When I was in high school, I'd listen to music pretty much 24/7. I'd get up, put on my walkman (hopefully you remember that ancient device), and listen to songs I'd recorded off the radio.
A specific "classic rock" hit that I always puzzled over was "Hold On Loosely" by .38 Special.
If you don't recall the lyrics, here's part of the chorus:
Just Hold On Loosely
But don't let go!
If you cling too tightly
You're gonna lose control...
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
So Hold On Loosely...
Okay, so you get the picture there, right?
The message is pretty clear to me now, but back then I just didn't understand how you could "hold on loosely" - especially to someone you adored and loved.
Every girlfriend I had, I wanted to cling tightly to her. But if I did that, she always freaked out and ran for the hills.
Until I was in my first few years of college. That's when I learned. This one girl - Emily - flipped the tables on me and taught me a lesson I won't soon forget.
I remember I had come out of a 2 year relationship with another sweetheart of mine, and I rebounded right into dating Emily.
Emily was sweet, caring, romantic. Thoughtful about every little thing.
It was like she was out of a fairy tale - the princess for this lonely prince.
She was the kind of girl I knew I should marry. And my friends even told me so.
And ... she drove me completely out of my *#&[email protected] mind!
I know, it seems terrible looking back on it, but it was true. She was such a kind and loving girl.
She clung too tightly. Every time I turned around, there she was.
She called me all the time, brought me over food she had cooked, told me how wonderful I was, etc.
It was just TOO MUCH.
And I resented her for it.
Soon, I was ignoring her and
What happened to Emily?
Well, I didn't have the heart to break it off with her. After all, she was what I was supposed to want most, right?
If I broke up with her, my friends would all think I was crazy. Heck, even *I* would think I was crazy.
Which made things all that much more confusing...
So why didn't I want this girl who did everything right for me?
It was because there's always one person at the start of a relationship who loves the other one a little bit more.
And when that balance goes too far out of whack, it takes its toll on the good will in the relationship.
Emily ended up getting sick of my shit - pardon my French - and did dump me finally. After months of neglect and ambivalence on my part.
And it was then that I realized the meaning behind the lyrics of that song, Hold On Loosely, and how true they really were.
And now I know what they mean for you:
You have to give your man room to breathe, or he's going to feel too pressured - and he'll want to escape.
Human beings are hard-wired to look at one VERY important factor in relationships. This ONE thing will either seal the deal for you, or it will doom your relationship to the tissue bin.
The one thing I'm referring to is SCARCITY.
When someone is available for you too much - when they're too easy to have - then you will naturally feel an intuitive suspicion about that person.
Your inner voice says, "Hey, wait a minute. If he is such a great catch, how come he's so easy? Wouldn't he have his choice of women? And why is he so interested in ME without knowing anything about me?"
C'mon... 'fess up! That's probably happened to you once or twice.
However, when time is scarce to spend with him, you naturally treasure every opportunity you have to get together.
Every minute seems like a blessing to you.
And it's all for the same reasons that you want to get into that restaurant that is always booked solid...
Or you'll wait in line for tickets to your favorite band or music artist...
Or why you'll pre-order your tickets to the premiere of a movie you've been waiting for...
It's the thought of SCARCITY.
We are naturally wired to want what is scarce because that means that other people want it too. If something is hard to get, so our irrational logic goes, that means it's VALUABLE.
We just instinctively desire those things that are scarce, simply because this hints at VALUE.
And the same thing is true in relationships.
If you want to be appreciated, you can't always be there. You have to give him space - room to breathe in.
Give him that gift of missing you a little bit. It's the nicest thing you can do, even if it feels slightly illogical.
Turn off that Mr. Spock side of your brain and realize that love is often very counter-intuitive.
Hold on loosely...
But don't let go!
And if you'd like to know more about how to draw the man in your life back to you again - to reconnect, and get him to cherish you forever, you need to WATCH THIS VIDEO - where I reveal the 3 phases of love for a man, and how he decides if he wants to commit to you...
Yours in Perfect Passion...
- Carlos Cavallo