If you find yourself suspicious and looking for signs of a cheating husband, it can devastate you. It leaves you obsessed with knowing the truth.
And you should want to know the truth!
Suspecting he might be cheating is not a pleasant thing to discover. But you also have to know that the truth is important. If you don't know what's going on, you could be caught off guard. And possibly even humiliated later on.
Knowledge is power.
What to do with what you know...
s topic myself, and I'm going to give you a complete guide to how to handle this situation, start to finish. I've had this happen to me (long in the past), and I want to be sure it never happens to you!
Let's start with a few rules to get started. These will help you deal with the situation:
FIRST: Do No Harm!
The first rule of resolving your situation is to absolutely KEEP CALM.
The biggest mistake I see people make when they suspect there are signs of a cheating husband is that they jump to a conclusion and proceed to corner their partner and start a long, painful argument. You have to take your time and know that - if you're wrong - you don't want to take a chance at destroying the trust in your relationship.
And even if you're right, a direct accusation will engage his "talk my way out of it" skills. He could convincingly cast doubt on your observations.
SECOND: Allow For Error!
You can't be sure your husband has been fooling around on you until you've had a chance to really investigate and know for certain what's going on.
If you have a tendency to believe every sign means your relationship is threatened, you have to look at that perspective first. Otherwise you'll just go round and round like this with every man you date. And he won't want to keep riding the merry-go-round with you for too long.
Make sure you are seeing the facts clearly.
THIRD: Allow For Being RIGHT...!
One danger of seeing a sign of a cheating husband is that you may be convinced (by him, usually) that it's not what you think it is. Even if it IS a sign and he IS cheating!
How do you trust again?
You have to be willing to trust yourself. Ultimately, you may even have to make a decision without knowing for certain if he's seeing someone else. That could be scary, which is why we're going over all these signs.
I've seen a lot of people get convinced that their partner was cheating (based on clear evidence), but then proceed to get brainwashed into thinking they were "imagining things" by that partner. You might even help with the brainwashing, because you don't WANT the relationship to end.
Okay, he's a guy. This happens all the time, right?
Sure, but if it just started happening, out of the blue, you've got a situation that needs attention.
Grown cold and distant?
He might be:
Distant - easy to notice in his eyes...
Quiet - isn't talking much...
Aloof - almost avoids you as much as he can...
Lack of interest in anything about you (bored with you)
Reluctant to show affection - he avoids hugs & kisses and cuddling...
Unresponsive - you text or call, but all you get is crickets...
If the change is sudden and doesn't seem to have an obvious cause, you should investigate. If he says theres "nothing wrong," you must watch for the behavior to change and reverse. If it's just a mood thing, he should return to normal fairly quickly.
If it takes a long time - or he doesn't go back to his old way of being, you should keep your eyes open.
Also, be sure to track yourself in how often you get anxious about distance in a relationship. Stop for a moment and close your eyes. Check out your emotions about feeling separated from him.
Do you frequently feel ignored?
Does that spike your adrenaline?
Are you getting anxious just thinking about it?
If you're more prone to being scared of abandonment, be sure to reality-check your situation.
Sign #2 He Might Be Cheating: Sex got really weird...
Well, it might not be completely weird, but things changed in the bedroom between you. And you're noticing it, which means it's real.
New talents in bed...
Change of patterns/habits/positions...
Have you noticed him doing some new moves and positions in bed? If so, you need to ask him about it. Do it non-threateningly, after all he may have been inspired by a porn he watched while waiting for Best Buy electronics to open up.
Have things gotten more "lively" in the bedroom...?
Maybe there's a change in your usual patterns in bed. You notice some new places he's groping, or maybe he's starting to talk a little dirty with you.
Might even want a lot MORE sex...
He might also want a whole lot more action with you. This one can be confusing because you'd normally think that if he's a cheating husband, he's going to want to do it with you less. But funny enough, getting some strange can often inspire a guy to go back to original relationship with renewed vigor and excitement.
Gets kinky and creative...
You might notice that he's starting to really think out some scenarios, like role playing. If he suddenly wants to be the hard-boiled detective, and you're the damsel in distress - and you've never even discussed this kind of stuff - yeah, he's probably found some new "inspiration." That inspiration could be in the form of a new woman in his life.
Avoids sex with excuses...
This is the classic symptom. If your man starts avoiding lovemaking with some weak excuses, you need to look into it. If it's an older guy, he's probably not going to be able to perform for two "audiences" in one night, so you'll start to sense this pattern.
He might say that he's "tired" or "exhausted" once or twice, but when it becomes a way to avoid getting down and dirty with you, recognize his avoiding sex as a possible sign of a cheating husband.
(Back in the 'old days,' women would satiate their husbands before trips out of town to keep him sexually satisfied. Yeah, you're right! Guys should be doing this for their wives, too!)
Sign #3 He's Stepping Out: Work Weirdness...
Not there at the usual times
Maybe you call him or text him during the day and he's not available. And he's not in a "meeting."
Maybe he's not there at all.
And work has become more fun?
This is a sign you should watch out for. And yes, you want to ask him later where he was, but do it without sounding like you're suspicious. Just an innocent "Hey, I called you this afternoon and you were out." And then turn your B.S. radar on to listen to his response.
Starts talking more about a co-worker
I can definitely speak to this one from experience. Back when I first moved to Kansas City, I had just started working in a new job at a small office. There were 6 of us working together, and only two women. One of which was married and expecting. The other girl, Michelle, was instant magnetism - and attraction.
I mentioned Michelle to my then-girlfriend (we were rapidly moving towards a breakup). She immediately pegged her as my next love interest.
And... she was right. Michelle and I were dating about a month after my breakup with her.
That instinct you have about him mentioning a woman that you haven't heard before can be a red flag alert that there's something going on with him.
Discourages you from attending work functions
If he's got his holiday party coming up, and he's tell you that you might want to sit this one out - there's something fishy in Denmark. A guy would never encourage you to NOT be with him at a company function unless he were already thinking about - or ACTUALLY - boinking that girl in receivables. (Forgive the pun.)
He's trying to avoid his own discomfort, and her possible jealousy.
Changes his attire and grooming for work
Is he dressing nicer all of a sudden?
Has he started grooming himself more in the morning?
Is he slapping on that Drakkar Noir cologne he's had in the drawer since 1989?
Any new attention to his appearance is cause for concern.
Just be sure to check it out, as he may still be looking to get a promotion, too. He might be dressing to impress the boss.
Sign #4 He Might Be Having An Affair: He's Getting "Phoney"
Calls at weird hours
Yeah, if he's getting phone calls at 9:30 at night, you need to know what that's all about.
Much more secretive
Hand in hand with the previous one, if he's EVER secretive about who he's talking to on the phone, you need to start investigating right away! This is probably one of the top signs of a cheating husband or cheating boyfriend.
Unless he's preparing a surprise birthday party for you - uh, not likely, but I have to throw that out there - he's probably talking with someone that he doesn't want you hearing the conversation. That's a big signal right there.
Texting at any hour
Yup, same as calls, if you see that he's texting at all hours - and he doesn't offer up a really good reason for it, you have to look closer. Texting these days is the latest and greatest way to communicate behind the back of a spouse or girlfriend, and it most certainly is a sign of a cheating husband.
Changes his lock code
If you knew his code and got into his phone before, and now you're locked out, you should be a bit suspicious. Not that he couldn't have decided a change was in order. The best thing to do is hand him his phone to unlock for you - just tell him you need the address of a contact of his.
He'll hesitate and go as pale as a ghost - OR he'll unlock it right then and there. And you'll have an instant signal as to whether your boyfriend is cheating on you.
Cleans his phone regularly - texts and call logs
If he knows you'd be suspicious of a new lock code, he might just purge his texts and call logs to keep himself sleeping at night. Of course, we all forget and leave things we shouldn't have, so just wait for that opportunity to verify.
Whispers when talking
Yup, more covert hiding that you need to know why it's happening.
You see a sly smile with certain calls
This one is a gut feel, but you'll know it when you see it. He'll have that $#!+ eating smile that only a cheating partner can have.
Sneaking phone use?
In fact, one of the best and most reliable signs of a cheating husband is to watch his expression when he's talking on the phone and doesn't know you're watching him. (This will probably happen on a night out.) If you watch his face, that will instantly tell you his emotions - and his feelings for whoever he's talking to.
You don't even need to hear his words. This one is almost foolproof.
Calls end abruptly - usually when you enter the room...
This one is so obvious that he's got to be a complete idiot to do it. But then again, cheaters are under the influence of a lot of juicy brain hormones, so stupidity is only going to help you out.
Goes outside to talk frequently
More clever hiding activity. Definitely a sign.
He gets a lot of calls he ignores
When the phone rings a lot and he doesn't answer it, there's something odd going on. Especially if he doesn't check to at least see who it is.
Multiple calls in a row? Your boy is up to something.
If you still have a land line, you notice more hang-ups and "ghost" calls when you answer
If you answer your land line and you get silence, or hang ups when they hear your voice, that's odd. Most people will at least say "Oh sorry, wrong number" before hanging up.
Any increase in the number of these calls you notice should be considered a definite sign.
Sudden appearance of dating apps you never saw before.
Yeah, I wish I didn't have to include this one, but it's a simple and obvious one. If your husband or boyfriend has Tinder or Match.com on his phone, you should definitely ask some questions the second you spot it.
I assume you know that the same applies if you find the app "Grinder" on there, too.
Sign #5 There's Infidelity: Follow The Paper...
You notice credit cards and receipts for things you didn't buy
Depending on how you handle your finances, this one might not be as easy to spot. But you should check for paperwork that you can't figure out fairly quickly.
So many secrets!
Any receipts from a jeweler you should definitely hold on to for a while. If you don't see a gift from him soon, you should start asking some questions.
You find a note or phone number on paper
Yeah, this one is a dead giveaway of a new contact entering his life. If it has a woman's name on it, you should probably call from a blocked phone line and see who you get.
You find any paperwork in his name (or yours!) that you don't recognize
It could be a huge cell phone bill for a number in his name that you don't recall him having...
Or maybe travel expenses on a new credit card you didn't realize he had.
Look, some people have done some pretty cruddy things - even running up debts that financially ruined their family. You need to watch out for weird signs that he might be playing fast and loose with your money.
Especially if you have kids!
Don't wait for some tax official or other person to come along and repossess your car or some other horrible awakening that he's gone rogue.
Get on it - NOW.
Sign #6 He Might Be Cheating On You: The 'Net Knows...
An increasing number of people meet on the Internet each year. It was once a novelty, and now it's the norm. The interesting thing is that most people say they'd prefer to NOT meet this way. And yet, we do.
Is he spending more time on his computer?
So watch out for some of these little signals of a cheating husband:
Locks down the computer with multiple - or changing passwords
Cleans his browser out regularly
He won't let you see what's on the screen. Maybe even re-arranges the position so you can't see the screen from behind him.
Closes the laptop or shuts off the computer the second you enter the room...
Yep- this one is about as bad as him ending a phone call when you enter the room. I mean, can you be more obvious? Thankfully, it's all you need to figure out what's going on.
If it happens once, MAYBE it was just a coincidence.
But if it happens again, you KNOW it's not.
Another kind of 'net - is the Internet of Friends & Relatives.
This 'Net is a definite way to catch him after a while. It's only a matter of time before one of your friends or relatives bumps into him or sees him somewhere with his woman on the side.
It's practically guaranteed by the law of probability - as well as Murphy's Law.
Most women agree that they knew their husband was cheating on them almost to the moment he started his affair. And the longer it goes on, the more obvious it becomes to you that there's something going on.
You can find happiness... together!
Let's be real about this: No one can keep an affair a secret for very long. Somehow, someone always finds out and will let you know.
So you could just wait it out and see how long before he messes up and someone catches him out.
There is an infinite number of dumb ways he will give himself up. But the truth is that you shouldn't just wait around for him to mess up.
If you know that your relationship is on the rocks...
If you sense that he's not as into you as he once was...
If you notice his eye is always straying...
You owe it to yourself to take the initiative and do what's right for your relationship.
That doesn't always mean you need to leave him! You may be able to bounce back from this.
The secret is knowing how to re-start the fire of passion in him.
If you fell in love once, you probably got lucky. To get him to RE-fall in love with you, you need to know EXACTLY how he thinks!
This is where most women make the biggest mistake: Thinking that they simply need to TURN UP the volume on what they're doing now.
She thinks she needs to:
Be extra nurturing...
Be extra gentle and kind to him...
Be extra accommodating...
Be extra sexy & flirty...
But these are the worst things to do - because you're just rewarding him for the cheating!
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