When you're unhappy in a relationship it's one of the most difficult situations. When you've got relationship problems, everything else just seems to fade into the background, and you want to know how to fix it.
Where is the love...?
You wish you had a Magic Pill that would turn your unhappy relationship into a healthy relationship.
Whatever the state of your current relationship is, you can fix it. You can have a loving partner again and enjoy the good times.
Anyone and everyone can bring the happiness back into their love.
You might even wonder if your partner is unhappy with you. And this will certainly reflect back and make you unhappy in your relationship
Believe it or not, 1 in 5 relationships are unhappy. This might seem like a high number, after all that's 20%!
But you also have to realize that for you to get into a happy relationship you might have to have THIS relationship be unhappy. Just so you can learn and find the good one. It's simply a necessary step in the evolution of your skills. (You're not going to find Mr. Right on the first try, trust me.)
You probably have a lot of questions about your romantic relationship:
When is the time to give up?
What does a healthy relationship feel like?
Would he be better as a friend than a boyfriend?
How do you know if you're in an unhappy relationship?
And I trapped in this relationship?
Why do I stay in unhappy relationship?
Is this relationship toxic?
Am I too old to start over?
I'm a sensitive woman-why am I always unhappy in my relationships? Even when I'm in love?
Can I fix being unhappy?
Let's start with a few signs that you might be in an unhappy relationship. Then we will talk about what to do about it.
One of the obvious indications that you are feeling unhappy is when you're not getting enough quality time with your love. A happy relationship nourishes you with time and attention.
If you're not getting enough time, you're going to feel underappreciated.
SIGN 2: Your sex life is lacking
This is one of the most obvious indicators. When your romantic life in the bedroom is sparse or nonexistent, and the sex has dried up, you're probably unhappy in your relationship. It could just be a rough patch, but this romance is not fulfilling you.
SIGN 3: Your personal life is impacted
If you start feeling unhappy with your friendships and possibly your career because the relationship is suffering, it's probably an unhappy relationship. Unhappy relationships always spill over to the rest of your life.
It's critical that you're able to talk with your partner and communicate feelings, as well as be vulnerable.
SIGN 5: You think you might be in a codependent relationship
Frequently, one of the most obvious unhappy relationship signs is when your emotional state depends on the happiness of your partner.
You give too much...
This is sometimes known as a codependent relationship. In a healthy relationship you will want to make your partner happy, but you don't take on 100% of the responsibility for their happiness.
Co-dependent relationships are where we become too enmeshed in our partners emotions. Boundaries become unhealthy.
SIGN 6: You have trust issues
If there are issues with trust in your relationship, this will trickle down into your happiness. Trust and reliability are central in a partner. If you don't feel you can trust him, or his trust issues are getting in the way, it's time to seek help.
This goes without saying, but if there is any kind of verbal or physical abuse in your relationship, you will be unhappy. And you should immediately separate yourself from the environment. This kind of toxic relationship could have severe safety issues as well.
SIGN 8: You believe you will be happier without your partner
If you entertain notions of being happier outside of your relationship for any reason, you're probably in an unhappy relationship. After all, a healthy relationship means you want to share your dreams and destiny with him. Perhaps marriage someday.
If you're not seeing promise for the future, it's time to pay attention.
SIGN 9: You're not interested in your partner's life like you used to be
If you notice you aren't as interested in his life and happiness like you once were at the start, this is a big sign that your relationship is in trouble.
SIGN 10: You make your friends and family a priority over your partner
If you notice that you don't make him a top priority like you used to, and other people are more interesting to be around, there's a good chance your relationship has some issues.
You don't want to ignore your family and friends, but when they take top priority all the time that is an issue. It shows that you're trying to avoid your romantic relationship.
SIGN 11: Contempt and resentment
One of the worst signs of a relationship that is going downhill is when you feel more contempt and resentment for him than you feel love. When a relationship starts to fall apart, you will probably resent your partner for a lot of the things that you once loved him for.
When you get to this point in a long-term relationship, it's easier to bash them then simply accept that you are not meant to be together.
Remember, if you're both unhappy then it's better if you end things quickly. It's better to be a single person that is happy then pretend that your bad relationship is good.
SIGN 12: You don't even argue anymore
Things have gotten so bad between you, that you don't even bother to argue. It's just easier to avoid each other or stay silent.
SIGN 13: Little to NO romance left
You're not romantic partners anymore. You never go out on dates. It's as if you're brother and sister - and just living together. Or occasionally doing things together.
But there's no spark of romance, and no passion.
SIGN 14: You're lonely all the time
When you feel lonely within a relationship, that is a big sign of an unhealthy relationship. And loneliness usually starts as neglect.
When you're an unhappy partner and unfulfilling relationship, you also feel trapped. You know that something has to change.
Should you try to fix an unhappy relationship?
Each individual has different needs. No one can make this decision for you. There are many methods to reach your goal, but ultimately you must find the courage to decide if you want to stay his girlfriend or move on.
Is this worth saving...?
The first thing you should do is make a list of all the details about your relationship.
What is it you need and value in your relationship?
How much space do you need?
How can you handle difficult conversations?
How do you make it safe to point out a behavior or actions that cause fights or arguments?
If you have children together, how do you as a couple make sure nothing hurts them?
Can you work together to come up with an idea, option, or solution for your struggles?
Can you make a choice to work together instead of making excuses and being at odds with each other?
You have to decide this for yourself first. There are many factors you have to consider. And you may have to build some skills and tools to keep your eye on the path.
Chances are, you probably want to put in the effort to fix things with your significant other. You're probably ready to work on your communication, your trust, and do anything you can to put the spark back into your love.
Remember, it's not your fault or his fault that you reach this point. It simply time to figure out how to fix your relationship, no matter how stuck you may feel.
It takes two...
Here are some essential tips for couples to repair an unhappy relationship:
Step 1: Figure out if you are unhappy in your relationship or if you're just unhappy in your life right now
It's tempting to blame your significant other, your boyfriend, or husband, for your unhappiness. But there's a chance that you might just be unhappy with yourself right now.
Is your job giving you fulfillment?
Are you too obsessed with managing the relationship?
Is it possible you just have unrealistic expectations about your relationship?
Take a look at your situation and see if you might just be unhappy with your own life. And you may be projecting your difficulties on this relationship. It would be a big mistake to focus on the relationship problem when your doubts and anxieties about yourself are creating the conflict.
There are plenty of people who haven't looked at the possibility that their career might be in a slump. It can be hard to see that our dissatisfaction with our own life is hurting our heart.
Ultimately, you may need to find a therapist to get you through it all.
Step 2: Get rid of the guilt
You might have a partner that is depending on you for emotional stability, financial stability, or more. You might live together and know that you would have to move out of your home - or he would have to move out.
Don't let the possible guilt or stress you would feel about this fact stop you. It's far worse to spend years in unhealthy relationship than it is to get past the short-term pain of moving on.
(It's actually VERY rare for someone to say they wished they had worked on the relationship longer at the end. By that point, it's too late.)
Millions of people trapped themselves in unhappy relationships because of reasons like guilt. Don't let this stop you from parting ways if you need to.
Step 3: Start the Conversation
Part of the process of healing with your significant other is having the conversation about your problem. Whatever the case may be, you know what aspects of your relationship are causing you stress.
Put aside your fear of being vulnerable, because putting up a defensive shield will probably destroy any chance of intimacy.
Simply ask a question about his perspective - and then listen. He needs to know you care about his view, too.
Let him know if you're unhappy or discontent. If you're stuck in a rut, even an argument is a positive step because you're at least talking.
Step 4: Know what your needs are
Maybe you just need more affection
Maybe you need more help with the kids
Maybe you want to talk about solutions and options
Maybe you want to feel his desire more
Maybe you want more understanding and less arguments, less stonewalling
Maybe you just want your commitment to return
You might want couples therapy or exercises that can bring you closer
Whatever your needs are, if you're not getting them, you'll feel distance in your relationship.
Remember that Love is a source of energy in a relationship, too. Your partnership demands that you put aside your grudges and bring your concerns to the front.
Step 5: Re-inject Some Excitement!
Let's face it- if you don't have any joy or motivation in your relationship, of course there will be fights and insecurity. Many of my clients have a sense that they are not going to fix their relationship with books alone.
Bring it back to life!
Start with an inventory of memories in your relationship. Are they mostly good? Mostly bad?
Go all the way back to the beginning. You may surprise yourself and find that you and your significant other are on the same team.
You may have developed some bad habits in your lives, but your boyfriend or spouse may share a lot of values and maybe a powerful bond as well.
Then, just start to put some excitement back in your relationship. Try to return to the time when you are excited about the possibilities.
It can be hard to risk this kind of vulnerability, but it's the only way to show a level of devotion that will fix the romance.
Step 6: Don't Forget Gratitude
If there's one element of a relationship that you can't lose sight of, it's gratitude. In order to feel attraction in a relationship, you must feel grateful for your partner. I can't overemphasize the importance of this.
In fact, one red flag I see in a relationship is when neither person is feeling that kind of gratitude.
The best moments in a relationship are where you feel that you are not only content with one another, you respect each other and you have a healthy fear of loss.
In the end, I could fill volumes of books about all the behaviors that leave men and women unhappy in a relationship.
You feel disconnect that leaves you feeling like you're without purpose
There's a feeling of being out-of-control and lost
Your plans and goals are not aligned and it's tearing you apart
You may have a child together and you don't want to be one of those families where the parents set a bad example
Your health might be suffering as a result of the relationship
But if you can focus on the right parts of your relationship and you can turn your relationship around.
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