How To Tease A Guy With Texting - 9 Tips That Work
By: Carlos Cavallo
When it comes to texting guys, and getting good results, there's probably nothing more important than knowing how to tease a guy with texting. It's the one skill that will have the most powerful affect on a man's heart and his feelings for you.
When you pull out your phone and decide you want to connect with him, you probably want to make sure you make the biggest splash - without accidentally pushing him away. And if you don't consider what you text him, you could possibly annoy him.
So we're going to go into some depth about this topic. But first, you have to really understand what works and what doesn't work.
And what TEASING a guy really means!
When you tease a guy, it's not to tease him "sexually." This is a common mistake that many women make with men.
They think that if they can just arouse his sexual desire, that will:
A) Make him desire her
B) Make him fall for her
And neither is necessarily true.
The point of knowing how to tease him with texts is to jack up his masculine competitive energy. That might sound like I'm referring to his sexual energy, but it's really not the same thing.
Here's an example:
If you were to constantly tease a young girl about her hair, or her clothes, what do you think would happen?
She'd probably eventually burst into tears and fall into some deep sadness. This is a perfectly natural response to this kind of teasing.
If you teased a young boy about the same thing, he might also go to tears - but more likely is that he would just get ANGRY. (Even if he did cry, he'd still eventually get angry after the tears stopped.)
This kind of teasing raises a different kind of energy inside a boy than it does inside a girl.
Now, of course, I'm not saying that you should ever tease a man cruelly about anything. That's definitely not the kind of energy I'm talking about.
But you do want him to feel like you're confident enough to rib him a little bit. This is perfectly healthy fun for adults to "play with" the emotional energy between them.
Relationships where one or the other person is so sensitive that they can't take a little good natured poke of fun are the worst kind of torture after a while. You always feel like you're walking on eggs.
And that's why you need to make sure this is a guy with some resilience. Because if he's not tough enough to withstand some teasing, you're in for a painful ride.
Let's Go Back To The Playground
The kind of teasing I'm talking about here is the kind that you might do at the playground.
For example, when I was around 10 or 11, the girls in elementary school used to call me "skinny bones" when we played outside at recess. (I was a pretty skinny kid back then.)
That was perhaps a tad mean, but it was closer to the end of the spectrum than if they'd gone in the other direction with something gooey and girly.
Don't ever tease him about physical characteristics. "Buddha belly" = bad.
But you can use teasing as a tiny dig about something else. It's all in the tone and lightheartedness you bring to your gentle teasing. I'll explain this more through the examples coming up.
This is a lot of fun, and it's surprising how many women miss out on this. Just text him while he's sitting right next to you, or across from you at the table.
Maybe while you two are at the gym next to each other on separate machines. Send him: "Hey, dude, I'm thinking your pace is kind of lazy... speed up!"
It's unexpected, and it's likely to get him to smile right then and there.
Don't do it too often, as that will rapidly seem needy and weird. But once in a while, this is a fun way to text him.
Tip #2: Give Him A Fun Nickname...
Again, the key to this tip is to push the limits a bit. Most women would be inclined to give him a cute and squishy nickname like "Puppy fur" or " Kitty whiskers." (Blech!)
Don't do that!
Instead, use something that is a slight tease. Use a name that's related to something silly he's done, or even poking fun at something he might own.
EXAMPLE: Maybe he's been fixing that old car in his garage for months now. You send him: "That car has been sitting in there for so long I'm going to call you No Go Joe..."
Or maybe he's good at finding interesting shows on Netflix. You send him: "Dude, you're the Netflix Whisperer!"
Tip #3: Play Up His Infatuation...
This one is tough for many women to do, but it's worth it if you have the self-confidence to try.
What you want to do is tease him about how into you he is.
Women tend to get in a bad habit of self-deprecating comments about themselves. And very often this is a habit you acquired from talking with other women. It keeps you from standing out in the wrong way.
Well, the fact is that men go in the OPPOSITE direction all the time. They play themselves up - sometimes as a joke, sometimes not. And when you can meet him on that playground, you'll earn his respect.
You might think that this text isn't very humble (it is, it's just not what you're used to saying when communicating.)
It's not arrogant, either.
The point is NOT humility - it's to ramp up the playful energy between you.
Always remember this!
And the funny part is that even if he isn't THAT into you, being confident enough to throw this kind of sassy text at him can often make him want you more.
Tip #4: Spank Time...
Light chastising is something that turns on a LOT of guys. (Yeah, I'm one of 'em.)
The key is to tap into his "Mommy" complex just a tiny bit. Make him feel like he did an itty-bitty bad thing.
For example, let's say he dropped a nice wine glass at your house and broke it. You might text him: "So Mister Fumble Fingers, do I need to put the plastic plates out tonight?"
You can even try on the naughty-talk version: "Well it looks like someone's been a really bad boy. I think I may have to put him over my knee!"
And here's a personal favorite of mine: "Bad Boy! Go straight to my room right now!"
You may have noticed that there is a lot of fantasy play out there with domination and submission, particularly with guys who want to be dominated. Now you know why.
And yes - a REAL spank will work wonders if you use it on him every so often.
Tip #5: Don't Let The Pressure Off Too Soon...
You might notice that not that many of the texts I suggest show any emojis in them.
One reason for this is that most women -
A) Over use emojis - too many smiley faces...
B) Use them almost apologetically - trying too hard to not be seen as confrontational...
Let me assure you that a gutsy, confident, loving stand off is sometimes the one thing that will hook his love for you.
Emojis let the pressure off a bit too soon. You want there to be a bit of tension where he might be wondering if you really meant what you said.
Most women wind up pushing away men by being too meek and timid with him, not by playing some tension.
The sexual tension you create in your texts can start the process of getting him to fantasize about you - and eventually falling in love with you.
Tip #6: Quest Time...
One of the best ways you can get a guy amped up and excited about you is to inspire him on a quest.
There's a reason that fairy tales always have a princess giving the knight a quest. It's because:
You want a man to complete a quest to PROVE his feelings for you - that he's really in love with you...
Giving a man a quest to complete often help convince HIM of his feelings for you...
The more he invests in you, the less likely he is to walk away...
So you can still use the power of the fairy tale with a guy.
After you know he's attracted to you, you just give him some small task that he can do for you. Maybe fix something in your house, or go run an errand for you.
Of course, when he completes it, reward him. Give him verbal thanks and appreciation, and maybe some loving touch. (Not sexual, this isn't that kind of transaction.)
Tip #7: Setup Some Tension...
What you want to do is keep up some constructive sexual tension between you.
One way you can do this is to send him a text wishing he was there, when you know he can't be there.
That last part is HUGELY important. If it's possible for him to get up and drive over to see you, this texting tip loses almost all of its power. The more you're held apart by circumstance, the better.
Have you ever watched a romantic comedy where the couple couldn't get together because they were either physically distant or circumstances just didn't permit it? It creates a really juicy tension between them that the audience roots for them to overcome. Pretty much every romantic movie uses this kind of "will they or won't they?" tension.
Do you remember the TV show "Friends"? You remember that constant tension between Rachel & Ross, right? It pretty much kept the show going for most of its run. And they only let that tension off at the very end of the series.
You have to do something similar.
For example, maybe he's away on work somewhere far away. You can send him a text about something he's missing out on: "Oh, it's so awful you can't be here... I just got this new perfume... want to know where I'm wearing it?"
Really, it's enough just to text: "Wish you were here..." because that's what he wants and can't have.
Play with this energy to get him completely under your spell.
Stay with me - the last tip will show you a killer way to create some amazing sexual tension with him that will drive him wild...
Tip #8: Oh, Okay - Give Him THAT Kind of Tease...
It's perfectly fine to send a sexy kind of tease his way. You want him thinking about you that way.
If he's not thinking about you sexually, your relationship could just turn into a really weird friends-with-benefits situation. And that's something you DO NOT want happening.
So yeah, every so often send him a sexy picture.
BUT - don't ignore:
Carlos' Rules For Sexy Texts (AKA Sexting):
No complete nudity
No explicit areas. No nips, no crotch, no way...!
Only send a picture after he's begged you for a couple days for the picture. Anticipation is the key ingredient for a sexy image.
What you can do is simply send him a picture of your cleavage, or that tattoo that's CLOSE to your bikini area.
Or just send him an image of a patch of skin and let him guess where it is. His imagination is more important than the reality.
You want his imagination working - not his lust. Imagination is the fuse you light to start his lust for YOU.
Tip #9: Banter Is Best...
If you've ever watched an old Carey Grant movie or anything from the "classic" era of Hollywood movies, you'll notice that they were strong on witty and snappy dialogue.
Take this scene for instance from "His Girl Friday" a classic from the 1940s:
The back-and-forth going on is dizzying at times, and often tricky to keep up with.
But don't worry, you don't have to try to run your own screenplay dialogue with him. That's the beauty of texting, after all! You get to take your time to formulate a response for anything he says.
Just take your time, and channel a little bit of this kind of back-and-forth banter with him. Keep your replies short and reasonably quick.
And don't run too long with it, just play the game for a few minutes and then walk away.
Your interaction might be something like this:
HIM: "Looking forward to seeing you..."
YOU: "Seeing me... or something more?"
HIM: "Do you want more?"
YOU: "You should know by now if there's more, I want it!"
HIM: "Well then maybe I'll come over tonight..."
YOU: "That would be risky..."
HIM: "Risky why?"
YOU: "If you have to ask, you better wait a few more days..."
Then you slap a "Hey, gotta run - talk to you later" on the end of it to end it on your terms.
Do you feel the tension building from this? It's pretty hot when you get the feel for it. And it's not hard to do. Just lay out some bait for him ... then pull it away.
Over and over again.
You tease, you play with the energy, and then you yank the rug out from under him in true "hard to get" fashion. You'll have him wild by the end of your conversation.
BONUS: Four Things To NOT Use When Flirting With Men
I've got a little bonus for you here - I want you to know what you should NOT say to guys. This is actually more important than knowing WHAT to say to him - because once you mess up, it's hard to recover!
If you're trying to tease him - or possibly even turn him on a bit - you can't afford to text him something that will turn him OFF. That's even worse than never sending a text at all.
Here are 4 things you do not want to say when you're talking to or texting guys because they actually undermine your credibility and poise:
Inserting just into your sentences: “I just want to check in and see…” “I just think maybe…” The word "just" tends to make women sound a bit apologetic - and even defensive about what she's saying. Think about the difference between the sound of “I just think” VS “I think…” Sounds a whole lot more convincing, right?
Inserting a pre-apology: "I'm sorry to ask, but..." or "I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but..."
Using qualifiers: “I’m no expert in this, but…” or “I know you all have been talking about this for a long time, but…” This talk undermines your position before you’ve even stated your opinion. Present yourself with confidence!
BONUS: Using "like" too much. As in: "I was like, whatever, and she was like, yeah that's what he said. And I was like..." You'd be surprised. I coach women in their 40s and 50s that still do this.
These are "softeners" that you don't need in your conversation, and they kill your confidence. They're also more common for women to use than men, which is why I'm listing them here for you.
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