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Relationship Tips & Advice
So for you to use a guy's phone as a way to romance him, you have to know some insider tips.
I'm going to expose them for you here today.
And I'm going to go one step further than just showing you how to romance this guy - I want to show you how to get him to want to MARRY you using text messages.
And your attitude, of course…
First, let's set some ground rules - and start with a few things you should NEVER text a guy…
What's he supposed to do with this exactly?
Think about it from a man's perspective. He's sitting there, sipping his cappuccino, pondering the last basketball game.
He's not stockpiling things in his head to tell the next person he comes in contact with.
(You might be doing this, but I'm telling you HE isn't.)
He gets a text that says... "Hey!"
He thinks - "Uhmmmm...."
Now if he's got something to say, he'll probably text you back with a polite: "What's up?" Or maybe "Hey" back to you.
Which then leaves you feeling deflated and bored already. "What, isn't this guy capable of more than one word texts?" you think - even after you opened the conversation with ... a single word.
You have to start with a question. Don't send open-ended texts like you do to your girlfriends.
This sounds too much like you're checking up on him. And even if you didn't mean to sound like you were checking up on him, he might still feel like it.
Your texts need to sound organic, not desperate.
And even if it’s a question you really are curious about, you have to lead off differently. In fact, asking the question at all is a subtle way of saying: “Gosh, I wish I were there instead of enjoying my already way-cool life.”
Resist the temptation to hint at getting together with him using these kinds of subtle texts, too. This isn't how you slowly open a conversation that is hinting: "ASK ME OUT!"
Remember that your texts are coming from a woman who’s busy with her own awesome lifestyle. And he needs to get that impression from your texts as well.
This is the texting equivalent of an uncomfortable silence.
Think about it: How does he respond after that?
It's kind of like that scene in Austin Powers - where Dr. Evil and his henchmen are all laughing diabolically, and after a while they don't know how to transition back from the laughter.
They just taper off, awkwardly.
Instead of using this kind of text, just tell him he's funny. Turn it into an opportunity to COMPLIMENT HIM.
(Hint: Compliments are something that guys don't get as much as you think. He's thirsty to hear you tell him how what you dig about him, trust me.)
If you think men are thick when you're trying to hint something to them in person, just imagine how dense he is when he's on the other end of a text conversation that has no emotional cues in it.
I'll just tell you right now that he won't get it - AT ALL.
Plus, saying something vague is like saying nothing at all. So if you feel tempted to fill space with a reply - DON'T. Just let the silence sit there.
You know what's happening in this silence?
He's getting nervous that he's losing your interest. And YOU.
And contrary to what you might think, that's only good for you.
You want men to always wonder if he's GOT you. If he thinks he does, you're actually losing him.
This doubt in his head is HEALTHY and it makes him do what men are supposed to do: CHASE YOU!
I recently interviewed a woman who wanted me to coach her to get out of the friend zone with a guy. She sent me a description of her situation, and I turned her down.
Yeah, I turned down a coaching client - and money - because I knew that she was in the desperation zone more than the friend zone.
This guy was lukewarm and lame, and she'd never be happy with a guy like that. She needed a man who wanted her more than he needs air to breathe.
Because if you can't get him to chase you, YOU will always be chasing him. And that's not romance.
Okay, now let's talk about the steps you can use to text a man into matrimony…
After coaching thousands of clients, I'll tell you one big mistake that women typically make with texting men: They are way too predictable.
Men are like dolphins...
Let me explain that last statement - because this one tip is something you can use on a man no matter what you're doing with him.
The way that those trainers get a dolphin to do tricks in all those aquatic shows is that they use something called "variable reinforcement."
That means that when the dolphins are being trained to learn a trick, they don't get a fish every time they do the trick - like you see them getting during the show.
No, the dolphins start out by getting a fish all the time. And very soon they only get a fish every so often. At a variable interval that is unpredictable.
What does that odd scientific phrase mean?
It means: People respond better when we DON’T know when - or IF - we’re going to get a treat.
If you KNOW you're getting a treat at the same time, you start to take it for granted. And then you stop trying or working for it. This is basic motivational psychology.
Sure, we'd like to THINK that a person will keep working for it.
But the truth is that they won't. And this is especially true of MEN.
The second you start texting him - or calling or emailing or whatever - regularly, that's when his little lizard brain will start yelling: BO-O-ORING!
And he's going to look elsewhere for fun.
It's not that he's trying to be a dick, he's just motivated by challenge.
Let me say that again for the cheap seats:
If you're working hard to make it easy for him, you're missing a big opportunity without realizing it. YOU think if you make yourself convenient, he'll just default to calling you, or boinking you, or dating you.
He needs you to demonstrate higher value (DHV) by showing him you're in demand and can't be pinned down.
The human mind focuses on things that are rare and hard-to-get - for a reason.
Too easy = too common.
Which also = not valuable.
You need to have him on his toes more than a running back in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl, ya dig?
You also have to keep him focused ON YOU - not on his own lame little concerns. A man works best when he's providing and helping make YOUR life happy - because that's a built in drive for him.
Remember this one, because it's the secret key that will get you into his heart...
When you've been dating him for a while, you want to create a private tribe of your own. You want him having fun with you AND your fun friends. If they're married, that's ten times better.
So every so often, share positive, fun, uplifting information about your married friends and what FANTASTIC lives they're living in wedded bliss. Share their triumphs.
From the ones that get married, to the ones that are having their first child - you have to keep him plugged into the "committed and happy" news parade.
This one you'll want to expand on a bit, too. You eventually want to have him hang out with you and with your (happily) married friends as much as possible.
He needs to be flooded with examples of positive couples who are in committed relationships.
The fact is that the human mind believes what it sees and hears about over and over again. Most guys see too many negative examples of relationships (probably his buddies') and you need to counter this.
When he's around couples who have made the Big Commitment to each other, he'll start to envision doing the same with you.
Remember, your job is to help him past his trust and commitment issues. You have to show him that marriage ROCKS harder than AC/DC in concert.
Just don't be too obvious about this. Use the mentions sparingly in text.
But use it RELENTLESSLY in real life.
A guy is motivated by loss just as much as gain.
And the reality of life is that we are ten times as motivated by the possibility of losing something important to us than by the possibility of getting something new.
You can use this to your advantage in text and in life...
Send him messages from time to time that let him in on the UNBELIEVABLE FUN you're having ... without him.
Let him know about the cool time you just had with your girlfriends at a party. Or that group of cool guys who invited you into a game of darts with them.
(If you're turning down experiences like this, btw, you might be guilty of responding to your own guilt instead of your own VALUE.)
Or maybe 'accidentally' text him something meant for 'somebody' else.
And if you're living your life by trying to spare him from any "bad feelings" - you're not understanding the way real people work.
Yeah, I get it - we should all be nice to each other...
A man SHOULD see you for who you are and just love the dickens out of you...
But human beings don't respond to "shoulds" of any kind, really.
Human beings don't always respond to "the nicest girl," either. (Ever seen this happen? Or experience it? I'll bet you have...)
The simple rule of life is that you don't listen to what people say. You watch what they DO. And don't get caught up in shoulds along the way.
So don't ever feel bad about letting him know what he could be potentially ruining for himself. Real women with value have no problem reminding their man that he's not the only guy left on the planet.
Oh, no my dear boy...
Unconditional love is what you feel in your heart, but conditional boundaries are what you need to keep you healthy, desired, and loved by your man.
Don't let anyone tell you different!
So there you go - I gave you 3 POWERFUL WAYS to use your texts to get a man to make the ULTIMATE commitment to you.
Don't just use these in texts - use them every day with him.
But remember that texts are just one of the many ways you can reel him in. Aside from using your phone to communicate your irresistibility to him, there's something else called the Soulmate Signal.
In this video, I talk about why men need to get this from you before they're convinced you're The One.