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Relationship Tips & Advice
It seems like every guru and pundit out there wants you to "drive him wild in bed" with these "17 hot & wild tips..."
I'm not going to go there with you today...
Instead, we're going to look at the ways to make a man wild with desire, all without having to do anything that makes you feel weird, like having to "talking dirty" with him.
(There's a place for being sexually provocative, but it's not what you need to do to make a man attracted and interested in you. In fact, if you do it wrong - or at the wrong time - and you'll risk scaring a man off.)
If you want to make him sit up and pay attention to you, then sit up and pay attention to these 5 tips that will make him want you and obsess over you...
Let me illustrate this one with a quick story -
Anna was driving to a movie with her boyfriend, Derek, and he was having trouble finding the theater. She figured they were probably going to be late for the show.
Now, what would many women do in this situation?
She'd probably tease him - or even berate him for "making them late." She'd take the opportunity to "knock him down a notch" and put him in his place. A chance for her to give a little payback for his male ego.
What Anna did will surprise you...
She saw his frustration, and just patted Derek's hand.
She said: "That's okay, honey. It's nice just being out with you."
There's an incredible difference here that needs to be pointed out...
Most women would be angry at the inconvenience, that she wasn't going to get her "prize" - the movie he was taking her to. She'd see the situation as another inconvenience to HER.
Instead of being laid back, relaxed. And basking in the simple joy of just BEING with him. Which is the most rewarding thing in the world for a man to know he's wanted for.
Most men feel as if women see them as cogs in her life machine instead of a hot blooded human that has a deep need for connection.
Going back to Anna & Derek...
After she said that to him, Derek softened and relaxed. He looked at Anna with a loving gaze that she felt right down to her core. It was a gentle, touching moment that only deepened their relationship.
A moment that would not have happened if she didn't take a second to think about what was more important in that moment - HER inconvenience, or his need for unconditional love.
Men give you clues every day about how they want to be treated - and LOVED. You only have to open your eyes to see it.
Dr. John Gottman talks about the various "love languages" that we use to communicate love to our partners. The theory states that we all have a specific way that we were brought up to experience love - and we are "programmed" to look for signals this way.
Very often, our partner isn't aware of this communication style - or that our style is DIFFERENT than theirs!
Some people need words of love... others need actions. And some need gifts...
The best way to leverage his language to make him fall for you even more deeply is to echo his language. When he shows you affection or love, watch for how he shows love to you.
Most men do this automatically, assuming that you will feel love in the way that THEY do. Truth is, most women do the exact same thing! You probably tend to show love to him the way you would like to receive it yourself.
So echo his love by showing it to him the way he shows it to you - and you'll see his connection and affection for you grow instantly.
As in, your backBONE.
Men are notoriously UN-attracted to women who are too wishy-washy. For one, being too easygoing makes you look very UN-confident.
For a man to appear confident, he has to look like he's capable of DOING. He's confident to you if you think he can protect you, fix stuff, and take charge.
For a woman, she appears confident when she KNOWS HER VALUE. This is what a man wants to see in her most of all. Not insecurity.
Mind you, knowing your value doesn't mean you're conceited or bitchy. (Though guys who have not experienced the healthy version of female confidence called "assertive" might fall for those.)
Many women mistake being assertive for being "bitchy." The two are COMPLETELY different.
Being assertive feels uncomfortable to most women. It feels like you're being disagreeable and contentious.
And most women would much rather err to the side of being too easygoing than risk being perceived as "difficult." And as a result, many of them get walked all over like rugs.
It feels uncomfortable to say what you want and be direct. Most women are brought up and cultured (usually by other women) to "go along to get along."
There's an unspoken law of social order within female groups that keeps the peer pressure strong and in-your-face. This keeps all the girls "in line."
But the reality is that you have to break this convention with men, or the relationship will inevitably follow this pattern:
- He feels attracted to your soft, feminine qualities
- Then he aches for some demonstration of your independence (which is simply your non-neediness)
- Then he tests you to see if you are willing to be assertive (giving you choices, etc.)
- Then he starts losing attraction when you back down and give in to him too quickly.
A clear sign of this is when he asks you: "What do you want to do Friday?" and you reply: "Whatever you want" or "I don't care, your choice..." (Guys HATE it when women do this, by the way.)
Some men will start taking advantage of you when they feel that you're too soft and "nice." And then he will start making you his "booty call," or he'll leech off you.
If you ever sacrificed yourself for him, hoping that he'd see how "good you are" for him, chances are you've felt the pain of this situation.
Or maybe you're feeling it right now...
This one is a tricky balance, but it can be done.
You see, most men experience women that resist his attempts to help her. He's told to "not try and fix things" when a woman tells him about her problems.
She's just venting, he's told. Just listen and let her talk!
Which, for women who really want to understand men, means PURE TORTURE for most guys. It's like you listening to him talk about the time he and his ex-girlfriend had that date where he...
Ha! You see! I'll bet you started getting angry the second I mentioned his ex-girlfriend.
A guy wants you to NEED him to help solve problems.
BUT - we don't want you to need us to solve ALL your problems.
Somewhere in between is a healthy balance where you give him a challenge, but you show him that you could live your life without him.
Yes, I know you don't want to, but the point is that he has to sense that you could. This is critical, because a man doesn't mind you leaning on him. It's when you jump on his shoulders and make him piggy-back you through life that he realizes why men die earlier than women on average.
Men are curious and attracted to women who have their own lives. (Got your own stuff to do with friends of your own.)
Enjoy your own hobbies. Spend time with your girlfriends. (Yes, and your guy friends.)
Go out and enjoy your life!
When a man sees how you're fully engaged in your own interests, he'll become more interested in you. And quite honestly, if you don't have your own hobbies and interests, there will only be two parts of your life: the time when you're with a man, and the time you're bored out of your skull wishing you had a man.
And - while I hope that it's not - that time without a man could be a big chunk of your life. So don't waste your life away wishing for something else.
And finally we have...
I'm not saying you have to jump off a mountain and hang glide with him...
But you do have to get a man to feel the jolt of energy that he can only feel in a relationship. This is something that all men live for. And it's one of the most important signs that we've found a woman who we can open our heart and fall in love with.
One of the most powerful "love drugs" that pushes a man into falling for you is adrenaline. It's the same powerful dose of "KAPOW!" that can literally start a person's heart up again.
(If you've ever seen "Pulp Fiction" and the scene where Uma Thurman is given that adrenaline shot, you know how powerful this stuff is.)
It's the same "high" a man seeks throughout his life - especially when he's playing sports, or doing some kind of "extreme" activity, like snowboarding or skydiving.
If he doesn't feel this "arrow" in his heart, he will never feel a deep emotional connection with you no matter what you do.
On the other hand, if you know how to hit a man with this Adrenaline Arrow, he will literally be your love slave.
Once you awaken those right feelings in him, he'll practically have no choice but commit himself to you. And he'll never feel forced into it - he'll be happy to make it his purpose to make you happy.