TALKING TRASH: Are you a Diva? And Why Do You Hate Relationships So Much?
TALKING TRASH: Are you a bit of a Diva? And Do You Hate Relationships?
Some women are Divas. It’s just going to be that way.
What’s a Diva, you ask?
Well some people would classify it by the number of shoes you have….
As in, if you have over 14 pairs of shoes, you might be a Diva.
Or you could ask yourself:
- How often do you check your phone? 3 times a day? 10? 50? Every minute?
- Would you rather spend your weekend in a luxury hotel, or a beachfront bungalow?
- If a server messes up your meal, do you: Politely bring it up to them? Take it out of the tip? Call the manager over?
- How long does it take you to get ready to go out? 5 minutes? 20 Minutes? an hour?
It’s worth taking a look at your attitudes and lifestyle to see if you might be walking that line of “Diva.”
It’s been my experience that a very small percentage of women ARE “Divas.” They simply act like one at different times.
In the same way that most guys aren’t Jerks 24/7, they just act like jerks every so often.
Now, you might be wondering what guys think of Divas. Well, if you assume that:
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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Diva = High maintenance
You’ll understand that it takes a certain kind of guy to deal with these particular demands. And not all guys want to sign up for that kind of work.
The same way you don’t want to have to always work on a man’s commitment and trust issues, right?
So if you think you might have some Diva tendencies, it’s a good idea to tell your man about them… in advance. By giving him a heads-up on your challenging bits, you actually increase the chances that he’ll stick around for them.
It’s called “Inoculation.”
By telling someone about the parts of you that might present a challenge, you actually de-fuse the bomb. Most of the time, we assume the other person is just blowing things out of proportion, and by bringing up a possible concern now, they won’t be caught off guard later.
It also really ramps up the trust and honesty.
I’ve used this strategy myself in relationships, and it really works.
Do You Hate Relationships?
Here are a few reasons you MIGHT hate relationships:
- They’re SUPER exhausting
Sure, if you’re always super sensitive to another persons moods, needs, and disposition, you’re going to be riding their emotional roller coaster all the time. And that can get DAMN tiring.The reality is that if you’re focused on another person this much, there’s a distinct chance that you’re not focused on yourself as much.
Here’s the truth: Relationships are easy IF you choose an easy person.
Someone without a ton of baggage and issues that need to come out every single time you forget to unplug the toaster – or whatever sets them off today.
But if you pick a person who has neurotic needs up the wazoo – just because you don’t want to be alone, or you’ve settled because you were tired of the search – well, you’re going to be getting in line for their ride.
And if you don’t clean up your own stuff, they’ll be getting on your ride, too.
The more you’re catering to another person and trying to control the parts of them that aren’t under your control, the more tired you’ll be in your relationship.
Remember the Serenity Prayer:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
- You feel powerless.
One moment you’re buzzing along fine, the next moment you’re realizing that you’ve given this person power over your emotions. If they’re unhappy and you’re happy, you feel like that’s somehow wrong.Or maybe you just feel that you give this person the ability to lift you up, or throw you in the dumps.
- Fights that never seem to get resolved.
Sure enough, you’re going to run into some tricky interpersonal hurdles in a romantic relationship. And very often you’ll find yourself caught in the spiral around the drain as you argue endlessly about the same junk.”Why don’t you call me more…?””You’re always out with your friends…””Why haven’t you introduced me to your mom…?””I don’t understand why you keep buying all those clothes…”
- They’re SUPER exhausting
Now I know that this all sounds pretty negative… hey, this is the talking trash article of the week, right?
But I want to remind you that these things we HATE about relationships are not caused by relationships.
They’re caused by flawed people trying to figure out how to make romance and love work in the long term.
This is important, because if you start blaming relationships for these things, you’re completely missing the point. They are simply the friction zone of where two people’s “stuff” meets.
And you’ll either get smart and figure out this little puzzle, or you’ll just cry about it all the time…
- – or post really bad comments on youtube articles. (You hear me, “Nora2168“! I’m talking to you, honey…)
The reality is that relationships are where you see all your little crazy moments in vivid technicolor. You’re kinda forced to take a look in the mirror and realize that you can be crazy. Jealous. Insecure.
It’s all in there, waiting to blow up if it’s triggered.
And now… drum roll….
The NUMBER ONE QUESTION ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IS:
How to make long-distance relationships work!
According to Google, king of the search engines, this is the number one question people want to know the answer to.
About 3 million Americans and half of college students were in long-distance relationships as of 2016. That’s kinda crazy if you think about it… But then again that’s only 1 Percent of Americans.
Still, I get this question a LOT.
I think it’s because people are getting into long distance relationships more and more in this age of Internet dating.
But the real question here is –
- Can a long distance relationship work?
- And … HOW?
The truth is that they CAN work…
But they can’t STAY long distance. The relationship MUST evolve – toward resolving that distance and finally getting together.
What I notice in my coaching clients and readers who want to make a long distance relationship work is that either the man or woman are very hesitant about getting into a relationship near them. It could be their own trust issues, or a feeling of desperation.
You have to remember that long distance relationships often SIMULATE attraction and desire, simply because each person is “hard-to-get.” And when you’re not around them, you’ll find yourself pining away for them, fantasizing about being with them.
Which makes you THINK you’re falling in love with them, but you’re really falling in love with the IDEA of them.
I made this mistake myself many years back. I relocated from the East Coast to Kansas City for a relationship that was only a few months along. I ended up moving out within three months.
I realized many years later that I was never in love with her – I was in love with the idea of a new girlfriend. I had just left a 5 year relationship, and really liked the idea of moving away and escaping the memories.
Plus I was avoiding my own stuff inside.
So a long distance relationship CAN work – but it has to have two things happening:
- Completely open communication. Without that, you don’t stand a chance. You have to be open and up front about everything. Even the uncomfortable stuff, like people they may be seeing locally. If you try to sugar coat things and be indirect, you’ll find that it won’t work out…
- A plan to get together. Once you know the relationship is worth pursuing, you have to be actively working on a plan to be together. Don’t listen to people that tell you that a 1000 mile gap is something you can “live with.” There HAS to be a point in your relationship where you are with each other constantly enough to see all their quirks and issues. You do NOT want to do that after you get married…
Only with those two critical elements in place can you possibly make a long distance relationship work out.
And that’s just the foundation of the relationship!
By the way, if you want more information on how to handle a long distance relationship, go check out my program: Complete Commitment.