Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys? 9 Reasons Your Mom Would Never Admit
By: Carlos Cavallo
Have you ever fallen for a bad boy? Almost every woman has felt the attraction for a guy who's a little rough around the edges. And that might make you wonder why do good girls like bad guys?
“So why do good girls like bad guys?
I had this question for a real long time
I've been a bad boy and it's plain to see
So why do good girls fall in love with me?”
Falling in Reverse - “Good Girls Bad Guys”
Movies often highlight this wild dynamic of the woman who falls for the wrong kind of guy. The theme resonates because almost every woman can relate to this.
Every woman has had a man in her life that she just couldn't resist. She may have put up a good act, but in the end she either gives in or runs away.
She might have sensed that heartbreak was the only thing in her future with him.
And she was probably right.
But what a delightful distraction a Bad Boy can be!
Just look at Hollywood and the interesting combinations of personalities there. Perhaps the most classic example of good girl/ bad guy was Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie back in the 90s.
I'll warn you that you need to be prepared to look at your shadow-self here today. I'm going to point out parts of your behavior that you may not want to agree with. But that doesn't mean they're not true.
The bad guy that women love is not politically correct. Which is why you don't want to admit you have an attraction for them!
And also consider that you wouldn't admit these facts about bad boys and your attraction to them because of how they would make you look if you admitted them to other people! So you keep this secret - shhhhh! (Most women do.)
Now, this article comes to you as a bit of an expose. You see, I was once one of those bad boys. And having spent many years dating women, I can tell you exactly why good girls fall for bad guys.
First of all we have to start with a definition of what is a bad boy? What makes a guy “bad”?
Bad Boy Quality #1: He’s a manly dude…
It's pretty obvious when you encounter a bad guy like this that he is definitely not a wimp. If anything he oozes testosterone and Manliness. You can practically smell it on him.
In fact, you probably can - most colognes change their scent depending on your hormone levels. Bad boys who wear certain colognes almost always smell different than the average Joe who wears them. That's why you can find the scent appealing on some guys and not on others.
But besides this, you know that his way of being more of a man instantly sets him apart from the other guys you're dating - or guys that you know.
Bad Boy Quality #2: He’s not a wimp…
This quality is sometimes best described as being BOLD.
A bad boy has a way of being more forward and direct with his interest and what he says to you. Whereas a more “beta guy” will hold back what he's thinking, and be more of a people pleaser. Which you know means he may not have the courage to back up his actions, or to protect you later on.
In fact, you can describe a bad boy in terms of how much he is not like “The Nice Guy.”
If you've ever caught yourself saying “but he's so nice” you know what I'm talking about here. You're trying to justify dating some dude who just doesn't light your Christmas tree. and as much as you wish you could convince yourself, you know you never will. You just know this guy doesn't have a very long shelf life with you.
Bad Boy Quality #3: He makes you feel safe
When it comes right down to it you know that the bad guy will make you feel safe. Because you know he's capable of physical action to protect you. Even if it means this guy likes to start fights, there's a part of you it gets a little turned on by it.
He's more of an alpha male. And that definitely gets your hormones racing.
Mostly because these guys are hard to find these days...
Bad Boy Quality #4: He’s more aloof
One of the less healthy traits is that a bad boy is often emotionally detached and distant.
This creates a challenge for you, which makes you invest yourself and your time in him.
Most women don't want to admit this, but most men are naturally attractive in this way. Most guys simply don't emote very much, and they don't talk about their feelings all the time.
So in a way, most men have at least a little bit of the “bad boy” in them. At least the behavior you're attracted to.
It's only when you get into a relationship with him that you discover how much his aloofness can be limiting your connection and intimacy.
Remember: Compared to a woman every single man is going to appear a little more aloof on some level.
And that challenges you. Watch out for this challenge pulling you into a relationship that you are not really interested in.
This particular quality is something that guy's demonstrate when they brag and they show off their bravado to you.
When he's a little bit self-centered, it appeals to you. Because now you're wondering “How do I break into that so that I can take care of him?” You want to prove your value to him so that he chooses you as his one and only.
Because part of you wants to take care of your man. And part of him wants to take care of you.
Women are frequently pulled into relationships with narcissists because of this one thing. (I'll explain this in much more detail in a future article.)
Bad Boy Quality #5: He's a rebel
Let's be brutally honest - women admire a man who thinks for himself. A man who is confident in his own opinions and beliefs.
After all, if he isn't sure of himself then how can he be any good as a provider or protector for you?
So when you meet a guy who can stand on his own, thumb his nose at the “establishment,” and walk his own path, that is deeply attractive to a woman.
Okay - now let’s dig into the reasons why good girls like bad guys:
REASON 1: You want his babies!
Oh I know that this one is going to create an uproar. Maybe somebody will try to cancel me because of this, but it's the scientific truth.
Women are more attracted to bad boys during their most fertile part of their menstrual cycle.
During the process of evolution, it has been shown that the females of all species look for the “dominant” DNA - which means she’s looking for men that demonstrate strength and power in those genes!
Men do the same thing when they choose women - they look for the women that demonstrate the most health and fitness to bear their children. It’s subconscious on many levels, but all these traits we endorse in the media originate in a “signal” that came from millions of years of evolution.
REASON 2: It sets you free…
Look, one of the biggest effects a bad boy has on you is to give you permission to be a bad girl.
Women live their lives constantly trying to present themselves as being good and virtuous. And that act gets really tiring after a while.
In fact, if you’re truthful - it's exhausting.
This started when you were just a little girl, and you get trapped in the role.
The beauty of a bad boy is that he gives you the safe space to act out your dark fantasies a little bit. In fact, he may even require you to.
And then you get to be that BAD Girl!
REASON 3: Because you can’t - you shouldn’t…!
The one reason that bad boys are so attractive to women is because .... you can't have him.
It's a fact that we all want what we can't have.
One of the best ways to make a kid want something is to deny it to him. Some people call this reverse psychology. And if it's done right, it almost always works.
Whatever your parents told you was forbidden, you wanted more than anything else. If nothing more than to go against the grain. And prove your own independence.
If there's one thing humans hate it's to be told they can't have something.
Bad boys are a Taboo - like dating your hot cousin. The more you know you shouldn’t, the more you think: “What if…?”
REASON 4: It’s like fire & ice…
Another big reason that we are drawn to these polar opposite relationships is because they are so charged. There's so much energy in the contradiction that it creates an exceptionally passionate love affair.
And yes, the lovemaking is out of this world.
Of course the arguments can be just as volatile and passionate. Which means you have to keep your head about you and not pick him just because this guy is "so different.”
It's really the intensity that makes this kind of relationship a potent combination. Everything has such extreme polarity that it can’t help but be an exciting (and often exhausting) coupling.
REASON 5: He’s your new DIY project
Another reason that these bad guys appeal to Good Girls is because he is always a little rough around the edges. He becomes your self improvement project.
Because nothing proves your feminine power over him more than being able to make a man change to suit you. Even if he doesn't want to be changed.
Which is what most women figure out once they've started their little project. Men don't want to be changed, they want to be accepted.
If you can convince this otherwise unavailable guy to commit to you, that will prove finally - at last! - that you are validated!
After all, if you can pull this conversion off you must be pretty damn amazing.
Until that feeling wears off. Which it always does.
And don't worry, he will eventually run away from all the criticism and lack of acceptance he feels.
As I always say, choose a man that wants you right from the very start. A man that is everything you wanted without having to work on him.
REASON 6: It's like therapy you didn't even know you were in
In reality, when you pursue an unavailable man, it is really just playing out your childhood dramas.
One of the most common childhood issues is when a woman never got the validation, approval, and acceptance that she wanted from her parents. One or both of them.
Men and women get pulled into relationships where all they ever do is try to win the love and acceptance and devotion of their partner.
Basically, trying to get everything they wanted from their parents when they were kids.
It's a given that you will probably ignore everything that you read in this article. Not because you're dumb or you don't get it, but simply because the heart wants what the heart wants, as they say.
When it comes to the emotions attached to winning a “bad boy” over, logic and rational thinking goes right out the window.
Sure, it's got Daddy Issues written all over it. Maybe even a whole bunch of mommy issues too. Sometimes it takes one of these good girl/bad boy relationships for you to finally work out your craziness.
Then again, maybe you could just go to therapy once a week and avoid the insanity of one of these relationships. You choose!
REASON 7: Get attention - and shock your family!
Let's face it, these guys are also come across as being almost celebrity-like. They have an edge to them that makes you think they could be in movies.
Or maybe start a cult.
Early in my dating advice career, I hosted several events in the Las Vegas area. One of the guys I discovered there was a veteran bad boy. He was an actor, narcissist, long-haired Rogue of a guy.
You could almost buy into his persona. Until it started wearing thin. Which was really quick.
They seem a lot more “valuable” than they really are, most times.
Not to mention the fact that a bad guy can be a really good to get revenge against your family. No better way to get back at the parents then to bring one of these guys home with you, am I right?
Here's the part you didn't know about: Your mom? She slept with her share of bad boys. She might never TELL you - but I guarantee she did.
REASON 8: It's a phase you’re in
If you’ve dated the same kind of guy for most of your life, you probably get to a point where you wonder why. After all, these relationships never work out. So maybe he's not really the right kind of guy for you?
Enter: The Bad Boy.
He seems to know what you want more than you do. And he comes along at just the right point in your life when you're ready for some change.
You may not have ever dated a guy quite like this before, which only adds to the novelty.
In reality, it's just a phase you're going through. You're probably disenchanted with the type of guy you've been dating, so you figure a change will do you good.
Most women do outgrow this kind of guy.
REASON 9: You Dig Bad Boys!
Look, ultimately you will choose what you want in life. If you keep choosing guys that are a little rough around the edges and rebellious, that means you like that type.
After all, you are a grown up and you can choose what you want.
However, we have to recognize that we make certain choices to meet certain needs. Some of your needs may not be healthy.
In the end, you have to look at your own life and decide if you are really a “good girl” - and if he is really a “bad” guy.
Sometimes it's just a potent mix of personalities.
Sometimes it's just a lot of childhood issues...
Sometimes it's just a relationship you can't quit...
But if you want to have a successful relationship - no matter what kind of guy you love - you MUST know how men think - and how they work!
I've been advising women for over 18 years now.
The number one problem women have is assuming that what they know about other women must apply to MEN.
Think about it: You're intimately familiar with yourself - as a woman. So are your friends. You talk, you share intimate and detailed information with each other.
But guys don't work by female rules! (I know, news flash...)
In fact, if you assume guys think and make decisions the same way you do, you'd be very mistaken.
And that is probably holding you back from seeing what he is seeing in your relationship right now.
The number TWO problem women have is listening to other girlfriends who are NOT in a successful and long-lasting relationship.
Like my old mentor used to say: "I don't get money advice from a poor stockbroker who is living paycheck to paycheck. I go talk to people who have money!"
In the same way, you can't keep getting advice from women who don't know any better than you about how to make a relationship work with a man.
That's where I come in!
I've been advising men and women for years. I've heard every reason, story, and excuse you can imagine.
What I did was drill down into the words to find the REAL reasons men walk away from loving relationships.
Stop listening to the lame and mistaken ideas about this. Get the scientific TRUTH about why men do what they do ... from a MAN!
Love is a Science!
You can learn it and put it to work for you - RIGHT NOW.
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