Is it love at first sight?
QUESTION FROM A READER:
I heard you on Art of Love series, and loved what you said. I had been a part of Christian Carter’s programs and seminars… you are much more to the point, clear and concise and I love the extra information you get into.
I liked the visuals you provide along with the video explanation. You don’t drag on before getting to the point. I like how organized your program is.
I have a question that it would be great to clarify: Love at first sight versus “strong attraction from the start.”
You say if it’s not there “at the start” it will only be a buddy relationship.
I agree, but can you clarify “what is the start?” First or second date, or first few months of dating? What time frame would you give that “at the start” phase? Some people think it has to be by the second date. I’d love your thought on this!!
Jody – Los Angeles, CA
CARLOS CAVALLO ANSWERS:
Ah, that’s an excellent question… When is “love at first sight”?
Well, let’s be very clear… I believe in “lust that could be love – eventually” at first sight.
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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But when we jump in head-first to a relationship with someone just because the chemistry is good – we have to ask, is that really LOVE?
I believe that love takes time to form. You may have an inkling that something is hot between you two, but you can’t know that it’s love without knowing the person.
I’ve seen so many great relationships potentially ruined because one – or both – people didn’t take the time to develop things more naturally. Instead, things were rushed, problems and red flags were overlooked, and it didn’t work out.
What makes these situations even worse is a notion that it was “meant to be” on some level, so you cling to the wreckage a lot longer than you should – or is necessary.
So how do we avoid this mistake?
And what is the timing for that all-important feeling of Attraction?
Look, I know it’s not “romantic” – but we do have to balance our head AND our hearts.
Reckless love, when it works out, is terribly alluring. Who doesn’t want that high-octane feeling of “WOW!”
But that “reckless love” also comes with a high price to be paid sometimes. It’s a gamble.
And it’s it’s a gamble with the most important part of you – your feelings and your trust. So don’t take that too lightly.
You can believe in Love At First Sight – and you can also believe in the fact that if it really is “love” then taking more time won’t hurt your chances at all.
In fact, if love requires you to rush in, I’d say that’s the same kind of inauthentic scam that a bad salesman might pull on you… “Look, I need you to decide right now if you’re in or not…”
And that almost never feels right to me. What do you think?
Besides, most “love at first sight” is declared AFTER the fact. Meaning that when it works out, we want to say that we just “knew” that person was for us, and that it was meant to be.
Maybe so, but if it hadn’t worked out, you would not have been so forthcoming about your instincts on that person.
The truth is that the best relationships start off with that click… that ZING – as I like to call it.
Where there’s equal amounts of heated attraction from both parties. It’s that chemistry that creates a real romance.
It’s actually kinda sad to see people that got together just because the had nothing better going on. They’re together just because it’s more convenient than magnetic.
When I met Jen, we had an immediate connection, and her warmth and femininity had me at the very start. Still, I gave it time, and knew that the fun part was dialing up that attraction and desire to be together.
So the question is, how should that spark of Attraction (with a capital “A”) feel at the start?
I believe that you should feel it within the first 3 times you get together.
Part of it will be a very physical thing, where you just feel that sexual craving for the other person.
Another indication that you’re digging that guy is that “positive mental pull” you feel for them. That’s when you find your thoughts coming back to them for no apparent reason.
And then you realize that it’s because you feel a draw to them. A sexual ZING.
If you ever find that you’re pushing yourself to him because you “ought” to like him, or feel that push from others that say you “should” want him… or just because he looks good on paper…
Beware. That’s when you have to watch out.
Because he might actually feel genuine attraction for you, but if you don’t – no matter how much you want to – things will never escalate the way they should.
(See my answer to the woman trapped in a loveless relationship…)
And it works the other way, too.
So I say give it – at max – 3 encounters.
But if you know your gut, and your gut ever tells you NO… that’s all that you need.
There will be that aching pang of “but what if…” as we always seem to pine away for those imagined missed opportunities. But those pangs are misleading and dangerous.
And they lead you to scarcity thinking. (See my discussion of that trap in the Forever Yours program.)
The world is FULL of eligible and healthy men to entertain as your possible Mr. Right. We live in a world of abundance…
Never forget that…
Yours In Perfect Passion…
– Carlos Cavallo
PS: If you’d like to learn the secrets that Jody wishes she had made, it’s not too late for you, either.