Dating can be complicated, but the special arrangement known as Friends With Benefits (a.k.a. FWB/casual sex) is an emotional labyrinth all its own.
For some women, they don’t mind to waking up next to an attractive stranger they met at a party the night before. Having a no-strings-attached situation works for them.
Other women however, didn’t think their FWB experience was all that great - they’ve described it as “getting burned” and said they “felt used.”
But it’s all about perspective, I say. People are simply hardwired to have different needs, so they do what they think that suits them best.
And that begs the question: Do you really stand to benefit from a FWB relationship, or are you better off looking for something long-term?
A Double-Edged Deal
With an FWB setup, the dividing line comes down to its potential for causing either exceptionally high OR low levels of self-esteem and overall well-being.
For one thing, women who are open to hooking up find that the spontaneous casual encounter is just what they need to release pent-up sexual tension. This includes those who came out of a rough breakup or women who are too busy for a long-term relationship.
As far as they’re concerned, they’re getting the sex they want minus the headaches of a regular relationship, like arguing about the position of the toilet seat, remembering anniversaries and so on.
On the other side of the coin, the FWB setup can also put a lot of stress on both parties involved, specifically when they try to hash out their feelings about their relationship or where it’s headed.
For some people, getting into the whole “Where is this going?” discussion raises the stakes of what was supposed to be a low-stakes arrangement.
Then there’s the ultimate litmus test of being casual: being cool when your friend with benefits is also seeing someone else.
A lot of women thought they could handle an open arrangement until they find out there’s another “beneficiary” in the picture.
How To Know For Sure
Ok, so it’s time for a little soul-searching to settle this matter. The most important thing you should ask yourself is whether or not you’ll actually enjoy this arrangement.
At some point down the road, being noncommittal to a certain person might start to feel like a chore rather than something to look forward to. If this applies to you, then you’re probably not meant to be in a FWB setup with a guy.
But maybe you haven’t crossed the FWB line yet, and you’re still curious about the possibility...
If your cultural upbringing (or some other aspect of your personal background) is causing you to have second thoughts about casual sex (e.g. possible feelings of post-hookup guilt), you’re likely not to get a whole lot out of it.
Also, if he’s making you wonder what it would be like to have him in your life indefinitely, it could mean you’re not interested in just having sex with this person.
Be honest with yourself – if you’re starting to see him as more than just a casual friend in your heart of hearts, you need to be upfront with your guy.
As early as possible, lay down your expectations on the table. If the hookup doesn’t materialize because you wanted different things, then it’s probably all for the best.
In the end, I can’t tell you whether or not going down this road is good for you.
There are a million factors involved with how you’d fare with a casual sex setup - mainly because you have a unique set of values, principles and sexual needs.
Once you’ve given yourself a chance for some introspection, you can make a clear decision about hooking up with a guy...or not.
But if it’s something long-term you want, all you need to do is uncover the one key to connecting with a guy.
It’s his Connection Style, and learning about it will yield plenty of benefits like keeping him from pulling away and committing to you for good.
If you've ever had a relationship that was rocky, and sometimes downright difficult, you may wonder why does he keep coming back? Is he half interested? Is he just using me? What the heck is going on? This can really drive you nuts because you feel like you have a good relationship. It's especially confusing […]
Sometimes your guy friends might make you scratch your head. They act a little bit flirty, or maybe hold eye contact a little too long, and you start to wonder “Does my guy friend like me?” The truth is, many men try this tactic for working (sometimes weaseling) their way into a woman's heart. For […]
Over the long hard Road of Romance, there's a good chance you've probably found a guy that wasn't ready to show you how much he wanted to be with you. You know you have to open his heart to you, and all you want to know is how to win a guy over. And you'd […]
Some women believe that men try to push their buttons. The truth however, it's exactly the opposite. If you're wondering “Why is he trying to make me jealous?” - then this article should help you understand him better. And I will also explain what to do if he is trying to make you jealous. Jealousy […]
This is one of those things that I think every woman wants to know: How men test women. But first I have to set the record straight on something right off the bat: Men don't intentionally test women...! Now you might find that a little bit hard to believe. After all, a lot of men's […]
In today's dating world, it's hard to know if a man truly feels for you. You may find yourself looking for signs he cares about you quite often. The trickiest part is knowing for sure. We all want guarantees when it comes to relationships - especially when we're in love. But even more important, you […]
If you're like most women who have been in a relationship for more than six months, you may start to wonder how to get a man to marry you. After all, marriage is the goal of a committed relationship. There are 4 big steps in any relationship: The first date The first sleepover Becoming "exclusive" […]
What makes a man decide to leave his wife — What makes a man leave his wife for another woman? As a coach and counselor for women on dating and relationships, I often run into situations where a marriage has ended. And there's always the question about what makes a man leave his wife like […]
Wouldn't it be great if there were secret signals that a guy likes you? Are there signs he's secretly in love with you? Well, the answer to that question is yes. No secret there. And I'm going to cover some of those secret signs here for you. The guy you're curious about might be working […]
When you meet a guy or just want to start up a relationship with a man these days, you need to know how to start a conversation over text. Luckily, this isn't hard to do if you know what he is looking for. Sometimes it's hard to come up with the right thing to say, […]