What Men Really Think About Commitment
You already know that a lot of men avoid this topic like the plague. Not only that, you’ve probably heard one story or another of a guy bailing out upon hearing the dreaded C-word.
Guys get a bad rap for this, but the real issue goes beyond the stereotype about men and commitment.
On the contrary, guys are perfectly capable of committing when they want to.
But the problem is that women don’t really know what goes on in a guy’s head or what makes him decide to commit.
If you’re wondering what it really takes to make him take that leap of faith with you, here’s what you need to know:
#1: “I can commit as long as it doesn’t hold me back from my other goals in life.”
The case with a lot of men is that they want to check off a good bulk of their life goals while they’re still relatively young. Most guys are unconsciously taught at an early age to equate their self-worth with success.
This is why achievement-driven men like to quantify their success with tangible stuff, such as the car they drive or how much they earn.
It’s not so much about acquiring material things as it is about having concrete signposts of what they’ve achieved.
So what you can learn from this is that men place importance on making a name for themselves, paying their dues or whatever else you want to call it.
Sure, a guy also wants to have someone he can grow old with, raise a family and eventually settle down.
However, a lot of women don’t appreciate the fact that a man’s desire to succeed and have a relationship should peacefully co-exist.
In other words, commitment is easy to a guy – provided that he feels his relationship isn’t keeping him from reaching his full potential.
#2: “Commitment is awesome if it doesn’t mean the end of my freedom.”
Most men perceive emotional immaturity as a threat to their goals, and this is the biggest reason why men choose not to commit.
If a guy feels “crowded” by a woman’s behavior, he’ll see it as a red flag.
In the back of his head he’s thinking, “Is she going to bombard me with a thousand calls and texts every day? Or is she going to be cool and keep living her life once we start dating?”
I hate to bring up the N-word (“needy”), but it really is one of the most notorious relationship killers out there.
Nothing turns off a guy’s attraction switches faster than an attitude that says, “I am so in love with you that I want to spend every waking moment together, so you should drop everything else for the sake of this beautiful relationship.”
And naturally, a lack of attraction means zero desire to commit. That said, don’t underestimate the importance of keeping your life balanced.
If there’s one thing you should know about men – the rational ones, anyway – it’s that they DON’T want to be the center of your universe.
And that brings us to the most important point…
#3: “I don’t want to be pressured into commitment. I’d rather chase a girl who isn’t available ALL of the time.”
Ok, so men don’t consciously think like that, but deep inside they want to commit to someone who knows how to: a) back off a bit, and b) let the relationship breathe from time to time.
They’d rather that you continue seeing your other friends, go to your gym class, have a kickass career, and keep doing all that other stuff that makes you the fun, interesting woman that you are.
So go ahead – turn him down every once in a while to recharge your batteries, so to speak.
He may not be 100% ok with it at first, but in the long run, he’ll love that you’re giving yourselves a chance to do something as individuals.
Love and commitment doesn’t mean being attached at the hip – it’s about growing together AND separately at the same time.
Men won’t tell you this (because most of us aren’t even aware of it), but we have this weird complex about pursuing women.
If a guy likes a girl, he’ll do everything to “lock her down” as soon as possible.
But if she “gives up” too easily (e.g. sleeping with him too soon without “earning it”, having the “relationship talk” right away, having no life outside of the relationship), he will, oddly enough, lose interest – or even back away.
It’s simple – guys are programmed to want what they can’t have. Back off a bit, and let him come your way.
When you focus on being a great gal to hang out with, he’ll want to commit because he won’t feel obligated to do it.
Speaking of other stuff you might not know about men, I discovered that every guy has his own Connection Style. I’ve found that knowing this is the quickest way to make any man commit with NO pressure involved.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
– Carlos Cavallo