One of the most confusing things about relationships is understanding why people do such illogical and irrational things. Like - Why Does He Ignore Me?
The funny thing is that men ask the same questions about women that women ask about men...
And top on that list is usually:
Why does he ignore me? What happened?
When a guy's behavior changes on you, it really shakes you up. Especially if things were going so well to begin with. When a guy changes gears all of a sudden, it feels like the rug just got pulled out from under you.
And it's even more jarring when the man does it, because the man is supposed to be that rock-solid foundation for you to rely on. When a guy changes his attitude or behavior, it's extra scary for you.
It's easy to jump into what I call Panic Mode - where you immediately assume the relationship is headed for doom.
But before you do, I want to show you a few of the reasons a guy will ignore you.
Like, REALLY Real. Which can be very scary for a lot of women. Most guys know this, and we do our best to back off before the angry-guy or the hurtful-guy shows up.
So in a lot of situations, he's staying quiet and off-the-air so that he can let his feelings mellow out. Because, frankly, they aren't always real feelings toward you. They could just be his weird mood.
He could be coming off a crappy day at work,
...or a really stressful, drama-filled visit with the family...
...or his car just went into the shop...
Give him space.
Whatever his reason might be, you just have to respect his method of dealing with it solo for a while.
Nine times out of ten, he'll be back after he's worked it out.
Unless you insist on not leaving him alone out of insecurity of losing him. And then it's assured that he'll never be back...
He's Ignoring You - Reason 2: He's coming up for air...
To a man, a relationship can feel stifling. Confining.
Most women hear this and feel immediately fearful. After all, the very thing you want most - constant, deep connection - is something that a man might find unbearable at times.
Let me be very clear here:
Men do not feel this way ALL the time. In fact, after the first few rounds of pulling away and then coming back (which usually happen in the first few months of dating) he will mellow out and not ignore you as much. But those first few rounds of panic are likely to be challenging to you...
It's not the CONNECTION that he finds stifling and suffocating. It's when a woman doesn't back off a bit and give him an opportunity to collect himself. Think of it like tickling... those first few seconds of tickling are fun and thrilling. But when the tickler doesn't give you a break, it turns into a really bad trip.
He's not pulling away from her as much as he's trying to get BACK to HIMSELF. But if the woman clutches on mercilessly, his panic will turn into pulling away from her.
He's probably just ignoring you for the moment to avoid a possible argument...
He's Ignoring You - Reason 3: He's super busy...
This is another one of those situations that women don't really understand. Usually it's because a guy she's dated in the past pulled this and - and just wasn't that into her. And then he used this as an excuse on her.
But more often than not, a guy will get caught up in the busyness of his life.
Usually this is because he ignored things in a few other areas of his life to get things started with you.
But that ignoring has a cost, and it has to be paid back eventually.
And so he realizes it and leaves you twisting in the wind while he attends to his life. But since he hasn't called or texted you to explain this, you're left to assume the worst.
We've ALL been here.
And here's something that might really scare the heck out of you:
Most men don't put the priority on your relationship right away...
Men who are in a certain stage of their lives are going to make their career a priority.
And another thing - don't ever get between him and his buddies. No matter how much you might dislike them, you won't win. (If you get in between him and his friends, YOU are the one that's going to be ejected, not them.)
Instead, EMPHASIZE the good in your relationship. That's really the only way to make a guy see what he has to see in you anyway.
He's Ignoring You - Reason 5: He's having a mini freak...
When a guy starts dating you and he feels like he's falling for you, he's going to have a mini freak-out.
This is a classic case of cold feet - where his mind asks him: "Hey, dude... you sure you want to do this? Love is SCARY."
Now, you might think: "Yeah, Carlos. That's a man for you. Emotionally unavailable. Afraid of commitment. I knew it."
Well, hang on there a second...
It's not commitment phobia...
And it's NOT emotional unavailability...
It's called "being a man." We men always get hesitant like this - not because we DON'T want that connection with you... (That's silly if you really think about it - we ALL want love and connection.)
Men hesitate because we men know that the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION WE EVER MAKE will be the woman we fall in love with and marry.
Men in bad marriages die earlier. They get sick more often. They earn less. They're way more unhappy than the most single single guy.
Women initiate well over 75% of all divorces... and men almost never fully recover from a failed marriage.
In short, bad relationships are poison to his (and your) life.
But since guys don't have a support mechanism (strong peer network) for this situation, he's going to be much more careful about jumping into the relationship than you.
Let him freak a bit, and don't enhance his Freak by pressuring him.
Again, let hm breathe...
He's Ignoring You - Reason 6: Maybe he's not ignoring you...
Okay, this doesn't really qualify as a reason, but I have to ask the question:
What makes you think he's ignoring you?
Is it for real?
Or could you just be misinterpreting the situation?
Ask yourself if you might even be misinterpreting his level of interest. Maybe that was just a good night of horizontal mambo, and that was it.
Or you might be overly sensitive to signs of withdrawal from men if you're the "insecure attachment" personality type - if you feel anxious when connection isn't reinforced all the time.
You know yourself better than anyone - better than HIM... So it's up to you to catch this signal before it gets away from you.
He's Ignoring You - Reason 7: He's thinking about ending it...
Yeah, it's a very real possibility. He might be ignoring you because he just doesn't know if he feels the same way about you as you do about him.
And he might also have lost that loving feeling toward you.
He might have been infatuated with you, but just doesn't feel "it" anymore...
He might be one of those guys who just doesn't go apesh*t over romance. If you can deal with that, he could be a really constant and level-headed partner.
He might have been enjoying the chase, but you went and "flipped the script" on him and started chasing him... which means he's not going to be as interested anymore.
Do you let him walk away?
If you suspect he might be losing interest and you want to catch him before he ends it, there's something you need to know:
Instead of telling you when something is wrong…
Or if something is bothering him inside…
Or making him unhappy…
He will keep his thoughts locked away in a secret box inside his head.
And after a short time, this box can fill up...
With thoughts can turn into evidence - “relationship ending” evidence he'll use to justify leaving…
And you might not even know it's happening behind the scenes...
If you don't get in there and expose these thoughts and feelings soon - so that you can fix them - you might lose him for good.
Opening the floodgate of his emotions.
The weirdest part is that he WANTS you to know what's going on, but he might not have the words to share them with you...
If you want to stop him from pulling away, you better have the right method for getting into his secret box of thoughts.
If you do, great! You're WAY ahead of 90% of the other women out there...
If you don't, I've got something that will help you - something that will tell you what he's thinking and help you get in that secret box...
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