Complimenting a man can seem like a real tricky feat to accomplish. For many women, they resist complimenting men because they believe that men already have egos that are too big.
The reality is something else entirely...
You see, men may seem all egotistical on the surface, but it's a ruse.
Yeah, you may have heard this one before, but the male ego is quite fragile. We bluff and bluster, but it really all amounts to a giant show...
For YOUR benefit!
Men do the ego thing to show the qualities that women are attracted to. Like leadership... decisiveness... confidence... courage.
These are all things that SEEM like a man being egotistical if you're not understanding what he's really doing underneath it all.
And you need to know how to compliment a man right so that he keeps doing the right things, without shutting down his natural desire to impress you.
So let me explain a bit about how to compliment a guy so that he really responds to you. After all, that's the stuff that love is made of...
How To Compliment Him - SECRET 1: Avoid Compliment Blindness...
Women are very responsive to what I like to call "spot compliments." That means those things that are easily observed about their appearance. Especially if done with sincerity.
- "Oh, those shoes are awesome...!"
- "That dress fits you so well..."
- "I love that hairstyle!"
Men love these compliments, too. But we are more responsive to what I call "inspiration" compliments. And often women ignore what he was inspired by and come across sounding ungrateful.
For example, if he gets you a weird present, the worst thing you could do is to trash his decision making ability.
She says: "What in the world made you think that I'd like this?"
That right there is a triple-play of hurt for a guy. For her to say something like that means that:
- She doesn't appreciate his thought - because love was what inspired him...
- She doesn't appreciate his action - because that was effort for him...
- She doesn't appreciate. Period. And that means he got NO credit.
Now, I don't think that you would ever likely respond to a man that way. And if you have, you probably know this is not a very loving way to respond.
But just as important is knowing how to make a genuine compliment for him - especially if you were a little disappointed or let down! This is one of the key success abilities in couples that respect each other and stick together.
Remember that love is also about recognizing that we rarely ever do anything to hurt our partner. We may act selfishly, but unless the feelings are all gone from the relationship, we're not trying to deliberately cause them pain.
How To Compliment Him - SECRET 2: Compliment The DEEP...
When I say "The Deep" - I mean that you should compliment the thing that's most hidden about what he did or said.
When a guy does something that is thoughtful, he's less concerned about the result being complimented than the thinking and action that was behind it.
For example, let's say he does the usual guy thing of trying to fix your problem instead of just listening to you vent, like your girlfriends do.
What do you do?
Most women get a little frustrated (sometimes a LOT frustrated.) And then they end up feeling resentment that he "isn't there for them" the way they want him to be. And very often, this drives a wedge between you in the relationship.
Now let me show you another way:
EXAMPLE: He tries to fix your problem instead of listening...
You stop, put your hand on his arm, and say:
"Oh, honey, that's sweet of you to give me a solution. I love it when you help me like that. Hey - would you mind if I just blew off some steam first? Then we can talk about fixing it."
Voila! You have just fixed something that 95% of women do wrong almost EVERY single time they vent to their man. You acknowledged what was going on behind the words.
How To Compliment Him - SECRET 3: Compliment The ROLE...
Men live their lives trying to achieve the role of being a great man. There are a bunch of different roles that we aspire to:
And when we know we ARE that thing, it energizes us and fuels us to aspire to even more heights.
Here are a few compliments that will make his day:
"You are an incredible Dad..."
"You are such an awesome boyfriend..."
"You are a great role model..."
The key to those phrases is "You ARE."
Telling a man he's achieved the goal of being the kind of man he aspires to be - and all men do aspire to be great - is the kind of compliment that can fill up his tank for days.
How To Compliment Him - SECRET 4: Compliment his BEING...
One of the most affirming things a guy can feel - if not THE most - is knowing he's accepted just as he is.
One of the most common complaints in relationships that guys have is that they don't feel like they're accepted by their partner. It's very frequent, in fact.
And the reason that this complaint comes up all the time is in the difference between how men and women communicate. Women are quick to spot areas that they know might turn into relationship problems later.
So they point them out quickly, and often forget that they might also be communicating that he's not "good enough" as he is.
Men are very keen to be accepted by his love - but he'll NEVER tell you that!
So you need to know it's true, and act on it without waiting for him to ask for it.
Chances are he doesn't even know how to voice that request, so you might NEVER find it out anyway!
Saying something as simple as: "You know what? I love you just the way you are..."
You want to cement that one in? Say this after he smiles from ear to ear: "I wouldn't change a thing!"
Slam dunk compliment that will make him trust and love you forever...
How To Compliment Him - SECRET 5: Compliment by being HAPPY...
This one is simple, and you might miss it if you were looking for signs.
Men are hard wired to make women happy. It's a primary drive of men.
And many women never fully understand how strong this "program" is in his head. A man feels a DEEP and profound sadness when he fails to make you happy.
You might say, "But Carlos! He doesn't seem like he's trying very hard to make me happy now!"
This can be true after a while in a long-term relationship. If a man tries for a while and doesn't feel like he CAN make you happy, he'll give up.
And that's perfectly understandable. There are a lot of people who simply can't be made happy. It's futile to try. They have a lot of stuff they need to take care of inside themselves.
And - honestly - these people probably shouldn't be in a relationship until they do take care of it.
The best way you can compliment a man is to simply LET him make you happy...
- With the things he says...
- With the gifts he brings - no matter what those gifts are...
- With the things he does for you...
Just let him know in words and action of the impact he's having on you.
I can count on one finger the number of women that ever stopped to really verbally appreciate what I did for them and how thankful they were.
Gratitude is an awesome way to show him how happy you really are to have him in your life.
If you really want to connect to your man - unlike any other woman in his life - you need to know what his "connection code" is.
His Connection Code is the secret way that he feels love & connection with you.
If you don't know what your man's Code is, you're probably making at least as many mistakes as you are wins with him.
Don't leave it up to chance...
Go find out his Connection Code now...
And if you haven't seen my other article on Flirting Tips For Women - go read it HERE...