This is one of those things that I think every woman wants to know: How men test women.
But first I have to set the record straight on something right off the bat:
Men don't intentionally test women...!
Now you might find that a little bit hard to believe. After all, a lot of men's behavior seems to be testing their limits - and testing your patience.
Most of the time what he's doing is responding to emotions that he doesn't quite understand. He's just trying to figure out where he stands with you most of the time.
I know, I know. It's a little bit crazy. But let's be honest, you've done far worse, right?
The point is that guys aren't testing you from any kind of clever plan they come up with. They're testing you because they're just trying to get a response that he can work with.
- So why is he testing you?
- What's he playing at?
- Is he just playing head games with you?
Well the good news is that if he is testing you, that means he's interested in you. That means he sees some potential for a relationship with you. Because a man only tests a woman if he's trying to see if she is safe for him.
It's kind of like him trying to find a safe path through a Minefield. Because guys don't know where the relationship and emotional land mines are. What they do know is, if he makes one wrong step, he could blow up the whole thing.
And again most guys don't have strong relationship skills. They look out for themselves, and then entrust the woman to guide him through the rest.
Which is all the more reason you have to have exceptional “man management” skills.
Which I will tell you right now, most women do not have. And I'm assuming you are reading my articles because these skills are something you know you need to have to succeed.
And you are absolutely right! The women who don't know how to manage their men almost always find their relationship blowing up.
A moment ago I mentioned that a man is trying to see if you are "safe for him." What does this mean?
What is safe for him?
I'm going to come back to this in a bit. Just keep in mind that it's the most important reason that he is testing you.
Test #1: “What's your phone number?”
This is one of those tests that can be a little bit tricky.
First of all, his purpose in asking you for your phone number is to get your phone number. It's not very complicated.
But, he knows that he will get a certain response from a certain kind of woman.
For example, a woman who is in high demand and valuable in the sexual Marketplace will not just give him her phone number. She will challenge him a little bit to see if he's up to the task.
“Why do you need my phone number?” she asks.
- The reason a woman asks a guy this is to see if he's got some “game.”
- Can he play with a little bit of banter?
- Is he confident, or is he just going to roll over and be a wussy wimp who walks away with his tail between his legs.
And I encourage you, no matter what you may think of your value in the sexual marketplace, to adopt this exact same strategy. Ask him some kind of challenging question. Don't just give him the phone number right off the bat.
Because women who give the phone number right away are saying “Please please please - take it and call me because I'm desperate for a date.”
Of course that may not be what you're trying to say, but that's what he will be hearing. Especially if you seem too eager.
Women who have a lot of choice will shop a little bit and make sure she's getting a good "product." Which is why she knows to challenge him. She can afford to throw a few wimpy fish back into the pond.
Every woman that I have gotten a more challenging response from, were typically the women who had some choice. They didn't need to chase me. They didn't need to prove themselves to me.
They knew that if I could handle a little challenge when it came to getting her phone number that I was a much better candidate as a boyfriend or relationship. I was probably more confident and the kind of guy she would be attracted to.
Look at it this way: your response to him is a test to his test. In other words, you are turning the tests around on him. Which is why you have to know how to talk to men.
Test #2: “So I bet your boyfriend...”
This is a classic strategy for a guy. He pretends to assume you've got a boyfriend.
Why? Because he's going to leave it to you to correct him if you don't have a boyfriend.
If he's right, he looks smart...
If you don't have a boyfriend, he still looks smart because now he's verified it and saved himself from rejection.
You need to know how to respond to this one for maximum benefit.
Should you say: ”Oh, NO - I don't have a boyfriend…”?
That's actually not a bad response, but there's a far better one you can use that will immediately grab his attention and make him want you right then and there. He won't be able to sleep until he can see you again.
Remember, you're not trying to just answer a question. You're trying to answer a question in a way that fast-forwards you into his heart. You're giving him an answer that makes him sit up and pay attention to you. And realize he can't let you slip through his fingers.
Just a note about questions in general: In the same way that women use questions, guys use questions to indirectly figure out what your interest level is. Which is why you need to understand how to answer them in the best way possible.
Test #3: Anything about your past relationships...
Guys typically ask about past relationships to gather some information about you.
- He listens for certain signals that tell him what kind of a girlfriend you are.
- He wants to listen for any warning signs (jealous ex-boyfriends, crazy drama, whatever)
- What you consider a “relationship”
In essence, what he's trying to do is just figure you out.
At the start of a relationship, a guy is pretty clueless about what's going to happen. He has no idea what he's really looking for beyond physical attractiveness.
So he asks you to find out more about your background. Which in and of itself is not such a bad thing. You're going to do the same thing to him.
But here is the rub: You may tell him something that he either doesn't hear right or doesn't understand right. Leaving him with a misunderstanding.
The easiest way to avoid a misunderstanding is to keep the details vague. Don't talk in specifics with him about your past relationships until you have this relationship established.
Test #4: “What’s your… NUMBER?”
And by this number I mean the number of guys you've slept with. When a guy wants to know this, he's definitely testing you.
This particular question usually doesn't come up until at least a few dates in. And typically after you guys have already slept together.
Why is he asking it? First of all because he wants to know where you stand in relationship to his previous girlfriends.
- Are you more experienced?
MY ADVICE: Don't ever tell him the exact number.
As the saying goes, the beauty of not lying is that you never have to remember what you said.
Just tell him that you're sure it's "below 'slut,' and above 'virgin.'" I'm only kind of kidding there. You could tell him that, and you'd put him right in his place in 10 seconds flat.
Once he's established that, the next thing he's trying to find out is if he should be insecure about how many guys you've been with. It falls under the heading of "Questions he asks you that he can't help asking you - and he knows he doesn't really need the answer."
Duck this question out the same way you know he should duck you out when you ask him: "Do I look fat in these jeans...?"
BY THE WAY - HERE’S A TEST HE WON’T GIVE YOU:
If a guy gets deep into your zodiac sign, or he looks like he's genuinely concerned that your signs aren't compatible, lose him. No man would - or should - be this into horoscopes.
This may sound a bit shocking, and it's not meant to insult you if you're into horoscopes. But most masculine guys are not by nature. He'll know his own sign, but he will be clueless about anything else dealing with that.
Test #5: “How Big/Good Am I?”
Here's another question that can get you into trouble fast.
He will ask one of two variations of the same question essentially. The first one is related to his size. And I'm not talking about it shoe size, if you know what I mean. He's asking this question to find out if he measures up in terms of virility.
Yes, I know that this shouldn't make a difference, but it does to a guy.
The one thing you want to be sure to do is not praise what he doesn't have. And yet make him feel good for what he does.
In other words, don't give him credit for being the biggest man you've ever been with when he isn't. The LIE will eventually come out.
The key here is to make him feel like he's the most amazing man you've been with RIGHT NOW.
Not in the past 10 years, and not even in the past 6 months. That's the past, that's history, and neither of you can control it.
And when he asks how good he is in bed, you basically say the same thing. “THIS is amazing. And I can't even compare it to the past."
Because this question is a NO-WIN situation. Don't fall for this test!
And by the way, if he's not all that good in bed - start training him. Most guys are simply ignorant because their past girlfriends were too chickensh*t to say anything, for fear he'd dump her.
TEST #6: The Self-Destruct Test
Look, I have to tell you that some guys simply ask you questions on a date to make themselves feel bad.
It's crazy, it's weird, but we have all done this at some point or another. It's kind of a self-sabotage pattern. Especially if you're intimidated by the person you're with.
(That question above: "How big/good am I?" also falls into this category...)
If you feel like they are in a different league, you may simply try to rush to the ultimate finish line: the break up. Mostly because you fear what it would take to make this actually work.
This is a very real pattern for a lot of women and men.
Notice your past patterns in relationships. Do you ever feel like he's “too good” for you? Or you're not good enough?
Guys go through the same thing. We sometimes feel the need to blow up this relationship because we sense ourselves starting to go crazy.
TEST #8: “Will She Go Without?” Test
What I'm talking about here is that he'll want to eventually see you wearing nothing at all...
... on your face.
Yes, every guy wants to see what you look like without makeup at some point or another. He needs to see it.
First of all, it's to see the REAL you. He needs to know the TRUTH behind the "fiction" of makeup.
And second, he needs to know that you have the confidence to go without makeup around him.
And honestly, you probably need to know that he will accept the "real" you, too.
TEST #9: “Is She A Gold Digger?” Test
If you did a few good Google searches I'll bet you could find 100 - or probably many more - examples of famous men who got divorced and had to pay an extraordinary sum of money for it.
I'm not arguing about whether they deserved it or not, but you'll see a lot of women who walk off with half of a fortune.
Every man fears this outcome in his relationship. He wants to trust you, but he knows that ultimately he may end up divorced. It's part of this game.
And it's not solely the money he's worried about losing; he's worried he would lose his kids as well. And the house... and of course his marriage that he wanted as his refuge.
So please understand when I tell you that he will definitely want to find out if you are greedy and materialistic, or principled and level-headed.
FOR EXAMPLE: He may at some point suggest that you guys split the bill.
This may be a test, or he may really want you to just pay your half for once.
And then he's going to watch your reaction to his request.
Whatever you may think about the situation, you should simply behave as if this is no big deal.
You may even want to jump ahead of him and offer to pay your half. If he agrees, pay your share and don't hold an attitude. (After all, you did suggest it.)
However, if a man regularly requires you to pay your way, you should probably find out what's going on really fast. Because a man who genuinely Loves a Woman will provide for her. No questions asked.
Secret Tip: If he goes through an accounting of the bill to divide things up, it's not a test. He's cheap. Lose him.
He may test you from time to time to see if you would pay, but he will want to pay more often than not.
TEST #10: The “Does She Have A Backbone?” Test
You might also call this one the “Is she a rug?” test.
As in, "Will she let me walk all over her like a rug?"
Yes, this is a very common test from guys. It's probably the one that every single woman will get during the course of her relationship with a man.
Not because he's trying to take advantage of her. But because he can't really help himself.
Here's what most guys experience from women: When he starts dating her, everything is awesome. He's doing his best to charm her, and she's trying to put on her best behavior for him.
But at some point, the woman usually overextends herself. She goes a little too far to get his approval.
And inevitably the man will sent this. He'll notice that she compromises herself to get his approval.
And this is where trouble begins!
Because from here on out the relationship is probably going to fall into a cycle of more and more of these tests.
Here's why this happens: We all test people to see what they will and won't do for us. At some point in our friendship (or our relationship) we push the limits. Mostly to see if we can get away with it.
This is exactly how kids test parents. We test our boundaries to see what we can get away with.
Relationships are absolutely no different.
At some point you may, out of the goodness of your heart, offer to do something really nice for him. For example, his car breaks down. So you offer to loan him yours.
Now, before you protest and say “Oh, Carlos, I would never do that”
Well, yes, you would. You absolutely would do that, because we've all made a huge sacrifice just to prove ourselves to our loved one.
Of course it's also done for kindness and compassion. But in the end, you will end up over reaching and going too far for him.
And it will feel a little bit off to him.
This is why it's so important for women to do the work in advance and set their boundaries with men. You have to have a line that you draw that keeps you from overextending yourself. From giving too much to him.
Men need you to say "NO" to him from time to time!
Women who are in-demand and high-value do not compromise their self esteem or their integrity just to get a man to like them.
This is vitally important for you to recognize. If your goal is to get the high-quality relationship success you deserve, then you should observe the people that are also getting that kind of success.
As the saying goes, success leaves clues. Watch what other successful people do, and repeat that.
TEST #11: “Is She Fun?” Test
This is one of those tests that may show up as a specific test, or he may just watch for this from you all the time. Primarily because this is the one thing most men are most concerned about.
Consider this a CRITICAL test that you MUST pass.
A guy wants to know if you're going to be fun to be around and hang out with... or if you're going to be a drag.
This is probably the number one most important sign that he will be looking for throughout your entire relationship.
- Are you easy going?
- Or are you a total pill to be with?
And the way he'll test you for this one is by taking you to do things that you probably never done before. Just to see if you'll go along with them.
By the way this is a test that women give to guys as well. She test him to see how much he will compromise or give up just to be with her.
And it's possible to go too far in either direction.
Meaning, if you don't relax enough to have fun doing something new, that's bad. That's a red flag to a guy.
And if you constantly overextend yourself to do what the guy wants to do, that's not good either.
But in the end, what he needs to see most is if you will be laid back and cool, or uptight and inflexible.
Yes, guys want the cool girl who can do guy things with him, too. Like go see a football game, or play a video game with him, or maybe spend the day at the drag race track.
And a guy can also see by how you’re handling it if you're just going along to go along, or you're genuinely trying to enjoy it.
So don't try to fool him. He'll see right through it.
He doesn't need to see that will do every one of his guy activities with him.
But he sure as shootin' does need to know that you're going to be his fun gal pal in between bedroom fun! So give him the FUN side of you first and last. Don't avoid the tough stuff, but don't make it all out to be so darn serious.
Ultimately, you can't look at everything a man does is being a test...
As I explained, he doesn't even notice that he does most of the things I've mentioned here. Most guys are oblivious to the true intention behind their actions - including these "tests."
He's not really playing games with you. He's just trying to get to the same goal:
- Finding a great relationship with a great person, without risking heartache in the process
Seems like something we all want!
So don't be paranoid that every single thing he does is some attempt to “figure you out.” You don't want to start overanalyzing every single thing he says or does.
- “But Carlos, how do you actually say these things to a guy?”
- “What words do you use?”
- “I don't want to make any mistakes and scare this guy off!”
Well, you'd be right to be careful!
Because you can't say things to guys the same way you say them to women. You have to use different words, different phrasings.
And you have to know where those relationship landmines are.
Because it's easy for you as a woman to trigger him to withdraw without even knowing it. Mostly because you don't know the language or dialect that men speak.
The good news is that you can learn how to reach him with words! You can get him to respond to you.
Do you know about his Obsession Switch?
Did you know that you can flip that switch "ON" by knowing some simple words that make him adore you and desire you?
Go find out about the Obsession Switch HERE...
Passion Phrases Make Men Obsessed With You