How do you know if your man will come back to you?
That's a tricky question for a lot of women. If you've felt that ache after he pulls away or disappears on you, you know that feeling.
First, you're worried... Was it something you said? Something you did?
Then you feel like you need to do something... Should you text him? Call him? Hang out on his front porch until he comes home?
Will he come back after time apart...?
And then the panic becomes real and palpable when you start to wonder if he's ever going to come back to you. The bottom line is that you want to let him go so that he misses you and wants you back.
You've probably heard other "gurus" and dating advice experts tell you that you should just LEAVE HIM ALONE.
Why do they say you should just leave him alone?
If you keep pestering him or forcing your way into his life, he'll start to feel smothered - and then run even faster...
If you want him to really miss you, you have to be willing to give him a chance to miss you. Which means hanging around and showing up is a no-no...
Whenever you're alone and the relationship is in jeopardy, you always fall back on the good parts of the relationship. And that's what you want him remembering...
Most women panic - and start to make a mad scramble to win him back when he seems to be pulling away, which is what you DON'T want to do.
Today I want to talk about whether or not your man will miss you or come back to you if you just leave him alone. Because you might be wondering if that will really happen.
Will it really work?
(Plus I also want to save you from checking your phone every 5 minutes and driving yourself slowly insane.)
Let's take a look at this, because chances are you're wondering if you can bring him back to the relationship. I can tell you from experience and having been a guy all my life just exactly how you can make that time apart work in your favor.
Let's get started with:
Leave Him Alone Tip #1: Don't turn into the Crazy Ex...
Just about the worst thing you can do is to completely lose your cool and start posting insane things on social media.
Images of you and him from the past on Pinterest or Facebook... (Nope... Crazy.)
Weird video posts online of you just talking into the camera in a daze as you recall the romantic times you shared...
Any social media manifestos of how "all men are pigs," "oh woe is me," or any other self-pity parties or bids for attention from anyone online...
The fact is that -
"Social media is about the worst thing you can indulge in when this happens..."
How do you get him to come back? Stay cool...
Some things you should definitely NOT do on social media:
Don't update your snapchat story every 3.4 seconds - Anything you try to make him jealous is going to backfire on you. Put down the phone, walk away.
Don't use Twitter as your online diary. Especially if you're going to post a running passive aggressive rant about how he done you wrong...
Don't check out who is liking his posts or instagram feed... this is cyber-crazy.
Deleting or untagging images online, anywhere. Just let that go, because everyone can see through that kind of crazy...
Tindering your pain away by getting swiped into empty & casual sex. You'll always regret it...
Flirting online with men to try and re-validate your desirability. If you're feeling low, go talk to a counselor or professional. Don't paint yourself as the pathetic girl who has to flirt to redeem herself...
There are other crazy ex things you can do, like showing up at his house unannounced, drive-bys at all hours of the day/night (his home OR office), calling from a "burner" phone to hear his voice, etc.
I won't go into the stalker-ish stuff because that's a league beyond this article. If you're ready to do that, I can't talk you down from the ledge, girl.
Just remember one thing from all this - don't post or add ANYTHING online during this time.
For one- you'll probably scare him off the rest of the way, thus answering your question if "leaving him alone" works...
For another - you'll be leaving a digital record of your coping skills for him, all your friends, all his friends, and everyone in the world to see.
Remember the saying attributed to Abraham Lincoln:
"Better to be silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt..."
I live by that one.
Well, most of the time...
Leave Him Alone Tip #2: Let's Just Be Friends! NOT!
Another tempting option is for you to pull out the "Let's just be friends" card if he should break up with you.
This is an old trick that goes back to 159,435 B.C., when Krog, caveman of bad reputation, told his cave-girlfriend Urgh that he wanted to see other Neanderthals. It didn't work then, either, so don't you go using it now.
Leave him alone or you'll find yourselves "Friends with Benefits"...
Asking to stay friends is an obvious trick that every guy knows about. It's basically saying:
"Yeah, that's fine. And I'll just stay here looking desperate. Like I have no self-esteem and just can't get over you emotionally."
That one doesn't make him miss you much at all. Except to hit you up for a few booty calls before he starts dating again and starts sleeping with New Girl.
Trust me on this one: Don't even suggest just being friends when that's not what you want.
When you're in the raw, painful breakup stage, the last thing you should be doing is poking at the red skin of your relationship with a knife. Which is what you're doing when you set things up for "just friends."
You cannot be just friends with an Ex for at least the first 6 months after the breakup. Or if you're taking some time apart.
It also will guarantee that he will not miss you at all while you take your "break." Because you're still in his life and not giving him that break he needs to remember what you mean to him. He needs that longing for you to want to come back!
And besides, you don't want him taking you seriously as just a friend. You're hoping he'll reconsider wanting you for more than friends again later.
Leave Him Alone Tip #3: What's the Point? The Point Is THIS...
A lot of women forget the real reason behind the "leaving him alone" advice. They think that they're leaving him alone simply so that he'll miss her and take her back.
Now, sometimes this happens.
But a lot of the time it doesn't. And you need to know why it doesn't work.
Let's say your boyfriend puts your relationship on pause. He wants to take a break, or whatever language he uses to explain the time apart.
The reason he's taking this time is that he's not happy with you. There's something going on in the relationship that leaves him dissatisfied.
Do you know what it is?
Chances are, he's already told you a few times what that thing is. If you ignore it, you might get him back for a second round, but it's probably just going to end like it did before. You can't put your head in the sand and force your relationship to work.
So the point of this whole "leave him alone" thing is two-fold:
Give him a chance to start missing you. You want him lonely enough to reconsider you as his partner again...
Get your $#&@ together!
Okay, I could've said that last one a little nicer, but it's true. A big part of this time is you taking some time to yourself to get your act together again.
Get to the gym... get some new clothes... get your hair done...
Sure, those are quick fixes.
But the point is really to keep busy and keep your ATTITUDE healthy.
Really - stop dwelling on this guy so much.
(And don't miss my other article on what to do after giving him his space... CLICK HERE.)
It's really true what they say: If it was meant to be - it will be again. You being a sad wreck of a woman isn't going to help that to happen.
Chances are you spent too much time immersed and lost in your relationship. Now is your time to come up for air and seriously consider if you even WANT him back. (You might not!)
Go back to indulging in the things you liked that he hated. Or all the things you might have neglected while you were knee-deep in love. Like your hobbies, your girlfriends, your family, etc.
Get back to enjoying yourself. This is ultimately the #1 thing that will get him to think about getting back together with you. When you start to move on, he has to start running to catch up to you.
Just like that movie cliche of the woman who's preparing to fly back to Omaha, and then Ryan Gosling comes running to take her back...
Ignore him and don't let him see how much it pains you to be apart. The part you're not seeing is his pain, so you just assume he's not feeling it. But he very likely is.
You have to take part of that on faith, and then - when it's time - come back to the relationship in a way that will make him want you again.
The secret for doing that is knowing how to talk to men in a way that gets them thinking about you differently...
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