Why Men Lie - 5 Ways He's Not Being Honest

By: Carlos Cavallo

Sometimes it seems like getting a man to be honest with you in your relationship is nearly impossible. And you might find yourself wondering why men lie to you.

  • Are all men liars?
  • Do they lie to hurt women?
  • Is he always going to deceive you?
  • Can you ever trust him?

Well, there is no single reason men lie. I wish I could just tell you there was ONE cause, then we could all go and fix it in our relationship. But - there isn't always a single reason for his romantic deception.

A man lies to you for a variety of reasons.

Let's start out with:

What Kind Of Lies Do Guys Tell?

The first kind of lie a man tells is -

Lie #1: The 'Whoopsie' Lie

An example of a "Whoopsie Lie" is one where you ask him where he went with his guy friends, and he says he went to Garibaldi's Pub. And then you find out later he really went to Jack's Brewhouse.

relationship advice why men lie to women Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

Some might see that oversight as a lie or deception. But to him it was simply a combination of an extra drink with his not really caring about the details.

So be careful of assuming that this Whoopsie Lie is the same as him lying to cover something up. Very often it's not an important detail.

Lie #2: The Status Lie

Guys are very focused on status.

This is such a prevalent form of lie for both men and women that it's very likely you've "stretched the truth" to be seen in a better light.

Men lie to look more "high-status." To a man, it's all about the status and where he feels like he fits on the social pyramid. And yes, he will protect that status by lying.

Lie #3: The Save Face Lie

We all do this one, because we all want to avoid feeling embarrassed. It's very directly related to Lie #2 about status, only this one is simply to keep a man from looking foolish.

how to deal with lying boyfriend husband Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

He might lie to avoid letting you know he tripped and fell on his backside in front of a group of friends, so he says he was "tripped."

Confession: I remember once having had a bit too much to drink and walking into a glass door. I shook it off fast and left as soon as I could to avoid embarrassment and never told anyone until now.

Lie #4: The Manly Lie

When it comes down to it, a guy wants to feel like a guy.

Like... a man.

And in today's world, it's getting harder and harder for men to feel this way. From the label of "toxic masculinity" to all kinds of criticism of men, it's hard for a lot of guys to feel "safe." (And if anyone is thinking: 'Good! They get to experience it for once!' - keep in mind that two Wrongs never makes a Right!)

Many guys will lie to protect their masculinity - and to inflate it.

reasons why men lie to you Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

A popular example of this would be his "number." As in, the number of women he's slept with. He'll always inflate that number slightly to look more like a manly man.

There are plenty of other places a man will lie to retain his feeling of masculinity, such as stories that brag or embellish his accomplishments.

These little deceptions are best left alone. Pointing them out to him - or others - will only push him away.

Lie #5: The "Last Resort" Lie

In a relationship, there will be times when a guy feels as though he is "damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't." Meaning that he won't win no matter what he does.

He feels cornered...

And very often, a woman puts him in this predicament.

For example, maybe you ask him if he's going to "play that video game all night long?" Which is a sarcastic way of actually saying: "Can you pay some attention to me?"

why do men lie to women they love Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

If a guy hears underhanded requests enough, he's going to start resenting the indirect, passive-aggressive way in which she asked him.

Women are much more indirect with their communication style. Most women want to avoid direct accusations, and avoid confrontations. This behavior is rewarded from interacting with other women. But it's not rewarded when communicating with men.

And that's where a lot of men don't understand what to do. He feels caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

  • If he just wants to get in a little "me" time, he now feels guilty for doing it...
  • If he then gives in to make you happy, he will feel a bit resentful...

The "Last Resort" Lie isn't always a 'lie.'

You only think he's lying simply because you never heard the real truth of what he was saying.

When a man doesn't feel like you're really listening or believing him, he'll just conclude that he's not going to be heard and should just save himself the effort by avoiding the conversation.

For example: If a guy says he's not ready to make a commitment, and you keep acting as if he will commit if you just keep showing him how awesome you are.


21 Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

This is a case of "not hearing him." And it pushes him to do what he must to be true to himself.

It doesn't really matter how much you feel you have riding on the relationship. You have to hear what he's saying and really take in his words as his Truth.

Now, even if you can identify his deception, there's still something you want to know:

Why Men Lie...

Men's lies are rarely ever to hurt or cause pain. In fact, almost nobody ever lies to deliberately hurt another person. It's not even on their radar in that moment of telling the lie.

It's all about self-preservation!

relationship advice reasons why boyfriends lie to you Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

What he's thinking about is simply this:

"How can I avoid being embarrassed - or causing her pain?"

And that right there is the reason that men lie:

  1. To avoid embarrassment or humiliation
  2. To avoid hurting you - or someone else they care about

Sure, there are guys that lie about their affairs, but truthfully so do women. Who wouldn't?

But in the end, our primary reasons for lying are usually to keep a painful truth away from someone we love.

How Do You Know If He's Lying?

I'm not going to go into huge detail on this, as I've written a great article for you about it Here...

But suffice to say there are just a few of the warning signals that a guy is lying:

  1. He changes details - you just can't seem to pin him down to what actually happened, or what he was doing...
  2. He's nervous - guys suck at lying, for the most part...
  3. Won't give you details - because if he doesn't get very specific about his story, he's probably trying to avoid getting caught...
  4. He's got a "tell" - we all give off subtle indicators that we're lying. His might be clearing his throat, or playing with his keys. Basically look for ANY behavior that stands out...

I've got many more of these explained in detail in the other article.

But the most important one is - of course - to trust your gut.

advice tips how to handle mens lying in relationship Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

Because the biggest sign he's lying to you is that you just KNOW something isn't right about what he's saying.

Women have a VERY accurate B.S. detector when it comes to this stuff, because you've been practicing your whole life on your friends and family. And you've probably polished your own ability to cover up those things you'd like to hide yourself.

Trust your instincts!

But the real question is:

What Do You Do If You Think He's Lying?

First of all, make sure you take a moment to acknowledge and handle some of the pain and hurt of this kind of deception in your relationship. If you don't allow yourself to take it in, you run the risk of going into denial of your feelings.

12 Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

I've had to counsel men on this same thing, because the experience is not uniquely a female one.

It can be really hard to accept that the person you trust and hold so dearly would tell you something to mislead you. His intention might not have been (and probably isn't) to mislead you, but it still feels very raw and painful to experience anyway.

It feels like betrayal. But ask yourself - would you do any different if you were in his emotional situation?

The Cure For His Lying...?

how to handle the lies boyfriend husband tells Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

There's a very simple cure for a man who you feel isn't being honest in your relationship:

  1. Listen to every word he says - and really HEAR his point of view. This is the most powerful advice I give women, and yet it's INCREDIBLE how few women understand how to do this.
  2. Give him enough space to miss you...

That last one is a doozie! Most women rush in to close the gap if they feel like there's too much space in their relationship. They're afraid that if they let him too far out of sight, he'll get in trouble and she'll lose him.

Of course, part of the reason I started this site and offer my programs is to help you get past that hurdle of knowing HOW to make him feel heard.

Because once he does feel that you GET him, he's going to adore you for it.

He'll think about you night and day...

If you want to know more about how to make him feel that kind of connection to you, here's an article you MUST read...

relationship advice connect emotionally with men Why Men Lie   5 Ways Hes Not Being Honest

Discover The Secrets Of A Loving, Committed, & Unbreakable Relationship With The Man You Love

Carlos Cavallo's Dating Advice Guru Relationship Tips For Women
Carlos Cavallo - Dating Advice For Women

Carlos Cavallo Dating and Relationship Guru

FREE Report!

The 7 Mistakes Women Make That Make Men Pull Away...

  • The REAL Reason Men Run From Relationships...
  • How To Know If He's Still Interested In You...
  • Is He Afraid To Commit? Find out...
  • Take The Quiz!...
  • Listen to Carlos podcast

  • Carlos Cavallo's Relationship Tips

    Dating & Relationship Advice Published By:

    Morpheus Productions, LLC
    1115 Madison St NE #1047
    Salem, OR 97301


  • More Articles

    Unhappy In a Relationship - How To Fix It

    When you're unhappy in a relationship it's one of the most difficult situations. When you've got relationship problems, everything else just seems to fade into the background, and you want to know how to fix it. You wish you had a Magic Pill that would turn your unhappy relationship into a healthy relationship. Whatever the […]

    Read More
    How To Get Over Someone You Love

    According to relationship experts, the best way to get over someone you love is to just "get over them". But, this is the worst advice ever for how to get over someone. Breaking up hurts. But it doesn't need to be constant suffering. If you want to know how to get through a breakup, that's […]

    Read More
    How To Get His Attention Back Fast - Without Looking Desperate!

    You can be in a real panic when a guy stops paying attention to you or ignores you. When you feel him slipping away, all you can think about is how to get his attention back fast - and without looking desperate. If you sense he has lost enthusiasm for you, you don't want to […]

    Read More
    How To Get The Spark Back In A Relationship - 8 Must-Read Tips

    Every relationship is awesome at the beginning. But it's also perfectly natural to have slow periods in your relationship. You may be wondering right now how to get the spark back in your relationship. Falling in love is easy when the feelings of passion and desire run high. Staying in love is a little trickier. […]

    Read More
    "My Boyfriend Won't Make Time For Me!" - 9 Tips To Be His Priority

    If you've ever been in a relationship where you want to get the attention you deserve, you might have found yourself feeling neglected and unwanted. You may have even told your friends "My boyfriend won't make time for me! What the heck should I do?" Let's tackle this tricky situation and give you the tips […]

    Read More
    How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work - 20 Secrets To Success

    A long-distance relationship can be one of the most challenging situations for dating. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work you gotta know what most women don't know! There are a lot of barriers to keeping a long distance relationship healthy. A lot of people don't believe that long-distance […]

    Read More
    Is He Just A Friend - Or Is He Interested In You? - 16 Tips!

    If you've ever been in love with a guy and wondered: Is he just a friend or is he interested? - you're not alone. When a man and a woman hang out, even if they're only friends, there's always going to be a little bit of sexual tension. Many studies have shown that the number […]

    Read More
    Dating A Younger Man? 25 Things You Better Know

    One of the most controversial parts of dating and relationships is the age of your partner. Is it okay to date someone younger, older? If you're dating a younger man, you better know what to do. We often think about older women dating younger men as “cougars.”  But that label is just not fair. You […]

    Read More
    Will a Man Change For The Right Woman? Will He Change For YOU?

    One of the most common Romance novel plots is the rich, womanizing playboy that finds an amazing woman, realizes the error of his ways, and settles down to be tamed by this amazing woman. But is this realistic? Will a man change for the right woman? Well, we all change over the course of our […]

    Read More
    When To Date Exclusively - When does a relationship become exclusive?

    One of the most important milestones in a relationship is when you become exclusive. It's also one of the most anxious times for women because she's waiting for weeks or even months to figure out “Where is this going?"  So let's talk about exclusive relationships, and when does a relationship become exclusive? In many surveys, […]

    Read More


    FREE EBOOK & VIDEO Shows you whyhe stopped loving you...

    - The REAL Reasons Men Pull Away

    - How To Know If He's Still In Love

    - Is He Afraid To Commit? Find out!

    Your Book is on the way... Check your email now!

    linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram