According to relationship experts, the best way to get over someone you love is to just "get over them". But, this is
the worst advice ever for how to get over someone.
Breaking up hurts. But it doesn't need to be constant suffering. If you want to know how to get through a breakup, that's what I'm talking about here today.
How long does it take to get over someone?
I'm sure science could try to give you an exact answer here. But the reality is that when you've lost someone you love due to a break up, it really depends on your situation - and how much you want to get over him.
Sure, your heart might be broken. But the situation you're in with your relationship and your partner means that your feelings could be really strong, or maybe not.
You might have a lot of memories with him. You might have shared space, living together. The process of getting over him could take a few days, or a few months.
For some people it can even take years. Especially if there was a divorce, where you feel like the relationship failed or there's leftover guilt.
But it doesn't have to take years. If it takes a long time, that's only because that person made it take years to get over someone.
Just remember that it gets better every single day. That should give you the faith to keep moving forward. One day, you will wake up and the emotional pain will be gone.
But in the here and now, you might need a little help.
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How do you get over someone you never dated?
If you're wondering how to get over someone you never dated, the answer is pretty simple: Your hopes and fantasies may have made an imaginary relationship. But the reality is he will fade quickly from your mind and heart.
You can use the same strategies that I'm going to show you here.
Why Breaking Up Hurts So Much
You might not be aware of this, but your brain got used to your relationship. When you're in love with somebody over the long-term, your brain releases lots of love hormones. And you become addicted to them.
Technically, you are still in love with him. It's hard to stop thinking about him. Of course you want to move on, but these withdrawal symptoms are going to make it difficult.
Not to mention, but you have to go through the steps of grief as well.
The five stages of grief are:
Now, you may not go through all of these steps. But it's very likely that if your relationship breakup is painful, and you're feeling a lot of emotions, you may have to spend some time grieving the loss.
And if you have trouble managing your emotions, you may find yourself getting stuck. There's no harm in seeking out professional help if that's the case.
You might not be able to accept what is happened to your relationship. You might be stuck in your anger, or depression. But in order to make it to acceptance, you gotta go through the process of accepting your new single identity again.
Why does it take so long to get over someone?
When you're in a romantic relationship with someone, the memories pile up. Anything you did with your partner get stored away in your emotions. Your heart fills up with memories of experiences you shared.
When the breakup comes along, part of you is caught off guard. You didn't expect this, so it's a shock to your system.
Some of the factors that affect how long it takes to get over someone are:
How much did you actually love each other? How strong are your feelings?
If there's a lot of pain, it could be because your mind is stuck on him.
If the breakup happened suddenly, you were caught off guard. It will take time to accept the reality of your relationship breakup.
How to actually get over a broken heart
Some relationships fade away quickly. Some take a lot longer.
Take time to get clarity...
The first step is you have to figure out:
What was your relationship like?
Were you and your partner close?
There are some simple steps you can take to get over someone. But keep in mind that you need to put an end to this relationship in your own feelings and mind.
If you're getting stuck in your feelings, wanting to relive the memories, or look for his actions that might signal getting back together, you will make this process take a long time.
TIP 1: No Time Limit Needed
The first thing you need to throw out is your expectations of when you will get over him. If you keep a firm breakup timeline in your mind, that will make it more difficult.
Just resolve that it will take as long as it takes to get over it. Any comparison or expectations about how long the process is will just bring up more resistance.
In fact, the less you try and control the process, the shorter it will take.
TIP 2: Cut off all communication
Sure, you might be holding hopes that your partner will change their feelings and want to come back to you. But in reality, it's not likely to work out.
No calls. No texts.
Holding false hopes is going to hurt you more in the long run. For now, the best thing you can do is to sever all communications with him.
Don't set up any meetings
Don't send text messages
Don't call them
Relationships are an addictive process, so it may not be easy for you to stay away. When you keep communication open and opportunity for him to come back, you're just making it harder for you to get over the relationship.
In fact, the best thing you can do is to block or unfriend him or her on social media networks.
You also want to avoid cyber stalking them. Don't go checking their profile or their posts, and definitely drop the whole "make my ex jealous" strategy.
If you have to respond to your ex because of important unfinished business, keep your conversation short. You must end them first.
TIP 3: Accept That The Past Is Past
Sometimes the hardest part about ending a love relationship is that this person will no longer play such an important role in your life.
However, you have to get over this and realize that you are still left with a powerful memory. There were some genuine feelings and love. You don't have to forget the past, but you need to walk away from it.
In fact, the best thing you can do is to acknowledge that you learned your lessons, you have loving positive memories to take with you, and now you are better prepared for the next relationship.
TIP 4: Don't Start Dating Right Away
I'm not saying you can't date ever again, obviously. But you should not try to activate your online dating profile right away. You also shouldn't jump right out into the singles market again.
The most important reason is that if you do this too soon, you may make it take longer to get over the breakup. And you might risk having a rebound relationship.
From my experience, almost every single person is so desperate to validate themselves that they typically go back to dating far too early.
Give yourself some time to regroup and get centered to yourself. You'll be glad you did.
TIP 5: It's time to forgive
One of the things they never explained to you in breakup school is how to learn forgiveness.
Let's put it this way: If you don't make forgiveness a part of your life, you'll probably be stuck in your past anger and emotions of loss for many years.
When you cling to your feelings without going through the process of healing, you just become bitter.
I'm not just talking about forgiving him; you also have to forgive yourself.
Nobody could predict what would happen. There was no way you could see into the future and avoid what happened. Remember the lessons you learned, and let go of the rest.
TIP 6: Make a Nasty list
This is one that works like a champ.
Sit down with a pen and paper and write down everything your partner used to do that drove you nuts. Capture as much as you possibly can.
Then, when you find yourself in a weak moment, where you're feeling the loss and out-of-control feelings, read the list. It won't take long before you remember how much better off you are now.
For example, stuff like:
Lack of effective communication
General poor communication skills
Too much emotional pain
His picking ear wax out with his car keys
No positive feelings for your partner
Friendships and personal relationships clash
Without a list like this to remind you about why you need to let go, you will just keep remembering all the good stuff and forgetting about the bad.
While you're at it, it's probably time to collect everything you got as gifts from him and put it all in a box. Store it somewhere out-of-the-way so you don't get reminded every day.
You don't need to get caught up in sentimental or nostalgic feelings. Just keep that stuff out of your headspace for now. You can always reflect on it later.
TIP 7: Remember that there is more than one person out there for you
It's easy to get caught up in useless feelings of self-pity. You might think this person was the "only one for you," but we know that isn't true. There are other people who will make you laugh, cry, love as much as you did with him.
One door closes, another one opens...
In fact, the most inspirational thing to remember is that there's an amazing person out there who will fit you better in your future.
Don't cling to the fears of dying alone or never finding another person. You probably felt like that before you met this person and you still managed to create a new relationship.
It's time to let go of the old romantic feelings to make room for the new ones. There is no perfect time.
There are literally millions of people out there waiting to meet you. Get busy!
TIP 8: Focus On Your Self Care
It's kind of a cliché, but you want to make sure you're taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs.
Get back to your own self development. And be sure to focus on your self-esteem, as a breakup can really throw you for a loop.
It's funny how soon we forget how much fun we have being alone. Take this time to get comfortable with yourself again, and you will know when the time is right to go back to dating.
Social media and getting over someone you love
Let's face it, social media makes it harder to let go of a relationship. Especially if you posted pictures, shared details of your life and relationship with each other. Your situation was out there on the Internet for everyone to see.
Your family and your friends will now ask you questions about your heartbreak and loss of your partner. They may see posts on social media about your breakup.
Even if you just want to forget, other people will keep reminding you about the ugly truth. Maybe even stirring up old memories and feelings along the way.
In the end, everything comes down to your experience of your relationship. One person might get over the heartbreak quickly, and get to clarity about the situation.
On the other hand, another person might take months or even years to get over someone they've broken up with.
The process is always going to be different. You can't compare yourself to others.
The loss can be difficult. As long as you work through your story with yourself, your pain doesn't need to last forever. You only have one life, and you don't want to waste your emotions and time for someone who doesn't love you anymore.
You have to make a resolution. Resolve to heal your heart and move forward. Let yourself complete the healing process.
You might not be ready to do this. You might need more time to work through your grieving and the pain.
If you're still trying to get your ex back, you may never be able to move on. You just gotta resolve to let him go and move on to a new relationship.
Anyone can do this.
The question is, will YOU do this?
If there's a chance of winning him back, you may want to take that chance. I've got all the right words for you to say to him.
You can text them, or say them, and it's like saying "Open Sesame!" to his heart. He will have no choice but to let you in again...
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