Chemistry In A Relationship - Do you have it? Find out…
By: Carlos Cavallo
Chemistry is one of those things that almost seems mystical. And if you don't know what you're looking for, you might not know if you have chemistry in relationship.
Everybody talks about chemistry. And it is really important.
All the pieces fit - just right...
If you don't have chemistry in your relationship, chances are your passion will just flicker and die out. You need that special spark between you two keep the flame alive.
It's a bit of an overused metaphor, but it's really true. Without passion, your relationship will feel like buddies or friends, not lovers.
What IS Chemistry?
First, let's talk about what chemistry is. Because the more it's a mystery to you, the more likely you're going to make a mistake.
The simplest definition of chemistry is that it’s physical attraction to another person. It's a definite sexual connection that happens early in the relationship.
There are two different kinds of chemistry: REAL and temporary.
REAL chemistry is the kind of chemistry where you have a genuine click between you. It's when you feel a certain special something that you can't put into words. And even though this means you have a connection, it doesn't mean you're soulmates or you are meant to be together.
In fact, a lot of the time this chemistry can cover up a lot of severe incompatibilities between you.
But REAL chemistry lasts! It won't fade away (at least not for quite some time.) And it's a very necessary part of your long term relationship.
The other kind of chemistry is temporary. This is where you may have been under the influence, or one or both of you was emotionally compromised. The end result being that you wind up in bed or intimate with each other, and then later on down the road you discover it was just a momentary thing between you. Not real.
This kind of chemistry is only a problem if you try to build a relationship on top of it. This Foundation won't hold up unless you find stronger stuff for the base.
The Dangers of Having TOO MUCH Chemistry
Look, let's be real. Sometimes chemistry pushes you into a decision you didn't mean to make. If you've ever had a one-night stand, you know what I mean.
This can be just as lethal as the temporary kind of chemistry where you are under the influence. You can be under the influence of a passionate connection.
But again, it doesn't mean that your relationship is going to stand the test of time. Sometimes the chemistry can cover up a lot of broken parts.
Another piece of the puzzle is that you need to have emotional chemistry. This is the kind of chemistry that makes you attracted to him not just for the physical part, but for the real spiritual connection between you.
Do you have chemistry in your relationship?
There are definite signs you can look for that tell you if you have chemistry. I will outline them for you here, and you can see if your relationship has any of them.
Just keep in mind that - just because you have a sign of chemistry - this doesn't mean that your relationship is guaranteed to succeed. Or that you should force it to succeed.
Not every relationship should survive. It can be difficult to deal with if you don't know how to handle the emotional hurt of a breakup.
But clinging to a relationship that isn't meant to be is a far worse mistake.
As you might be aware, chemistry is not the same thing as compatibility.
Let's talk about some love and chemistry tips that will help you understand this better:
Love & Chemistry Tip #1: Love Is Not Chemistry
And chemistry is not love.
Getting these two confused is a source of problems for many people. Love is a connection that forges between two people over time.
Having good chemistry doesn't mean it's love...
Chemistry is something you feel pretty quickly. The problem arises when we mistake chemistry as love.
I will talk more about this in a bit.
Love & Chemistry Tip #2: Chemistry Is Sometimes Lust
I have to put this out there. Sometimes physical chemistry is just a great excuse to get physical with someone. It can be hard to resist.
But if you have physical chemistry, you also need to cultivate a certain amount of self-control and self-discipline. Because if you start with physical chemistry, you can very easily turn that into a relationship if you find that you're compatible.
I've had plenty of experiences with physical chemistry turning into very temporary relationships. Mostly because I didn't show more restraint at jumping into bed with her.
Which is why YOU must be careful about your moving too quickly!
Love & Chemistry Tip #3: Chemistry is Sometimes CO-DEPENDENCE
Codependency is a bad word in psychological circles. It's not used as much anymore, because people tend toward other terms for it.
But it's still valid.
Codependency is when a person relies on the emotional connection to their partner or the relationship in an unhealthy way.
They feel as if they can't survive without their partner and draw most of their self-worth and self-esteem from that person or the relationship.
Sometimes these relationships can go really bad.
But the important thing to understand is whether or not you're in an unhealthy relationship with a man. If you feel like you can't break free from the relationship, or you have psychological connections that you can't break on your own, you probably should seek some outside professional help.
Love & Chemistry Tip #4: Chemistry is Sometimes Just Your Shared Purpose
Friends can have great chemistry, too.
There are plenty of examples where people have met and connected because of their shared circumstance.
Maybe they were both in rehab, or recovery.
Sometimes you work closely together and mistake this for chemistry. The passion you share on a project might imitate a romantic connection.
Some people meet at a Tony Robbins seminar, or some other kind of self-help conference and feel a thin connection because of this.
That's why it's important to look at the circumstances around how you met him and make sure they weren't extraordinary.
Love & Chemistry Tip #5: Beware of "Destiny" As Chemistry
It's a common misunderstanding that when we feel a strong connection to someone that it must mean a spiritual connection is there.
You might think that you have a connection in a past life, or there is some kind of new age explanation for this feeling you have.
While this is certainly possible, the more likely explanation is something more realistic. What you have to watch out for is how quickly you look to a mystical explanation as opposed to a real life explanation.
Don't attribute any “ feeling” you might have for a guy immediately as being a sign that you are meant to be. Whether this is a feeling you are “soulmates” or “twin flames” or whatever.
Love & Chemistry Tip #6: Chemistry is sometimes a combination of ingredients
Just like any good recipe, The Love Potion you think of as chemistry has a lot of different ingredients in it.
The right mix can create amazing chemistry...
Here are just a few:
Similarity: It's a widely known fact that people feel a connection to people that seem similar to them. Sometimes this can be misunderstood as being a kind of spiritual connection. Just remember that just because he seems similar to you in many ways, this doesn't mean he will be a good fit for a relationship.
Familiarity: Very often this feeling that a guy seems so “familiar” to you can be misunderstood as being a kind of spiritual connection because of the weird “deja vu” sensation you feel around him. Don’t be blinded by notions of “mystical romance.”
Contrary: Sometimes you mistake a man who is so different from your last boyfriend as being a special connection or chemistry. In reality, you may have had a really bad relationship with someone, and you find yourself seeking the opposite in a guy. If you've ever heard yourself say ”He's nothing like (ex boyfriend)! It feels so good!” you may be making a mistake about this.
Mysterious: We are all attracted to mystery. The unknown. Maybe it's because you had so many other guys who unloaded their life story in the first two hours of your first date. But when you meet a guy who seems quietly confident because he doesn't talk about his past, you might find yourself intrigued. You might find his mysteriousness feels like chemistry.
Earnest & Sincere: Our primitive brains are always checking to make sure that the person we're talking to seems truthful. Honest. And the more sincere and eager he seems, the more you will interpret this to mean something special. So watch for his sincerity!
Scents: A little unknown fact is that odors actually indicate certain kinds of compatibility. And yes, how someone smells can trigger that feeling of chemistry between you! (After all, that's how most women choose the perfumes they wear.) There's a lot of complicated biology here, but you may find a lot of subconscious decisions are made about who you feel chemistry with.
Humor: One of the most consistent indicators of Attraction is how much a woman finds a guy funny. If he makes you laugh, you will probably feel a strong chemistry with him. (But also stay alert! Keep in mind that this is one of the easiest ways for a guy to fool you!)
Love & Chemistry Tip #7: Stay grounded
The more you seem confident and relaxed - AND the more he seems confident - the more likely you will find each other attractive.
And yes, you'll also feel undeniable chemistry with each other. This is because confidence and security in ourselves transmits energy.
One of the best thing you can do is to keep yourself relaxed and calm with any guy you meet. The connection will feel more real and the chemistry will follow.
Love & Chemistry Tip #8: Curiosity is Contagious
The number one enemy of chemistry is fear. And the opposite of fear is curiosity.
Think about it: If you're curious and seeking understanding, you can't be afraid. And that's the best attitude you can bring to any relationship!
A couple things you can do:
Share your own stories that match his stories.
Ask questions that bring out details of him and his life
Stay curious about him. And stay curious about your relationship. The more we discover about each other, the more chemistry we create.
Love & Chemistry Tip #9: Understand Body Language
Do you know how to read a man's signals...?
One of the most powerful tools for creating chemistry is understanding and using body language to your benefit.
Do you know the signals that men give off that say he's interested?
Do you know how to mirror him to bring out attraction?
Do you know what men are looking for in your body language?
It's vitally important to understand how to use your posture, your eyes, and every part of you to generate chemistry with him. We lost touch with our bodies and understanding how to use them this way.
Body language signals work on a subconscious frequency with men. That's why it's one of the most important methods.
Love & Chemistry Tip #10: Chemistry is Compounding!
The reality is that chemistry is created by multiple factors coming together. It's rarely just one thing.
When you can stack body language with curiosity with some of the other factors I've talked about in these tips, you can create undeniable attraction with almost any man.
The more of these tips you use, the better your connection and chemistry will be. And the romance will just flow naturally.
Here are the signs you have chemistry in your relationship...
Chemistry Sign #1: There were Sparks right off the bat
This is probably the most obvious one. When you meet a guy and you feel that click right off the bat - almost instantly.
Fireworks? Or chemistry?
In fact, it's almost hard to keep your hands off him.
And this is where the problem usually starts. Because you have such a strong physical connection, you're more likely to dive into a relationship with this guy than just leaving it as a hook up. Or a short-term Romance.
There's nothing wrong with either of them.
Until you try and forge a relationship out of something that doesn't have the potential. That's when you find out there's nothing there.
And you can’t build a lasting love from a casual spark.
However, this next sign might confuse you:
Sign #2: Maybe there weren’t sparks right off the bat...
Sometimes the chemistry doesn't show up on that all-important first date. It can happen.
But if you were fortunate enough to decide to go for a second date, just to give it another try - or maybe you were desperate, hey - you might have found that you did have some physical attraction.
Sometimes the chemistry doesn't show up instantaneously. That's okay.
That's why I always advise women to give a guy at least a second chance.
(But if the chemistry doesn't show up on that second date, it's probably not going to show up on the 3rd. So let it die out right there.)
Sign #3: The compatibility shows up too…
Sometimes you get lucky and hit it out of the park: You feel not only that ZING When you're with him but you also feel that you two have a lot in common.
This is an excellent sign and it's one that you should focus on.
Again, this doesn't mean that your relationship is destined for heaven or even marriage. But it gives you two of the most important building blocks of a relationship: Attraction and compatibility.
Sign #4: In the Body…
As I mentioned earlier, body language is essential for creating chemistry.
If you see signs of Attraction from his body language, pay attention. Men broadcast their interest in you in many different ways. His body language will be the easiest one for you to spot.
Sign #5: You Both Like Seinfeld
Okay, maybe you don't both like just Seinfeld, but if you share the same favorite comedians, that's a big sign.
When we share a sense of humor, we immediately share a very basic level of connection and chemistry. It's one of the best signs that this person is a good fit for you.
So if you like the same comedy movies, comedians, cartoons - whatever, this is a good sign that you have chemistry.
Sign #6: You find it easy to be honest…
One of the important signs of chemistry is that communication just seems to flow. You'll probably find it easy to talk about things that are slightly embarrassing with him.
What this means is that you don't fear this connection or a loss of affection by being vulnerable. Which is essential for your future communication.
If you find yourself revealing stuff from your past with him, and it's not due to alcohol consumption, there's a good chance your chemistry is solid.
And this sign also speaks to your compatibility.
Sign #7: You just can’t keep your hands to yourself…
Yeah, sometimes the sexual chemistry just manages to override everything. You can't keep your hands off each other, and any chance you get you are jumping in bed.
You know this kind of wild monkey love, don't you?
Now, of course this particular sign of chemistry is one of the ones we don't want to question. Because it feels so good, you just want to enjoy it.
Don't confuse sex with chemistry.
But you have to be careful because it can also be one of the most misleading when it comes to starting a real relationship. If the physical part of your romance overshadows the rest - especially if it's too early - you can very easily derail the train of Love.
There's a balance you have to strike when you start dating a guy you have a strong chemistry with.
And it's even more important - because you know how hard it is to find a guy you have that kind of physical connection with!
How do you avoid the mistakes so you don't ruin the chemistry between you?
How do make sure the spark of desire doesn't fade out?
How do make sure you don't wind up just a "friends with benefits"? Where he just calls you at 2:00 AM to "come hang out..."?
Let's face it:
Most women do not get the kind of success they deserve with men.
To put it bluntly, most women don't do very well with men. Even when she gets a boyfriend, all you see is how deeply disconnected the two of them are. (I'm sure you've sensed this around a lot of couples. I know I have...)
You want a REAL relationship. A heartfelt connection with a man that you can TRUST in!
To do this, you gotta have a powerful CONNECTION with him.
There's a simple trick to getting him to feel like you're the One for him - just based on the power of your connection to him.
Where you never have to worry about him getting bored of you (or the relationship...)
You'll never have to fear him falling for another woman...
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