I was putting some freshly ground beans into my coffee machine this morning when a thought hit me. Surrounded by so much technology, we’ve gotten used to automating the basic stuff in our lives.
Unfortunately, a lot of women make the mistake of applying this “set it and forget it” mentality to things that they shouldn’t.
Take relationships, for instance.
It’s easy to assume that we can just turn a metaphorical dial, set it to “Happiness 24/7” and sit back and relax.
This is especially true in the beginning. When we’re falling in love and our brain is knee-deep in a cocktail of feel-good hormones, it’s easy to feel invincible.
Turning With the Tide
But the truth is that relationships change over time. Women know this, but many of us take it for granted since it feels like nothing could go wrong.
How could this wonderful new person you met be anything short of perfect?
When things are going so well, how could something this good ever go awry?
And like clockwork, we feel blindsided when things start to get tough. When our partner turns out to have just as many quirks and idiosyncrasies as us, the disillusionment sets in.
Then we bury our heads in the sand from denial over the fact that life changes – including the people we love.
But this isn’t the real problem; all couples go through this phase.
The costliest mistake you could make is to believe that things will just work out on their own.
But they won’t, because your relationship doesn’t run on auto-pilot.
The only real way to get out of the inevitable “wake up and smell the coffee” phase is by rolling with the changes in your relationship. Otherwise, you’ll cross the point of no return.
This is where your differences become too unacceptable to move forward. Then, splitting up seems like the only option left.
Growth in Acceptance
But it doesn’t have to be this way. Though it's devastating to leave your relationship to chance, the solution is surprisingly uncomplicated.
Fact is, you’ll need to accept that romance is a temporary phenomenon. Those passionate feelings may come and go, but it only gets better with time.
I know couples who've been together for decades, and they all have one thing in common. They've mastered the art of getting around their differences.
You're not a carbon copy of your partner - no surprise there. You'll eventually clash with him over a hundred different things, big and small.
But the real trick is getting to know where each of you is coming from. What’s the story behind your arguments?
Why did you grow up to feel so strongly about the issues in your relationship?
How do your childhood experiences, past relationships and moral values fit into the big picture?
These are the questions that every woman should tackle with her guy.
It may take months, or even years to fully uncover these things about each other.
But it doesn’t have to be all at once. Like an onion, half of the fun in the relationship is peeling back the layers one at a time.
Even though the process will make you cry sometimes, it’s still worth it. And that’s something you'll never do by believing in the illusion of perpetual perfection.
Speaking of which, reaching a deeper level of understanding is all about making that CONNECTION. But most women don’t know their guy’s connection style, making it twice as hard for them to really “get” each other.
You definitely need to take a look at this if you want to keep your relationship from getting stuck permanently.
Yours In Perfect Passion...
- Carlos Cavallo