How to Get a Guy by Not Needing Him
“Needy” has become a buzzword in recent times, especially when it comes to dating. More than that, it’s become a label that women (and even guys) actively avoid because of the negativity attached to it.
But let’s not kid ourselves – we all have needs, there’s no way around it. We’re not robots programmed NOT to crave companionship, sex and romance; it’s what makes us feel alive!
So let me tell you upfront that there’s nothing wrong with having needs.
Being needy, on the other hand, is a whole other ball game.
There’s a difference between wanting a guy in your life and clinging to him like your life depended on it.
Now, it’s perfectly fine if you’re naturally sweet, affectionate and caring. Any guy would be crazy not to dig a chick who’s not afraid to show her feminine side.
On the flip side though, a man is also looking for a little backbone and that “resistance” to complete the package.
Most guys won’t tell you, but they’d rather have a partner who they can call an equal. They’d prefer to skip the drama of doing double-duty as an emotional babysitter.
Trust me; as a guy, I can say that I’m not going to expect a girl to help me get over my hang-ups or deal with my emotional baggage.
So, what I’m really getting at is that any guy worth dating is looking for a little maturity in his woman. And that means not needing him to live a happy, healthy life.
To contradict a popular phrase, we should be, to some extent, an island – a sexy, independent island that is.
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Any island that can flourish on its own makes it fun, happening and desirable.
This is the kind of attitude that draws a guy in, and cultivating it is easier than you think. Just remember the following:
- Learn the difference between enjoying a guy’s admiration and approval – and depending on it like oxygen. The latter is a sign of neediness, and symptoms include questions like “Does this dress make me look fat?” and “Do you think she’s pretty?”
- If you don’t see eye-to-eye on something with a guy, you don’t need him to agree with you. Let him have his own say on the matter, have a spirited discussion, and agree to disagree. Life’s more exciting like that.
- Happiness in a relationship is not about being treated like a goddess 24/7. Let a guy have some self-respect and love himself so he can love you just as much – this is how to be equal partners. (Although you don’t need to stop him from giving you something nice every now and then, especially if he screwed up big time.)
- Here’s a funny little paradox: learn how to change a flat tire, set up your wi-fi, defrag your hard drive and kill a cockroach, but every once in a while, ask him to do those things for you. Letting him take care of you is an incredible turn-on for him.
- But if you’re in a real jam, being able to ask him for help is a good move as well. (Asking him to bail you out all the time because you’re always broke is different though – stay on top of your financial stuff.)
- You don’t need to be clones of each other. Have different interests, and give yourselves a little breathing room to do your own thing from time to time. Relationships are awesome because you both have something unique to offer!
- Above all, you don’t need him to “complete” you. You were perfectly fine before you met him, and you’ll still be fine if you ever became single again. When you take care of him, it’s because you WANT to, even if he is a big boy.
And that’s the clincher: if you can live without him, but still choose to be with him, it means you can also decide to walk away if it’s not working for you.
When you flip this switch in a guy’s head, it’ll drive him crazy with desire. Not only will he want to stick around, he’ll make sure to meet you halfway.
If there’s anything my experience with relationships has taught me, it’s that getting a guy to commit means staying connected every step of the way.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
– Carlos Cavallo