If you were to ask a guy (who is honest) what men really want, you'll hear a lot of different answers. And if you ask him what men want from women, you'll get even more.
His needs are simple...
Guys aren't as complicated as you might think. We mostly want... well, women. In that way, we're pretty simple.
But you might not know how many different ways guys think about dating and relationships unless you spent some time studying what goes on in their heads like I have. Part of my job as a relationship guru is to tell you how guys REALLY think.
Do they want a hot girlfriend?
Do they want a wife?
Do they want you to be confident?
Do they want a sense of humor?
Do they just want single malt scotch whiskey...?
Okay, that last one might sound crazy, but he probably does. He probably dreams of a relaxing drink - and preferably with YOU to drink it with.
And yes, this is especially true if you're in a long-term relationship - or if he's your husband!
Even though men in marriages tend to be more vulnerable on the whole, he's still needing the one form of reassurance that doesn't require you to say a single word to him.
Just open up your heart and show him through touch that you adore him and he will pretty much do anything for you. His only thought will be how to make you happy.
And don't think that this means he will just jump into the arms of any woman that comes along if she offers him sex. This is one of those "television sitcom" ideas that brainwashes society.
He wants your loving touch...
Men are very loyal to women who are understanding and meet their husband's physical needs. If he's getting his needs met, he only looks at other women to appreciate their beauty. He's very unlikely to cheat or be unfaithful. (Unless he has a very serious character flaw.)
Give him what he needs and you'll stay happily married...
You'll keep the passion alive!
Naturally, this begs the question - does he need you to be physically attractive?
What a guy is looking for here is that you are taking care of yourself. You care what you look like and you put effort into looking good - without being too vain or self-absorbed.
This means trying to stay in shape, and attending to your makeup, hair, and fashion. He doesn't need you to be a runway model for you to get his attention.
What A Guy Really Needs: The Hero Factor
One of the most shocking revelations of the last 10 years is that men deeply desire to be a woman's hero. That's the type of man he wants to be for you.
It's a theme that you see in men's literature, as well as in every heroic movie in the last 100 years. Guys simply desire for you to think of him as yourhero.
He wants to be your hero...
What this means in a very real way is that you:
Call on him to help you out with things you can't handle yourself... (or even if you can!)
You'll challenge him to achieve more...
Acknowledge his little "heroic" acts for you - like when he gets rid of a spider for you, or moves something heavy...
If a man feels like he is truly and genuinely your hero, he's going to to stay with you. He'll be loyal, and he will work to keep your relationship alive. All men want to feel that pull toward being a woman's hero.
Just look at all the Marvel superheroes. Where do you think they all came from?
The imagination of frustrated guys who wanted to live out their fantasies of superpowers, that's where.
No, I'm not talking about the light in your bedroom during sexy time. I'm talking about NOT keeping us guys in the dark.
We men really don't like to be kept in the dark when it comes to what's going on with you. To be honest - it scares the bejeebles out of us.
Mostly because women's inner emotional lives seem so mysterious and unpredictable as it is. And most guys want to make sure they can still get that Physical Intimacy ™ that I mentioned.
When you don't express what's going on with you, or you hold back your emotions, that creates a LOT of male anxiety.
Tell him what's on your mind - and do NOT expect him to just read your mind. We need you to relate your emotional experience to us as if you were doing it on Sesame Street.
Couples grow through the strength of their communication.
And if you hold back information from him in anger or to spite him, you'll really only be hurting yourself.
What He's Looking For In You: "T.A."
"T.A." stands for TOTAL ACCEPTANCE.
(Not what you were thinking!)
Let him "be"...
One of the most critical factors for a guy when he decides to choose one woman over another is how much he feels accepted AS HE IS.
He need you to listen to him - completely...
He wants you know how you feel - honestly - like when you admit your need for him to protect you...
He wants to know you can live for yourself - that you are stable on your own two feet first...
And he can't EVER run around with the fear that you're going to reject or disapprove of him based on his actions.
You might be thinking that this means he would just go crazy and do whatever he wanted if you didn't "show him who's boss" every so often. A lot of women have the wrong idea - that men need to be controlled and punished more than loved and accepted.
These women are usually single most of the time.
What A Guy Really Wants From His Woman: Respect...
This one goes hand-in-hand with the total acceptance. Respect needs to be woven into every square inch of your relationship.
Mind you, I'd say that most of the effort and attention he puts into your relationship is in direct proportion to how much respect he feels he's receiving from you.
You never want another woman to give him more respect than you are. If he realizes that someone else respects him more, that's a real threat - and a weakness in your relationship that will cause more hurt and pain than you can imagine.
I'm not saying that this justifies him being unfaithful, but the truth is that no one stays in a relationship for very long where they're not getting what they need.
Don't ever give him a reason to leave!
Here's What He Wants: Hear Him Like No Other...
One of the reasons a guy chooses a woman who reminds him of his mom is for the simple reason that he knows his mom LISTENED to him when he was a boy.
A man's definition of true love is when he finds the woman who can listen to him without judgement, and accepts him no matter what he says. (Because, truthfully, most men stumble over words to describe their experience - so you have to be patient.)
One of the best ways you can show him you're really listening to him is to give him face - to - face, strong eye contact. Not too intense, but enough to let him know you're not just listening while you wait for your turn to say something.
When it comes to communication between women and men, we both want to know that we're actually being heard. It's the rarest experience many of us have in a relationship.
So just imagine how much he'll desire you when he knows you will hear him!
And He Wants THIS From A Woman: Occasionally Not Togetherness...
This might be difficult to hear, but a man does not want to be around you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That's not a relationship; that's a prison sentence.
And if you're perfectly honest with yourself, you don't want that either. It's stifling and smothering and just not so wonderful. Even though a woman can handle MORE time with her sweetheart, that doesn't mean you want to spend every waking moment with him.
Know when to give him his space.
And this is even more true for a man. In fact, most of the problems I counsel men and women on in my practice - as well as the problems you will experience - are usually struggles with communication - and the time spent together.
Inevitably, women want men around more than the other way around. It's only natural, and it's one of those imbalances in a relationship that can really challenge you. If you hold him too closely to you in an attempt to keep him near you, or control him, he will simply start pulling away with his emotions.
And we both know, you don't want that!
So you need to find a way to let a man have his time alone. It's how he recharges and re-energizes himself to be a better man for you.
Recognize and embrace his need for solitude on occasion and it will pay in dividends later on.
What He Wants: Loving Kindness
It goes without saying that every guy wants a woman who shows him kindness. He wants to hear the compassionate tone in your voice. The way of receiving him that says you adore him and can nurture him back to happiness if that's what he needs.
He wants to know that you'll see what he means INSIDE his words - even if he didn't say it exactly right.
This is big, because most women tend to get mad at men for every little word he says that can be misinterpreted. He doesn't want to have to explain his clumsy and sometimes misinterpreted words every single time he tries to express himself to you.
You have to give him the benefit of the doubt: Show him that you KNOW he wants to make you his queen.
You show him that you ASSUME he's trying to treat you right instead of wrong. (Because he is!)
And if he isn't actually treating you right, you shouldn't be with him. Plain and simple.
What A Guy Really Needs: A Sense Of Humor
A sense of humor in a woman is different than the sense of humor you're looking for in a man, so you might be confused by this one. The kind of humor a man is looking for is the kind that shows him she's relaxed about her life - which means she can take a joke.
Again, a man's experience of most women is that they can't be teased or played with. He finds that most women are overly sensitive and quick to be offended.
I remember when I told a friend of mine that my wife liked the "Deadpool" movies. He was amazed by this, as his wife was offended by just about everything they watched together.
I'll just tell you straight up that this kind of "uptight" and structured way of being around guys makes it difficult for him to see you as his soulmate.
"If you can't let yourself be raw and vulnerable with him, you won't be able to capture his heart.
This is what other advisors often describe as being "a cool chick." You might have even heard guys say that this is what he's looking for.
What he actually means is that his dream woman is one that is relaxed, fun, and definitely not so uptight. Not trying to judge everything he says as "gross" or "disgusting."
In the end, what men really want in a woman is someone we can really CONNECT with. However, most women don't really understand the rules for how men connect.
You see, guys have a secret CODE - and if you know what his connection code is, you can unlock his heart and walk right on in to his love.
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