When I say this, what I mean is that you don't change your essential habits or personality traits just to match some guy's idea of you. Just imagine how he's going to respond when you let down the act and he sees that you've completely misrepresented yourself and he's married to an impostor.
By the way, this happens a lot more than you might think. A great many people change themselves to make a relationship "work." Only to find out later that the act disintegrates.
Be yourself, as the saying goes. Everyone else is already taken.
Rule #2: Watch Out For Triggers...
There are some attraction programs you might not know about. These triggers lead you to like a certain kind of man over others.
One of which is that you probably dig cavemen.
What women want: As well as symmetry, the features in men that are typically attractive to females are a wide, strong jaw and jutting forehead, features corresponding to high levels of testosterone. Men with higher testosterone are more likely to have more resources and more ability to defend their families.
Okay, maybe not CAVEMEN. But you get the idea, right? There are features that most people agree make for a physically attractive person.
AND there are behaviors that do this, too! Hang on and I'll explain some of them.
Rule #3: Love is not Attraction (or Lust!)
We have to be careful that we don't misinterpret the signs of POTENTIAL love as love itself.
If you're unwilling to let someone define love for you, I'm right there with you. HOWEVER - you do have to know what is NOT love so that you don't fight for something that isn't yet real.
Love takes time, I think we all agree on that. How long? That's the tricky part.
I think it's reasonable to say that you're probably not really in love until that love has been tested at least once. And in a big way.
And please make sure the love you feel is two-ways. A one-sided love affair is a very sad place to rest your heart.
And you deserve so much more.
Rule #4: Loose Lips!
One of the questions I ask my VIP members is "Was there ever anything you told a guy you wished you hadn't?"
And the number one response to that is: "Yeah - when I told him I loved him way too soon."
This is a common regret of many women. Mostly because a guy will most always be a bit slower than you to realize his feelings. And even if he does realize them, he's going to be slower to say it.
What's the rush?
If it's real, then the relationship will still be there when you're ready to say it. Contrary to popular romantic comedy movies, no one leaves a relationship they're in because they didn't hear those three words in time.
Chill and keep your love in your actions for as long as you can.
Because you also want to know that when he says it, he means it.
If you tell him you love him first, you'll always be wondering.
ATTRACTION SECRET #2: The Psychology of Love Is Reliable!
You may wonder if the factors that make us feel attraction are like rolling dice each time. It might seem that way if you found a guy attractive and then you go out on a date only to discover there's no chemistry.
Ultimately, no one can COMPLETELY predict (or control) love. If you could, there'd be no challenge or fun in it!
Now, some people might say, "I'd rather have love completely predictable than have my heart broken every time, Carlos!"
Which is exactly why I teach these strategies to women. I want to give you the unfair advantage over other women out there, so you can have the man you truly desire.
These tips and tricks I show you WORK. They're reliable, and consistent.
This is assuming:
You follow my advice from the start. I can't promise you the same results if you make a bunch of mistakes for the first month and then try to do a U-turn with your relationship. But assuming he has feelings for you, he will probably respond...
YOU are consistent. If you waffle back and forth between insecurity and confident stance, he'll feel unsafe with you...
You learn the RIGHT strategies. I spent years putting these things together in a way that is not only heart-centered, it's compassionate and effective at creating a loving connection.
ATTRACTION SECRET #3: Attraction Is Not A Choice...
Many of us never stop to consider this fact.
But it's true. We do not CHOOSE the person we're attracted to - or who we fall in love with. It just happens to us.
However! We can influence this process, and pace ourselves so that we are not VICTIMS of love.
Have you ever stopped to really THINK about why a certain person was attractive to you? In hindsight, there IS a reason for those feelings, if you look closely enough.
I'll use the example of a girlfriend I had right out of high school - let's call her "B."
I was attracted to B. because:
She was cute (not gorgeous, but an average attractive girl)
She had a weird, somewhat dark sense of humor...
She liked a lot of the things I did at the time - Hard rock music, Lamborghinis, and scary movies...
She was easygoing and fit into my lifestyle easily...
I knew these things looking back on our relationship. But I could easily have just said that we chose each other - knowing that we really didn't. It was attraction (combined with a teenage boy's sex drive.
I still had to pursue B., mind you. She had been seeing some other guy and was broken up for a few months, and she resisted me quite a bit.
But in the end, I realize the relationship was possible because we both shared the attraction, and we were just enough alike to both want it.
We chose each other.
ATTRACTION SECRET #4: If You Know How Men Think - You Can Make Him Fall For You...
Here's the other side of attraction: It can also be sparked and created.
Mind you, if that person feels NO chemistry at all, and is mostly "meh" about you, it's an uphill battle. Quite frankly, if he isn't capable of some passion, you probably don't want him as a love.
BUT - if a guy is open to it, he can definitely be influenced to insane levels of desire for you based solely on your understanding of male psychology and what guys really want from a woman.
In order to be more attractive to men, you simply need to know what he wants - and then let him realize you've got it.
Let me give you a quick example:
Most men are very motivated by challenge.
This is no secret.
But what do you DO with that understanding?
Well, knowing that a guy loves a challenge means that you know how to flirt with him subtly.
When he asks you questions, you're coy...
You don't answer right away...
You give thought to what you're going to say...
And you don't answer directly!
When you know how to challenge and keep him interested, you can have any relationship you want.
ATTRACTION SECRET #5: Men Don't Choose The Woman They Love...
This one is an extension of #3 above.
Men don't realize the role of choice in falling in love.
HOWEVER, many men THINK they actually are making a choice.
When a man decides to commit to a woman, it's because he THINKS he's made a decision to choose her. In reality, he's just checked ONE box in his mind: "Is she going to accept me and respect me?"
In reality, he's just responding to a gut feeling he got from things you said and how connected he feels to you...
If he gets that "feel" from you, he will assume he made the "decision" to fall in love with you and commit his heart to you...
We make a lot of these imagined choices each day.
Think about waking up in the morning. Who decided when you would wake up? Was that your mind? Your body?
When you pick up on a conversation and start listening in, who made that choice?
There are so many of our day-to-day decisions that are not a part of our conscious choice. So much of our lives are automatic.
Attraction and love are a part of this unconscious life. We may think we're choosing someone, but in reality we're a part of a very complicated web of connection and desire. Just think of all the things that influence attraction:
Natural triggers in the brain
The list goes on and on.
And men don't realize how many of their decisions are on auto-pilot. I'm betting he didn't just decide one day that he was going to like Ford Mustangs and buy one. He's probably got childhood memories about that car. Not to mention all the movies he may have seen to reinforce that desire.
You starting to see how many factors make a guy WANT something - or someone?
As you might have guessed, this means you can influence him into wanting you as well!
ATTRACTION SECRET #6: Attraction Is IRRATIONAL & ILLOGICAL...
Have you ever dated a guy that you really wanted to like? But... you just didn't feel attracted to him?
Most of us have done this at some point. We see the person as meeting a bunch of check-boxes on our shopping list, but they don't turn us on.
I once dated a woman I'll call Mary who was a rational pick when I was dating online. I saw her profile picture and thought, hey why not. (Which is a good philosophy, by the way. Try out as many people as you can. A lot of them will surprise you.)
I was attracted to Mary, but not WOWed by her. We got into a steady relationship, and she started to really dial up the serious commitment energy in just a couple weeks.
She was sweet, but just not a good fit for me. And we eventually parted on good terms. But I also knew the reason was that I was trying to steer my heart instead of follow it.
The reality is that most of our attraction for someone comes from a completely irrational and illogical part of our brains.
Don't fight that - instead you must know what these subconscious triggers and buttons are - and how they work.
ATTRACTION SECRET #7: Men Are Attracted To FAR MORE Than Appearance...
Many women are concerned about how appearances factor into a man feeling attracted to them.
The reality is that - of course - physical appearance is a factor. It's going to depend on our tastes in looks, sure.
But you'd be surprised to know that you don't have to have movie-star or supermodel looks. Not by a stretch!
Most men are intimidated by that kind of overwhelming beauty, anyway. The kind of strong man you desire is probably not really Brad Pitt, to be brutally honest. Most people favor a partner that is close to their level of appearance and attractiveness.
What's MORE important is how well you balance that with your caring about your appearance...
Exercise regularly - stay fit. A fit person is never a turn-off. (Okay, except those ridiculously huge weightlifter guys...)
Dress sharp - and dress to suit and flatter your body style...
Work your hair - get a good hairstyle (with volume and sheen) and you're good...
Keep your skin moisturized - this one is practically gospel. I still remember my mom putting on her "Oil of Olay" at night...
Get your makeup refined - most women just use a lot of it and assume it's good. Nope! Go get a cosmetologist to cover this with you, including colors and subtlety...
Keep poised and balanced - if you're not graceful, take some dance lessons. A woman's flowing body movement is like a dream for men...
All these parts of appearance are what matters. You can't change your looks, but you can maximize them!
ATTRACTION SECRET #8: Attraction Is POLARITY...
One of the most powerful secrets about male-female relationships is that they work based mostly on the power of POLARITY.
Polarity means a strong masculine charge meeting a strong feminine charge.
You will see this in couples of all styles, and even orientations. In order for passion to emerge, we need the positive and the negative terminals of the battery.
The Love Current must flow!
So what do you do?
You TEASE him...
Not as in "sexual" teasing. That's what I call "toxic femininity" - misusing and manipulating men to control them.
What I'm talking about is THIS:
Teasing with a little coy, demure femininity is an irresistible combination - that WORKS! Don't listen to the lame advice that tries to tell you that you should be some kind of feminista, or man-blamer. Most men (really, a significant percentage - 90%+ ) are not Harvey Weinsteins.
And also don't fall into the belief that hundreds of thousands of years of evolution are now null and void - because of a politically distorted view of NATURAL sexual polarity.
Chemistry is something that most people assume you either HAVE - or you DON'T have.
Let me tell you that nothing could be further from the truth.
Some might define chemistry the way our good buddy Wikipedia would:
"In the context of relationships, chemistry is a simple "emotion" that two people get when they share a special connection. It is the impulse making one think "I need to see this [other] person again" - that feeling of 'we click'."
I'd go so far as to say that this chemistry connection creates a lot of impulses because the other person has managed to match up with our attraction template.
When you understand how to work your understanding of men in a way that presses the attraction buttons in his head, you'll do MUCH better than the women who just do their best to follow the strategies of articles they read in Cosmo.
Trust me - that position they tell you will 'drive him wild in bed'? It doesn't matter to him!
When women spend too much time on the superficial elements of appearance to stimulate attraction, they may arouse his sexual desire - but not his instinct to BOND with a woman. This is the big mistake that almost all women make. And sometimes over and over again.
And while sexual performance is definitely a plus to a lot of guys, you're still leaving out the "can he relate to you and connect to you?" part.
When you know what creates chemistry between two people, you can start to turn up the volume on the attraction between you.
ATTRACTION SECRET #10: Love Is A Recipe...
Ah, now we're going to finish this off with a BANG...
Love is a combination of different elements that come together in a winning way.
Now this doesn't mean that you're not going to run into a few "tasty relationships" that don't work out. But it does mean that you can understand the recipe and start to learn how to bring these ingredients into it.
Let's go through a few:
3/4 cup of PATIENCE
I wish we could rush relationships to their ultimate outcome, but we can't. There's no fast-forward for relationships. And that's why we need the patience to see where they go.
The more educated you are about your needs and how to get them met, the easier it gets to know when to forget one guy and move on.
Once again, if you improvised this love stuff, you're going to find yourself floating around quite a bit.
2 cups of COMMUNICATION
This one is hands down the "flour" of this recipe. You need a lot of it, and it better be good.
Communication will either make him open up to you or send him running into another woman's arms who can "get him" better. It's a harsh statement, but it's also one you need to hear.
Without the tools of how to talk to men, you can't get inside his head and heart - or even begin to forge a lasting connection.
Communication also connects directly to the next one in this recipe...
1 cup of CONNECTION
There's no avoiding this one. And you'll probably hear me say it over and over again:
If you don't know how to connect to a man, you're going to be struggling to make relationships work most of the time.
Whenever I coach women, I make sure to ask them if they know how to really connect with men. About 90% of them admit that they thought they did, but now they don't think so.
Unfortunately, most women that don't seek out relationship coaching usually find out the same thing. They think that because they can connect with girlfriends and some men in their life, they can do it with ALL men. And they're almost always wrong.
It's takes much more than talking with him and sleeping with him.
A little passion goes a long way. Add too much into the mix and you might end up with a volatile, crazy relationship that's just too stormy.
Too little and you never really feel that magical power of love. You just feel a sort of "meh" feeling. And if you don't spark your passion up early, you may never feel really bonded to him - and he might not feel bonded to you!
And yes, this also includes the sex. You gotta have the physical desire for each other or your relationship will wither.
1/2 Cup HONESTY
Of course, honesty is a requirement. Honesty is born from trust, so I consider the two to go hand-in-hand.
And even a small dose of regular honesty can keep your relationship steady and connected.
It's like having your alignment checked on your car. Keeping your wheels straight...
If you don't keep the honesty-alignment, you take your hands off the wheel and you will eventually veer off the road.
1/2 Cup COMPATIBILITY
The final essential ingredient is the big "C" - Compatibility.
But don't think that compatibility is just liking the same things and watching the same TV shows. There's so much more than that...
Here are just a few of the things to consider about "compatibility":
Child-rearing - How will you parent together?
Money - What are your saving/spending attitudes?
Family relationships - do your families get along? With you? With her? With each other?
Life attitude - Do you share a similar attitude about most things in life? And do you have a way to deal with the ones that you don't share?
Religion - if applicable...
I've only shown you the tip of the iceberg here, but you get the point. Instead of rushing into a relationship to soothe your fears of being alone or isolated, you also have to consider how well this guy is going to match your needs.
Don't let this confuse or scare you, though.
Almost all compatibility is taken care of when you know how to connect with a man the way he needs you to. It's so rare for a woman to really understand what he's looking for and show him you've got it.
When you do that, he will crawl on hands and knees to you and beg you to be his.
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