (and down) when it comes to men and romance. And so they end up trying to push their way uphill without realizing they're doing it WRONG.
I've coached a lot of women to build their relationship skills, and I've noticed they often need help with a particular area.
Most of them don't know how to make their partners feel safe which makes it hard for them to REALLY open up their hearts.
But everything seems to "flow" between a woman and her guy once I've taught her the ridiculously simple skill of unlocking his heart.
And from what I've seen, this is actually the best way to jump past ALL the usual obstacles, like not being "hot enough" or "his type".
All those frustrating barriers that used to keep women in the friend zone don't need to be an issue anymore. Well, not until you've seen my video, that is.
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