How To Get The Spark Back In A Relationship - 8 Must-Read Tips
By: Carlos Cavallo
Every relationship is awesome at the beginning. But it's also perfectly natural to have slow periods in your relationship. You may be wondering right now how to get the spark back in your relationship.
Falling in love is easy when the feelings of passion and desire run high. Staying in love is a little trickier.
Life's speed bumps...
All couples run into a slow spell every so often. You might need a little extra energy to get close to your partner again and awaken that love connection.
Desire may have faded. You might even be wondering if your relationship or your marriage is on the rocks.
There's lots of different reasons your relationship might be feeling sluggish.
You may have just had a new baby
The "honeymoon period" might be ending and you're wondering what's happening between you
The intimacy may have plateaued between you and your partner
You don't touch each other as much as you used to
You might not have as much sex as you used to
You might find yourself arguing over money a little bit more
If you want to reignite the passion between you and your partner, you need some strategies to help you move forward.
First off, it's totally natural for the fire of excitement to cool off. This can happen early on for some couples, or many years down the road.
The signature of a strong relationship is that you don't interpret this to mean that the love has gone away. Again, this feeling is totally natural. The idea that every relationship burns passionately at a thousand degrees - or it isn't "love" - is a myth.
Tip 1: Get The Spark Back In Your Relationship: Rewind It!
Remember at the beginning? When you first met and got all crazy for each other?
You guys were like teenagers. Holding hands, smooching whenever you had a chance. Whispering in each others' ears...
I know, kind of embarrassing to see it like that, right?
But you do want to get back to the things that created your connection in the first place. Rewinding your relationship and restarting your old habits that made you fall in love is essential.
Start going out on dates again. Concentrated time together is what ultimately creates that connection.
Go back to restaurants you used to eat at. Go out for some dancing, or even a movie.
Go back to being one of those couples you probably roll your eyes at now, and realize you don't want to let that habit go.
Reignite Your Desire - Tip 2: Reconnect Physically
You might think that I'm talking about sex. While you should try to reignite your sex drive and bedroom action, I'm really talking about your everyday physical connection.
The power of loving touch...
Your touch intimacy is a very important component of your relationship. How you touch each other's bodies is another level of communication between you and him.
Give him a back massage or rub, and vice versa
Hold hands when you walk together
When you watch TV, get back to closeness on the couch together
Your physical touch and patterns of physical intimacy are important to keep you both affectionate and loving.
Revive The Desire & Intimacy - Tip 3: Get your love drugs
Back in the early stages of your relationship, you may not have realized it but the hormones being pumped into your brain were part of the thrill of being a couple.
There are at least a half dozen hormones that restart the attraction - and awaken that familiar sensation of love in your mind and heart:
One of the most important love drugs is adrenaline. The fun thrill of being together along with the thrill of the activities you did served to create the passion between you.
Studies have been performed that show men and women connecting and falling in love more frequently after they've both experienced a thrilling activity. It seems our psychology and our biology is hardwired to connect us to people that share our adventures.
So it's time for you to get out and create those adventures again in your relationship. Get out and find a thrilling activity to get the exciting love energy started all over again.
Go rock climbing
Go on a long hike in unfamiliar terrain
Go take a class in something new for both of you - like learning how to trapeze, or drive a race car
The fun couple's activities you enjoy together will only create more connection. You're never too old to have more fun with each other and to restart your love.
Connection Tip: Watch out for the Big "C"
One of the most telling indicators of the end of a relationship is the presence of contempt.
In fact, in numerous studies, a relationship on the rocks that was about to end was easily predicted by the amount of resentment and contempt one partner felt for the other.
Don't let anger build...
The big C is contempt. One of the most lethal emotions to feel for your partner.
If you find yourself rolling your eyes on a regular basis at things he says, or dismissing him almost immediately, chances are you've built up some contempt for him.
If you don't clear out that feeling, it will poison your love.
This is why it's so important to learn how to forgive in your relationship. Without this essential ability, resentments and contempt build up until you stop feeling the love.
And then the connection and passion will simply fade out.
Relight The Passion - Tip 4: Keep a little space
It might be tempting to jump right in and hit the gas to make your relationship strong again. When you're trying to get the spark back, we sometimes overcompensate. Throwing too much fuel on the fire could also blow it out.
Remember that sexual tension is a critical ingredient for long-lasting relationships. And sexual tension is what's created when we have a little bit of space between us. It's when you CAN'T have him that you feel it.
And one of the best ways to create that tension is to simply do everything BUT sex! It's always the build up that makes the payoff more enjoyable and fun for you both.
Learning how to pace yourself is a very important part of creating a relationship that lasts.
Secret Intimacy Tip: Partners Look For Connection
Another critical communication tool in your relationship is your eye contact. In many couples, the amount of eye contact made decreases over the months and years they're together.
Focus on one another.
Eye contact is a very primal and deep layer of communication between you and your partner.
Looking into each other's eyes creates a sense of closeness. It's also a critical part of vulnerability. Without this kind of openness between you and him, you will feel more distant and disconnected.
Most people spend more time looking at the TV or their phone screen than they do their partner.
Sometimes we withdraw eye contact out of our own emotional issues with connection and intimacy.
Sometimes we shy away from long stares and deep eye contact from our fears of being SEEN in the world.
Whatever the reason, it's essential that you don't forget to make eye contact as much as you possibly can. This alone can restart a lot of the deep love emotions between you.
Start The Love Spark - Tip 5: Return To Mystery
A critical part of all relationships that we forget is so important is MYSTERY.
The more we don't know about our partner, the more attraction and desire we feel for them. This is part of why the early stage of romance is so thrilling. And it's a very important reason why you don't share everything about yourself too early.
Back when you were first dating, everything was mysterious about your partner.
You weren't sure if the feelings of desire were mutual between you
You were more afraid of making mistakes that might turn him off
Your curiosity kept you coming back for more - and so did his curiosity about you
It's not hard to inject some mystery back into your relationship. All it takes is a willingness to play coy for a while.
Very few women are taught the right way to use their feminine mystique to keep a guy interested. This is one of the things I teach in my programs for women.
It's essential that you return to being a little more mysterious with him to drive up those feelings of excitement and curiosity all over again. The spark of passion is created when he begins to worry about losing you.
Awaken The Desire: Support Each Other
Again, one of the indicators of a relationship that is starting to fade is that you lose the ability to support your partner. Usually this means that you've chosen to live in your feelings of resentment instead of connected love.
You may have lost this habit of supporting your partner in your marriage, or your relationship. It's not hard to get back to supporting him.
All you have to do is ask him what part of his life is most challenging at this moment. Then sit back and listen.
He will tell you everything you need to know.
And of course, the best way to support him is simply to keep listening to him. The more you listen, the more he will listen back.
Don't Forget To Revive Your Respect
While it might not sound exciting, showing your partner that you respect them can have a profound impact on their feelings for your relationship. When we lose respect, we lose love.
The fastest antidote for losing the spark of love is reviving your respect for each other.
Light it up!
It can be as simple as telling him how much you respect him and what he does for you. Just pick anything that stands out in your relationship.
And don't tell him just so that you get to hear what he respects about you. Make your observations sincere and heartfelt.
Your respect is the way to reach him and reawaken his feelings.
Restart Your Communication - Love Life Tip: Talk To Each Other
Over the course of a few months or even years together, you may feel as if your communication is holding you back. And chances are you're probably right.
The number one skill to make your relationship function at peak performance is your communication.
Defensiveness and criticism are two more of the biggest relationship destroyers. And both of them can easily be overcome with simple communication skills.
We start out talking to connect with each other. But it's very rare that a couple learns the communication skills that keep them connected through the difficult times.
Bring The Spark Of Love Back: Keep Working On Yourself!
Back when you were first dating, it was understood that you each have separate lives. Part of the fun of falling in love is bringing your two lives together.
It all starts with you...
Now that your lives are together, you may not be spending enough time on yourself. You have to keep working on your own growth and development.
Keep reading books and learning
Keep up your hobbies
Keep up your friendships and relationships outside of your love relationship
Keep up your healthy habits like exercise, dieting, meditation, etc.
Turn off the TV, turn off Netflix, and spend some time together instead
Remember that it's these things that not only define you as a person but make you attractive.
Just as important is that you keep improving your communication & connection skills with him.
If you're a woman who wants to understand men so that you can have the relationship you want, you absolutely must know the secrets of male desire.
Understanding what makes a man feel that kind of irresistible desire for a woman will give you the unfair advantage in love and relationships.
Imagine never having to worry about him growing distant ever again
Imagine never having to worry about him looking for another relationship - or another woman
Imagine knowing that he is always there for you and will make you a priority
Imagine knowing that your relationship is secure and rock-steady
You might not believe it's possible, but it is. All it takes is for you to get the right information.
The right KNOWLEDGE
You gotta know how men really think and feel!
You have to understand men and what makes them fall in love - and why your man will choose one woman (hopefully you!) over another woman.
These secrets are like a lost treasure waiting to be found. And all you need to do is discover them.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]