What To Do When He Doesn’t Text Back – 7 Texting Tips
So here’s What You Do When Your Guy Won’t Text You Back…
Ever had a guy “go dark” on you?
One minute you’re chatting away, texting, having a flirty little party on your phone…
The next minute –
After a few minutes of radio silence, you feel like responding right away with “YO! Dude? You there?” But you know that sounds desperate, so you wait some more.
But still… nothing.
WTF? Is this guy in some kind of witness protection program?
First of all, it always feel like you’re the “loser” when a guy pulls this stunt on you. You feel a bit “played” when you don’t get the response you desire from it.
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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That, and the fact that you’ve probably built up some importance to these interactions. And it often hits hard when a guy doesn’t text you back.
Why do guys do this?
Well, I’m going to enlighten you a bit today about why men do this weird little dance with you. Then they disappear.
But first, a couple rules about texting guys – and these are critical for your sanity:
TEXTING RULE 1: Guys don’t think texts are all that “important…”
As a general rule, most guys don’t place the same level of emotional importance on a text conversation that a woman does.
To a guy, texting is just another electronic back-and-forth – like email. Unless there’s something being discussed about meeting up or some logistics, he’s not going to feel an obligation to respond to you.
So remember how guys view texting before you get all caught up in the heat of the moment. YOU may think this interaction means something – but he probably doesn’t. It’s just trivial fun he’s having on the side.
“A man doesn’t consider texting REAL communication. That’s why you MUST get in person with him…” – Carlos Cavallo
TEXTING RULE 2: Guys don’t know how important you think the interaction is…
Because of Rule 1 above, you now know that guys don’t consider texts all that significant.
AND he’s also not aware of just how much importance YOU put on texting. He just assumes you think of it as some harmless distracting fun on the side.
- A man doesn’t think he’s “disrespecting” you by not replying…
- A man doesn’t see it as ignoring you if he doesn’t reply…
- A man doesn’t think he’s hurting your feelings if he just “disappears…”
I know – it seems crazy that he doesn’t see the world the same way you do – but this is also true in the other direction.
So don’t assume that he’s doing this on purpose to hurt you in some way. He has no idea that you care as much as you do about this texting session. Or the next one…
And really quick – here are a few DON’Ts for you – because avoiding mistakes is most of the battle in keeping him interested…
DON’T Do This When He Stops Texting You: Don’t freak…
So he didn’t reply to you… Don’t panic.
Look, chances are he got interrupted when the texting began, and now you’re left hanging. It was bad luck of the draw.
Just breathe, have a sip of wine, and call up a girlfriend who you can decompress with.
Or have her talk you off the ledge…
But the most important thing is to have full control over your emotions and not let yourself get drawn into reacting and doing something you might regret.
(Again, if you haven’t seen it, you should watch the movie “Swingers” – and especially the scene where the guy loses control calling the girl he just met. I’ve done the exact same thing – and it really leaves you feeling gross inside.)
DON’T Do This When He Stops Texting You: Don’t cling to the conversation…
If more than 30 minutes goes by, you have to let that text conversation go – like two ships passing in the night.
If you’re clinging to that texting session, there’s some validation or seeking that you’re doing. And if you push too hard, it will look desperate to him. Especially in light of The Texting Rules I gave you above.
Don’t text again asking if he got your message….
Don’t give him a follow up call…
And don’t – under any circumstances – send him any variation of, “Why aren’t you replying?? Don’t you like me anymore??”
DON’T Do This When He Stops Texting You: Don’t Assume The Worst…
Don’t assume he’s suddenly lost interest in you in the space of 5 minutes. That’s insecurity talking.
He may not be “testing” you directly, but he is watching to see how you react to these things. So you want to be cool, and show him how ‘put together’ and stable you are.
Okay, now let’s talk about what to DO when a guy won’t text you…
When He Won’t Text You – DO THIS: Keep Your Clown…
The best way to handle any potentially awkward social/romantic situation like this is to keep your sense of humor.
And even better – use it on him!
When a guy drops the ball on your texting conversation, the best thing you can do is to tease him a little bit with a humorous response.
Something like this is good:
“Oh no! He’s gone dark, Captain… should we send in a rescue team?”
Be playful with him, and do your best to communicate that you don’t really care if you do hear back from him. Yes, even if you do.
People are not attracted to people who need us too much.
Just use your wit. And remember that your ultimate ally in dating and relationships will always be your sense of humor.
When He Won’t Text You – DO THIS: Assume He’s Just Distracted…
Look, honey, it’s not personal. Even when it’s personal, it’s not really personal.
Until a man knows you for at least a couple months, there’s no way even a flat out rejection can be personal… because he doesn’t know enough about YOU to get personal!
So the best thing you can do is to assume he just got called by his mom, or his sister, or his buddy from college, and he is completely oblivious to the text message you just left him.
Rest assured, when he checks in again, he’ll probably reply to your message. Until then, don’t assume the wrong thing. The only thing you can assume is that you don’t know enough to make a decision.
When He Won’t Text You – DO THIS: Pull the Plug FIRST…
When you sense that the energy is winding down in your interaction, you can be the one to pull away first. And I encourage you – as the demure, valuable woman – to do just that.
You do this in one of two ways:
- Tell him you gotta go…
- You Quit First…
Number 1 is simple – you just cut it off first.
Just send this text: “Hey, gotta run… talk to you later…”
And no matter what he texts you in return, you just put your phone away and ignore it for at least 15-30 minutes.
Yes, it is possible to ignore your phone.
Number 2 is also pretty simple – you just stop responding to him. Without explanation.
Hey, he does it to you, honey!
You have every right to just ignore a text conversation at any moment. No, it’s not disrespectful, and no, you won’t be a heartless wench for doing it.
Look, ideally you should have such a busy lifestyle that you’re busy texting MANY different people. That way you don’t have to ACT busy when you’re not. You will simply miss calls and texts because you’re out having fun.
And if that’s not the case, you might want to look at what is most important to you. I’ve seen a lot of women that focus more on giving the IMPRESSION of a busy life than they actually focus on HAVING one.
When He Won’t Text You – DO THIS: Remember Your Stock Price…
Before you get caught up in getting focused on something you think you might be losing – remember what it feels like to be the prize.
Too often, we get caught up in thinking of ourselves as inadequate, and we start the negative dialogue in our heads – all because we start DOUBTING. That’s all it takes, and we’re off to the insecurity mall for a crazy spree.
Hey, I’ve been there before. Nothing freaks you out like being ignored.
So you have to constantly remind yourself of your value in the dating marketplace.
Keep a little journal or book to refer to with affirmations, or just things people have said about you that help you remember your strength and power in the world. Refer to it in these moments of possible weakness.
When He Won’t Text You – DO THIS: Wait 48 hours…
I have a general rule of waiting 2 days before you reach out to a guy who disappears on you.
- It shows that you’re not the kind of woman that will freak out and drown him in needy followup texts…
- It gives him time to breathe – and time to MISS you…
And while you’re waiting to reconnect with him – re-read your last text exchange.
See if you think he might have interpreted your last text as not needing a response. That happens way more frequently than you might think!
And remember this about a man’s interest: It doesn’t disappear all that quickly.
There seems to be a certain amount of confusion in many of the women I’ve coached and mentored, that guys will just suddenly lose interest out of the blue.
And I get where it comes from – when you’ve had that experience of a guy just growing cold and distant on you right when you thought things were going well.
Well, there’s more to it than this….
There’s a reason men grow cold and distant, and it’s connected to how men choose which woman they will devote themselves to.
If you want to know why men pull away and grow distant, get my free ebook –
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