99.9% of all guys are turned off if you say THIS! (or DO this) | Tested For 2020
By: Carlos Cavallo
If you're not careful with your communications, you might turn a guy off if you say the wrong thing. You don't want him to think that you're being a jerk, and you sure as heck don't want to scare off a good catch.
Now, chances are you're not TRYING to turn him off. (I hope not, anyway.)
You're probably doing your best to be charming, delightful, and sexy for him. But it's certainly possible to say something that might make him give you that confused-tilted-dog look that says you might have bunked it up a bit.
Oh, and before we get going - let me tell you that "Women who only order salads" is not on this list of turn-offs. You may have seen this bit of advice that says that guys are turned off by women who order salads.
Well, we would be turned off if it was obvious that she was just putting on an act - i.e., trying to look like she cared about her weight...
But hey, if you want a salad, order one.
We guys don't care!
Turn-off? Trying to be someone you're not...
So let's take a look at the things that really make men step back and think twice. Let's avoid turning guys off if at all possible.
Before I give you the big #1 turn off for 2019, let's talk about -
If you thought only guys could be arrogant, you'd be very very wrong.
I've been on dates with women that talked non-stop about who they know, how important they are, how impressed I should be...
It's really gross to listen to a woman talking arrogantly. Because - not only is it revolting to listen to someone trying to FORCE you to like them because of who they think they are - but it's also something we associate with a masculine mistake.
When guys do it, it's yucky enough. When a woman acts this way, guys are just as turned off.
Turn Off #2: Entitlement
This one isn't too far from Arrogance, if we're being straight with each other.
Entitlement is the arrogance of "I deserve it just because."
This one also comes up in my experiences dating way more times than I want to admit.
Turn-on? Appreciate him...
I had a woman who literally stiffened up and gave me a speech when the check comes that it is MY duty to pay. Never mind that I was gladly going to get the check, but that she wouldn't give me that opportunity to show her my intentions.
That women never saw me again.
Maybe her goal was a free meal, but she could have had so much more without the entitled attitude.
There's a big difference between a healthy feeling of your own self worth, and the attitude that things should just fall into your lap because you "deserve" them.
The shame of it is that those who really deserve it never ever put that upon the people around them. They just let the "deserving" manifest in their lives naturally.
Turn Off #3: Dull Conversation
I've been on quite a few dates where the girl I was with just couldn't hold her own in conversation. This is usually not the norm, but it has happened enough that I decided to look into what was going on.
Keep his interest, or he'll find somewhere else to be...
It usually came down to a certain level of shyness on her part. Sometimes, it was as if she expected me to entertain her. Sometimes I even noticed a certain level of disconnect where she had NO CLUE that talking to a guy doesn't involve a degree or night school.
No matter what the reason is, you can be sure that guys will not be interested if you don't give up some good conversation.
He's just like you, only he's a guy. He has interests, hobbies, a family, etc. So there's really no excuse for not at least keeping up your end of the conversation.
Oh, and just to be perfectly clear, even though your conversation may have sparkle, YOU also need to avoid the sin of being BORING. There's no sin greater for any man to endure someone who doesn't seem like they've really worked on themselves much.
Guys really hate conversation that's centered around mundane human drama.
Keeping up with the Kardashians? Turn-off...
The ins and outs of what that nasty woman is doing to make your life miserable is not something that a guy relates to.
For men, it's simple. If a guy is giving you grief, you:
Delete him from your life
Settle it (conversation or brawl)
Men simply do not have any time to waste on petty back-and-forths. Especially irritation over the petty slights of everyday life.
Don't get me wrong, we'll sympathize with you over it - but we won't want to spend a lot of time hanging out in the Drama Zone.
We'll just start offering solutions so we can get on to more meaningful conversation with you.
Remember the saying:
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas.” - Henry Thomas Buckle
Turn Off #5: Making Him Mr. Initiative
This is an area that my wife and I have even had to discuss in the past. It's one that men everywhere nod their heads to when I talk about it. It was also one of the top things that I'd have to work with when I coached men on dating.
So what is it?
I'll say it like this:
Guys really don't want to be expected to do EVERYTHING.
Turn on? Taking the initiative to plan fun things to do together...
Now, before you misunderstand what I mean - let me Splain it:
Yes, we realize you're doing a TON of things behind the scenes.
And guys don't mind being the one to take the leadership role. In fact, we feel much more at home as the ones to initiate a lot of things in the relationship when it comes to organizing and planning.
HOWEVER - guys do want to see that you will do this on occasion. That you'll take the risk to act first - even if it's only in the most simple of ways.
Such as - in the bedroom. Every so often, take the lead and start the party! Maybe even suggest that new Cosmo "sex position that will BLOW HIS MIND!"
(Word to the ladies - we men don't care about 'mind-blowing.' We just want sincere connecting romps in the hay.)
Or when it comes time to hang out that night, suggest the show you want to watch... or the board game you want to play.
Guys want you to take an active role in planning out the non-social activities, even if we complain or whine later. Don't be fooled...
Turn Off #6: Leaning Girl
This is a big turn-off, and it's one that is pretty common to hear as a complaint from guys. Now, it's not as prevalent when a woman is over thirty, but it does still happen.
It's when a woman seems to have no life of her own other than waiting on the right guy to come along.
We guys have a joke about this - we call it the "no-fly" zone. Meaning that when a woman gets to be around 27-34 and she's in the "Oh My God I'm Going To Be 30" awareness. Then she gets into the "Oh My God I AM 30!"
And then, yes, it's the "Holy crap... Now I'm over 30!"
Turn-off? Pressure to move thing along faster...
These are all very alarming to a woman who is interested in having children, as it starts to highlight her age and the ticking of her biological clock.
Now, it doesn't matter that it's still relatively safe to have children well into her 30s, but the reality is that the risks do go up. My wife had our children at 35 and 37 - and both were considered "risky" pregnancies.
This is all well and good - since most guys I've coached in recent years are right there with you in wanting kids before they get too old, too.
But even if you're past this time of your life, you have to watch out for appearing as if you're not living your own life... As if you're still waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep you off your feet.
If you've ever wondered why some men duck and run when the "C" word comes up (commitment) - you might do well to know that he often runs because he's sensed that you're not quite living your own life.
Turn Off #7: Puppet Time
This one is best summed up in one word: Manipulation.
Men are keen to avoid being manipulated. Mostly because we know how easily we are manipulated.
Guys know they can be played REALLY easily compared to a woman. Guys are played when a woman cries, when she acts dumb or childish, when she tries to make him jealous....
Leaving stuff over at his house or in his car?
Dropping hints instead of asking outright?
We both know this list of manipulations is pretty long...
You have to avoid even the most basic of manipulations - like when you make that pleading face and say, "Pleeeease, sweety...?"
Men want to please women. We're programmed to do it.
And most women know this on some level.
But please don't take advantage of his nature, or you'll find that he will back off quick. And you might not even know it until it's too late!
And the big SUPER DUPER #1 turn off of this year IS... (envelope opening)
#1 Turn Off Of The Year: Paying More Attention To Your Phone Than Him...
This actually has its own term: Sidebarring.
This has become so HUGE that it simply has to be mentioned.
Have you spent any time people watching lately? If you have, you may have seen women in clusters doing this:
Night of the Living Phombies...
Sure, guys do it, too. But that's something you can bring up with HIM if he does that. Two wrongs don't make a right, after all.
What I'm talking about here is when you're a Phombie. (Smartphone zombie)
Locked in a blinkless stare with your phone's glowing screen, you are more concerned with liking, texting, and instagramming than paying attention to what's going on in the real world around you.
Especially with HIM.
I won't kid you - this problem has reached EPIC scale.
I watch people on planes, at the store, in restaurants, on the street, and they're all addicted to their phones. Everyone in this state of "fear of missing out" - F.O.M.O.for short.
Honestly, I don't know if this turn-off will ever go lower than #1 in the next few years. The problem of phone addiction has gotten - pardon the pun - out of hand.
This includes being on your phone instead of interacting or paying attention to him...
And this also includes being social-media obsessed. The funny thing about social media is that it only gives you the ILLUSION you're connected to your friends. It's not really connecting at all.
Connection happens in-person - where you can hear her voice, see her face, and sense her real emotions.
Don't get me wrong - I think it's good that we can stay in contact with so many people who really don't care all that much about us so we can send them pictures of our dinner last night. Sorry, was that too snarky?
Really, it is nice to be able to reach out and check in with a friend so easily, but what it's also done is put us in a place where we don't put MORE effort in than a text or a message in Facebook.
We have to do more to create real friendships - and REAL relationships.
It's also important to see that men notice these things, too. And they want to know that you will reach out and put the real effort in when it's time. Not just send him 160 characters with emojis and exclamation points.
In the end, I could create a huge list of turn-offs. And you would wind up paranoid that every single thing you do is a potential mistake.
That's not the point of this article.
The point is for you to focus on doing the RIGHT things to keep him interested. If you do enough of those, these turn-offs simply won't happen. You gain an understanding of how to make your relationship as strong as possible, and you avoid the mistakes.
One of the most important things to do is to make sure you know how to really make him feel the impact of your love. You see, a guy needs to feel it - in his gut - or he won't ever really believe you're the One for him.
This is called The Cupid Effect. And you absolutely need to know how to make him feel it.
It's the key to getting him to commit to your love once and for all - and making him desire you with wild, reckless abandon.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]