If you're like most women who have been in a relationship for more than six months, you may start to wonder how to get a man to marry you. After all, marriage is the goal of a committed relationship.
There are 4 big steps in any relationship:
The first date
The first sleepover
Getting engaged / getting married
Now, some women consider #3 and #4 to be pretty darn close - almost the same. Falling under the heading of "commitment."
Every woman has had her issues getting a man to commit to her.
You know that at some point a guy will get comfortable in the relationship and he will just try to coast. He starts to slow down, and that's right when you want to move this thing forward.
Then come the phrases we've all come to recognize...
"Honey, we need to talk...."
"What are we...?"
"I need to know where this is going..."
These are a few of the things women say when they're starting to feel that pull of commitment.
But you can't let him stall! You have to know how to get him to propose to you and marry you.
How To Get A Man To Marry You - SECRET #1: Start with a little "group hypnosis"
This one might sound a bit sneaky, but it works. And it's a good tactic for getting a man really invested in a long-term relationship.
All you got to do if you want him to propose to you is start hanging around your friends that are either engaged or are already married. Spend a lot of time with them and around them, provided they are a healthy couple. (Obviously you want to steer clear of any troubled relationships.)
Most men hold back from marriage simply because they haven't got a lot of positive examples of good marriages. Interestingly, most women don't either. But you have a stronger drive towards a committed, long-term relationship.
Men need to see good examples of strong relationships. He wants to know that being your partner will be worth it. And this needs to be nurtured even after the wedding - after you get married.
My wife and I hang around only positive relationships. Marriages where both people are committed to it and are working on it. It's like being in a peer group that's always telling you how cool it is to make your marriage WORK. (Not fail.)
Think of how far that would go toward making him love the idea of marrying you...!
SECRET #2: Love You Like You Love Him…
Look, you've gotta love your own life just as much as you love the idea of making him your partner.
You’ve probably seen this tip on just about every list for how to get a guy to marry you. But that's not stopping me from including it here.
The reason is that it is essential for you to know your own worth. And yet so few women really take time to work on this one thing.
The ultimate truth that cannot be escaped is this:
A man can never love you more than you love yourself...
Sure, you may think you love yourself. We all want to believe we do. But it's not a slam dunk.
Take some time over the next few days to do a real personal inventory. Make a list of all the things you would like to change about yourself or your life.
Then, read it over and decide how much of it you can be happy with right now. Even if it's not perfect, even if you'd like to update and upgrade it - and there's no reason why you can't in the future.
But for now, do a life inventory of all the things you're genuinely happy - and unhappy about. And then ask yourself if this might be getting in the way a feeling grounded and satisfied in your relationships.
There is a reason why therapists start with YOUR LIFE when it comes to marriage counseling as well. It's the foundation of your happiness.
In fact most women never really pour their heart and soul into themselves. They typically pour everything into a relationship. And almost never really confront those things that keep them from being happy alone.
Happiness in relationships come when you stop needing a relationship to be happy.
SECRET #3: Make sure the 'whoopie' never stops
Of course by “whoopie” you know what I mean: the physical intimacy in your relationship.
One of a man's greatest fears that stops him from proposing marriage is the worry that when he does get married the fun times in the bedroom will come to a stop.
This fear is not completely unfounded either. Many relationships allow themselves to stagnate or cool off when the commitment is “official.”
Make sure that you keep your physical intimacy burning hot at all times. And if there are any issues from your past keeping you from wholeheartedly enjoying the physical intimacy of your relationship, get them straightened out now.
Because if you don't, these issues will likely show up in your relationship as distance - and you will eventually break up.
They never go away.
SECRET #4: Get The History
If there's one thing you have to know about him it's what his background is with relationships. Not just his own relationships, but the relationships of his friends and family. Because those relationships also taught him his opinions and beliefs about relationships.
If you ask a man, you can find out anything you want to know about him. You simply have to know how to bring things up without raising his alarms. This is something I teach you in my programs.
And one of the easiest things to find out is what happened in his past relationships. It's like having an encyclopedia of his attitudes towards a committed relationship.
You need to find out:
The problems he's had in past relationships
The types of women he is typically drawn to for long-term relationships
The reasons he's broken up in the past
The reasons women have broken up with him in the past
His beliefs about relationships in general
Has he ever come close to proposing before?
His beliefs about his friend’s current relationships
All of these details will paint a complete picture for you about what it will take to get him to propose.
And if he's been married before, you cannot learn enough about that relationship. You need to know every little detail you can possibly get from him.
Just be patient, and don't try to get it all in one evening. Plan out your questions, and then ask them in gentle ways to get him to reveal his past to you.
And then - LISTEN!
His relationship history is the single most important thing you can find out from him.
SECRET #5: Appreciate The Hell Out Of Him!
Appreciation is at the top of most men's list when it comes to him knowing if he's doing a good job with your relationship.
Therefore, it's in your best interest to make sure you let him know how much you appreciate him every waking moment.
And yes, this will inspire him to appreciate you more which is something every woman desires as well.
SECRET #6: Make him need you like no one else...
When it comes right down to it, he should need you. Not just want you around, but need you with him.
That's where we make big decisions of commitment from. This is where the phrase “I can't live without you” comes from.
There are a lot of roles that a woman plays in a man's life:
The more of these roles that you can fulfill, the greater the chances he will marry you. Because a man does realize when he's got a winning package.
A man wants to feel like he’s won “the prize.” The trophy, the championship wedding ring...
By the way: The only reason a man that leaves a woman that does all these things for him is when he doesn't feel like he deserves her. Which really means he's got self-esteem and self-worth issues that she couldn't help him with anyways.
SECRET #7: Make sure he KNOWS what you’re worth
Look, there's no reason why you shouldn't engage in a little bit of healthy self-promotion.
Back when I was working in Corporate America, I knew that the most important thing I could do was to make sure my boss knew what I was up to. Meaning, he or she had to be aware of all the hard work I was putting in.
Everywhere I looked around me, people were working hard, BUT they didn't make their efforts visible enough. They seemed to be afraid that this would be bragging or look like butt kissing.
But the truth was, if they didn't self-promote, they got overlooked. And that's how I succeeded where they didn't. I made sure my victories were obvious.
You have to do the same thing in your relationship if you want him for your partner.
Make sure he's aware when you do him a favor...
Make sure he's aware of all the things your friends appreciate you for...
Make sure he knows that you have value…
And by the way, this is also how you ensure his gratitude and make sure he doesn't take you for granted after the wedding.
SECRET #8: Drop The Big “D”
Which means, drop the DRAMA.
Like, right now.
There's nothing more unappealing to men than being pulled into emotional drama.
I know, I know... You're saying “But Carlos, I am NOT a drama queen.” (And honestly, you've probably heard this one quite a few times.)
Here's the reality: Compared to a man's life, yours is chock-full of emotional drama to him. He has different standards than you do. Which is what you must pay attention to this - not your own standards.
Remember that a man's life is focused on peace and quiet.
A man considers his life happy when he doesn't have to deal with a lot of emotional turmoil.
Try to leave him out of conversations that detail your girlfriend's emotional issues, their dating issues, and anything that seems more like a soap opera than steady sailing.
Of course if you have a problem that you'd like to ask his input on, or advice on, then you can bring up these kinds of things. Guys love to simplify and solve drama when they feel they have a stake in it.
Just avoid rehashing a lot of emotional content with your partner on a regular basis. That's not the life he wants to have with you.
Another way that drama comes out is in your everyday life. How you handle things.
Let me ask you something:
Would you consider yourself emotionally stable?
If you're still dealing with a lot of insecurities, jealousies, uncontrollable emotional issues, then you must take care of those. Because he will see them and run away from them as fast as he can.
Guys adore women that don't make a fuss out of everything. Or blow things out of proportion or create arguments that don't need to happen.
Sure life can be tricky. It can be challenging and hectic and crazy...
And that's all the more reason that you must show him your most grounded and stable side.
And if you have troubles with that, you definitely need to seek the help of a professional.
SECRET #8: Give Him A “Shyamalan”
The movie director M. Night Shyamalan is famous for his twist endings. Endings that you never saw coming. Like in the movie “The Sixth Sense.”
He uses this trick quite a bit in his movies, and it's particularly effective. If you know that's his "trick," then the next time you watch one of his movies you pay a lot more attention to it. Your focus is on the movie so that you can try to predict the ending. And not miss anything!
"How is he going to fool us?"
And when you can't figure it out, and he gets you, the surprise feels so spectacularly rewarding.
You should do this in your own relationship. You want your man to feel like the ending is always unexpected.
Keep him feeling like he can't predict you!
Keep him on his toes. Keep him guessing about you.
When he feels like there's more to learn about you, that will keep his interest and his desire flowing for you.
On the other hand, if he feels there's nothing left to discover, you're probably looking at a big decision coming from him about your relationship. And it might not be good.
He will marry you just to take part in the Great Adventure of discovering all that you are. So give keep him guessing...
SECRET #9: Stay on the market - or at least MARKETABLE...
This tip may be difficult for you, but it's probably the most important.
The fact of the matter is that no one appreciates what they get too easily. This is especially true for men in relationships.
He won't value you if you were too easy to win. Because that would mean there was no challenge.
Men need challenge.
So he has to be aware that you are valuable in the dating market ...
He has to know that other men desire you...
He has to know that you have other options than him…
He has to know that if he doesn't work hard, he will lose you...
If you think this is game playing, you're wrong. This is the simple truth of Supply vs demand.
Gold is valuable because there isn't that much of it on our planet. This is generally true of almost all valuable metals and gems.
The same is true about women. The more rare she is, the more desirable she is to him.
This is a fact. It's not up for debate.
This fact does not care if you don't like it!
If he doesn't feel like he could lose you, he will never truly value you.
And if you're not using this to your advantage, there are other women who are. They know how to drive up their demand with other men.
You don't have to flirt with other guys, or do anything that's not comfortable for you. But you absolutely must make sure he sees your value.
Every woman needs to feel desired.
And if you want to be desired by him and married to him, you better make sure he sees what he's got.
SECRET #10: Patience and timing
Most women don't realize this but they have probably been closer to a marriage proposal and getting married than they ever dreamed possible. But as the saying goes, they "snatched Defeat from the jaws of Victory."
No matter what you want, or what time line you are on, you must slow yourself down to his speed. Because if you break the speed limit of his comfort in getting to know you, getting attached to you, and feeling like you're his real true best friend, you risk scaring him off.
Breaking the speed limit of his emotions has a very big fine!
Guys work on their own timeline. And no matter how much you want that to go faster, unfortunately the person with the slower pace is the one in charge. Because if you rush him - oh, he will freak out.
On the other hand if he hurries, then you are free to match his pace. (There are ways to make him stomp on the gas in your relationship - do you know what they are?)
In fact, the women that are most successful with men and getting marriage proposals are the ones that never hurry things. They actually go slower than he wants to go. Both with physical and emotional intimacy.
Guys fall in love in a particular sequence. A pattern of events that tells him he's in love and needs to ask you to marry him.
He asks you out
You start dating
You fall in love
You gradually weave your lives together
He realizes that he needs to lock you down
If you jump ahead in the sequence, you will sabotage things. He will not marry you because he senses you have another motive besides enjoying him and his love.
In the meantime, create as much shared experiences as you can with your partner. The time you spend together is invaluable at bonding him to you.
SECRET #11: Keep Having Fun
This is one that a lot of women never realize until it's too late. And even after they do realize it, they continue to make this mistake in future relationships. Usually from impatience.
If there's one thing that will make him fall in love with you and propose to you it's you being so much fun with him that he can't stand it.
Remember, a man his tuned into his favorite radio station: WIIFM
What’s In It For Me?
He wants to have a relationship that he wouldn't want to lose. That's why he proposes. He needs to see that marrying you would be far better than all the pain he'd experience if he didn't propose to you.
So making sure that he sees how much fun you are is absolutely critical.
Keep doing all the things that made your dating so much fun:
Spending time together - often doing nothing
Conversations that don’t have to “go anywhere”
No pressure about getting married or kids or what the future holds
Now you might say, “Carlos, if I don't ever bring it up, it will never happen!”
And I'm telling you, if you insist on bringing it up, it will never happen!
He will propose to you when you show him you don't need him, other men want you, and he stands to lose you if he doesn't get off his ass and move.
Plain and simple.
But women often panic and lose their cool, and they rush things. They destroy the Goodwill in their relationship by needing an outcome or a result before he's willing to give it.
Men absolutely want to get married and have families. (You may think your experience says different, but what your experience might be pushing to get something you haven't quite earned with him yet.)
But a man will also delay you forever when it seems like you want a wedding ring more than you want to make his life enjoyable.
And of course he owes you the same back!
If you really take a close look at what you have seen as emotionally shut down man, with "commitment phobia," you will probably be able to see that he was simply on a slightly slower timeline than you were.
Be patient, and keep things fun. It's the ultimate recipe for a marriage proposal.
BONUS MARRIAGE SECRET #12: Get past his “commitment hurdle.”
Many women don't realize that a man has a commitment hurdle. It's not the same as commitment phobia. In fact, his hurdle is really not very challenging. But you do need to know how to get past it.
A man's ‘commitment hurdle’ is simply the one doubt he has that is stopping him from proposing to you right this moment. You can call it his marriage traffic light.
If it's red, he's not going forward. If it's green, he will drop to one knee and put that ring on your finger.
His commitment hurdle is usually his most important need that he wants to be sure he will still get in his relationship.
Many men are used to the dance of relationships at the start. That's where you both are in love with being in love. You do all the nice stuff, trying to make your partner happy.
But at some point the 'honeymoon' is over. And men are sensitive to this pattern in relationships, too.
Remember this one important fact above all else:
Men are INSPIRED to commit to you - NOT REQUIRED to commit.
There's no rule that says he "must" marry you. Or that he has to have the same goals for your relationship that you do.
But there is a secret law that makes men commit that very few people know about.
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