If you want to keep a guy interested in you, you have to know what it is he's looking for. And that's what we're going to explore here today. I want to reveal - and explain - how to text a guy to keep him interested in you.
Often times, you'll have a great conversation, exchange phone numbers... and then nothing. It fizzles out...
And you NEED to feel that spark! All relationships need it. It's a necessary part of the dating ritual that a lot of people overlook.
Now, before we get into how to text a guy to keep him interested, I want to review a couple of the things you should NOT do when texting a guy.
Don't Make These Mistakes When Texting A Guy:
Don't Do This - Mistake 1: The Flipper...
Women don't want to have to do the whole "let's get this thing started" when it comes to romance. You don't want to be the one to kick off the romance.
You want him to show some interest...
If he doesn't show interest, you don't know if he's really into you or not. How do you know if he just picked you because you were "convenient"? You want to know he really wanted you!
You don't want to seem like a "slut"
Let's be really clear - there are a bunch of things women do purely to avoid looking "easy." This behavior has been handed down over hundreds of thousands of years to influence your behavior when it comes to dating and relationships. A woman knows that her reputation and social standing is important to her. So, yes, you don't want to initiate or show interest in him for fear that it makes you look "easy."
You want to feel like the woman...
This one goes hand-in-hand with #1. In order for you to feel comfortable with a man, you want to know that he's got the ability to take action. Show interest. And if you flip the gender roles on him, you'll never really know. Don't let the news fool you - gender identities are perfectly natural and good. (As long as we don't let them become unhealthy and weird.)
So don't feel like you need to "flip the gender roles." This almost always works against you.
You don't have to start the process if you don't want to.
And if you do take the lead, be sure to back off quickly and let him show some effort. He MUST take over the role of making the romance start for you to be happy. This is absolutely critical if you want a healthy relationship later on.
Don't Do This - Mistake 2: The Weak Opener...
This one is easy, but it's so easy that most women never catch it.
Have you ever texted "Hey!" or "Hi" to a guy?
You were probably hoping that doing that would remind him you existed and kick his ass back into gear - make him text you back.
What you hoped you would get back: "Hey! Oh my gosh, I was just thinking about you... I can't get you out of my head. I'm so glad you reminded me to text you."
In reality he responds: "Hey! What's up?"
And that's being generous.
Give him more...
Sending one-word texts in the hope that he's going to suddenly remember to crave you again is kinda silly. You might even think I'm being silly at suggesting that was your motive - but if you check in with yourself, you'll see it's probably true.
You sent a short text in the hopes that it will trigger a huge outpouring of desire from him. This also allows you to feel like you didn't make mistake #1 of being the initiator.
But you actually did initiate.
Don't send one-word texts. This is frustrating for a guy because he can feel the pressure of what's going on here - even if that wasn't your intention!
Give him a question to respond to. I know this might be difficult to use as a text, because you won't want to be so obvious with your out-of-the-blue text to him. It leaves you open to - GASP! - him not responding...
But the truth is that it's easy to not respond when you just send him "Hey" or "Hi." It's easier for him to ignore you when you don't really say anything.
Send the right question, however, and he's putty in your hands.
Open your texting conversation loud, proud, and strong if you want to get him interested!
Now, let's jump into -
How to text a guy to keep him interested - 7 tips:
There are some GREAT bits of advice in here, and you probably haven't heard many of them.
You have some goals for texting him - and always remember which goal you're going after:
Texting him to remind him of you and keep him thinking of you...
Texting to flirt with him...
Texting to get him aroused and chasing you...
Texting for logistics - like the where & when of your upcoming date...
I'm sure you could come up with others, but these are the important ones. Always know which one you're doing, and the best text for that situation.
How To Text A Guy To Keep Him Interested - 1: Know WHEN to text him
A lot of women don't realize that timing is a big part of the dance of intimacy.
It can show up in BIG ways - like when you're ready for a long-term relationship, but he isn't. This is probably the worst kind of timing problem in a relationship, in fact.
And it shows up in small ways - like when you call and he's busy - or not available.
Timing is everything...
Texting is nice in that you can send your message-in-a-bottle and he can get back to you when he sees it. It's not so fun when you have to wait on the response, right?
So to avoid that feeling of "Is he going to text me back" the best thing you can do is maximize your timing.
First of all, know his schedule.
For example, if you know he typically goes to lunch from 11:30 to 1:00, and he almost always goes with his co-workers, that could be tricky. He might not be paying attention to his phone, and he misses your text until after lunch.
OR - he might actually be more attentive to his phone at that time since he's already being social and not working.
The idea is to adjust your impulse to text him for the time that makes the most sense.
Send your text when he's least likely to be distracted or otherwise busy.
It seems simple, but the tendency of most people is to text when the impulse strikes them - not when it's smartest. (Phone behavior can become really compulsive.)
Another thing to keep in mind is how frequently to text him to make him interested in you. Again, most women think that the more she texts and the more he responds, the better her chances at winning his heart.
NOPE. This isn't the way it works with guys!
CARLOS' RULE: Men need morespace between texts than texts.
The longer the space (to a point) and the fewer things you send him, the more you will be able to keep him thinking about you.
It's all about the WAY you text, and not always the WORDS that will capture his heart...
How To Text A Guy To Keep Him Interested - 2: Know Your Options...
Don't text him without taking some time to think before you send. I'm not talking about agonizing over every character, either.
What I mean is that you want him to have the most likely chance to respond to you. I'm assuming you're not just texting him because you're bored, right? You want him to really feel itwhen you send him that text.
Sometimes the best thing to do is DO NOTHING....
Other times you may want to send him a compliment...
And maybe even send him encouragement another time...
Another way to exercise your "options" with him is to keep your texting down to what I call "mirror only." This is where you only text him the way he's texting you...
You only text him when he texts you, he must initiate!
You only text him the amount he texts you - keep to the same length. If he texts you two lines, don't send him back 20.
You only flirt to the level he does. Don't try to be MORE into it than he is.Remember: he needs challenge to stay interested in the first few weeks!
How To Text A Guy To Keep Him Interested - 3: Go 3-D With Him...
Most women make the mistake of only broadcasting their "easiness" to him with their texts. She texts him about something she thinks will make him respond to her.
Here's what happens in a woman's experience when she feels the urge to text:
You start thinking of him...
You decide you want to connect with him...
Your brain starts to compile an almost obsessive focus and mood around communicating with him - "Will I say it right?" Over-analysis happens here.
You either write a quick text to send him - or you spend hours typing and re-typing "just the right" message...
You send it, and then agonize over what you sent - checking your phone every 5 seconds for a reply... (I'm going to cover this in #4 below)
You might notice something here - that throughout the whole process you weren't really paying attention to HIM very much, were you?
Have him open up to you...
What do you already KNOW about him? That should be your key to unlocking a strong text conversation with him.
TIP: If he's a guitarist, ask him about the best acoustic guitar.
Let him know it's for a guy you know who wants to pick up the instrument.
(For anyone who read that and got scared the second I told you to 'text him about another guy,' you may have some hurdles to being successful with men. Stay with me, I'll explain more about why this is in a bit.)
Texts you send to a guy about HIM just isn't interesting to him. It kinda feels a little "kiss-ass." Men need something to talk about that makes it easy for us to get interested in texting you.
The best thing to do is text him about something you have in common, but to also bring in your busy life and schedule.
This lets him know you have a life
This helps establish the value of him getting on your calendar...
It starts him chasing you...!
How To Text A Guy To Keep Him Interested - 4: Send And Go Dark...
If you have the tendency to send texts and then wait on a reply, you're going to be frustrated every time you start something up with a new guy.
Because guys are completely unpredictable when it comes to his response time. It's something we do simply because we don't see texts as important communications.
You may have noticed how this unpredictability makes you more into texting him than the other way around. There's a term for this in scientific circles: variable-ratio schedule
Don't be too available...
It sounds super scientific, but it's actually pretty simple...
QUESTION: When he texts you and then disappears for a few days, what happens inside your thoughts? Inside your feelings?
ANSWER: The unpredictable makes you agonize over hearing from him again.
Think about it... The one thing you won't do because you're afraid it's "rude" or "disrespectful" in some way, is the PRECISE thing that gets you HOOKED ON HIM!
Think it's game playing? Think again.
He's doing this to you - accidentally ignoring you - and also making you crazy with desire. Look at how well it works!
Turn the tables and use this on HIM.
Don't respond right away. Give him a long (almost TOO long) breather in between texts.
Who's to say you're not just as busy and distracted as he is? Actually - you should be!
Get out there and get distracted so you don't spend the whole afternoon checking your phone for a response from him.
And make each kind of text a bit different, too. Text him something racy and sexy one time. Then the next text you just ask him if it's going to rain on the weekend.
MIX IT UP!
CARLOS' RULE: The less he can predict, the better you will do with him.
You'll find that when you go "variable" with him, he'll be MUCH more likely to text you back right away.
How To Text A Guy To Keep Him Interested - 5: Know when to snap...
As in, know when to snap a picture to send to him.
A lot of women make the mistake of getting too sexual with their images too soon. The idea behind keeping a guy interested is to leave as much as you can to his imagination.
CARLOS RULE: Don't ever send nude or explicit images to him until after you've been together for a few months.
I'd even suggest you never send them.
For one, it's risky - so leave your face out of them. You don't want it showing up somewhere on the Internet if your relationship goes sour.
For another reason, you're sending him a present when you do. So don't spoil him...
(We managed to keep the human race going for a few million years without sexting. It's true.)
Maybe a shot of the back of your legs, or a little cleavage for fun. Instead, send him a picture of some new panties and ask: "On or off later?"
You also don't want to send pictures too often. Pictures are like seasoning in your food. A little goes a long way. You never want to send more than one image to him in any 48 hour period. If you went out on a date with him, the clock resets.
Keep the excitement up by giving him a photo only if he's begging you for it. The more he begs you, the more you've driven up his desire.
How To Text A Guy To Keep Him Interested - 6: Enhance The Word...
There are a few things you want to avoid when texting a guy, and one of the most important is to NOT overdo it when you embellish your texts.
You know, like punctuation, emojis and capitals.
As a woman, you want to communicate EMOTION in your texts. This is something guys do not pick up on, which is why you need to know how to do it.
Do not make more than one word in your text ALL CAPS!
When you use all caps, it feels like you're yelling at us. It doesn't really matter that all you wanted to do was make it more emotionally powerful.
Do not flood your texts with emojis... You should only ever use ONE. However, you can use more emojis if you are clever. For example, one of my emoji strings tells a small story: ??? ? (That's cool, we're together / fist bump, and I like it...)
Don't ever try to tell him about any drama in your life in text. That's an INSTANT turn off to guys.
BUT - you do want to throw in some spice every now and again. I mentioned above that you don't want to send him too many pictures - of you. But you can send him the occasional animated GIF on occasion, or even a totally tasteless porn image.
Maybe a single emoji all by itself in the middle of the day...
Know how to interrupt his normal patterns to get attention. It's this unpredictability that will seal the deal for you.
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