"I Had A Dream About My Boyfriend Cheating On Me!" - What it REALLY means!
By: Carlos Cavallo
Dreams are a huge part of our lives. I think because it's almost like experiencing a whole different life when you're in a really vivid dream. So when you dream about your boyfriend cheating on you, it's going to stand out!
Scientists say we dream 3 to 5 times each night. And we also dream about 2 hours out of an 8 hour night's sleep. That's a lot of immersion in this dream world.
Why do we dream...?
So when I hear: "I had a dream about my boyfriend cheating on me!" I always want to know two things right away:
"What happened in the dream?" - and
"What's going on in real life?"
What's often interesting is how much I find out that the woman wasn't actually scared he's going to cheat. But now this dream has confused the daylights out of her.
She might have even confronted him about her dream. That doesn't usually go over too well, as you might imagine. Especially if she's so upset by it that she makes it an accusation.
When you first wake up from your dream the first thought that will come into your head is, “Is he cheating on me in real life - or am I making this up!?”
The good news is that just because you dreamed it, that doesn't make it true. You don't have to run off and buy a bunch of dream interpretation books if you had a dream about your boyfriend cheating on you.
Let's start out with Carlos' First Rule of Dream Interpretation:
RULE: NEVER assume your dream is true, real, or somehow a psychic hotline to the cosmos...
Most dreams are like the musings of our subconscious mind. There's an incredible amount of wisdom in there, but that doesn't mean it's telling you "your boyfriend is cheating on you!"
Dreams are metaphors...
Dreams are symbols...
And dreams are stories from your subconscious...
They are NOT predictions! Nothing in them is meant to be literal. Our subconscious can be more direct than this with its messages.
You might just be feeling the common emotions of betrayal, hurt, and anger because of some other situation in your life.
RULE: ALWAYS ask yourself - "Is there a reason I want to believe this dream?"
We have dreams all the time about the most crazy situations.
I had a dream last night where I dreamed I was on board an aircraft carrier. What in the heck does THAT mean?
"I had the craziest dream!"
Well, we could make any number of meanings up about that dream.
It could mean:
I watched a show on aircraft carriers and now I'm fascinated by them...
I have a military fixation that should be looked at by a trained therapist...
I'd like to go visit and tour an aircraft carrier...
It could also mean Absolutely NOTHING
Any one - or ALL - of those meanings could relate to my aircraft carrier dream.
In the same way, your dream about him cheating on you could mean:
He's actually cheating on you (We'll investigate this in a bit)
You're afraid of cheating on HIM...
You're feeling jealous or insecure about the relationship...
Let's take a look at these meanings and see what they say about your relationship as we look into:
"I Had A Dream About My Boyfriend Cheating On Me!" - And What It REALLY Means To You...
The first interpretation is -
MEANING: He's actually cheating on you...
In all but the most extreme situations, yeah it's possible.
But just because it's a possibility doesn't make it true!
After all, it's possible for me to go buy a lottery ticket and win $10 Million in some Powerball... I could be rich and setup for life... sigh. (Don't worry, I'd probably keep writing these articles and helping you with your relationships...)
Yeah, it's possible for me to win the lottery - but also not very likely.
Sorry if I burst your bubble on that one.
Calm your thinking.
So you have to really weigh the evidence against your experience when it comes to whether or not you'll believe that your dream is TRUE or not.
Remember - just because you dreamed it, doesn't make it true!
Ask yourself some questions before you get stirred up into a frenzy:
ASK YOURSELF: Do I have any evidence? Evidence would be something like: He's changed his phone lock code, he's talking/texting a lot more with "someone," his behavior has changed, you've found evidence like clothes, jewelry, etc.
ASK YOURSELF: Does my gut tell me something is wrong? You have to be able to trust your intuition as well. If your gut is giving you a message, you should check it out and see. But if you don't have such a good track record with your gut feeling - or you're prone to anxious and insecure fantasies - you'd do well to really check for some hard evidence first.
ASK YOURSELF: Has someone else brought me evidence he's cheating? If a friend or relative comes to you with some odd questions about your boyfriend, you have to hear them out - no matter how much you might want to dismiss them. If someone comes to you with evidence, consider that they had to think long and hard about bringing that to you!
ASK YOURSELF: Have you had some arguments or conflict recently that could have started you worrying about the foundation of your relationship? Start there first. Dreams tend to reflect our anxieties and concerns back to us. So your dream about your boyfriend cheating on you is probably a message about your own state of uncertainty...
Which brings us to -
"I Had A Dream My Boyfriend Cheated On Me!" MEANING: "You're scared he might cheat..."
This one is pretty obvious. You feel insecure and you project that into your dreams. We've all had an anxiety dream where it's a pretty obvious connection.
You're probably worried that he'll go out and find someone better - or that you're not "enough" for him in some way.
If you dream about this situation frequently, there's a good chance you're worried about your own desirability and attractiveness to your partner.
Take a look into your relationship history...
Have you had a lot of boyfriends that cheated on you?
Do you worry a lot about cheating in general?
Is cheating a really sensitive topic for you?
Are you highly activated by plots of movies with cheating in them?
All of these questions are essential to understanding if you might have a battle scar from other infidelities. If you have this dream often - with different people - there's something very powerful happening in your subconscious.
And you don't want to ignore it!
"I Had A Dream About My Boyfriend Cheating On Me" - POSSIBLE MEANING: "You're scared YOU might cheat..."
Yeah, there's a good chance you might be doing some really interesting transfer of your guilt about being attracted to someone else.
You might have a guy in your life that has you wondering about your relationship. So your dreams start to mix things up by showing you your guilt.
Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. Your subconscious is just asking you to take a look at what you're doing.
Maybe you're still torn between your old relationship and the possibility of a new one that seems more promising. You might also be really aware of how much your partner would be hurt if you were to leave him.
In good times and bad times...
Remember that your dreams are often an expression of your suppressed emotions...
So the EVENT in your dream isn't always what the dream is about. The dream might be about the bigger emotions attached to what's going on in your life in general.
POSSIBLE MEANING: "There's a threat..."
Very often, our insecurities show up as tiny threats in our relationships. Or at least we THINK they're threats. Very often they're just things we didn't notice earlier about their life and lifestyle.
The threat you might be feeling that creates this dream about him cheating on you could be something as simple as a friend or hobby of his that you feel is stealing time you could be spending with him. It can even be a child from another relationship.
He might be working more at his job, and deep down you know he's not attracted to anyone at work. In fact, his job itself could be the "girl" he's cheating on you with in your dreams.
Sometimes it's not that he's stepping out on you with a woman - it could just be something that's getting in between you and him.
POSSIBLE MEANING: "You're still hurt..."
You may have had a previous boyfriend cheat on you and you're just not over it yet.
There's nothing wrong with this. The betrayal of a partner is a very difficult thing to get over. It takes time and effort on your part to heal.
But heal you must!
The only way a healthy relationship with your new boyfriend can emerge is if you get to work on your own trust issues.
The reality is that if you don't work to heal that scar, you will find it hard to keep a man feeling loving and connected. Men are very sensitive when they're not trusted - and this takes a toll on a man's character as well.
When you feel like someone doesn't give you a reasonable amount of trust to start out with, it will shut down the connection in your relationship.
Build trust, intimacy, and connection...
Seek some counseling or therapy to get to the root of the issue and get your trust back online.
It's also a good idea to find a way to contact the person who cheated on you and get some closure. If you're still angry and hurt, it's also very likely that you never got any real sense of closure from the trauma of their betrayal.
Emotions that you bottle up or push down inside will never just go away. We always hope they will, but they don't. In fact, they can actually grow even larger in the dark soil of secrecy.
What To Do If You Had A Dream About Your Boyfriend Cheating On You
So what are some steps you can take if you had this dream and you need to figure out what's going on?
Let's take a look at a few things you can do to either ease your mind, or find out what's REALLY going on:
WHAT TO DO #1: The first thing you should NOT do is to immediately drive over to his house and accuse him.
I'm guessing you probably already know this. But I want to be explicit when I tell you that you have to be careful about making an accusation based on a dream.
What do I do...?
Think about it:
What if you're wrong? That kind of accusation can really harm your partner's trust and connection to you.
What if you're right? That kind of sudden accusation can actually put him into an extreme defensive mode, where he just denies it completely. And then you would have a lot harder work getting him to open up about it later as he has now really invested in his cover-up.
Consider very carefully if you want to risk your relationship on a dream. Yes, there is a possibility that the dream is trying to alert you. But it could also change the nature of your connection if you were to wrongly accuse him.
Something is probably up, but you don't know what. So make sure you follow What To Do #3 below....
WHAT TO DO #2: The next thing you want to do is to go on a hunt...
You want to hunt down all the places in your life where you feel your emotions have been compromised. Any place you may have felt betrayed, hurt, or furious with someone.
An "emotional inventory" will help you see the areas of your life where you might be feeling exposed or raw.
Take a look at your family relationships, your work relationships, and your friendships. See if there are any emotions you may haven't been paying attention to - or burying on purpose.
Sometimes the hints are in the dream itself. You might have a dream where you walk in while he's cheating with someone, but in the dream you can't find that person anywhere as you search. The dream might have been more about you not knowing what was going on with his emotions, and less about the dream of him cheating on you.
Take some time to journal or write down your thoughts and feelings about your primary relationship and see if anything comes up. See if you have some deep doubts or hesitation.
Also, focus on your feelings about your partner.
Work through the negative feelings and thoughts...
Is it possible you just don't trust him?
There will always be times when you're not with him and wondering what he's up to. If you haven't had the time to establish some trust between you, this can trigger some insecurities. And it might also explain some of the feelings about trusting him that you haven't been facing.
Is the relationship on a plateau? Are you worried about him losing interest or being bored with you?
These concerns can also show up in your dreams as him cheating on you.
WHAT TO DO #3: Check with the girls...
One thing you should do is to check in with your girlfriends who also know your boyfriend. They can often pick up on signals and vibes that you might be clueless about.
After all, your eyes are looking out through the lenses of love...
If you tell your close friends that "I had a dream about my boyfriend cheating on me" - that could open the door to them telling you their perceptions of whether it's true or not. Then they can also help you think it through and find out if it's real or imagined.
WHAT TO DO #4: The next thing you should do if you hear yourself saying "I had a dream about my boyfriend cheating on me" is pretty simple - but NOT easy...
You have to talk to him about it.
You may or may not be surprised at how many women are intimidated by the thought of having a deep conversation with their man. Many women find that they secretly fear a man's feelings - or the power of them.
Whatever you think may be going on with him, whether the dream about him cheating is real or imagined, you have to start a conversation with him. Don't get caught up in burying your worries, even if they're probably not true.
The truth will put your mind at ease...
Something is bothering you, and that something needs to see the light of day.
It might involve a difficult conversation with him about some part of your relationship, or how you're feeling about the level of commitment...
It might involve a trip to a relationship therapist to start rebuilding trust, or working out your insecurities that are haunting you...
It might be as simple as just sitting there and just listening to him as he explains what's going on in his heart...
Many women complain that they can't get to a deep conversation with a man, but that's only a deep conversation about his feelings for her. When it comes to the mysterious inner world of a man's inner emotions, many women admit they don't have the nerve to go there.
And honestly, most men don't talk about their feelings with women because of the way he is made to feel when he does try to explain his emotional state. A common complaint of men is that women do not seem to have the patience to let him talk his way down into his feelings.
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