Beauty is - as they say - in the eyes of the beholder...
HOWEVER - Men behold in very similar ways. We're fairly consistent in what we find beautiful in a woman.
This is good for you in some ways because it allows you to not have to worry what different guys are looking for. Sure, we have some things that vary, but by and large most of what a man wants in a woman is easy to outline.
And that's what we're going to do here today!
So let's start with a very brief definition of "beautiful woman" - at least as men see it:
Beauty is appearance - meaning that you don't have to win the genetic lottery, but you want to maximize your appearance. Your clothes, makeup, and style...
Beauty is your "vibe" - where you feel like a cool, fun person to hang out with...
Beauty is your inner goodness - where we can sense that you have a big heart and a loving way about you...
Keep in mind that men may have different "tastes" in women, but those differences go right out the window when we find a woman that "does it" for us.
Blonde? Brunette? Blue or brown?
In other words, you don't care if a guy says he's into blondes and you're a brunette. (That "blonde" thing is WAY overrated, btw.)
If you've got a pulse, and you know my strategies, it doesn't matter what a man SAYS his "type" is. When we meet a woman that wows us, we'll make up a thousand-and-one excuses as to why we're dating you.
We all do that - it's called "confabulation." It's how women justify buying $300 pairs of shoes, and men justify 90 inch flat screen televisions.
It's called RATIONALIZATION - and we ALL do it!
Do guys prefer blondes?
Not really. Just some guys.
Does it matter if you have brown eyes instead of blue?
Your ATTITUDE overrides 90% of all physical attributes.
So with that in mind - I'm not going to tell you what shade of lipstick or clothes to wear. That's the kind of thinking that got you into this mess.
Right now you need to hear what men find beautiful in a woman - the stuff no man (except me) would tell you!
What He Finds Beautiful - #1: Mature Appearance
Thankfully, there are a lot of studies performed on what each gender finds attractive in the other. We're always interested in finding out more about what the opposite sex want from us.
One discovery was that men prefer women who "dress mature."
This doesn't mean you want to make yourself look like an old politician or anything. What the results say are that men like women that look like they've evolved beyond their teenage dress-up years.
This means that the "dress like you're partying in Vegas" crowd is really missing it when it comes to how to attract men. Guys only like women to dressy slutty when they're thinking ... well, kinda slutty.
Otherwise, he wants a woman that is confident enough to dress like an adult.
What Men Find Beautiful - #2: Chuckles
If you were to ask a woman what she finds attractive in a guy, a sense of humor usually is right up there, right next to "confidence." This is no surprise, I'm sure.
But something you might not know is that it's also one of the top traits on a man's list, too.
Why is this?
Well try these on -
A sense of humor shows a relaxed approach to life. If you're able to joke and have fun, that shows you're not going to be a structured, dull person...
You're a survivor - Evolutionary psychologists believe that the relaxed attitude indicated by humor also shows that you have more flexibility and capability to survive in the world. I'd have to agree with this one based on my own experience...
You're probably fun to hang out with. If you've got a sense of humor, you're going to be more fun to just chill with. It means you won't be so SERIOUS about everything that you can't have a bit of fun...
But what turns out to be even MORE important than your own sense of humor is your capacity to appreciate HIS humor.
That's right, even more important than how funny you are is how funny you think HE is. If you appreciate his sense of humor, he's going to find you a LOT more interesting and attractive.
Which should tell you something about why you may click with certain guys more than others.
This Is Beauty - #3: Risky Business
Again, here's a trait that women find attractive in men as well, only in a slightly different flavor.
Men are just plain attracted to women who have a sense of adventure about them.
In several studies, they found that when women were willing to take risks that were similar to what our ancestors would have experienced, men were very turned on. Outdoor activities, like skiing, rock climbing, hiking, rafting were all considered attractive to men.
This behavior doesn't extend to risky behavior in a modern context, like reckless driving or drugs, however.
So if you can step out of your norm and do something a little "risky," you'll really active him. And the best part is that these days you don't have to really risk any injury or harm.
Beautiful Trait - #4: Coolness...
Here's the raw truth: Looks matter.
Duh, of course a man is going to start out with interest based in what he can see. That's all he's got to work with at first.
BUT in studies where a woman's traits are listed with her appearance, the playing field gets much more fair. Men select a wider range of appearances and body styles when they know what the woman is like on the inside.
Personality is a huge factor in attractiveness that many women neglect to maximize.
Which is how many men immediately sift out the women they don't want to date.
A guy will see a woman that puts a huge amount of energy into looking good and immediately disqualify her. He'll think - "high maintenance!"
And he'd probably be right...
How cool you are is something that is subjective - to a degree. But you need to focus at least50% of your energy on making your personality shine as much as those lips. You'll find that men aren't nearly as "superficial" as you might have assumed.
Oh, and a big hint here about humor overall: Men are looking for women that have a positive attitude towards life.
That's one of the most important "cool traits" I can tell you.
What A Guy Finds Beautiful - #5: The Good Mother...
One of my favorite quotes is also one of the most commonly repeated - from Dr. Martin Luther King's "I have a Dream" speech:
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”
As it turns out, this is more of a reality for how men look to find a mate than you might know!
You see, a man is always scanning a woman - checking to see if she aligns with what he knows will be a good mother to his kids.
You probably didn't realize how focused men are on this, but we are. It's not something we'll tell you about in words, either. We'll just trust our gut when it comes to making that decision.
We're not going to sit you down and tell you what we're looking for, because that would be cheating in a way. We'll just watch and see what the content of your character is.
What He Finds Beautiful - #6: No Drama...
Some women just seem to drag a huge cloud of drama with them like a cloud of dust in a tornado. You may have heard before that this is really unattractive to a guy.
What do men consider "drama"?
When real life looks like a regular soap opera...
Unnecessary gossip for the sake of gossip. Yeah, we understand there's intrigue in who's doing what to whom... but men don't really care for this - in conversation or in life...
Cattiness. If you're going to put down other people based on superficial criteria, count us out...
Passive Aggressive behaviors. Men are - unfortunately - used to women who won't speak their mind directly. It's one of the qualities we also least appreciate from women. Don't expect men to be responsive to "hinting."
I could probably go on and on about drama all day.
The easiest way to decide if you're "into drama" or not is to notice how you deal with the everyday emotions and situations that come up. If you have a tendency to push away negative experiences, avoid difficult emotions, etc., you could wind up building your emotional energy until it bursts.
You have to be able to recognize and deal with serious emotions as they come up, or you could end up riding the roller coaster of being an emotional drama queen.
What He Finds Beautiful - #7: Do We Connect...?
Ultimately, men need to feel like they will be able to CONNECT with you to fall in love with you. That's the key critical factor in what makes a woman beautiful to us: How connected do we feel to her.
Because men have a lower capacity to connect verbally, we are very guarded and careful around women.
"Men instinctively know that we do not have the same capacity or skills around emotional conversations..." - Carlos Cavallo
So connection is a much more delicate operation for a guy.
Men will be very cautious about revealing themselves to you and being vulnerable.
In fact, many women are completely shocked to discover that men have a strategy for connection. What we do is wait and watch and observe.
While women talk out what they're thinking and feeling, men are doing this work on the inside. Out of sight.
Which is why many women are so desperate to know what he's thinking and feeling.
For one, he's quiet and contained. This makes a woman nervous because she doesn't know what's going on in there...
For another, she also knows that there's a lot of important work going on in a guy's head as he makes up his mind about her...
Let's put it this way:
"It's very rare that silence will make a women feel MORE safe and secure in her relationship..."
And as I said - ATTITUDE far outweighs most physical attributes.
And the attitude of CONNECTION is what he wants most...
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