How To Make Him Jealous - And Love You More! - 12 Secrets
By: Carlos Cavallo
One of the most common problems a woman has is when a guy seems to be losing interest. And you know that one of the best ways to get him interested again it's figuring out how to make him jealous - and how to make him love you again.
It always seems like he's got another priority above you. You never feel like you're at the top of his list.
And you probably know that “stoking the fire” with his emotions is a way to inspire him.
Look, jealousy works.
I'm going to show you how to use this powerful emotion to your advantage. Because he should be feeling a little insecure from time to time, right?
The reality is that we all get a little bit jaded. We start to take our significant other for granted, and we don't pay attention like we should. Men are especially prone to this. And every so often he needs a good kick in the butt.
“But Carlos, why jealousy? Isn't this manipulation?”
Well, if you ask any woman who has a guy who isn't making HER a priority, she doesn't care one bit how she gets the attention she deserves. She just knows she wants it.
And you should get that attention!
If you're jealous of the time he's spending with his friends, or with other people instead of you, then you know exactly how you want him to feel about you.
Jealousy can definitely be used for good in your relationship because it can:
Make him remember your value
Make him remember his feelings that he may have put aside
Remind him how blessed and lucky he is to have you
Show him that you are still attractive and desirable, and other men want you
Make him understand that you are not permanently obligated to be his
Remind him how much he wanted you before the complacency set in - just get rid of whatever “boredom” he might be feeling
Rule #1: Use jealousy ONLY for good. Never to manipulate.
The reason I'm showing you this method is because it's ETHICAL - because it's for a WIN-WIN.
WARNING: When I show you psychological tricks like this, I assume that you are a good person. That you would never misuse or abuse these strategies.
The other part is, it's not manipulation when we are doing it with heart.
If you know you are coaxing your man to do the right thing, then it's never manipulation. It's inspiration.
Jealousy is one of the most powerful emotions. It's like super-concentrated explosive. Just a little goes a long way.
Jealousy is a warning - that something important to you is about to be lost. Or possibly taken away.
Jealousy will absolutely keep you ON HIS MIND.
I'm guessing you've probably felt jealous about something at some point in your life. Everyone has.
Jealousy is intense and it gets you moving like nothing else.
Jealousy motivates you to take action immediately to protect what you have.
And that's why it's so important to use jealousy effectively if you're going to make a man pay attention to you. You've got to get this guy off his butt and working to win your heart again. If you don't, he will just keep losing interest and eventually fade away.
Or, more likely, he will simply find someone else.
And who will be jealous then? Unfortunately, probably you.
So let's make sure that doesn't happen!
Rule #2: Jealousy is powerful, only use a little tiny bit.
The one problem with jealousy is if you use too much, you can poison your relationship. So go easy and don't overdo it. You don't want to create toxic feelings between you and him. Especially if he thinks you are playing games. (Which, if you do as I explain, this won't happen.)
Jealousy has explosive power, which is important for you to leverage.
Keep Him On His Toes - Jealousy Tactic 1: Remember Yourself
Look, the reality is that when you're in a relationship, sometimes you forget to make yourself a priority. This happens frequently for women. When you do, you stop showing him how he should treat you.
Remember the saying:
“We teach others how to treat us.”
We do this by how we treat ourselves.
Make yourself a priority again!
Remind yourself of your strengths
Remember your personal power
In order for a man to really value you, he has to see that you value yourself. So you must always start with getting back to basics. Make sure you are tending to your own feelings of self-worth.
Jealousy Tip 2: Drop a firecracker
One of the best ways to remind a guy what he could lose is to remind him that you were not always pining away for him. You had other boyfriends who really appreciated you.
Drop a small firecracker near him by mentioning something from your dating past.
Don't be obvious with this, make sure it's something that fits into the conversation.
For example: You're talking about where to go on vacation and what to pack.
You could say: “Yeah, I remember when Tim (your ex) and I went to Hawaii. We didn't bring nearly enough clothes. And we had to do laundry. We should avoid that if we can.”
You don't need to flaunt what you did with Tim, just mention his name casually. You don't even need to go into specifics. Your guy's “Boyfriend Brain” will do the rest for you.
A word of caution: Do not mention sex with previous boyfriends. This is going too far and could likely backfire on you. Your current guy will interpret your mentioning this as trying to start a fight.
Don't go there.
Jealousy Tip 3: Be a little extra flirty
If a woman wants to be constantly in demand, she must always play the role of the Coquette.
In fact, coquette actually means “a woman who flirts.”
ALL of the most desirable women flirt a little bit. Never disrespectful to their partners, but just enough to remind him that you’ve got options.
For example, the next time you meet up with some friends, make sure you give the guy friends a little extra hug. Maybe even a peck on the cheek.
In fact, at this point I want to make sure you're aware of something:
Yes, this means he might get a little bit mad. (If he gets really mad, that means he has some anger issues or you just went too far.)
When a guy gets mad, most women seek to pacify him.
High demand women don't coddle his reaction. Let him be a little mad. He's not really mad at you, he's mad that he feels threatened.
Guess when a man will put in the most effort? When will he work the hardest to keep you?
Exactly - when he's threatened. That's when he gets his butt in gear and gets moving.
Isn't that what you wanted?
If so then don't let your fear of his emotional reaction (anger) stop you. As the saying goes, if you want to make an omelette you have to break a few eggs.
Don't wuss out!
Jealousy Tip 4: Pause the flow
Chances are he's gotten very used to you responding to his texts right away. You probably do this thinking that it is respectful and how you would want him to treat you.
The problem is that we don't treat people the way we are treated. We treat people the way they treat themselves.
So my next suggestion for you is that you Pause The Flow - slow down on texting him. If you usually text him every single day in the morning, stop. Increase the time in between your texts.
If he usually texts you back on his lunch break, wait a little extra longer before you text him back.
The more he waits on you, the more he's thinking about you.
It's a simple rule.
If a guy feels like he's got you wrapped around his finger, he's going to get lazy with his attention and his affection for you.
He'll take his sweet time to respond to you figuring that he's got you all locked up, nice and neat.
It's your goal to break this assumption in his head. Shake up his world.
The more you can make him doubt his hold on you, the better. Then he goes back to trying to win you over again. The way he should have from the very start.
Remember, a man isn't yours until he begs you to marry him.
Most women give up the game way too early. And as a result they end up chasing their man for the rest of their lives, instead of him chasing you.
Which one would you rather have?
Jealousy Tip 5: Touch Tactic
Every so often it's a good idea to casually touch another guy in your man's presence. What I mean by this is, just a momentary hand on the arm of some other guy while you're with your man is a good idea. It's innocent enough that he can't really make a big deal out of it.
(But don't you worry, he will. And he may even try to make it sound like it's your fault.)
Don't fall for his games! You know that you're just innocently flirting. If he can't handle it, he's now just realizing that he doesn't have the hold on you he thought he did.
Time for him to wake up and smell the coffee!
Jealousy Tip 6: Go Out Somewhere Fun & Social - with the girls!
If you're not already spending time with your friends, you may have fallen victim to one of the biggest traps of dating and relationships: the Trap of forgetting your friends.
A lot of women fall into a pattern of giving all of their time to their boyfriend. This is one of the ways you can really sabotage your relationship.
You should be going out with your girlfriends at least once a month if you can. Definitely no less than once every two months. And of course going to lunch here and there as well.
But you should definitely get out to have a dinner and drinks with some of your friends. No men allowed. (Except the ones that hit on you, of course!)
You should text him a picture of you looking all dressed up and ready to go out.
You get extra points if you can make sure there's at least one single girl in your group. This will give him a little apprehension that will keep you on his mind.
Jealousy Tip 7: Meet a stranger
Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you shouldn't be friendly and social. In fact, it's a good idea to talk to new people from time to time - even men.
If you happen to get approached by a guy who starts a conversation, don't rush away in a panic that you're somehow cheating on your boyfriend all of a sudden.
In fact, if you find yourself worrying about this sort of thing when talking to new people, you should check in with yourself and figure out why.
Make friends with new people. Expand your Social Circle. And if a guy happens to talk to you, you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, you might even want to mention it in conversation later on to your man.
Jealousy Tip 8: Compliment his buddy
Assuming that he has decent quality friends, then you should from time to time pass them a compliment. Not in an overt sexual kind of way or anything, just a nice compliment.
Maybe it's about something he's wearing, or a smart decision he made. Always feel free to be generous with your appreciation of others.
Mind you, if you're not complimenting your man regularly, this can seem a little bit touchy. Make sure you're still appreciating him before you use this strategy of complimenting someone else.
He wants your praise. And he will work hard to get it!
Jealousy Tip 9: Ignore him for a bit
If you've ever felt ignored or been ignored before, then you know the power of this!
Every so often he needs to feel what it would be like to NOT have you. Make him wonder what you're doing and what you're up to without him. Plant the seeds of doubt and insecurity in HIM for once. (Instead of YOU!)
Just choose one evening or whole day of the week and don't respond to him at all. No calls or texts.
Then just pick it up right where you left off in the next morning. Like there was no gap.
Think about it this way, if you are a high-demand woman, would you be responding to him within seconds of his every text or call?
NO, you wouldn't! You’d be too busy paying attention to your own life - your friends, and social circle. And that would be a healthy thing to do!
Remember: Always act like the high-demand woman you wish to be.
Make sure he knows that you're NOT available for him every moment of every day. Well, at least not until he finally proposes to you.
Jealousy Tip 10: Go spend some time with a male friend
There's absolutely nothing wrong with spending a little quality time with your friends. And if that friend happens to be a guy, so what? As long as there's no funny business, then there's nothing to discuss here. You are completely in the clear if you want to do it.
And you should do it, and let your boyfriend know about it.
Go meet for a friendly dinner, nothing romantic. Stir up some emotion in your man as he starts planning how to chase you again.
Jealousy Tip 11: Start dressing up again
There's a good chance you may have fallen into patterns of dressing in a more "casual" way after your relationship got going. After all, you don't need to win him anymore do you?
(Sorry, those yoga pants should not be your default attire. Get back to some fashion!)
And the truth of the matter is, you need to feel valued yourself!
When you dress up and go out:
other men will pay attention to you
you'll feel better about yourself
you'll probably get compliments and attention from lots of people
you're keeping the mindset of a high-value woman!
And of course, this will get his gears turning. He'll wonder why you suddenly decided to care about your appearance again.
All you have to tell him is: “I just wanted to get back to my old self.”
Let him figure out what that means.
Jealousy Tip 12: When other guys approach you or ask you out, let him know about it
As soon as you start treating yourself like the high-value woman you are, other men will notice. Other men will approach you and talk to you and probably ask you out.
I'm just warning you because it's going to feel great. You're going to wonder why you didn't do this before. Maybe you'll feel a little bit squirmy about it, but you'll get over that when you realize what you were missing out on.
And when other guys start paying attention to you, you should soak it in. Don't misuse or exploit it, but definitely let it encourage and validate you a little.
And also let this realization really hit you: You're desirable!
How does that feel?
To know that?
And when a guy does hit on you or ask you out, casually mention it to your man. Let him absorb that concept fully.
Let him realize that he also needs to work to keep your attention.
This is a healthy thing.
Jealousy Tip 13: Post a picture of you with other male friends
Sometimes social media is a great tool for reminding your man what he needs to pay attention to.
The next time you're out with some male friends or coworkers, take a selfie with a few of them. Post it on your Facebook page, or in Instagram.
Then listen as your man starts asking all kinds of questions about it. And he gets back to work on chasing YOU!
Jealousy Tip 14: Talk Up A Movie Star
Back when I first met my wife, she had a crush on Brad Pitt. He was probably the only Hollywood star she thought was hot. And every time she talked about him part of me would bristle. After all, why isn't she talking about me like that?
(Besides the fact that I'm no Brad Pitt)
The truth of the matter is, most Hollywood stars wouldn't be very fun to date. They may look attractive, but their personalities are not appealing to say the least.
But that shouldn't stop you from letting your boyfriend know about that one sexy celebrity that you love to look at. Especially if you can bring it up in conversation around some of your girlfriends.
Let him know - subtly - that this celeb really gets you going. You can do it with a simple glowing look and smile, or a deep “mmmmmmm….” when you see a picture.
It can also be inspiration to get him exercising again and caring about his appearance. He knows on some level that he can't compare to the status of a hot movie star, and probably never will. And this is something that all men struggle a little bit with.
Why not use it to wake him up a little bit? To get him to want to win you over all over again.
Every so often, if he's back to working on his appearance, then compliment him on it!
Jealousy Tip 15: Cancel a date
When a guy starts taking you for granted, there's a very good chance he just assumes you're always going to be there for him.
And chances are you have been too available for him. When you are always there when he asks, and always available to go out when he feels like asking you, you’re diminishing your value.
Imagine if you were trying to negotiate a better price on a car. And you say to the salesman: “Wow! I gotta have this car! It’s perfect.”
Right at that moment, the salesman knows he's GOT you. He doesn't have to lower his price one bit because you've made it clear you'll pay whatever he asks.
It's the same thing in relationships!
If you're too easy, don't be surprised if the other person takes advantage of this.
Every so often, cancel a date on him. Let him know that you won't always be available at his beck and call. Let him have a few doubts about his hold on you.
It was these doubts that made him work to win you in the first place!
What Happens After He Feels A Little Jealous? Will He Come Back?
Don't be surprised if he comes back to you with double the energy, once you've inspired him to stop taking you for granted. Most men who are still emotionally attached will actually ENJOY the rush of feeling emotions about you again.
It will awaken his desire.
On the other hand, if he doesn't feel jealous for some reason, then you've got a serious problem to look at. If he isn't jealous, this shows that you no longer inspire fear of loss in him. It probably means he isn't in love anymore.
Not only this, but it might mean that he's already started dating or looking at dating other people.
If you can't get a man to feel a little jealous, this means you have no influence over him - and that means you better act FAST.
So, these jealousy tactics are not just good for waking him up - they can be an early warning system for a relationship in trouble.
Jealousy, when properly used, is a very effective tool in your arsenal. Don't be afraid to use it! Not to hurt the other person, but to make a point - remind him that you're not going to be taken advantage of.
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