If there's one thing a guy doesn't want to do it's feel like he's less important to you than whoever you're checking in on Facebook... or the most recent incoming text.
Phone addiction is a very real thing these days.
I see it all the time, nearly everywhere I go:
Couples at dinner gazing lovingly ... at their phones
Making yummy goo goo eyes at their... phones
Paying close attention to every word ... that comes up on their screen
I'm being a bit cheeky there, but you get my point. If it were 20 years ago, I could have ended all those sentences "with each other." But now we're more in love with our phones than with our partners.
Before you poo-poo me on that and say, "NO way, Carlos!" -
Take a few seconds today to watch for how many people are sitting there staring at their phone screens instead of their boyfriend or girlfriend... or instead of just enjoying the day.
It's very distressing to witness it for yourself. And the only reason more people don't see it is because ... they're staring at their own phones!
Give him the attention he deserves...
I'll bet that you've held conversations with him where you were only half-there, texting someone as you "mm-hmm" him. You might think he's okay with that, but he's really not.
So do him the immense respect of putting your phone away when you're talking or connecting with him. If he's talking with you and you have to do something urgent on your phone, explain it to him. Don't assume he knows what's going on.
And yeah, you might even want to point out your new behavior to him so he sees what you're doing. Might as well make sure those points go up on the scoreboard.
Speaking as a man, I'm very concerned when I can't get the attention of my wife because she's busy texting away.
Make Your Boyfriend Happy - 2) Give him the props...
One thing men want - besides simple respect - is to know that he's valued and appreciated. This is one of his primary "languages" of love.
Part of valuing him is encouraging him. You have to know how to lift him up when he's low.
A lot of guys look to their relationship as a source of energy to keep going when things get difficult. Now, a man might not say this directly, but that's what he wants from you.
He needs your love to fuel him up!
Say something nice!
Men are often said to have "fragile egos." While this is not entirely true, it is important to know that men can be lifted up or torn down by a woman. She can make or break him with the support she gives.
Women that provoke a man's insecurities often find themselves in an angry, volatile relationship. And yes, some women do this on purpose to manipulate men.
Make him feel SECURE in your relationship.
"Men feel threatened easily, so he wants to know you are there for him..." - Carlos Cavallo
If you're dating or married to him, you should also know my "Perfect Passion Phrase" that will turn your relationship around...
Make Your Man Happy He's With You - 3) Make Time For YOWZA...
Yes, guys want a lot of physical intimacy...
Hey - you knew we were going to go here. But I want to make a different point that you may not have considered.
One of the most common patterns couples get into is where they short change their time alone at the end of the day.
Which one builds a stronger connection...?
This sabotages the relationship in a number of ways...
First, it sets you both up to feel rushed. By the time you get into bed, you're ready for ... well, SLEEP. And that means the mood is not set for wild monkey love.
Second, it sets YOU up to feel like "all he wants is s*x" - when what you're really feeling is a need to be warmed up to it. And it starts to create resentment between you.
If you make it a point to go to bed at the same time, with a focus on talking and connecting for at least an hour before sleep, you'll be able to reconnect. And have that physical intimacy you both want and need.
I'm always startled to see how few people understand this fundamental principle of relationship time management in their relationship.
Make Him Happy - 4) Support His Desert Island...
Guys need time alone. As much as you may find it provoking and anxious to give it to him, he needs time by himself.
This is the reason you hear about "man caves." He needs a place of refuge that is HIS room. HIS retreat.
Without it, a man can go slowly out of his mind.
Or he can go quickly...
When a man spends time on his "desert island," he recharges. He feels better about himself, and he'll bring this recharge back to your relationship.
Make Your Boyfriend Happy - 5) Know His Moods...
Men have very predictable moods. Once you learn them, you'll know exactly how to handle him.
How are you feeling today...?
The more time you spend with him, the better. Men don't always need you to be DOING things when you're with him. In fact it's best if you spend a lot of time just being around him, not pulling on him for anything.
There are a few reasons this works well:
You'll get to observe him and see how he functions...
Men bond just by being around a person for long periods of time. The less effort it takes, the more he feels like you're his "soulmate."
You'll discover his mood cycles...
He'll start to feel that you're a part of his life, and he'll miss you when you're not there...
How To Make Him Happy - 6) Never Discourage Him...
I've seen a lot of women who feel threatened by their man's outside interests and exploits try to control him by discouraging him. These women think they're protecting their relationship, but they're actually ruining it.
You can never have the kind of relationship you truly want - based on love, affection, and attention - when you use any kind of "control tactics." We don't want to think of ourselves as controlling. But very often when we feel insecure about receiving love we do try to control it.
Discouraging almost never comes from a good part of us...
Sure, sometimes we think we're helping our partner "be realistic" about their abilities. But in reality, any attempt to discourage someone is only going to backfire in the long run.
Have you been guilty of this?
They're more likely to see you as an enemy of their dreams than a champion of their hearts...
Sure, if someone is headed down a path of self-destructive behavior, you do need to step in and stop them from that. That's a healthy kind of discouraging.
But if you're trying to stop him from doing something out of jealousy or fear, that's a warning sign to you that your intentions might not be healthy.
How To Make A Guy Happy He's With You - 7) Know How To Get Him Committed To Your Relationship...
Ultimately, you need to have your man on the same path as you...
Working for the success of your relationship
And this all adds up to making your man want to commit to you - and the relationship.
But most women don't know how a man's commitment drive works!
They try things like:
Pushing him into commitment (you know this doesn't work well)
Calling him and checking on him all the time - staking her claim and protecting it...
Having "The Talk" with him about "where this is going..."
Trying to "trap him" into a relationship instead of making it a place he wants to go willingly...
And if you're honest with yourself, you probably already realize that these tricks don't work. They usually backfire.
And when they backfire, they push him away from you - FAST!
Keep him close...
But what many women also don't realize is that a man does need to commit to you quickly if you're going to keep him.
So if you need to get him to commit, but most of the things you do push him away when you TRY to get him to commit...
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