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Relationship Tips & Advice
Marriage is still a goal for most couples today - and that's why you probably want to recognize the signs he wants to marry you. Mostly because - you just don't want to waste your time with a guy who isn't ready for commitment.
Am I right?
You want to go from girlfriend to wife with him - and not deal with those intimacy issues that always seem to come up. You also don't want to read into signals that aren't there.
You realise your biological clock is ticking, and if you want to experience your dreams of matrimony, he better be ready to get this relationship moving.
What are the signs he wants to marry you?
Well, we'll explore that in today's tips - and help you hear those wedding bells sooner rather than later. You need to be able to make the long-term plans for marriage that let you start planning your relationship future with him.
And stick around to the end, because I'm also going to point out one big red flag that could get in the way of you being husband and wife.
This is probably one of the least noticed signs he wants to marry you. A lot of people started dating and just assumed that their girlfriend or boyfriend was just going to go along for the ride to all your family functions.
And then... a few months or years into what you thought was a long-term relationship, he stopped "showing up" for you.
He started coming up with excuses as to why he couldn't make it this year to the Holiday dinner. Maybe he suddenly felt that July 4th was just going to be another drunk-fest with your family and came up with someplace else to be.
Not only this, but he's probably also making sure to invite you to all of HIS family stuff. It's a two-way street, and you're both there for each other. You realize the relationship is special.
Guys are very picky about who they take to family functions, because he knows they will be seeing you as someone he could marry in the future. He knows they'll also bug the daylights out of him about the seriousness of the relationship. So he must be okay with that to bring you along.
But one thing you should know - and that is that if a guy is of a mind to show up for you at your family stuff - and supports you - you've got a keeper on your hands. And there's a good chance marriage is on his mind.
Yes, it's absolutely crucial he's there for you when you need him. And family gatherings show his commitment level.
The Merge starts to happen when he starts mingling parts of his life with parts of your life. You'll start to feel that he wants to more and more of your life into his life.
Maybe you've both been talking about moving in together. This is a huge step that shows that he wants you as a part of his life - and it's one you've probably been watching for since you started dating.
However, I would caution you against actually moving in first unless you have some real strong doubts about whether or not the relationship will make it. In study after study, it's been shown that moving in with someone actually DECREASES the chances you will stay together and get married.
Still, there are other ways he's trying to combine your lives, if only as a way for him to ease into the process of establishing a marital bond.
He'll find other ways to combine your lives that feel comfortable to him. He's basically "trying you on for size."
In the animal kingdom, it's a sign of submission and trust for an animal to expose its stomach to another animal. It's a big demonstration because exposing this vulnerable area of their body is a really huge risk.
You've probably seen dogs act like this. When a dog wants to say "I give up!" he rolls to his back and shows you his tummy.
Men do the same thing when they start revealing their feelings and motivations to you. They get vulnerable.
It's also when he starts telling you his hopes and fears. It's a subtle sign that means a lot.
If he opens up to you about things that are bothering him, he's feeling safe exposing his feelings to you. In fact, this is the first way you'll likely experience a man opening up to you - when he starts talking emotionally about the annoyances and problems he's having in his life.
You might think he's just looking for someone to complain to, but he's really just bringing up what's most difficult for him in the hopes that you'll hear him out and give him some nurturing.
Watch for the signs of him showing his emotions, and make sure you're patient with him, too.
Men will do something that is very similar to what women do: He will probably bring up the idea of marriage to you in conversation.
But you'll hear the idea of a long term relationship come up more and more in conversation.
There is a gotcha here, though. If you start jumping on those conversations with the interest of a cat that hasn't been fed in a week, it's going to scare him off. Don't rush in to steal his thunder - it would be the wrong step.
Men need the safety and comfort to talk about love and marriage on their own terms.
So when he does start bringing the idea of long-term commitment into conversations, you just go along for the ride. In fact, the more you avoid getting into the details of it with him, the better. It's best if a man thinks that he's still pursuing and winning you for as long as possible.
Another sign of dedication and commitment from a guy is how he faces the tough stuff.
Men have a lot of challenges in their lives already. Many more than you might ever hear him talk about out loud. He keeps them quiet and private because that's how men operate.
So when a guy not only handles his own challenges but also sticks with you through your own, you've got a clue that he's not going anywhere.
Especially if this happens in the early stages of true love - when he didn't have much invested in you, but chose to stay in it with you.
Men don't take that kind of thing lightly.
A really important sign he's wanting to marry you is that he's already started THINKING about you two as more than boyfriend-and-girlfriend.
This typically happens when a guy starts talking about the things happening in his life to include the both of you instead of only him. Most women think very inclusively already, but guys don't think that way.
We men tend to think of leading a single bachelor lifestyle for a really long time before we'll consider adding a woman into the mix. We have no problem waiting.
This is mostly because a guy loves to have fun on his own and by himself. We're natural loners, and we like the freedom of not having any girlfriend entanglements.
So when a guy is talking about you doing things with him and being at things you haven't even brought up, he's actually saying "I like being a couple!"
Well, without actually SAYING it.
This is also true when he starts making you his reason for doing something instead of just including you in things he's already decided on.
No, I don't mean tiny cats. He's talking about the scary word that starts with a "K":
Yes - when you hear a man sharing his thoughts about a family, you can be VERY sure he's contemplating marriage. As a relationship expert, this is one of the most promising signs a guy can give you.
It's also reassuring for a woman to hear a man talking about wanting kids.
He might talk indirectly about kids by asking you if you'd still want to pursue a career or be more family-oriented after marriage.
He might ask you about what kind of "child-rearing philosophy" you have.
The fact is that the more a man wants to marry you, the more he will want to immerse himself in your life. He will see time with you as special and make it a priority.
If he complains about your time with your friends or your family, it's basically him starting to really think that he can't get enough of you. He's wanting you around more than not.
And that's a really big sign of his level of commitment to your relationship.
It's like a relationship commitment see-saw:
What I'm referring to here are the really big decisions in life that we typically make with our spouse.
Like buying a house, for example. If he's waiting to commit to purchasing a house, he's probably wanting to get all of his ducks in a row before he does.
Marriage is a huge step on its own, and he won't want to risk making a decision that could impact the two of you.
You might also see him thinking long and hard about other kinds of big life choices, like his career. Perhaps even going back to school for a degree.
I remember when I was still dating in my 30s and early 40s. I had a lot of resistance to making myself too unavailable for any woman. I didn't want her thinking: "Oh, he's already got a house. He's set in his ways."
So a lot of men will hold off on really big changes like I did.
Of course, just because he has his own house, or is long-distance from you, doesn't mean he wouldn't make changes to accommodate you in his life, too. You need to have these conversations at some point in your relationship.
When a guy starts acting like he's already married to you, there's a good chance he's open to the Real Thing.
If he's seeking feedback from you on really big life choices, that's a huge sign of his trust. If he's also really taking your input to heart, that's important.
Of course, you need to watch out for him getting TOO comfortable in this place. You don't want him thinking that you are okay with stopping short of the official wedding and marriage.
Now, let's come back around to that Big Red Flag I mentioned.
Here it is:
Now, I'll bet you're saying, "Carlos! That's what I WANT him to want. How could that be bad?"
Here are a few reasons why this could be a real red flag for you:
Ultimately, the primary reason for moving in should be the desire to be together. AND with a future plan to get married at a specific time. Without both of those, you're probably just letting the two of you take weak steps toward the goal you really want.
If he does want to move in because he wants you around 24/7 - and love is the primary drive - then wanting to move in together isn't a Red Flag at all.
But be really sure!
There are a lot of signals a guy gives off - and you want to know how to read them right so you don't get caught up in his delays or avoidance. Especially if you want to know if he'll marry you.
Would you like to know more about men's signals?