Dating Advice Guru - Relationship advice

Why Keeping It Cool Makes You Sexy

By: Carlos Cavallo
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We’ve all heard the expression “Beauty is only skin deep”, but how do attractive women practice a beauty-beyond-looks kind of attitude?

Some would say it’s about being positive and confident, and as a guy, I find it incredibly sexy to meet a woman with these traits. However, what I’ve found is that these are best seen under pressure.

Take my friend Darryl for instance. He just got fired from his job at a software company because it wasn’t too doing too well and had to let some staff go.

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Anyway, he mentioned that he’s currently dating Sharon, a former co-worker who also got the axe at their old job. “The one thing that really stood out for me was how Sharon never sweats it when the sh*t hits the fan,” Darryl told me.

“Even when we were about to get fired, she wasn’t fazed at all,” he continued. “It turned out that she was already looking for work months before they let us go,” Daryl says, “and all I did was feel sorry for myself and freak out.”

And that’s basically what being attractive means when crisis hits. Staying upbeat and not getting flustered is a great way to get a guy without even trying.

Here are a couple of mind tricks you can try on yourself to cultivate this cool-as-a-cucumber personality:

Shut Off Your Inner Pessimist

The funny thing about our brain is that it uses fear to protect us from avoiding worst-case scenarios. And it does that by playing a little slideshow in our heads called, “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”

The problem is when you let it get to you so much that you feel like a victim of your circumstances, and this isn’t an attractive trait.

Instead of letting those “poor me” thoughts run rampant, focus on the stuff that you can work on.

For example, replace those negative thoughts with phrases like, “Ok, so what can I do to get out of this mess?” or “How do I keep that from happening again?”

By proactively ditching the mental static fogging up your head, you can focus on doing something constructive.

Have an Action Plan When Things Go South

Ok, so after you’ve learned to clear your head, the other part of keeping it cool is going into damage control mode.

The first thing you should remember is that life isn’t fair – the sooner you embrace that, the easier it is to take responsibility for what happens to you.

I’ve dated my share of women who tend to blame everyone and everything for the stuff that happens to them, and it’s not sexy. You know, the type who complains all the time - or wastes her energy on trashing people behind their back instead of dealing with them.

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In the time these women spent complaining and feeling sorry for themselves, they could have worked on coming up with a solution instead.

It would have been harder for Darryl to find Sharon attractive if she had whined to him about how their job sucked or how scary it is to find another job in this economy. Instead, she kept it together and worked on getting out of the jam she was in.

Cultivating this kind of attitude is what gets a guy because he’s interested in dating someone who can take care of herself.

Remember, being a “high-maintenance girl” has a lot to do with acting like the universe is out to get you.

Don’t make a guy feel like he has to deal with a stream of endless drama just to be with you. Life management is all about choosing to make the most of a bad situation, no matter how screwed up it seems at first.

And one of the best ways you can take responsibility for your dating life is by learning how to connect with a guy.  To do that, you just have to figure out the different Connection Styles that men have.

After that, finding a man – and keeping him – will be easier than you think. Learn more by going here.

Yours, in Perfect Passion,

- Carlos Cavallo

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