How much of your past have you allowed to affect your daily life?
Do you let the negative energy from your failed relationships to cause you distress and cloud your thoughts?
Or have you made the decision to refuse those past events from dictating your present AND future happiness?
If you’ve been hurt before, these are the questions you need to ask to know if you still have work to do.
It may hurt to answer them honestly, because it means confronting some truths that aren’t easy to digest, let alone think about.
But it’s necessary pain you need to experience to get through the healing process all the way.
If not, you could very well be keeping yourself firmly rooted to the past, unable to open yourself to new experiences, people and relationships.
Worse, the negative energy I mentioned will slowly hijack your mindset, distorting other people’s actions and motivations.
When you haven’t let go of the bad things that happened to you, it’s easy to be on the defensive with a new guy.
What’s more, you’ll end up projecting an ex-partner’s attitude on this new person, thinking that he’ll do the same things your ex did.
The First Step To Letting Go
Like many say, getting started is always the hardest part; healing is no different.
The biggest hurdle for you right now is internalizing a basic truth: Letting go of past hurts is NOT the same as condoning them.
Just because you choose to stop wasting your time and thoughts on what your ex did, it doesn’t make his actions right.
That’s not the point of moving on. Leaving your baggage behind means cutting the cord, regardless of the wrong things that happened to you.
Sooner or later, all those negative thoughts will become TOO TOXIC for you to bottle up inside. Something has to give - let it be your grudges.
So again, letting go doesn’t make his offenses any less wrong; it’s just that it’s more important to unburden yourself from the mental shackles of your past.
Remember: the past only has as much power as you give it.
Here’s another reason why the past seems to have such a grip on us: holding onto past grievances is a form of denial.
When you think about it, it’s much easier to believe that never forgetting the past (and always being on the defensive) will keep history from repeating itself.
Don’t give in to this illusion.
No matter what you do, there’s always the risk of getting hurt again. Sorry to tell you this, but that’s how dating (and life) works.
The future can be a terrifying place, especially if you let your emotional baggage decide what the outcome will be.
You might be telling yourself, “What’s the point of trying again if it doesn’t work out like before?”
To break free from this mindset, think of a general outcome you want to achieve, then break it down to smaller to-do items that you can work on every day.
This way, achieving a big goal in the distant future won’t seem so intimidating.
Don’t jump in with both feet, guns blazing.
Instead, take it one day at a time – this is how lifelong habits start.
The gratification you get from getting stuff done on a daily basis will keep you going.
Before you know it, those “little” priorities you accomplish every day will have added up to something worthwhile.
This applies to anything you set your mind on: being fit, starting a business, saving up to travel around the world, or being in a great relationship.
And if you’re interested in the last one, a good start would be to learn about a man’s Connection Style.
Having this knowledge will have a profound impact on the future of your dating life – you just need to go here to get started.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
- Carlos Cavallo