3 Things To Never Say To A Man

By: Carlos Cavallo

When guys get together, we often talk about how our wives and girlfriends get all mad when we say the wrong thing.

We joke about getting sent to the doghouse when we give the wrong answer to "Does this dress make me look fat?" or "Is she pretty?"

We'll talk about our partners giving us the silent treatment and saying they're "fine" when they're clearly NOT.

But the funny thing is, men have their own verbal tripwires that set us off - even if we don't admit it. Even if you happen to say something that gets under our skin, we'll play it off like it's no biggie.

(Chalk it up to the typical male tendency of avoiding discussions about feelings, I guess.)

And this is often why some fights seem to come out of nowhere. You've probably experienced this before ...

One minute everything's fine and dandy, then he shuts down and gets grumpy without warning.

Sad guy cat 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

Maybe you were talking about something perfectly neutral, like a friend of yours who's getting married in a couple of months. Or maybe you had a heated discussion about him coming over and spending time with you, but it wasn't a full-blown fight.

Whatever it was, there was a certain combination of words exchanged in the conversation that got to him, but you don't know which words exactly.

So now you're racking your brain, trying to figure out what you might have said that pissed him off. He resists all your attempts to break through his wall of silence, insisting everything's OK.

It's a frustrating position to be in, I know. So let me help you crack this little mystery by showing you the worst things you could say to your man.

But to fully appreciate WHY these words bother guys so much, you also need to look at an important aspect of the problem: Communication.

"Stop right there Carlos", you might feel like saying. "I already know that couples fight because they don't communicate enough...that's no mystery."

I wish it were as simple as that.

What I've learned over the years as a dating coach (and husband) is that it has more to do with with your communication STYLE.

Words matter. Words have meaning and weight.

And the words we choose will have a direct impact on the other person. Simply put, communicating with your guy in a certain way will get a specific emotional reaction out of him.

happy mad 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

This means you need to have a good idea of the different communication styles to enhance the quality of your interactions.

Generally speaking, there are FOUR main styles of communicating with your man.

(And here's a little news flash: men respond positively to ONLY ONE of these styles.)

The other three styles TURN HIM OFF. In fact, this is directly connected to the things you should NEVER say to a guy.

You have to understand these styles to prevent those nasty words from leaving your lips.

Wanna know which is which?

Let's start with the Bad Guys...

Communication Style #1: Passive Patty

Those "I'm fine" type of replies fall under this category of things you shouldn't say. A woman who communicates this way often drives her partner to play the guessing game with her feelings.

I've found myself in this scenario plenty of times, and it's NOT a fun game to play.

Since a passive communicator won't say what she REALLY thinks or wants, the man is left in the dark trying to figure it out.

in the dark 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

Maybe she's afraid to rock the boat, so she holds back on expressing her needs in the relationship. She might be thinking that it's better to let stuff slide rather than getting into an ugly confrontation.

The problem is that it's unhealthy to cover up your true thoughts or feelings. Especially with statements like these:

- "It's nothing..."

- "Don't worry about it..."

- "I'm fine..."

- "It's cool..."

- "Whatever you want..."

These vague, ambiguous statements can be TOXIC to your relationship if you don't really mean what you're saying.

What makes these words so damaging is that they push you to deny your emotional needs and opinions. In the long run, you end up believing that what you have to say isn't important.

So why bother speaking up, right?

But like it or not, everyone has their limits, including you. Eventually, you'll crack if you let those negative feelings pile up without responding to them in a healthy way.

Some women aren't even aware this is happening to them until the floodgates finally swing open. Then they feel ashamed for losing their temper and go right back to the usual passive behavior again.

This time, they might hold back even more - creating a huge "anger reserve."

anger reserve 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

It's a vicious cycle to get caught in - better to speak up at the right moment than holding it in until you explode.

Communication Style #2: Aggressive Annie

This is the polar opposite of the passive communicator. Instead of putting her needs on the back burner, the aggressive type will put hers front and center at the expense of other people.

What's equally toxic with this communication style is that it thrives on conflict - not to mention deliberately making others uncomfortable.

People in this category think they're just being honest when in reality they're taking it WAY TOO FAR.

To make matters worse, they wear their brand of brutal honesty as a badge of honor.

In their mind, an aggressive communicator feels that other people should "deal with it" if they don't like how she acts around them.

loud and proud 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

After all, she's just being "real."

And so you're likely to hear these classic gems from Aggressive Annie:

- "It's my way or the highway."

- "This is how it should be. Don't like it? There's the door."

- "I'm not taking 'NO' for an answer."

- "It's not my fault if they can't handle the real me."

- "If you can't handle at me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." (Cue eye roll)

And if you don't get with the program, Miss Aggressive will resort to threats, humiliation or personal attacks until you cave in. The irony is that this woman will complain that bad stuff just seems to happen to her and act like a victim.

Obviously, using THIS approach to communicate with a guy is a recipe for disaster.

kaboom 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

This style is especially dangerous during an argument. Talking over him, not listening to him, and trying to dominate the discussion are hallmarks of aggressive communication.

There are entire books on conflict management if you want to learn more about dealing with this. However, you can start with one effective way to defuse a heated situation.

You may not see eye-to-eye on an issue, but that doesn't mean you can't find some middle ground. Find some part of his side you can at least agree with and work from there.

Here's a good example - for his 'friend' that seems to be staying with you guys a bit too long:

"Look, I understand that you and Steve go way back. I know you're just trying to help him out because you were such great friends. It just seems like he doesn't have any plans to get back on his feet and just keep crashing on our couch."

Bonus points if you add: "Which means I can't walk around naked for you as much..." (wink)

By making an effort to understand his point, he'll be less likely to get defensive.

There is no absolute right or wrong for most arguments, but a more diplomatic style opens the door to a mutually satisfying compromise.

So, it's best to avoid talking to your guy in an entitled tone, or behaving like everything revolves around you. Otherwise, you'll end up alienating him or provoking him to the point where he'll check out of the relationship.

Communication Style #3: Passive-Aggressive Pam

This is even tricker because it combines the worst parts of the last two styles.

While this communicator (knowingly or unknowingly) hides their resentment like the passive type, she doesn't stop at that.

Instead of stuffing her feelings down out of sight, she'll keep it simmering just below the surface. That presents a lot of problems, like refusing to acknowledge an issue when it comes up.

Worse, passive-agressive communication involves sarcastic comments, saying something under her breath and indirectly undermining the other person.

With an openly aggressive communicator, at least everything is out in the open...

But passive-aggressiveness is thinly disguised contempt. And this makes it harder for guys to handle.

The put-downs and insults aren't as obvious and this person will often smile even though she's seething inside.

seething 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

For instance, you'll find her saying one of the following:

- "Most guys would take out their girl somewhere nice on their anniversary, but I guess you do things differently." (Disguised insult)

- "Oh you can actually change a tire? Cool." (Backhanded compliment)

- "I didn't know we were in a hurry. Can't they wait for us?" (Intentional sabotage)

- "Can't you take a joke?" (Hostility disguised with humor - this one is particularly nasty)

- "Go ahead, do what you want. Whatever." (Yowch)

More than anything, it's the undercurrent of emotional dishonesty that gets to a guy.

Let's face it, men aren't exactly masters at subtlety, so we're often frustrated by a partner who says one thing and means another.

That leaves us with one more communication style - which is the only one you SHOULD use in this list...

Communication Style #4: Assertive

Out of all the styles, this is the one that men find the sexiest.

THIS is the communication approach you should use - but why? After all, women are taught that assertiveness can be seen as 'bitchy.'

The biggest reason is that assertiveness is a healthy expression of needs. It's letting your man know your feelings without hurting his.

ms assertive 3 Things To Never Say To A Man

A guy knows where he stands with an assertive communicator - not like the passive communicator whose needs and feelings are practically a mystery to him. Plus, an assertive woman can get her point across without having to bully him into submission.

She simply finds gentle words to use that don't attack her guy; they actually feel good to him since she's being direct without being vindictive or manipulative.

Men don't have to second-guess her words or actions - with her. What they see is what they get.

However, there is ONE other quality that makes an assertive communicator stand out...

It's her ability to connect with a guy in a way that no other woman can.

She knows exactly what to say AND do to make him fall for her. It has nothing to do with compatibility.

You see, men unconsciously test a girl to find out if she's The One.

If you can figure out a guy's connection style, you'll effortlessly pass any test he throws at you.

I've got a free presentation that you'll want to see. I'll go deeper into creating the romantic connection that men CRAVE - click here to watch the video now...

Are You Dating A Married Man? The 26 Rules - And How To NOT Get Hurt

Most women never set out to date a married guy. But for some reason this guy was so appealing and so interesting, and now you find yourself dating a married man. He could be a guy you work with, a guy you met at a party, or really anywhere. Maybe you started talking and realized […]

Read More
How To Make Him Jealous - And Love You More! - 12 Secrets

One of the most common problems a woman has is when a guy seems to be losing interest. And you know that one of the best ways to get him interested again it's figuring out how to make him jealous - and how to make him love you again. It always seems like he's got […]

Read More
Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys? 9 Reasons Your Mom Would Never Admit

Have you ever fallen for a bad boy? Almost every woman has felt the attraction for a guy who's a little rough around the edges. And that might make you wonder why do good girls like bad guys? “So why do good girls like bad guys? I had this question for a real long time […]

Read More
Why Do Guys Ghost - 17 Reasons - And How To Stop It From Happening! 

When a guy disappears on you it's one of the most annoying things that can happen when dating. Especially if you started liking him and thought “This one might be different!” And now all you can wonder is - Why do guys ghost? You know the situation: You've been talking to him for a while. […]

Read More
How To Fix A Broken Relationship - 10 Steps You Need To Know

If there's one thing for sure, it's that you will have problems in your relationship. So you need to know how to fix a broken relationship, no matter how bad. The good news is that if you can detect it early enough, a broken relationship can be fixed. And unlike a broken piece of pottery, […]

Read More
The 20 BEST Compliments For A Guy

Women want to feel more seen, heard, loved, and appreciated. But did you know guys do too? Do you know any compliments for a guy to make him feel your love? Let’s put it this way: How long would you stick around if you didn’t feel his love and appreciation? Well, he won’t stick around […]

Read More
20 REAL Signs That He Cheated - Is He Having An Affair?

If you want to create a relationship of love, trust, and connection, you have to know if your man is being faithful. It's also important to see any signs that he cheated - or if he's thinking of being unfaithful or having an affair. Some men can stray - and usually not because he's a […]

Read More
10 BEST Ways To Say I Love You - To MEN!

There are probably as many ways to say I love you as there are people to say it. You might be wondering how to say I love you to someone special. Even more important, you probably don't want to scare that person off when you tell them! One of the most common problems I run […]

Read More
10 Long Distance Relationship Tips - How To Make It Work!

A lot of people believe that long-distance relationships are a really bad idea. In fact, if you know what you're doing with a few long distance relationship tips, you can actually make it work. As a matter of fact, long-distance relationships can work just as well and even better than regular relationships. Whatever "regular" is. […]

Read More
21 Toxic Relationship Signs & How To Fix It

If you're looking for signs of a toxic relationship, you probably suspect you have some unhealthy patterns in your relationship. Or you may want to ensure that your relationship stays healthy. By recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship, you can avoid a lot of the problems that people run into in relationships. Let's face […]

Read More
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram