Dating Advice Guru - Relationship advice

Why Don't Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

By: Carlos Cavallo

If there's one thing I know, it's that women love to learn why men do the things they do.

After all, having a window into a man's world tells you all the things you want to know.

And it might even give away the clues you need to not only get him to do what you want him to do, but also create a better relationship.

This time, I want to explore the reasons men DON'T do what you might like him to do - instead of why he does certain things. I think this will give you a different insight into a man's thinking.

man brain Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

Knowing what holds a guy back is really important, because you'll also learn a little about how men are being culturally disabled.

(Yes, you read that right. Disabled - and they need to step up and rehab themselves!)

So let's jump right in with:

Secret 1: "Why don't men text me back?"

First of all, I have to make sure this is clear: Texting is not a way to get to know someone.

Texting is for, “I’m on my way” or “I’m running late,” not for, “What kind of work do you do?” and “Tell me about yourself.”

Everyone is short on time these days, and we want to do things quickly instead of MEANINGFULLY.

rushed Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

You can lump most guys into this mental bucket, because guys are always looking for ways to reduce the time-suck of daily life.

However, what you probably don't know is that guys are also always on the watch to make sure they don't say something that will mess things up with you.

So that's why they hold back on texting more than the occasional one-word-answers like "ok" or "sure."

Yes, guys have gotten a little bit wussy in the last couple of decades.

I blame it on not enough strong male role models, too much video gaming, and a ton of confusion created by the media about how men should behave....

Most of men's behavior is actually programmed in, but they ignore their primal instincts because they've been told these instincts are "bad" or "wrong."

Especially those that enable a man to act on his sexual desires in a sensible way.

downcast Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

Okay, I'm getting political again. Sorry, but it's the state of affairs for men that I want women to know about.

So the reasons that men don't text back usually amount to a few things - fear of messing up their sex life being one of the primary. He doesn't want to ruin his chances by saying the wrong thing, so he says as little as possible.

Also, men are not as avid texters as women are. Men don't make a big habit of trivial communication, so he just isn't as into it as you are.

Secret 2: "Why doesn't he tell me he loves me?"

Ah yes... the eternal question of why men don't talk about their emotions. Because that's mostly what you're asking with this question.

Now, if you asked me why you get wet when you go out in the rain, I'd tell you that rain is water falling from the sky. And that makes you wet.

And you'd think that was a perfectly acceptable answer.

But when you ask why men don't communicate their feelings, I have to tell you the same thing...

The simple answer is: Because men don't talk about emotions the way women do.

As my friend Joe used to say, it is what it is.

It's not meant as a cheeky way to avoid the question. It's perfectly true. Emotional conversation is not in a man's nature.

(This is not saying men can't. More men than ever are able to talk more about emotions, but it's still a far cry from a woman's ability to do the same.)

emotional talk Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think


So when it comes to expressing love, most men choose instead to DEMONSTRATE it by acts of love.

Which may not match how you want to feel that same love from him. You might need to HEAR it, and this leaves you wanting more.

Plus, men don't feel competent at communicating emotions with words. It's not our native tongue.

And it always makes us feel nervous and weird.

Embarrassed, even.

Usually, the best way to remedy this imbalance is to express to him how you would like him to express his love back to you.

Tell him:

"I feel more loved when I can hear how you feel about me from time to time. I know it's not the way you usually communicate, but if you can find a way to share your feelings about us, it would make me so happy. Even if you just put it in an email, or shared a poem that expresses it."

Just phrase it in a way that makes him understand that he would be making you happy by communicating like this. Often, this is enough to inspire him.

Men want more than anything to make women happy. It's programmed into him at a genetic level.

Secret 3: "Why don't men ask for directions?"

This one I wanted to put in for fun, since it's a common question I hear asked all the time.

navigator Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

The one answer you'll hear is that it's because men have HUGE egos. And they can't stand not being right about how to get there.

Well, there's a tiny bit of truth there, but it's not exactly like that. He does feel a bit of a sting at not being able to navigate without help.

However, there's more to it.

Men feel like men when we are feeling:



Providing for you...

And when a man is driving you somewhere, he feels that he's providing for you. If he had to stop and ask how to get where you're going, this would make him feel inadequate. INcompetent.

He'd feel like he was failing you in some way.

There's also another reason, and it's unlikely you've ever heard about this:

Men navigate by feel. We often find our way to a location or where we're going by mental familiarity.waze Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

"That gas station? The one that's a few miles south of route 22? Just past the Best Buy? Yeah, I know that one..."

So when he's driving, he will often be trying to FEEL his way there. And he would feel INCOMPETENT if his internal navigation failed him.

So he'll definitely fight you on stopping to ask for directions in favor of feeling like he got you there himself.

Ironically, I don't hear this complaint as much in the age of smartphones with map services on them. So feel free to suggest he turn on the app next time.


Just... be delicate.

Secret 4: "Why don't men plan romantic dates anymore?"

Yeah, this one I'm right there with you on. Guys need to step up and put some sweat into creating a loving experience for you on the date.

It's really frustrating when you're talking to this new guy you met, he finally gets around to asking you out, and you ask him what he wants to do.

And he replies with: "I don't know... what do you want to do?"

Uh, are you kidding?

wtf Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

You want him to demonstrate his romantic interest in a tangible way. And you're right to want that from him.

Plus, you might feel like suggesting something too expensive would make you look bad. But you also don't want to short change yourself by suggesting a movie.

And... dangit! It's not your job - It's his!

There is an easy way to handle this, and it's ages old: The man makes the plan, and then he asks for your input.

This gives you the ability to throw some feedback out there, and he can be sure he's doing the right thing.

Next time a guy drops the ball on doing this for you, you say: "You know, I'd really love it if you came up with something cool to do. It would make me happy, and so excited for that date."

Again, just letting him know what would make you happy is often enough to get him to man up and do the work.

Just remember, it's also up to you to make sure you express your gratitude for that effort when he does step up and make a fun date for you.

Secret 5: "Why don't men commit?"

Entire encyclopedias have been written on this one.

(I should know, I've written a couple myself - click here to see what I mean.)

The question itself is a bit faulty, though. Because men DO commit.

We commit to our careers, our Friday night drinking buddies, our 1968 Mustang that we keep sinking more money into every couple months.

The answer I can give you is this:

A man will commit to something he feels is a challenge ... with a big enough reward for him.

rewards Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

The term "commitment phobia" is batted around as much as "he's got a cold." Yeah, every man SEEMS to resist commitment, but the truth is deeper.

And it doesn't make sexy headlines on trashy websites that just want to make men look like buffoons.

(And since you're here reading this, I'm assuming you came to me because you want the deeper answer that helps you instead of just making you more pissed off at guys.)

Women have to hold men accountable for their role in the relationship.

A man gets better at being a man because a woman EXPECTS it of him. And when he doesn't deliver, she compassionately makes him aware of this.

And if he consistently falls short of reasonable expectations of manning up, she moves on.

You don't have to feel like a bitch, and you don't have to jeopardize the connection with him one bit.

You simply have to know how to communicate with a man in his inner emotional language.

Guys may operate on a different frequency from women, but that doesn't mean you can't "crack" his code. In fact, setting off his commitment triggers is pretty straightforward ... if you know where those triggers are.

Men need to have a few key switches in their heads flipped before they even entertain the thought of committing to someone. But once you know how to do this, there's no turning back.

no turning back Why Dont Men...? 5 Secrets About What Men Think

You might even say he'll imprint on you after you've made the right impression on him. It's a matter of seeing relationships from his perspective to realize what he TRULY wants.

Only then can you remove those inner fears and doubts that are holding him back.

Check out this video about how to make him lose all hesitation and give himself to you 100%.

Commitment phobia in men is, for the most part, a myth: CLICK HERE to find out why...    

When You're Texting A Guy And He Stops Replying - Ghosted

Nothing is more frustrating - and more common, it seems - than the experience of texting a guy and he stops replying to you. You get GHOSTED. It sounds like some kind of supernatural disease - GHOSTING... but it's one of the most common dating experiences these days. In fact, it's become pretty common for […]

Read More
How To Make Him Regret Leaving You - Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

Breakups are heart-wrenching - and most women would love to know how to make him regret leaving you - or just make him regret dumping you in the first place. And sometimes you just want him to know what he's missing out on. How stupid he was for letting go of you... Yeah, it may […]

Read More
When A Guy Ignores You After An Argument - What To Do!

Have you ever had a guy stop talking to you after you get into a disagreement? What do you do when a guy ignores you after an argument? There's nothing more frustrating than getting the silent treatment.  You feel ignored, minimized, and very small. It also feels like you're abandoned. I'm pretty sure each of […]

Read More
"I Miss My Ex Boyfriend - And I Want Him Back!" What To Do - 17 Tips...

It's probably every woman's worst fear: the breakup. And then you find yourself texting your friends: "I Miss My Ex Boyfriend - And I Want Him Back!" Everything probably started out fantastic between you. You had great dates, great fun, great bedroom action... And then things started to cool off. He didn't text you as […]

Read More
Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

There's no doubt that Love can be frustrating... For some people, it drives them crazy. Maybe that's you - are you giving up on love? Well don't do it until you read this article! This isn't going to be some empty cheerleading, or some rah-rah speech. Sometimes the one thing we need most when we […]

Read More
21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

It can be tricky talking to men when you don't know what to say. You might find yourself stuck in silence wondering what to talk about. The best solution is to have questions to ask a guy that get him interested in you. If you know what questions to ask, you can make him feel […]

Read More
I Can't Stop Thinking About Him! - 3 Reasons He's On Your Mind

Whether you are thinking about your newest crush, or have anxiety about your recent break up and don’t know how to stop thinking about someone, this article is for you! “I can’t stop thinking about him!” – Having a crush on a guy isn’t easy… Have you ever been in a situation where you can’t […]

Read More
Dating An Older Man - 17 Secrets You Should Know

If you're thinking of dating an older man, you probably want to know what to expect. There are a lot of things you need to know in order to date older men. Both positive things - and some challenges you should be aware of. You may have a lot of questions, such as: What is […]

Read More
Dating A Divorced Man? 7 Tips You MUST Know...

Dating a divorced man? Before you get too far in the relationship, there are things you must know. Divorced dating is challenging, there's no doubt about that. But if you have the right information, you can date a guy after divorce and make it work. Dating today is definitely different than it used to be. […]

Read More
Playing Hard To Get - 7 Secrets You Never Learned...

Let's start right off by saying that there is a big difference between playing hard to get and being hard to get. Most women play at it but don't understand how to really BE the prize.  Because that's what it's really all about: You have to make yourself the prize to your man for him […]

Read More
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram