How To Talk To a Guy
Guys are simple, right?
We like to talk about sports, girls, and action movies.
Oh, and occasionally cars.
You’d think it would be pretty simple to strike up a conversation with a guy, wouldn’t you?
But the truth is often far from that.
First of all, you probably feel silly talking about action movies or cars. Hey, I realize there are some women that get into those topics, but it’s not that frequent.
And you probably don’t want to talk about girls, either.
That leaves sports – of which you may or may not be a fan.
But right about here, you’re starting to feel the scarcity of topics that bridge the gap of male-female communications.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that hard. You simply need to use a few simple strategies to get him to notice you, pay attention to you, and want more.
(Don’t worry – I’m not going to bore you with “been there, done that” advice that you can get from any lame “how to” site… I’m going to give you some more in-depth understanding.)
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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First off, let’s talk about the kind of things you don’t want to talk to guys about:
How NOT to Talk To A Guy: Don’t criticize him.
Not once. Not even in your sweetest, most charming voice.
Not even if someone else just spoke the honest truth and you just want to help him feel better about that.
Seriously – this is a HUGE mistake that many women make that just does not fly with guys.
And the less time you’ve known him, the less likely you are to ever recover from this mistake.
In fact, when a woman criticizes a guy at any time, it is never going to be well received.
Men are extremely sensitive to the criticisms of women, and it’s enough to make him pull away from you and grow distant.
In fact, if you’ve ever wondered why men pull away – this is one of the biggest reasons – and it’s not immediately obvious to most women.
Just keep it in the back of your head that guys can take feedback and criticism from another guy, but rarely from the woman in his life. It’s just too close and too painful.
If you have something you’d like to “fix” or “tweak” about him, keep it in the back of your head for now.
There will be PLENTY of these things for you to work on with him in the future – trust me on that.
For now, it’s better to wait until you have a list you can prioritize. The fact that he sneezes a bit too loud for you right now might seem pretty insignificant later.
Another thing to NOT talk about with a guy: Don’t talk about ANY man that you think is attractive or “hot.”
Yes, I know it seems pretty obvious. But I’ve seen this one done quite a few times, believe it or not.
Even on first dates.
What often happens is that the woman finds some chemistry with her date, and she gets talking on a topic that is slightly sexual in nature.
It makes him talk about some edgy topics, and before you know it – oops – you got too comfortable and let slip how hot you think Ryan Gosling is.
Now, we both know you were just feeling more open and trusting, but that topic is not going to win him over – any more than telling you how hot he thinks some actress or model is.
At worst, it will just make him feel bad and shut him down.
What you shouldn’t talk about with a guy: Anything that breaks the spell…
The last thing I want to tell you about is something that may seem almost “old fashioned” by today’s standards. But it just so happens to be one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal as a woman.
What is this forgotten secret of attraction?
If there’s something a guy doesn’t want to know, it’s anything that breaks the spell of his enchantment with you as a woman.
One of those areas of mystery is what you’re doing in the bathroom – whether that’s getting ready for a date, pooping, dealing with “Flow”, or just catching up on bad Youtube videos on your iPad.
Don’t feel compelled to explain yourself – or have to give any details about what goes on behind the scenes of your personal blockbuster.
Just keep the details about anything that breaks the magic to yourself.
Yeah, this even includes the freak appearance of a zit or pimple that you might feel you need to explain.
It’s okay – he won’t care about why or how. And if you bring it up, he’ll just wonder why you’re so insecure.
Okay, so let’s dig into some of the the more important ways for how to talk to guys.
First of all, it goes without saying that if you met this guy over a common interest activity of some kind, that’s always a great home base to come back to for conversation.
If you met him at a concert, or some live music somewhere, then music is your best safety net if things get dry in the conversation.
Second of all, remember that there’s a sweet spot when talking to guys. You don’t need to blab non-stop constantly – but you should be helping to keep the talk flowing.
Occasional flurries of small talk are okay – you’re a bit nervous after all, and so is he.
On the other hand, if you let things get too silent, it will get awkward.
But you shouldn’t be afraid of a little pause in the conversation every so often. It’ll keep him working to gain your interest.
Here’s how to talk to a guy – 3 ways to talk to men:
#1 – Get him to talk about the Greatest Thing In The World!
Oh, you know what that Greatest Thing is, right?
Well, it’s not like he’s a guy that’s narcissistic and self-centered. Most guys you meet really aren’t, by the way.
You see, many of the dating advisors and self-help gurus out there would have you believe that every little thing you find bothersome about a man is A) worth paying attention to, B) completely his problem.
The reality is that he’s going to fall back on talking about the one thing he understands best: His own viewpoint.
So he might sound like he’s just talking about himself, but he’s really just hoping you’ll be able to listen to him in a way that his other dude friends simply can’t.
And men often fall back on talking about himself if he runs out of questions to ask you. Sometimes it’s just a space-filling strategy that gives him time to relax and ease back into asking you more questions.
But the point is that most men do this automatically in conversations with other guys. It doesn’t mean he’s a self-centered idiot.
Men are just used to talking about his experience of the world – and it’s usually FACT-based.
Meaning, that he’s just used to communicating in hard details, not soft emotions.
This is why sports stuff is so easy for most guys to discuss. It’s just memorized numbers.
The next tip for how to talk to a guy is…
#2 – Put away the “strong, independent woman” card for a while…
Yes, I know that’s going to make a lot of women flinch.
Especially if your mom was one of the women who grew up in the surge of feminist politics in the 1970s and onward.
But here’s the deal: A guy wants a woman who has a reason to want HIM.
Think about it from your perspective for a second: Do YOU want a guy that doesn’t need you in some way?
Whether that’s for nurturing, sex, and all those other wonderful parts of being in a relationship – why would you be with a guy if there wasn’t something there he could provide for you?
And yet time and time again, a guy will go out on a date only to discover that:
– She can get the door herself, thank you very much…
– She can pull her own chair out from the table – thanks anyways…
– Oh no I don’t need you to walk me back to my car…
– That’s fine, I can do this/that/anything all by myself…
In countless little ways, women undermine a man’s attraction simply by being too quick to cut him out of the equation of you + him.
Yeah, we get it… You’re not dumb, you’re not incapable, you’re not a stereotype from the 1930s.
You can handle yourself.
Hey, you may have even taken a little kickboxing and can kick a little ass.
But if there’s one thing I can tell you for sure, it’s that men don’t want women who don’t have some NEED for them in their life.
We men have to be handy. We have to be of use to you. We need to PROVIDE.
Or we just don’t feel like men.
And guess what?
We won’t stay with a woman who doesn’t help us feel more like a man than we would without her.
Think about that… and think about this: What do you really want a man to do for you?
Then, let him do that.
#3 – Use a thought-provoking question to create instant chemistry…
When all is said and done, a man will feel more connected and attracted to you if he feels like he’s heard and understood.
At the risk of sounding like a country-western lyric, let me repeat that for you:
When the date is over, a man will feel far more connected and attracted to you if he feels like you heard him and understood him.
One of the most common complaints men have these days is that when they talk to a woman, it doesn’t feel like she’s really listening to him. It feels more like she’s waiting for her turn to talk.
One guy I coached, Trevor, told me that at least half the dates he’d been on for the last several months had felt like the girl he was with wasn’t really listening to him.
She was just kind of blankly firing off questions in an attempt to engage him.
“I didn’t feel like she was listening as much as she was checking off boxes on some list in her brain,” he said.
That’s obviously not a feeling you want to leave with a guy.
So take it from me that the most important thing you can talk about with a guy isn’t really you talking at all. It’s “giving him ear.”
The kind of sincere, I-get-you, kind of listening that makes a man realize you’re different.
This is the single most powerful thing to get a guy to feel an uncontrollable pull toward you… and attraction he can’t resist. Like a magnet buried deep in him that has found it’s target.
His desire will draw him to you and he’ll feel compelled to give you his undivided attention…
He’ll notice you – deep inside… and he will resonate with the passion that stirs him right to his soul.
Would you like to know how to talk to a guy and make him attracted to you like that?
So many women wonder what to say to a guy in a conversation, but there’s a lot more than just the words you say to him…
There’s so much more that matters when you want him to desire you.
Find out more about that here: