5 Relationship Problems & 5 Solutions To Save Your Relationship
By: Carlos Cavallo
When it comes to relationship problems, there are so many landmines to look out for. It's no wonder that we struggle to save our relationships.
It's no wonder so many relationships run into trouble when a couple doesn't know how to navigate that minefield.
There are some simple skills you can acquire that will help you succeed with your man, and get the level of devotion and commitment you desire. Plus, you'll avoid those nasty relationship issues before they blow up in your face.
First, I'm going to show you the top 5 relationship problems you're going to run into
- and then I'll give you 5 solutions that will save your relationship.
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM 1: Communication & Conflict
Ultimately, all relationship problems come from this one source. If we could communicate well with each other, all the other misunderstandings and differences would be easy to solve.
But you can't communicate well when you're on your phone texting, watching movies, playing video games, or spinning through Facebook like your life depends on it.
We have enough distractions to pull us away from our real priorities.
The best relationships have habits built in to manage their communication, and minimize the conflict along the way.
I'll share some secrets for this when we get to the solutions, but the next problem to look out for is:
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM 2: Sex
Sex is a huge issue in relationships for a good reason:
Contrary to popular belief, it's not tough to find sexual compatibility. Most people are sexually compatible - when they're really in love and working to make the relationship work.
But if you're in a position where you don't feel heard, or don't feel validated, how hot 'n horny do you feel for the other person?
Keep sex a priority in your relationship or it will become a major source of discontent between you.
The funny thing is that sex is easy when you're talking and communicating the way you need to. Sometimes, something gets in the way of the sexual flow between you two, such as unresolved arguments or personal issues your partner isn't aware of.
When done right, communication will clear away those obstructions keeping you from being sexually generous with each other. More on this later...
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM 3: Trust & Infidelity
Trust and infidelity is a huge issue in a lot of relationships. Again, this one is easily solved with communication.
Without trust in your relationship, you'll find that the foundation is missing. Everything that you want most from your loving relationship is in the basis of trust in each other.
Infidelity only happens when the trust is gone, and our needs aren't being met.
So if you want to keep him faithful, and keep the trust up, you have to focus on the basics of trust along the way.
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM 4: Money / Family concerns
It's been said that the number one reason that marriages fail is over money issues. I'm not sure if I believe that, since they were probably surveying people who had decided to split and were working on the split of assets.
My theory is that money is secondary to being aligned in your relationship.
If you both have the same goals and same direction, you'll come together on how to make that happen. If you don't, you'll just keep fighting over it 'til the end of time. Because you're in a tug-of-war instead of being on the same team.
I'm getting ahead of myself here, but this one has a simple solution:
- Make a budget
Open a spreadsheet up in Google and share it between you. Then keep it updated. And meet every so often to go over your performance.
Budgets are often touted as the best way to save money by many financial advisors.
The best way to save money is to control your expenses, and focus your mind power on how to MAKE MORE MONEY. You'll find ways to double your income way before you will get your expenses to disappear.
But the real benefit of a budget is to keep you accountable for your spending habits. And this is UBER important in your relationship.
When you've both committed your spending habits to paper, you'll find that you don't need to argue over stuff as much. Sure, it will happen when someone slips up occasionally but you'll keep that to a MINIMUM.
However, it's still a great way to keep you from going overboard with the spending. You won't get ten pairs of shoes - and he won't get that 80 inch plasma TV - because you both know you'll have to really explain it later.
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM 5: No devotion / commitment
I call this the "barely there" syndrome of relationships.
You may want him to step up and show you that he's THERE for you and the relationship. Or at the very least, just stop acting so ambivalent.
Here you are doing everything you can to keep the connection going, and he's just not that into it.
Which leads me to another relationship Truth: Until a man's actions show you that you have a relationship, a commitment doesn't exist.
That means a man will wait until he's REALLY sure about a relationship before he jumps in with both feet. It's a safety feature that guys have built into their nervous system.
You see, men need to KNOW they've got the best woman they can find before they will open up and give you their all. If he's still not seeing the signals he needs to see, he'll hold back.
I'll tell you more about how to get him past this in a bit...
SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP - SOLUTION 1: Agree to make your relationship your absolute TOP priority...
Look, the reality is that you will have more than your fair share of opportunities to fight, squabble, disagree - whatever. Life will chuck conflict into your lives regularly.
One of the best strategies you can adopt for a successful relationship is to start every day with the attitude of "I don't need to be right... I just need to be happy."
When you start to look at it, you'll see how much those two needs get in the way of each other.
Being right feeds our ego... but being happy feeds our soul.
You can't put a price on the peace of mind you'll enjoy when you give up the need to be right in a relationship. Of course, the real test will be when he gets all attached to something you KNOW isn't right... But there are still gentle ways to handle that.
I see too many relationships handle their interactions like ping pong matches of death. Back and forth they go, trying to be the RIGHT one at all costs.
The fact is that we all get caught up in arguments, and not because we need to be right as much as we need to feel heard.
Don't get caught up in petty fights over who said what when. It doesn't matter when you're both arguing from a place of not feeling heard anyway.
Make your relationship the focus. NOT the scoreboard of who won which argument.
Working from this perspective will radically change the way you approach disagreements. Instead of finding a way to cut your partner down a notch or two, you'll be more concerned with the greater good.
FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP - SOLUTION 2: Make your communication the next priority...
This one is probably a big DUH - but it has to be said. Once your relationship is the focus, your communication has to be next.
If you want your relationship to truly thrive, follow these small tips:
- Use body language to show your attention
When he's talking, nod your head. Lean in a bit.
Then, when you're sure he's done, tell him:
"What I hear you saying is that you feel as though we don't get enough communication through the week, even though we're both sitting in bed at the same time. We're always on our iPads. Am I hearing that right?"
By telling him what you hear and checking in with him, you'll make sure that he feels heard. AND that he knows you really understand what he's feeling.
This is astonishingly rare for men, by the way, which is what makes it so powerful. Many men today feel that the focus in a relationship is on how the woman feels, not the man.
- Schedule time to talk...
It won't happen if you don't make it happen.
I had a couple I was coaching set aside 15 minutes each week (yeah, just ONCE per week for 15 minutes). It was a chance for them to talk about where they were, how they were feeling, etc.
It worked great for a few months, and then they started to let it slide.
Football or the kids or the show they wanted to watch would get in the way. And then it became too easy to forget for both of them.
Partly because it was "uncomfortable" for him, but also because they didn't make it the priority it needed to be.
Here's the truth: If you only talk about what is important to YOU, your own emotional urgency will put a charge on the conversation. And he might not feel heard.
Open up your intent to more than getting your needs met and see what you can learn about him in the process.
SAVE YOUR LOVE - SOLUTION 3: Compromise on the stuff that doesn't matter...
The real secret in relationships where there is a lot of goodwill and loving attention is this: They know that they don't need to fight over every little thing.
And the easiest way to do that is to learn to compromise as much as you can.
The reason we get caught up in fighting for "my way" is usually because we haven't done a good job communicating our needs. So those needs don't get met the way we want.
And that's not the other person's fault either, if you didn't voice those needs.
What? TELLING the other person what you need isn't as romantic as them just giving it to you?
Yeah, well you can take that romantic notion of communication through magical ESP - and put it up there with your desire for him to come riding up to you on a white horse and save you from your evil step-mother. It's a fairy tale to appeal to your basic need for romantic gestures, but not a realistic expectation of him.
Sure, there's also a fear that if you compromise now, and do what he wants this time, you won't get what you want next time because it will be forgotten. The point of compromise is to simply alternate - so you both feel like you get the best of what you need.
If he wants pizza and you want Chinese food, pick one tonight and do the other one next time.
Forget keeping score. If the score leaves you feeling like the loser, than you need a new man.
It will all work out in the end, if you're both working toward the love in the relationship.
HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP - SOLUTION 4: Drop the blame...
Blame is the universal fuel for contempt and anger.
It sneaks into every relationship at some point or another, and it burns out all the goodwill.
Blame comes from:
- I'm not getting what I need... (either because I haven't communicated it well, or I'm just not getting it...)
- If I'm not getting my needs met, it's nearly impossible for me to see your needs. And not at all from your point of view...
- If I can't find ways we can work together on this, I'll start acting out of self-preservation and anger. And I'll need to be right...
- And I'll start making it YOUR fault...
And then the blame-storms begin.
Blame is the poison that will make your relationship bitter and angry. So do everything you possibly can to keep it out of your communications.
And let go of it when you start getting attached to ideas of: "It's his fault! He should [fill in the blank.] He needs to [fill in the blank]."
Instead, focus on this: "How can I help you to [fill in the blank]."
The team approach will lead to success.
And remember, there's no "I" in Team!
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS - SOLUTION 5: Understand how men work
I've made it my life's mission to help women understand the way that men work, what really makes him tick inside. What we really think and feel - not what those useless magazines try to sell you on the stands.
Because I know the power of understanding when it came to fixing my own mistakes in relationships.
Nearly 15 years ago, I came to an impasse in my life. I had gone as far as I was going to just winging it.
I had to understand how women, and relationships work.
So I spent years learning what makes a relationship successful. Then I taught these principles to men.
And in the process I found that women were just as clueless about these principles of successful relationships. That's when I shifted my focus over to helping women enable the relationship they dream about.
When you really know what makes a man choose one woman over another, to commit to one woman, and why he pulls away from a relationship that seems like it's a storybook romance...
When you know why these things happen, you'll be able to see the right path through the maze of complications that come up. The challenges will dissolve and you'll know what you need to do.
The answers are clear, and you'll know how to make men desire you.
You've seen women like this before, I'll bet. They seem to have a magical touch when it comes to men. They never struggle with making their guy commit to the relationship - they naturally want to.
And in the end, you'll also discover how to get your needs met by aligning with HIS needs. Which is like being a Ninja of Love - quiet but deadly.
If you want to know how to slip undetected past that emotional wall he puts up and capture his heart, here's a video that explains how easy it is.
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