According to an online survey of 2,542 women conducted by Harris Interactive (commissioned by Glamour), nearly 60% of young women (ages 18-35) have experienced some form of abuse in a relationship.
Men also endure abuse in relationships, but not on the same level.
Any way you look at it, that’s a lot!
If you put logic into this – when you’re being hurt or when you feel pain - your gut instinct is to leave and look for a safe place, right?
Well, as you probably are aware, that's not the case. Each situation comes with its own set of complications.
The experience that leads to abuse are different for every woman. But the reasons that prevent her from leaving her abuser are common.
Here are a few of the reasons:
Fear of Leaving
She couldn’t leave because of fear. It could be because of a belief that something is dangerous or a threat to her life.. Fear can actually paralyze you into NOT doing.
Worry for the possible consequences can also hinder you from leaving. It could be because of…
1. Fear of threats
2. Fear of losing the kids
3. Fear of the unknown
4. Fear of a change in lifestyle
5. Fear of being alone
The Abuse is Normal
When the abuse is a regular occurrence, it forms an irrational belief that it is normal. The abused tends to rationalized every painful scenario and EVEN defend their abuser.
Studies have shown that emotional abuse combined with an act of kindness can actually bond the abused to their abuser.
A lot of us get easily embarrassed. Imagine those moments when you felt humiliated and mortified…
Then double that!
Abused women suffer from low self-esteem because of the belief that the abuse is their fault. And the thought of family and friends’ judgmental stare would be difficult to handle.
And the MOST COMMON reason why they stay is…
As they say, LOVE is a powerful emotion…and that’s true. When you’re in love, you would want to be with the person you love.
Your whole being will crave and long for that love. And so, it’d be difficult to unbind yourself from it, or the relationship.
The abuser would only want the violence to STOP but, NOT end the relationship.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, it’s important to understand the reason WHY you’re staying so you can rethink your situation and do what’s BEST for you.
You have to find the WILL to let go.
Contract your family and friends for support. And always remember, that your situation will NOT change unless you do. And you have the POWER to do so.
If you know someone that is in an abusive relationship, it’s important that you understand why they’re staying in that situation. As they say, “It’s easier said than done”…and that’s true.
It’s EASY to give a solution to a problem, but it’s NOT easy to act on it - especially when emotions and a lot of feelings and baggage are tied into it.
Remember, to BE OPEN, BE SUPPORTIVE…and do your best not to judge.
For you to insure yourself against falling into a potentially abusive relationship, you have to know the secrets of finding the RIGHT man..
Yours In Perfect Passion...
- Carlos Cavallo