If you love a man, you want to know that he's not only in love with you, but that he WANTS you. You've probably found yourself wondering how to make him desire you at some point.
The thrill of the chase...
Usually, this means that you want him to chase you... It's the most powerful way to feel desired by a man, after all. And of course, the most powerful way to be desired is to feel sexual desire. You don't need a sex expert to tell you that. Knowing you've got him under your spell means you know he needs you. Men love to chase women, and this has been true for tens of thousands of years.
For years, advertisers have used the trick of putting your name at the top of a form letter, or you might get an email that has your name in it. Whether you want to admit it or not, seeing your name (and hearing it) grabs your attention like nothing else.
You may have heard that the most important word in the whole world is your name.
Just think for a second about how you feel when a person says your name:
You're instantly on alert...
Your attention is focused on that person...
You know that they're talking right to you...
It's the ultimate personalization...
Find a moment that you can slip his name into the conversation, if only to watch him respond.
TIP 2: Get Him To Pursue You - NO, Really! You better have one of THESE...
Have what, you ask?
Have a f@#$ing life, dude!
Sorry, that might sound harsh. But saying "have your own life" has reached epic cliché proportions. Just mentioning that about relationships typically gets an eye-roll and a "Yeah, got that, what else?"
But you have to really have to fight back that urge to start running after him and picking out your wedding dress.
The first thing you must have is your own interests and hobbies!
Why? Because guys are intuitive about one thing above all else: If you're going to be a "stage 3 clinger" or not.
What do men find attractive? Independence...
In a guy's eyes, needy chicks are the worst!
They're an emotional drag - because there's usually a lot of drama attached...
He won't feel challenged if you're all set to start chasing him...
A man has a very limited amount of emotional energy to go around, and he knows that a clingy woman is going to take 1000% of it...
He'll immediately think that all you're dating him for is for free food, or you just can't stand to be alone. NEWS FLASH: Neither of those is good...
You don't have to be immersed in meetings every night of the week to show that you've got your own life. But you DO have to have other demands on you that occasionally make him have to wait on you.
The easy test of your neediness is this: If you have at least one activity (and I'm not talking about going to the gym or grocery shopping) that could conflict with a date, that's perfect.
If you find that you've got less than 3 nights per week that you can go out on a date, then you might be TOO busy. But in my experience, it's rarely ever the case.
TIP 3: Stick To Your Guns...
I've been on a LOT of dates with women, and there's one thing I can tell you that will NOT make a man sexually desire you: When you change your stance on something to avoid him disapproving of you.
Men almost NEVER disqualify a woman based on her opinion about something. What a man needs to feel that compelling need to chase you is a sense that you've got a backbone.
I've been on dates where my date said she felt this way about something, and then I express a different viewpoint... and she backpedals and changes her mind.
Look, I get it. You don't want to immediately scare a guy off.
BUT knowing you stand by your convictions is really important for a guy. Especially if we're going to have kids and raise them with you!
So don't be so quick to turn around on your opinion.
I can also tell you from experience that men often put an opinion out there just to have an opinion. And when a woman contradicts or expresses her own opinion in a polite way, I sit up and pay attention.
"Wow! She's not a pushover!" I think. "She might actually be a challenge! Game on!"
TIP 4: Speak Your Mind, Even If Your Voice Shakes...
One of my ex-girlfriends had a bumper sticker that said this, and I always liked it.
In the context of a relationship, you gotta be able to tell a guy what you like and want in life.
First, because it's a turn-on...
Next, because it shows that there are things he can do to make you happy... (Men dig this)
It shows you have self-respect, which is the first step in him respecting YOU...
If you have your own preferences in life - and you share them in a healthy way - that also shows him that you are less likely to be needy about them...
Men live to create a safe space for your relationship, make you happy, and to provide for you.
And when you can tell a man what you really want - without making him read your mind - that makes our life so much easier.
Don't be bossy, of course. But let him know what you like and what you don't like in a relationship. This shows you have boundaries.
A man can look at a woman and make an intuitive guess in about 5 seconds as to whether or not you're his type, or if you'd make a good couple.
Mind, body, spirit...
Unfortunately, a great many men ignore this when they get distracted by the sex. But we are capable of it!
What does he look at?
Your hair & makeup (not too much attention here, but SOME)
Your fashion and clothing choices (shoes aren't a big deal for us - FYI)
Your skin - doesn't have to be tan, but moisturized and smooth is essential
Your face - mostly, your expression. Do you look fun and open, or closed off and bitchy?
Your diet & exercise - Not directly, but we can tell instantly how important this is to you...
Most women don't craft their appearance to attract men. Most often, a woman chooses to look the way she does out of competition with other women.
Let's be serious here - Men don't care AT ALL about your handbag. Not one little tiny bit.
And yet this has been the fascination of women & Kardashians everywhere.
Put your "Us" and "In Style" magazines on hold. They won't help you make him chase you - or ache for you the way you want him to.
For example, remember the first rule of makeup: Wear it to look like you're NOT wearing makeup.
If you take care of yourself, you're sending a clear message about how you expect others to take care of you. Again, you're showing that you have high standards for yourself when you put effort and thought into your appearance.
Men do appreciate it!
TIP 6: Sweet & Compassionate...
One of the most obvious things that a guy will end a relationship over is your character. In fact, this is probably 90% of the reason we'll get down on a knee and propose to you.
Here are a few things we watch for:
That you don't have pushy and selfish behavior...
The genuine depth of your innocence...
I have to tell you that I've seen women that could be completely sugary-sweet - so much so that I would have thought them to be angels...
Until I got to know them better and heard what they really had to say about those same friends they were so sweet to.
Abraham Lincoln once said (I've updated it for gender neutrality):
"Nearly anyone can stand adversity, But if you want to test someone's character, give them POWER."
You might not realize this, but THAT is what a man is doing when he chooses to keep dating you. He's choosing to give up some of his power to you in the form of sexual power.
Yeah, it's a test.
If he senses that you are abusing - or you'd abuse that power over him - he won't stay with you.
On the other hand, he'll chase you to the ends of the earth and desire you forever if your loving kindness is truthful and real.
TIP 7: Keep Pushing Him Back On His Heels...
Finally - here is the one killer tip that will make all the difference in your relationship.
Guys don't like too much power in relationships, as I mentioned earlier. He might seem at first like he's trying to be the one with the upper hand in the relationship, but that's not what he wants.
A man wants a woman who can compassionately challenge him.
Be playful and fun...
To get a guy obsessed with you - really desiring you - means that you have to know how to TEASE a guy.
I don't mean sexually tease a guy, either. I'm talking about playful teasing. The way you used to back when you were on the playground as a little girl.
The Desire Formula: Teasing = Flirting
So how do you tease a guy in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings or come across as cold and bitchy?
Ask yourself this: How would I tease my little brother?
It doesn't matter if you have one or not, I'm sure you've seen someone who has.
ASK YOURSELF: How would you give a guy a hard time who you have no interest in?
"But Carlos!" you gasp... "I do have an interest in him!"
Yes, you see, that's the problem! Most women make it clear that she is interested in a guy, and then she proceeds to try to handle him like a fragile Faberge Egg worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.
And only later does she realize that her "special treatment" was really her being too accommodating and "nice" - which made him lose interest and put her in the friends-only bin.
If he's wearing a funky tie, give him a wink and ask him if he got assaulted by a couch upholsterer...
If he's listening to 80s hair metal, ask him if you can give him a mullet haircut...
If he's watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer from his Blu-ray collection, tell him "Well, if I'd known you were into Sarah Michelle Gellar, I'd have shown up tonight as a blonde..."
You get the idea, right?
A good tease is sweet, gentle, and makes him raise an eyebrow to you. If you challenge a guy like this, his attraction will double in seconds. He'll be turned on in a big way.
Teasing = Sexual Tension.
Some obvious pointers here:
Don't EVER tease a guy on his physical body or his appearance in any way. No teasing of hairline, build, weight, height, etc.
Don't tease him about his ability - whether it's dancing or carpentry, that's too close to his ego home...
Don't tease him about anything that isn't pretty darn obvious that he'd laugh with you about it...
If you can wink at him while saying it, you probably have the right idea.
Okay, I've got one more bonus tip to share with you here...
BIG BAD BONUS: Give Him THE BEST...
And what I'm talking about here in this bonus is that you want to be GREAT in bed with him.
My wife and I have a joke about sex: Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's GOOD. And when it's bad, it's still pretty good!
Well, I guess that's not 100% true, but you see the humor in it, right?
What you don't ever want to be with a man is less than good in bed.
Create amazing physical intimacy...
Here's the rub, though (no pun intended...)
In my experience, I'd say less than 5 percent of my partners were even "better than average" in bed. Yes, women complain about guys in bed, but the reality is that they're just as bad most of the time.
Do you know what makes a woman "good in bed" with a guy?
Do you know what he's looking for in the sack that makes him happy?
If you're reading faster now to find out what that mysterious quality is, I have another question for you:
Why haven't you tried to find out?
Why not read a few books on guys and their sexual desires?
You'd be surprised to know that while the stuff you see in adult movies is edgy and kinky, that's not the stuff a guy necessarily wants from his girlfriend - or wife.
What he wants from you is skilled knowledge of his desires and what pleases him.
Which you'll get from forming a real connection with him where he feels safe telling you. He'll tell you exactly everything you need to know, in fact.
But will you ask?
Will you risk having a vulnerable connection that makes him realize you're The One for him?
I hope you will, because that vulnerable part of you is what he's waiting to see.
If you understand men, you can have him eating out of the palm of your hand.
Don't just let this article be another "quick fix" to make you feel better. Make this the year you finally get the relationship you always wanted with the man you desire...
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]