So you're standing there talking (and making flirty eye contact) with that cute guy from marketing over a cup of coffee about the latest episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia." It's right about now that you'd love to know what signs a man is attracted to you at work, right?
Knowing if he's interested would at least help you figure out if you have a good chance with him.
It's only natural to look for a sign of attraction, because no one wants to put themselves out there and be embarrassed when he isn't interested back. It shouldn't really matter, but it does.
The signs are there...
And with so many subtle body language signs he could be giving, you gotta know which signs to pay attention to.
These days, you also have to be aware of all the rules and limits about romance in the workplace, too. You don't want to invite his interest and then get in trouble over it later.
Before we cover the signs a man is attracted to you, let me help you stay out of trouble with a few rules up front:
Rule #1: Remember - Keep It SECRET!
Seriously - you'll be really tempted to let all your girlfriends know about your little taboo coupling with this guy (if it develops, of course.) But don't talk about it!
First of all, if it doesn't work out, you won't have risked your reputation or your job. This is a very real risk...
Second, if there are other people who are more ambitious (and less scrupulous) at your workplace, you'll find yourself in a bit of a scandal...
Take it from a guy who used to date in the work place - you don't want the extra attention. Play it safe!
I dated two women very seriously for several years from previous jobs. And one of these relationships was in an office with only 4 other people! It wasn't easy keeping it a secret, but we had to.
If your romance goes well, eventually one of you can either request a transfer, or leave the company. Though, I won't kid you about how difficult that decision could be.
Loose lips sink ships! Keep your romance where it belongs - between you and him ONLY.
Rule 2: Take it SLOW!
There's no rush here. If anything, you want to be extra cautious about moving forward. Yeah, I know - you want to get this thing from zero to husband in 60 days... just so you can reveal it to everyone and impress them with the man you landed.
Don't give people something to talk about...
But you really have to be a bit more cautious. Especially with all the complications that could happen if things go sour on you.
Plus, you have to be aware that you can have a flirty attraction with someone for a long time before you finally go out on a date with someone. Which makes it easier to jump in faster with that person because you have this huge romantic / sexual charge built up with him.
Go slow... watch for the signs he's not just interested in you, but that he's a stable guy.
Rule 3: Never With The Boss!
I know this one should be common sense, but if there's one thing you should NEVER do it's date your boss, or a subordinate. In fact, it's best if you don't date ANYONE in your same department - even if they're a peer. (And absolutely no workplace romance with a married man!)
If he gets promoted, or YOU get promoted, then you've got extra weirdness.
And let's get real here - how long do you think your coworkers will take to figure this out?
And when power dynamics enter into your romantic relationships, it will cause more problems and complications. It doesn't create a level playing court for you both to develop a real solid relationship.
The truth is that this is one thing to avoid at all costs. No romance is worth messing with your livelihood.
Rule 4: BE COOL!
If things are good or bad between you while dating, be sure to NEVER show it at work. This is a classic mistake that the kids in the workplace make all the time.
But anyone over 30 (and definitely 40!) should never make the mistake of getting emotional in the workplace with - or about - your partner.
First off, it's a sign of immaturity when you can't control your emotions. If management was on-the-fence about you dating this person, they'll change their mind super-fast if you - or him - turn out to be the kind of person that can't control their feelings in the workplace.
This is why you also have to make sure you never date a guy who isn't also able to control himself emotionally. It could get really embarrassing later on for you both.
Clear Sign #1 He's Physically Attracted To You At Work: He's locked on...
When it comes to signals that a man is interested in you, nothing is as important as eye contact.
You may know this intuitively, but you might not remember why. You see, over hundreds of thousands of years of there being men and women on this planet, Mother Nature has made sure that guys developed very keen eyesight.
But one thing men are exceptional at figuring out is if you're an attractive prospect for a mate. AND - when a guy sees a woman he thinks is a sexual "contender" - he is spellbound. Men are literally turned into complete robots when he sees a woman that makes him feel that "yeah, baby!" physical attraction.
It shuts down our usual bravado and makes us slaves to your beguiling beauty.
If you see this guy can't take his eyes off you as he's talking to you, it's an obvious sign he's interested in you. Especially if he's doing something that requires his attention, like clearing a printer jam, or making some coffee.
Sign #2 You've Got His Attention: He Asks About Non-Work Stuff...
This one is pretty simple, but often overlooked. When you're at work, the primary topic of conversation is ... work.
But if he's curious about your life outside of work, that is a clear sign he's thinking about you when you're not there with him.
It's more than office gossip...
It's how men start asking about YOU as a person to develop some rapport and connection. It's not subtle, but it works.
After all, if he keeps talking about work related stuff like projects and meetings, he'll never get that personal connection going. And if he will only talk about work with you, that's all he's interested in.
But when he starts wondering about your weekends and free time, that's a definite signal that he's interested and looking for a way to get together with you off the clock.
Sign #3 He's Interested: He's Normally A Shy Guy...
When a guy who is normally quiet and reserved starts flirting and talking with you, this is a really good sign that he's feeling attracted to you.
A lot of guys get nervous around women, sure. But for a shy guy to actually chat up a female co-worker takes a LOT more motivation. Which also tells you just how into you he is.
If he's pretty awkward around you, that's also another indication that he's venturing out of his comfort zone with you. When we don't want to "mess it up" with someone, we often get awkward and goofy in social situations.
All kinds of weird, quirky behavior shows up in otherwise normal guys when they have to face up to being the guy to step up and make something happen.
And awkward behavior is always a clear sign of interest - and that you're on his mind...
Sign #4 You're On His Radar: Enter The Green Dragon...
One of the telltale signs of a guy being interested in you is when he gets jealous of other guys in your life.
If you casually mention a man's name, you'll sense that his interest changes in tone. He'll suddenly have a very concerned edge - and that's a good thing. He's basically saying that he wants that special spot in your heart.
He may even ask you questions about this "other guy in your life" with a cautious tone.
"Oh? Whose that guy? Your boyfriend?"
"Wait, you were hanging out with Jerry? From Accounting? The guy with the bad ties and smelly cologne?"
Or he gets really quiet when you mention some guy that is NOT him...
Jealousy may not be attractive, but it sure is obvious when it shows up in the room with you. You'll get the clear sense that his mood and interest has changed, and there might be an edge of defensiveness.
He might even sulk a little. (Hey, no one said guys were above some immature emotional reactions.)
Deep inside he's trying to plan a way into a long-term relationship with you. He wants you as his partner in crime...
Sign #5 He Wants To Be Your Best Man: The Nonverbals Show Up...
When a guy starts having a bunch of nonverbal reactions to you, you can bet he's trying to contain his attraction for you.
Watch his body language.
Some of the distinct nonverbal signals you might encounter are:
Blushing - it's an involuntary response of heightened social sensitivity. One of the best indications of his interest...
Making strong eye contact...
Exaggerated laughter and body gestures - sometimes bad jokes. He's probably intimidated by you, which only adds to the dynamic of awkward energy...
Leaning in and staying just a bit closer than a "friend" might...
Preening - straightening his clothes, hair, etc...
Sweaty - Yeah, some guys sweat profusely when they are around a woman they are attracted to. I had a guy I coached many years back that had to carry (I'm not kidding) a sponge with him to sop up his sweaty palms and neck through two hours of a date...
Fumbling - Nervousness shows up as a certain amount of clumsiness. So watch out if there are hot liquids involved...
There are tons more, of course - but the most important thing is catching a few different ones happening at about the same time. This is what I call a "flirt flood."
It happens when a guy is overcome with his physical desire for you and subconsciously acts out to relieve the tension he's experiencing inside his body. All guys go through this, but few women know what this situation is all about.
Sometimes these nonverbal signals might even contradict each other, which is what's so confusing if you don't know what to look for.
Trust your gut : You'll get a distinct sense of emotional / sexual charge coming from him.
Sign #6 He's Shopping For Your Heart: He's "DTF" - Down To Flirt...
Flirting is usually one of the most obvious signs to look out for that he's interested in asking you out.
Of course, KNOWING when a guy is flirting with you is often more difficult, because guys tend to carry a kind of relaxed attitude in general. It's sometimes hard to tell if his idea of flirting is really him trying to connect with you like that.
Generally speaking, if a guy is talking to you, he's flirting with you. It's a simple fact of conversation with a guy.
But at work, this can be trickier because you don't really know if he's telling you about a project meeting because A) he wants to be sure you don't miss it - or B) he doesn't want to miss you there.
So again, just watch for PATTERNS in his behavior. If he only chats you up once and doesn't show up around you for weeks, it's probably just work.
But if he shows up more than once - and you notice, there's a good chance it means something.
Sign #7 He's Looking To Connect: He's Looking For Any Excuse To Talk To You...
Another one of the obvious signs he's romantically interested in you is when a guy goes out of his way to get into conversations with you.
Guys make excuses to talk by using questions. So watch out for when he asks a random question that seems strange.
HIM: "Hey, you ever see the show 'Bob's Burgers'?"
YOU: "Uh, no, I don't think so."
HIM: "Yeah, right. Uh, just curious."
Another good sign is when he shows up wherever you are on a regular schedule to talk. For instance, every day after lunch, or first thing in the morning.
Sometimes you might even get confused, because he's been up to this behavior for a while, but still hasn't asked you out yet.
This is often the case in the workplace because:
A) He's concerned about appearances and the possibility of harassment charges... (he wants to be REALLYreally sure)
B) He's still working up his courage to bust a move...
So if you're wondering if he really is attracted to you because he hasn't yet initiated something, don't be fooled. Plenty of guys are terrified of rejection. And that means they'll want to establish your interest is iron-clad before he takes a chance.
Sign #8 He's Got Eyes For You: He Helps You With Your Work...
Guys are very drawn to help women that they have a personal interest in. It's the way he "proves" himself to you.
He's helpful and generous with his time.
Think of it like the fairy tales of old. The Fair Maiden or Princess would give her suitors a quest to prove their desire for her. If this knight went out and slays a dragon for her, she's going to know he's got what it takes to protect her.
Well, the truth is that most guys will start giving themselves a few tasks to prove their competence and strength. In the workplace, this means he might find a way to pitch in and help you out. He might volunteer to help you move to your new desk. Or he might offer to help you with some research, or some grunt work.
If you politely refuse, but he keeps coming back to offer again, he's a stand-up guy. And he might be worth another look...
Sign #9 He's Got The Hots For You: "Hey There, Pumpkin..."
If there's one thing that shows you he has a lot of attraction for you, it when a guy starts coming up with pet names for you in the workplace.
Maybe this guy is in the Information Technology department, and he comes over to fix a problem on your workstation. He finds a bunch of music from a 90s boy band on your computer - and from then on he calls you "Miss N'sync" or "Backstreet Girl."
It can make you roll your eyes after a while of hearing it - but don't let it annoy you. Just realize that he's trying to find a way to flirt. Plain and simple...
Nicknames are also a shortcut to familiarity. He wants to be on that "close connection" level with you.
Of course his nicknames should never be mean-spirited, insulting, or hurtful. Most of the time they are just a way to joke with you and get you to smile, so don't mind it too much.
Which brings me to -
Sign #10 This Is Romantic: He Will Tease - But Not In A Mean Way...
One of the standard ways that kids would handle their interest in someone else at the playground is by using teasing.
Friendly teasing is just a sign of interest from a guy who might not have the best romantic socialization skills. Hey, not many guys do. We don't know how to talk with finesse, so we often resort to some pretty childish communication strategies.
But you know what? Teasing is just another way of showing that interest in you - if you know what to look for.
When I was around 8-10 years old, a couple of the local girls would make fun of me, calling me names. I was pretty clueless about this, until my friend informed me that these girls actually liked me.
"But why do they call me names if they like me?" I asked.
"Uh.. girls." was his answer. As if that one word "girls" just said it all.
And that may have even sparked some of my desire to be a dating advice expert later in life. Who knows?
Little did I know how that social dynamic worked, where a girl would not actually tell you directly that she was interested - but instead made fun of you. (Man, love is confusing sometimes, isn't it?)
Most women grow out of that kind of behavior, but the fact is that many guys do not. We don't develop better ways to communicate our interest in a girl for many years.
So he will probably find his own ways of teasing and playing that old playground gambit of "tease her to avoid being vulnerable."
It's an old game, and lots of people (of all ages) play it every day...
Sign #11 He's Under Your Spell: He's Got The Deets...
When a guy starts keeping track of the details about you, you can generally assume he's paying attention to you because he's into you. Guys don't store away facts on anyone unless they've got a personal interest in them.
He's paying attention...
You might find that he remembers important dates, like your birthday.
(Don't worry - that memory will fade when he gets into a relationship with you )
Or he's remembering things that are happening in your life, like starting school at night, or vacations.
Or that you're picking up your new car this week...
The point is that he's keeping track of you because you're important to him. And by keeping track of these things, he wants to prove that he'd be a good addition to your life.
Another way he has the details is when he's the first person to spot a change about you. He might notice a new accessory, or bit of jewelry, or even a piece of clothing. He'll point it out and you'll think "My what sharp eyes you have!"
Well, obviously the reason he spots these things so quickly is that he's mentally cataloging you. He's watching you, thinking about you, and remembering these details.
Now, don't get all weirded out that he's going to turn into some kind of stalker. (That's actually very rare in the real world - meaning: not Hollywood.)
We've all become fascinated with a person to the point where we catch ourselves going a little overboard and have to pull back. Or a friend points it out and we realize we may be going a bit too far with our obsessive attention.
But that's the power of obsession in a man's brain. It can drive him to want to chase you relentlessly - until he can sweep you off your feet.
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