7 Things He’s Hiding From You (And Why He Lies To You)
Do Men lie?
Yes, of course we do.
Is it every 5 minutes, as the media would have you believe?
In fact, men HATE to lie to women. Mostly because we know we’re not good at it, but mostly because we don’t like to deceive you or mislead you.
Yes, on occasion you’ll run into the kind of guy who is a compulsive liar, but it’s actually extremely rare.
So – is hiding stuff from you LYING? Is it a form of deceit?
Should he always be up-front and transparent about himself to you all the time?
It’s an interesting question we’ll dive into here…
First, let’s talk about WHY men lie to you.
There are 3 primary reasons:
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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Why Men Lie – Reason 1: He doesn’t want to disappoint you…
Ironically this reason is also why he hates himself for telling you the lie in the first place. Men HATE that look of abject disappointment on your face when we know we’ve let you down.
Why He Lies To You – Reason 2: He doesn’t want the drama…
The emotional turmoil that could be created by the truth is never as attractive as just sweeping it under the carpet. He also feels like this is doing you a favor – sparing you the emotional upheaval.
And – be really honest here – do you find yourself creating some emotional heaviness for him when there’s one of THOSE conversations?
And could that – maybe – demotivate him from wanting to tell you the truth?
Food for thought…
Why he tells you a fib – Reason 3: He wants to impress you…
Hey, it’s not easy competing for women’s attention. Men feel like we’re the ones that have to lock in the girl of our dreams – and if we find a woman that interests us, we don’t want to lose her.
So a little lie about his college football performance doesn’t seem like a huge price to pay.
Now, some women might consider lying a bad enough offense… but right up there is the stuff a guy might be hiding from you.
After all, why does he need to hide anything from you? Shouldn’t he just be an open book?
We will tackle the philosophical part of that question in a moment, but here’s the part you’ve been dying for: 7 Things Every Guy Is Hiding From you
#1 – He’s hiding his porn.
Yeah, you knew that one, right?
But now it’s not like he needs to keep old VHS tapes or DVDs. Heck, anyone can surf over to a porn site these days and get a quick 5 minute fix of nasty video.
And there’s not much but his browser history to clean up.
But the funny thing is that guys will still hold onto their old porn discs as if they were rare collectors editions of Led Zeppelin albums – or gold doubloons. Mostly because throwing out porn feels like a horrible betrayal.
After all, when we were 12 years old, every single boy was silently praying to find a crate full of Playboys or X rated movies by the trash dumpster.
He’d much rather pack it up, put it in a time machine, and send it back to his pubescent self.
So there’s a good chance he’s got a few “treasures” he’s holding onto somewhere. Could be in a box in his attic or closet. Could be under the bed…
It could be a secret little directory on his hard drive for his MP4 videos.
But somewhere he’s hiding his naughty stash – and he doesn’t want you to know he’s got it.
And let’s be real here, you finding it isn’t going to make your relationship stronger.
The best thing you can do is to encourage him to share his dirty-movie interests with you someday.
The less he feels judged by the woman in his life, the more he will reach out to connect.
#2 – He’s hiding his “number.”
You know which number, right? His past partners.
And even if he does tell you what it is, it’s not the real one.
Yes, the same way you’re fibbing about YOUR number.
Remember, men have a way of exaggerating UP – and women exaggerate DOWN.
So let it go – this is another one of those things that does NOTHING to improve your relationship with him in any way.
#3 – He’s hiding his sexual interest in your friends, your sister, etc.
I should say that he’s TRYING to hide it.
Unfortunately most guys make it pretty easy to spot when they find a woman attractive. His behavior changes in pretty obvious ways.
But the reality is that men will meet a woman that’s a part of your life and sometimes think – “Wow… she’s hot…”
And this doesn’t mean he’s going to sleep with her or cheat on you with her.
It just means that guys don’t have that instant filter that women do for selecting sexual partners.
A woman can instantaneously exclude a guy from being a mate… because you get to choose.
Guys GET chosen, so every woman remains a candidate. It’s the way mother nature seems to like it, and you can’t argue with Mom, right?
#4 – He’s hiding his phone… or at least the access code.
You should never snoop through your partner’s phone.
Doing so is invasive, a clear indication of low self-esteem, and a sure-fire way to get him totally pissed off with you. It’s a terrible idea – but a lot of women disagree on this point.
“Well, why is he hiding his phone from me? If he seems sneaky, I have a right to find out what’s going on.”
If he seems sneaky – you need to start by thinking about two things right off the bat:
– FIRST – ask yourself if you’ve created a “punishment” environment in your relationship where he will never feel like it’s in his best interests to openly talk about things with you. (A LOT of women unknowingly create this kind of atmosphere.)
– SECOND – instead of invading his privacy, maybe sitting down with him and airing your feelings first would be a good step in the right direction. Let him know what’s concerning you about his behavior and give him a chance to come clean.
You’d be surprised how many men will open up and tell you what’s going on with them – if you give him the space to open up… and listen to him.
REALLY listen to him.
Not judge or be on the edge of your seat ready to berate or condemn him.
But no matter what you might think, don’t jump to conclusions.
Look, most of the time – the stuff you would find on his phone is pretty boring and innocent.
Sometimes it’s just flirty conversations that aren’t ever going to go anywhere. And he knows that!
Sometimes it’s a collection of boob pictures that would make Hugh Heffner jealous…
Or text comments to a co-worker about the new girl in accounting who gives J-Lo a run for her money in the booty department…
Whatever “it” is, you don’t have to snoop on him. Nor do you need to go looking for more things to try and interpret.
Give him his private space, because that’s one of those things he fears losing most. Especially in a committed relationship.
#5 – He hides YOU – from his friends… Until he knows you’re a keeper.
Look, you do the exact same thing. We all do…
Unless we’re trying to hurry the relationship along artificially so we can keep someone from pulling away.
(Not that anyone would do that. Ahem…)
So don’t be offended that he isn’t immediately parading you in front of his family and friends.
He wants to be sure you’re someone who he will not only approve of, but also his social circle will see the same things in you that he does.
Mind you, if you still haven’t met his parents after 5 months of consistent dating, you have every right to ask him what the hell is going on.
#6 – He’s hiding a particularly dramatic and explosive relationship…
Hey, we’ve all had a person that just brought out the worst in us. Somehow they just knew how to open up our big 64 ounce can of CRAZY.
He doesn’t want to talk about those 2 months when he got drunk and practically stalked his crazy ex into a restraining order. Or the psycho chick who used to manipulate him through jealousy.
Or even when he was just a real dick to a really sweet girl…
These are the places no man wants to go in his mind.
He might pound the wall of the shower one morning to deal with the sudden recall of it, but he’s never going to tell you.
And if he does – that man is rock solid in love with you beyond all hope. Propose to him on the spot.
And that leads us to the last thing on our list that he hides from you:
#7 – He hides that he’s completely out of control around you…
Yes, this is one thing that he will hide from you as much as he possibly can.
ESPECIALLY if he thinks you *might* be The One – his Soulmate.
Guys hate that unnerving loss of self-control that they feel around a woman they really like. It’s like someone pushed an “override” button on his emotional control, and now he’s completely at your mercy.
Which, by the way, is one of the reasons that men pull away from you.
They know they can’t resist what’s happening to them, so instead he creates some distance so that he can regain a little of that lost control.
Guys do crazy things when under the influence of love. Much crazier in many ways than women ever do.
I think that’s why those scenes in romantic comedies resonate on so many levels with women.
You hunger for those wild displays of emotion from a man that prove he’s actually feeling what you are.
So is hiding something from you a “bad” thing?
Again, no man wants to disappoint you, and so he sees lying – or hiding a few unsavory details – as being the lesser of two evils.
Look at it from his point of view: If he tells you an “inconvenient truth” and you freak, now he’s in the dog house – AND he’s upset you.
It always makes more sense (to him) to forego honesty for smooth, untroubled waters.
And let’s be honest about being honest: NO ONE IS 100% HONEST!
We’re all hiding a few things away, afraid that it would make the other person completely lose it if they knew our deep dark secrets.
No one is totally open and totally honest, and pretending that you are is actually a kind of a self-deception. It’s being dishonest to yourself to say that you’re honest to everyone else.
So let’s lose the hypocrisy. We all need to keep a few things under wraps and hidden.
Stay away from those articles that tell you “328 signs he’s hiding a dark secret from you” or “5 ways to figure out he’s lying on you – because you know he IS, sistah!”
Those trashy advice columns that teach you how to watch him all the time for signals of deception only breed paranoia and discontent. And once you walk down that path, you’ll probably wind up creating the very situation you fear.
A self-fulfilling prophecy…
Hiding something doesn’t mean a person doesn’t trust you – or isn’t trust-able.
Just because he doesn’t jump at the opportunity to tell you every deep, dark meanderings of his mind doesn’t mean he’s a creepy serial killer.
Constantly sharing everything he’s thinking or doing would be emotionally exhausting for you both to manage and deal with.
But let’s also be clear that if you’re hiding anything that would undermine your relationship – or jeopardize it – you need to get it out of your system and handled.
You have to keep the lines of communication open.
There’s a balance to be struck here, and you need to make sure you know when you’re getting either too paranoid or too naive.
Remember when I told you that he might be hiding his complete loss of control from you?
That he might actually think you’re his soulmate?
Well this is one area you actually should be watching for signals. A man gives off certain signals when he thinks you might be The One…
But more importantly, he is actually looking for a signal in YOU. It’s THE signal that tells him he can move forward with you.
Do you know what that signal is?