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Relationship Tips & Advice
There's a "joke" about two people - an American and a French woman - meeting in a restaurant in Paris.
The conversation turns to music, and the American asks the French Woman what the songs are like in France.
French Woman says: "Well - it seems that we always seem to focus on the part of life we are most clueless about. The French are always so concerned with philosophy and life... and especially DEATH. We just don't grasp death, or how to handle it - or even talk about it. So a lot of our songs focus on death."
Then the French woman asks the American woman what our songs are about in the United States.
The American woman pauses for a moment - remembering what the French Woman said about focusing on what we don't understand.
Then she says: "All we sing about is ... love."
Now, if you didn't catch that punch line - the one thing that Americans seem to misunderstand or get wrong so frequently is LOVE.
Sometimes I forget just how hard it can be for women to read men's emotions.
Let's start out by explaining why guys keep their emotions so hidden:
Most men don't grow up in a very emotionally expressive environment.
As you're probably aware - or maybe not - men grow up in a social climate that frowns upon emotional expression.
Guys are a bit unforgiving about this little hangup.
And NO, it won't make sense to you - not any more than women constantly checking out their butts in the reflections of store windows.
(We find that just as baffling - ahem.)
So, you might have to just deal with this reality.
He doesn't understand many of his emotions as well, so his expressions of love might feel a bit wonky from time to time.
This one goes hand-in-hand with the last one...
Since men don't get a lot of emotional processing time, they often don't fully understand what they're feeling when they feel it. Women can figure it out relatively quickly based on past experience.
But men need some time to process it.
The most important part for you is to not rush him or put words in his mouth when you're talking to him.
Guys feel pressured in emotional conversations with women, and you don't want to lose his feeling of safety by trying to squeeze it out of him. Give him time and space to find his own words...
He might not be experiencing any measurable or significant emotions. Most men don't go through a frequent cycle of emotional ups and downs.
Most of the time, we're at a baseline of ... OKAY.
We don't get too stressed about them. Women tend to experience wider and more frequent cycles of emotions.
And very frequently we men don't think these emotional blips are worth mentioning. Which is another reason he may just not bring it up at all.
Okay, now that we've let that cat out of the bag, let's talk about the 7 Signs He Loves You...
When a guy finds a woman that really brings out his feelings, he sometimes goes crazy on you. He'll want to immerse himself in your life.
He'll want to meet your family and friends...
He'll be interested in your life and hobbies...
He'll want to share as much of his own social circle and friends as he can.
He might even come across as a bit clingy or overboard with his behavior, but it's literally like an intoxication for him.
So the more he's drinking in your presence, the better.
This one can sometimes be tough to spot, because you might not interpret his actions as being focused on you.
Maybe he's trying to fix things for you, or do some stuff around the house. (Men like to SHOW love more than talk about it.)
But with a guy, your happiness is entwined in his.
The instinct to provide AND protect is practically encoded into his DNA. It's what makes him who he is - and a BIG part of what makes him FULFILLED as a MAN.
It's literally painful for a guy when feels that he isn't doing enough for the person he loves.
His focus on you might be hard to spot. But when you do, you'll be amazed at how hard he's working for your love.
When you see him hustle for your approval and affection, you KNOW you've found a keeper.
One of the ways men show they feel for you is how he will do his best to keep you in the loop.
He'll ping you by text letting you know what time he's going to arrive. Or he'll tell you who he's hanging out with.
If you text him and he doesn't respond, he'll also text you back to apologize for the delay.
It might only be 10 or 15 or 45 minutes - not all that long - but he'll send you a message excusing the delay, or explaining it.
He won't want you thinking he's ignoring you or avoiding you. So he'll give you a reason for it.
Like I said before, he's got that sense of urgency. It's the same reason why he's extra careful not to say or do anything that might give you the wrong idea.
He's not about to lose you over a simple miscommunication. To a guy head over heels in love, the thought of NOT being "on the level" with you is unacceptable.
So, he won't do anything to jeopardize his chances of "locking you down".
Guys are funny when it comes to the women they love. He might not say anything to you directly, but you can always figure it out from his actions.
This is why so many woman often misread and misunderstand men.
She expects him to have the same love language as her, but he insists on showing his affections in a way that she doesn't recognize. (See #2 above.)
Guys will be persistent - whether it's getting you out with him - or even when it comes to him nagging you a bit about cleaning up around the house.
It may feel annoying at times, but take it as a sign that you're in his thoughts. And that's the state you want him to be in.
It's when he stops trying that you have the most reason for concern. When he no longer feels that there's something at stake, it also means he's no longer invested in the relationship.
(There is a way to tell for sure if he's in this mindset or not - I'll get to that in a bit...)
One of the ways that a guy WILL tell you right out that he loves you is by saying something to the effect of: "I care about you."
OR: "You're special to me."
Perhaps not in those exact words, but it will sound very much like that.
To the untrained ear it might just make you think he's barely making an emotional statement of any kind, but it's actually a BIG one.
You should take a mental note of any words to that effect. Remember, it's how a guy explains his emotions in a very subtle way.
Deep inside a guy's mind, he's looking for that One Girl who that stands out from others he's dated. And when he's found her, he'll try to get the message across - but he won't spell it out for you, either.
Also, don't expect grandiose poems that would make Keats or Lord Byron shed a tear. Very few men have a way with words.
But if you know what to look for, you'll see a lot more than you imagined...
This is a big one - mostly because women don't realize that men are just naturally selfish with their time. Women will make sacrifices to avoid looking bad to her friends.
Sometimes she'll even make sacrifices because she wanted to offer - but didn't really mean to have to follow through on it.
Guys, on the other hand, don't do this. If we don't want to do something, we won't even offer.
If you're sick for instance, he'll make arrangements to stay with you instead of going out with the boys. He'll make the sacrifice because he wants to demonstrate his feelings.
A guy who's willing to move around huge blocks of time for YOU is a guy in love. He doesn't just do this for anyone - so you're on top of his list if he prioritizes you like this.
Enmeshing is a term that means "weaving together."
At the start of a relationship, a guy is going to stay focused on his own freedom at first. In fact, he'll probably be extremely protective of his liberty.
This is something that makes a man feel more like a MAN.
Whereas a woman feels more feminine with more connections and sharing. This is a key difference between men and women.
Maybe you both find each other in bed watching "Stranger Things" on Netflix.
Or binging on "Game of Thrones" together on the weekends.
Or you eat lunch at the same place on Fridays each week...
This is part of the emotional journey a man goes through before coming to that crucial decision. More importantly, many things in a relationship come down to just "letting them happen" for a guy.
He needs the relationship to unfold organically - as opposed to having it forced on him.
Most of the time we won't make overt romantic statements. So you need to be aware of the subtle changes in a guy's behavior.
These "little" changes are, in fact, the ones that REALLY count. The more we gently let go of our independence and single-ness, the more room we make for the joy of love with you.
Now, you might be in a situation where you're not sure if the man you're with is interested in you. You may have seen a few of these signs and thought he's not sending you the signals you want to see.
Or - as much as I hate to say it - he might not be as emotionally invested in the relationship as before.
So you might be worried that he's falling out of love and pulling away from you...
Look, first of all - don't despair, and DON'T PANIC.
There is a way you can turn things around - and it's by knowing exactly WHERE he is in his emotional journey. Most women underestimate how POWERFUL this skill can be.
But if you can IMMEDIATELY tell where his mind and heart are at, you can prevent your relationship from going off-course ever.
All it takes a simple, solid approach that will help you cut through those "mixed" messages he's giving you. Check out my presentation now and learn the REAL story behind his words and actions...